Hello! This chapter is going to be different due to the POV change. This will be a full Draco POV chapter. As in previous chapters, italics will mean thought/flashbacks. Lastly, there will be a moment of suicidal ideation, I will warn before it is said and this won't have a huge effect on the story overall but will add to Draco's storyline. That's all! I love you guys and thank you for the 4.5k reads!
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I never thought I was able to love, that I was too broken to be loved or to love anyone, but when I met her. She turned my world upside down, for once in my life I felt like there was finally someone who loved me for me, and then she left.
I know it's my fault, I should've defended her on the Hogwarts train but I couldn't, when I see her upset everything inside of breaks.
*Slap* I stared at the back of the woman who had just hit the only person I would ever love. I coughed lightly so that Pansy would see me, she did, as she turned around I saw Y/N's face. In the 16 years, I've only seen her cry four times, and three of those due to me, and the face I saw was full of hurt and fury. I grabbed Pansy and we walked back to the compartments
"That wasn't part of the plan, it was supposed to be just for her to break up with me, not for you to fucking hit her" I spat, she began to protest when I heard Y/N behind me
"I defend you all the fucking time, you can't just this one time!" She yelled at me. I sighed and told Pansy to go along "This is for your own good, I can't let you get hurt by me again, you just wouldn't understand, " I said quietly and calmly before going to walk again.
I felt her shove past me and suddenly she was in front of me, I didn't hear what she said until I heard the crack of glass, I looked down and saw the ring I had given her shattered. She walked away angrily and I grabbed the ring, holding back tears I fixed it and put it inside my pocket before hearing the shattering of glass from her compartment.
I walked into the compartment and sat next across from Pansy and Blaise, I stared out the window and waited for the train to finally arrive at Hogwarts, anything would be better than having to face her on the train
"Draco wake up, you can't be late for class" I guess I had been dreaming about that day, I got up and sat on the since of my bed and looked down trying to compose myself. Blaise looked at me concerned as I got up to go shower.
"What's up with you? You can't seriously be thinking about her mate" He groaned and got dressed "Fuck off Zabini, I'm figuring out the cabinet, I don't care about her anymore" I said and left, slamming the door behind me, I headed down to the prefect's bathroom. I got into the bath/swimming pool and looked up at the ceiling my mind racing.
I looked down at my left forearm and sighed, He had chosen me before the year began but I didn't think I could do it. There was so much pressure on me to make my father proud for once in my life.
I finally got out of the bath and dressed into my Slytherin robes, when I left I ignored everyone around me until Blaise came up to me.
"You finally calm down mate? You seem tense" He walked next to me looking around at people
"Yeah, I'm good. Just a lot on my mind, I'm going to the room of require-" Blaise interrupted me "Draco I can't let you do that, you're stressing yourself out, go to potions."
I sighed and nodded, he patted my back before heading to potions with me, as we walked in I felt someone's eyes on me. I ignored them because I knew they weren't the eyes I wanted on me.
I stared down at my potion and groaned as I put the wrong ingredient in, "Fuck" I groaned under my breath, "Problem Mr.Malfoy" Slughorn said and I shook my head. I cleared my cauldron and restarted. I looked around to see if anyone was done, and of course, someone was, the person who had continued to subconsciously been racing for a second in class with me.
My heart skipped a beat and I quickly turned back around, now feeling better I finished my potion with top marks. I walked behind everyone when I heard someone call my name
"Draco?" The female voice said
"Draco...we're fucked up," she said, laughing beautifully
"Draco?" the female's voice said, snapping me back into reality. I turned around hopefully but those hopes were shattered as I saw Pansy, not that I don't like her I just wanted someone else. "Yeah? What's up" I said trying not to sound disappointed
"Let's go to the room of requirement, I think I know what to do". I nodded and went down to the hall. She followed me into the room of requirement.
"So what did you figure-"
"Nothing, I just need to talk to you, alone," She said quietly, I raised my eyebrow but she responded with an eye roll "For fucks sake I'm not asking you out, I'm obviously in love with someone else" I smiled lightly
"I just wanted to tell you that um...I saw Y/N and I followed her" I opened my mouth to speak but she interrupted me "I had my reasons. She was all up by Neville in the greenhouse and Blaise told me he was going to the library to study with her..just thought you should know.
My hands balled into a fist but I quickly undid them "Oh I don't care" I said, lying through my teeth. "Oh sure, well you might want to do something before someone else does it for you." She said and walked out. I groaned, my fist clenched together so hard that I could feel the marks in my hand develop.
I didn't miss her at all.
I don't like her with other guys, especially Longbottom. They've been friends since the first year and gotten really close this year. I groaned and turned around, kicking an end table that was behind me. "FUCK OW" I grabbed my foot, not a good idea to kick something.
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After class I looked for Blaise, I went to his dorm and slammed the door open, I saw him sitting on his bed. "What the fuck Zabini? You are hanging out with my g- Y/N?" I yelled which led to his dormmates leaving. Blaise calmly stood up "I apologized for a week straight to get her to forgive me. Unlike you Malfoy, I actually solve my problems instead of shoving them down deep. Also, it was a study group, not a hangout. "
I calmed a little knowing it wasn't just them "Is Longbottom going to be there? How is she doing?" I asked and Blaise laughed quietly and sat down, me doing the same. He took a deep breath.
"Okay one, Longbottom will be there because let me remind you they're really good friends, and two, she is doing really well. No thanks to you of course" He said, I was offended by his last statement but I had one more question
"Where is Longbottom?"
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It took convincing and letting him use my owl for him to give me Longbottoms location. I headed down to the Clocktower Courtyard and saw him there, doing something with a plant. I walked out by him "Oi! Longbottom" I said, expecting a look of fear but just annoyance from him
He looked back down at his plant "What do you want Malfoy?" he said and patted down the soil. "I need to talk to you," I said and sat next to him
"What." He said sternly, making me sigh with annoyance, I began to speak before he interrupted me "Is it about Y/N?" He said quickly, looking up at me "Yes. I want you to tell me what is going on with you two."
He groaned putting his head back "Nothing, is this about the ring?" He said I didn't want to reveal Blaise so I just nodded. He groaned and stood up, wiping off his pants, I stood up after him. "I'm going to be completely honest with you Malfoy, she hates you" My heart faltered
"Everyone does," I said but he shook his head "Malfoy, and don't tell anyone I said this, but I think you changed. Y/N told me about you, she did truly love you but not anymore. I know that isn't what you want to hear but it's the truth. She's just a girl to you right?"
My hands balled into fists "Why does everyone think that! She isn't just a girl to me. She is the only one who ever actually cared about me, the only one who ever loved me. I can't just let her go because then I have no one" I said, I didn't care that I was saying this to Neville, I needed to get it out.
"Draco...you hurt her really bad. Who was there when she was so upset from what you did that she broke a window slamming it shut then proceeded to sit with her as she cried? I was, you weren't in fact you caused it. What else did you cause? Oh the situation that led her to cry on me until she fell asleep, or was it when you held her up against a wall to a point that she had marks on her fucking neck"
I didn't know where this had come from all I knew was that it hurt but he was right "and what's the worst part about it? She loved you through all of it and now that she's finally over you Malfoy you want her back. Just please, for her sake, leave her the fuck alone" He pulled something out of his pocket, putting it in my hand "I saved this for her but I don't want her to have it anymore." That was the last thing he said before leaving
I couldn't say anything, I couldn't move, I was just...frozen. I opened my hand to see what he had given me, I should've known.
He gave me her ring...the ring I had given her. The funny thing about the ring was that I didn't think it was that big of a deal when I had bought it.
I saw her at the shop with Luna, she stared at a beautiful blue ring, I heard her mutter "It's too expensive" Liar, it wasn't she just didn't want to buy anything for herself, her family was almost as rich as mine. She walked to Zonko's, I quickly walked over to the shop before Luna walked next to me "You're going to buy it for her aren't you?" She asked, I jumped but looked over at her "I don't know" I said
"Yes, you do. Deep down below the fake hatred, you like her, I know you do. I can see it, but if you don't want her to know that, maybe she doesn't have to know it's from you" She said fairly, I turned to her but she was gone "What the fuck..." I said quietly
I groaned and pulled out twenty gallons from my pocket "Can you wrap that for me?" to which the lady nodded. I walked back and saw her walking out with a package that was obviously a nose-biting teacup, I scoffed and walked back to my dorm and began writing.
Maybe if I hadn't done so, I wouldn't be in this position.
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At some point after I got back to my dorm I had fallen asleep, unfortunately, I had woken up due to Blaise knocking. I said yes and he came in, I sat up and he sat next to me. I opened my mouth before he spoke
"She's doing well and no she didn't talk about you. In fact, she was happier than I've ever seen her" He said, I don't think he meant bad but to me, it was like him saying that without the idea of me she was happier than ever. "Thank you...can you leave?" I said to which he nodded and left.
I got up and went to shower, as I walked into the boiling hot water I looked at my forearm and breathed out a shaky breath. I couldn't do what was expected of me, but if I didn't my family would be killed. I didn't know what to do, I felt so alone and numb.
I got out of the shower and got dressed, not in pajamas, just some muggle clothing she had bought me. I walked out of my room and up to the stairs of the astronomy tower, I stood at the tower looking out at the snow beginning to fall. All I could think about was her, or rather us.
At the ball, she looked beautiful, Mother did such a good job buying a dress for her. Her being in my house for the first time in years felt so weird but at the same time, I liked it. Something about her was so calming.
The day I told her she had to wear a dress to go to dinner was a lie, I just knew father would make some snarky comment about her after, what I didn't expect was her looking so beautiful. I couldn't help myself but I told her. She complimented me back but then we went back to our usual teasing, I told her off later but unlike before she didn't seem as upset.
Every time she drew words on the palm of my hand, or when she would breathe softly as I tried to do her hair, I never did it right so that got me slapped. The days she would just lay on my chest listening to me, and how she kissed me at the ball when I got nervous about not asking first. I played with her, or rather my ring thinking.
Okay TW for suicidal thoughts, when * is shown it is over
But none of that mattered now, she was gone, and I didn't have anyone besides my mother who cared about me. Everything was gone, what was my purpose on earth, to hurt people? Maybe everyone would be better off without me. I mean what's there to live f-
"Don't do anything you'll regret" A soft voice said from behind me
I turned around and saw her, dressed in pajamas but had a sweater over her shirt...the sweater I had packed in her suitcase after the ball
"Y/N? What are you doing here"
She held up a letter "Got sent another anonymous letter, this is where I go to think...Draco...please don't do anything to yourself" Her voice cracking as she spoke
"I...I wasn't going-"
"Draco...don't lie to me please...just because we aren't together doesn't mean I stopped caring about you...I can't lose you, not like that" She said wiping her eyes
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"Y/N I'm sorry, I have been awful to you...I miss you but I'm not good for you."
She walked up to me "Draco... I know, I know we shouldn't be together but you and I both know that we can't just leave these feelings"
I nodded "Y/N I love you..." I said quietly
"I love you too" I caressed her cheek and sighed
"Thank you Y/N...I guess this is our goodbye?"
"Yeah...I think so Draco.."
"Can I ask for one final thing?" I said smiling sadly at her
"What is it?" She looked down
I lifted her head with my finger "Can I have just...one last kiss"
She nodded, I grabbed her hips and kissed her, she wrapped her arms around my neck. It felt like it was just us in the world.
I pulled back and she looked at me before walking back down.
"I'll love you forever Draco"
"I know love....that's the problem," I said quietly and she smiled and suddenly she was gone. I looked out the astronomy tower before sighing and heading back to my dorm room.
I walked into my dorm before seeing a picture on my bed, I opened it to see me and her, at the ball as I led her down
I flipped it over and read the back
My Draco,
Last summer you told me that I didn't have to be like Pansy or whoever my dad and mom wanted me to be. For a long time, I thought you said that to make me feel better but now I know you didn't. I love you Draco and I'm sorry it has to be this way. Maybe in another world, this could've been different, but we're in this world. I wish I could stop whatever is going on but I can't. I know you can handle this. You are so strong Draco. Please don't let anyone else tell you differently. Since this is the last time I'll get to talk to you I want to take back something I said to you a long time ago.
You aren't unable to love, not only are you able to love, but to be loved by you is such a gift. I hope the next girl who experiences your love appreciates it
I know I should've.
Y/N
I read the letter about a hundred times before quickly grabbing my wand and whispering a spell to put it on the roof of my bed. I laid down and stared at it for a while before decided one thing.
I am going to complete the mission...and make sure that he never knows about our relationship because if he does
He'll hurt her in revenge for what her parents did...
I will make sure that nothing ever hurts her again.
Word Count: 3000