"And then, she told me if she were Maeve, she wouldn't have let me go!" I shouted, attempting to open the wine bottle screw. Steph bought three bottles and one of them was already gone.
The sun set entirely and the day was over. The fact it was Monday didn't stop me from drinking tonight. I didn't really like alcohol, but sometimes I needed something to take the edge off. Especially now, when so many things were on my mind.
"Don't read into it, Jackie. It's just an expression. Like when I tell you that you look totally bangable without your glasses. I don't really want to bang you." Bryan murmured, saluting with the plastic cup.
"Thanks, Bryan." I buried my face in my hands. "Good to know the only compliments I receive are either from you or my mom."
"That's not true." Steph jumped in, scrolling through Chiara's Instagram. "Didn't Chiara technically tell you that you look good without glasses?"
"Apparently, it's just an expression!" I sighed and leaned my head onto the bed behind me. We were on the floor in our room and we were very close to spilling the wine all over the fluffy, emerald-coloured carpet.
"Jackie," Bryan said my name gently, which meant he was possibly about to insult me or break down the cold hard truth, "If Chiara was gay, I would know."
"Then why does she keep touching me?" I raised my eyebrow.
"She touched you?" Steph squealed. "Where?!"
"My hand, you perv." I muttered.
"I don't know why she keeps touching you." Bryan said, "Some girls just like touching people, you know, hugging and whatever."
"Plus, she's dating Josh." Steph turned her phone to me just to prove something we all knew. The picture showed her and Josh kissing at some gala.
"Maybe it's a cover?" I squinted.
"Maybe she's using him for his money!" Steph suggested.
"Chiara has way more money than him." Bryan noted. "She is richer than God Almighty."
"I don't think God's wealth is measured in US dollars." I said.
"And Chiara's sexual orientation is not determined by your wishes." Bryan warned me and I nodded, knowing well enough I ruminated over something for absolutely no reason.
"Gosh, such a life is so unfair." Steph mumbled. "Look at this! Look at these parties and all these people! Hell, there's a picture of her with Billie Eilish!" Steph scrolled through the pictures like a maniac and I simply admired Chiara's beauty.
"She doesn't seem stuck-up, not like all other people that go here." I noted, remembering how embarrassed she was when she said she didn't understand the meaning of Gatsby.
"Don't believe everything you see." Bryan said, but leaned over Steph's shoulder to look at her phone. "She has a lot of clothes, though." He added wistfully.
"She has an inner pool and an outer pool at her home! You're legally not allowed to have a life this perfect!" Steph was overly exited.
"But she doesn't flaunt it." The wine made me defend her. "Compared to the other girls around her, you know?"
"She doesn't flaunt it?" Bryan repeated my sentence and rolled his eyes. "First day she returned, she wore Oscar de la Renta to school. If that's not flaunting, I don't know what is."
"Uh..."
Bryan narrowed his eyes, "That dress cost five thousand dollars, Jackie."
"How did you even recognise that?" I asked.
"I will never not recognise Oscar de la Renta." Bryan poured himself some wine and sipped while staring at me with his eyebrow still raised.
"Whatever, she's nice." I shrugged, wanting to keep my fantasy intact. I didn't know her, but I wanted to believe she wasn't like the rest of them.
"You should focus on something else." Bryan looked at me pointedly. "You tend to get carried away with your affections."
I shot him a mean look, "You should just insult me outright."
"He's right, Jackie." Steph jumped in, biting her lower lip. "We all know how you get when you're in love, okay? And maybe we need to remind you how it ended last time-"
"I know Chiara is straight, okay?!" I snapped. "I get it. I won't do anything or get my hopes up... it's just, she pulls you in, you know?"
"It's not just that." Steph's caution threw me off a bit, like I was a damn baby everyone had to be careful around. "When you were with Maeve, you sort of got absorbed by her. I mean, you remember, right? You basically turned into-"
"I didn't get absorbed by Maeve!" I defended myself clumsily; wine didn't help. "I was in love with her and she was in love with me!"
Steph didn't say anything else, probably afraid of my lashing out. But Bryan plastered a smirk on his already satisfied expression.
"Hun, you didn't show up in school for a month straight. You barely managed to save your grades. Steph's dad had to write to the school that you had an appendix surgery that-"
"That's enough." I warned him, his words pissing me off to a dangerous extent.
"Fine." Bryan threw his hands in the air. "Why learn from our mistakes when we can repeat them?"
"What's your problem with Chiara?" I asked, feeling attacked from all sides. I didn't like anyone bringing up everything that happened with Maeve and they pissed me off.
"Jackie," Bryan leaned in, "Need I remind you I built my career exposing people like Chiara? She may seem sweet and innocent on the surface, but she's dating Josh Wright. What does that say about her?"
"I don't know!" I shouted. "But I'm willing to give her a chance. I don't think it's fair to judge before you even get to know someone."
"Yeah, like you've never judged all the people in this school without getting to know them?" Bryan chuckled. "The only reason you're willing to give Chiara a chance is because you keep hoping she likes you back. Which she probably doesn't."
"Bryan..." Steph tried, but he raised his finger to shush her.
"Someone has to tell you the truth." Bryan continued. "If the same thing that happened with Maeve happens with Chiara, you'll only have yourself to blame."
"I gotta go." I got up, almost stumbling over my feet. A bubble of anger built up inside my throat, leaving an aching burn.
"Jackie-" Steph called after me, but I was already out the door, slamming them shut behind me.
I needed some air and I needed not to think about whether Bryan was right. I already knew how badly I messed up with Maeve, I didn't want someone reminding me of that.
My first instinct was to go to the library, but it was closed, so I walked through the empty halls of Astley Academy without a destination.
Maeve was different than most people. She had no future on her mind, she either lived in the past or the present. I wasn't like that; I liked things planned out. That was why I fought so hard for my grades. I wanted to be able to afford a certain life for myself.
But Maeve didn't care, despite being on a partial scholarship. This school ate her up. Injustice was constantly on her mind, as well as anger and dissatisfaction. Instead of channelling that into action, she spiralled with her own feelings. She became depressed. I tried to help, with everything I had and everything I was. But nothing was enough. She didn't want my help.
But I carried her on my back.
We dated for a year. Eventually, I couldn't do it anymore. Well, Bryan dragged me out of my house, almost slapped me and held a speech about me needing to leave Maeve, because she was toxic.
The breakup was worse than our entire relationship. She had told me I was the only reason she hadn't yet killed herself. And that, that was fucking hard to deal with.
Tears prickled in my eyes as I walked to the back door, one of the many exits that led to the lawns or bleachers, where gardeners and janitors kept the equipment.
I leaned onto the concrete wall that hid me from view. The air was chilly and fresh; it filled my lungs with calmness. There was nothing I wanted more than to forget about Maeve, but each time someone mentioned her, it all came rushing back to me. The moments we spent happy, when we thought our relationship was something special, something unbreakable.
A giggle attracted my attention, interrupting my thoughts.
"Come on, no one will find us here." A low, breathy male voice reached my ears. I recognised it immediately, Josh. Unable to help myself, I moved closer to the edge of the wall and tried to peak at them.
"Light up." Another voice joined in, deeper, more determined.
"Someone will come."
It was Chiara.
My heart pounded and I felt a rush of heat wash over me. I had to see. The thought was stronger than anything else, so I held in my breath as I looked behind the wall.
They were far enough from me. I watched them through scarce bushes, hidden in the darkness. Confident they couldn't see me, I turned my body fully towards them.
Josh lit up what I guessed was a joint and brought it to his lips. The other guy, Mikael, carefully observed as Josh inhaled. I recognised him from some of my classes and I knew he was Josh's friend. They all still wore their uniforms. Chiara let out a giggle and Mikael's hand slipped to her leg.
What the fuck?
Josh passed the blunt to Mikael. Chiara's gaze followed it, but Josh quickly grabbed her chin and turned her towards him. I watched as he kissed her. It wasn't just a peck on the lips, it was a deep, passionate kiss. Mikael watched them, the blunt forgotten in his hand.
And then, he unbuttoned the first button of Chiara's shirt. And Josh let him.
What the fuck?
I couldn't tear my gaze off; even if it turned painful to watch.
Chiara took the blunt and inhaled as both guys' hands fell on her legs. Josh kissed her neck while the gush of smoke left her mouth and Mikael's hand slipped inside her shirt.
She moaned
I tore my gaze off. I leaned onto the wall, staring widely at the freshly-mowed lawns in front of me.
What the actual fuck?