Would you mind if killed you? Understand that I need to? Wish that I had other choices. 'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy, you carry hate that I don't feel. It's over now, what have you done? What have you done now? There's a curse between us, between you and me.
- What have you done? (by Within Temptation)
The small transparent bag filled gradually, rhythmically, until it was no longer see-through but of a soothing, platinum color. The essence of physical life, if one might say so. Tom's headache was expanding all over his scalp, it was the mixture of sleep deprivation, trauma of both physical and mental nature, as well as the omnipresent threat to his life and of course the blood loss.
Loki had urged him to drink, and as much as he would've wanted refuse to do what he said, he sipped some more water from the bottle. It was chilling and sent a shiver through Tom's body he could not suppress.
Loki, who had knelt next to Tom's armchair and was disconnecting the now full unit from the tube, looked up to him briefly. If was so absurd, all of this, and he himself had likewise no idea why they even bothered to talk.
"'Tis not that cold."
The God of Mischief placed the unit carefully on one of the sterile tables and turned back to Tom. Loki retracted the large cannula with a swift movement and disposed of it, before quickly pressing down on the small circular wound with a clean swab.
Tom shook his head, gently as to not add to the pain. "To you." He drank some more, all the while Loki was twisting a ligature around Tom's crook of the arm.
"A valid point you have." Loki agreed, sighing. He rose and turned to preparing the transfusion. "I had prepared some units before... before I knew what she was. My own life blood, of a golden color yet chilling to the bone. I should have known then, I should have known - "
He lowered his hand to the warm unit, pressing it against the burning sensation.
" - after her body welcomed me with undying comforting warmth and her breath blowing hot against my skin, that she could never receive them. That she was not like me."
Tom's enraged eyes shot at him, warning, daring. Knowing his wife had been with him, and not being able to blame one bit of it on his enemy, was a special kind of hell. Loki felt his own kind of love for her, so much could not be denied. He had told all of this instinctively, lost in thoughts and reminiscent in the past, not at one point had this been intended to be hurtful. It was solely what went through this man's heart and mind, and this man had not even noticed.
Invisible daggers shot into his back nonetheless. Tom's eyes darted around the room, looking for anything to - and there it was. Neatly arranged, sterile and reflecting the light mercilessly. Loki had went through every preparation he could think of, and what he predicated had come true - this chamber had turned into a theater for a c-section. Where there was a theater, there were scalpels.
'Immortal' was such a false statement - no one and nothing was truly immortal. With a life expectancy of over five thousand years, gods were the most long-lived creatures of all and therefore considered worthy of the term. However, everyone and everything could be killed. Gods could endure a hell of a lot for sure and heal injuries considered lethal to humans, but they all shared one decisive liability.
A stab through the heart, and it was done. It was what had killed Frigga - the gods and goddesses of Asgard had therefore never went into battle without chest plates. They were more valuable than swords and shields. Loki stood there with nothing but fabric covering his chilling white skin.
He rose from his seat, faltering as the black spots blemished his vision after the rest of his blood subsided down his legs. He could barely stand and fell back into the armchair, alarming the god who up to this moment had still turned his back. Loki left what he'd been doing and took off his surgical gloves. He was by Tom's side quickly and put his closed fist to Tom's chest, pressing against him.
The latter was so dizzy, there was no fighting against Loki and gravity. His muscles went limp gradually, surrendering into the soft chair. "I told you to stay put and drink. That is all you may do, do not tempt me to fixate you."
"Fuck, do you even hear a word of what comes of your mouth?" Tom suddenly erupted in laughter, doubtlessly unhinged and at his mental limit.
"Last warning, mortal."
"Damn right you are! I'm just a weak pathetic mortal. I die like any other man, so why don't you just leave me to fall and hit my head on the obsidian table? Why don't you just leave my arm to rot with infection?"
"I explained why."
"Right, not your modus operandi." He mimicked bitterly. "Why not, though? I mean, you claim you need me for my blood, so why not just slash me open with one of those scalpels there and bleed me out?"
Tom's hands shot out, clasping at Loki's shirt as if for dear life, pulling himself up to his face.
"Why, Loki, why? Why haven't you killed me already? Why all of this, this talking and pretending, like nothing ever happened and nothing will ever happen?" His strained voice overturned until it was no more than a whisper. "You liar."
Darkness engulfed him.
---
Another dreamless, endless night. Only this time, it actually felt like sleep and less like unconsciousness. Tom could feel his limbs long before awakening, they were all there - well, except for his mutilated left hand. He flinched inhaling sharply, his eyes fluttering open.
Tom's mind slowly powered up, taking all the time it needed after this long-overdue rest to be at full consciousness. The adrenaline shooting through his veins sped things up a little, and realization soon overcame him. This was the chamber, and he lied in the very same bed Caroline had been in when she was -
Had he, too, fallen into a coma? Time had passed once again without him. Oh God, could she be dead?
Tom started up, somehow scrambled to his feet, tripped and fell. An IV had been put into his arm, right where he'd given blood. Only this time, saline fluid was streaming into his system, supporting. He needed to know, there was no time for that. His legs threatened to give away as he hastened through the door and the library.
"Caroline." He had to pause for a moment and hold to a shelf, summoning all his power to scream. "Caroline!"
The walls swallowed most of the sound. He pushed the large door open and drove himself further, shouting, until a muffled "Tom?" sounded from downstairs. He rushed down the stairs and only God knew how he managed not to fall.
Finally, he reached the main living room. Tom couldn't tell if this was dream or reality. There she sat, pale for sure and thinner, but alive and awake. A black-haired beauty lied in her arms, and his father sat next to him. Loki looked different - worn out without doubt, as everyone in that room, but more peaceful than ever.
She attempted to stand, but Loki held her back. "Slowly, you only left the bed yesterday."
She ignored Loki's previous statement handing the child over. Loki's hold on her arm grew tighter, until she turned to look at him. Tom couldn't see her gaze, but it had to be intense, for he let go reluctantly.
So there they stood, two people pushed to their physical limit, after madness surpassing their wildest imagination, but the look in their eyes was the very same from a long time ago. It was so quiet, one could hear a needle hitting the ground. Then, they crashed into each others embrace, stumbling to the ground with the weight of all the tears they'd held back.
Tom couldn't believe she was there, looking at him with like that. He couldn't take his eyes and hands off of her, as if she would vanish if he let her go. He didn't care, this moment was worth it all. He raised his hands to cup her face, her cheeks were pale and sunken in.
"You look like shit." She breathed and kissed his lips. Tom closed his eyes just for this moment, to take in every last bit of the sensation and returned the kiss with a love so pure and unconditional, agape.
"That makes two of us." He chuckled and pressed her tightly to his chest, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Her scent was still the same. He raised his head to kiss all over her temple and hair, catching the tense gaze of Loki.
"How long?" He addressed him, still clutching tightly to his wife.
"Four days."
"I've been asleep for four days straight?"
Loki shrugged. "I told you to drink."
"You've been exhausted. It was time you finally found some rest." Caroline assured, stroking his face. "Turns out everyone in this room was a doctor at some point, more or less."
The cry of a baby sounded, and Caroline tense up in his arms all of the sudden. He withdrew to look at her, but she wouldn't meet his eyes. Tom once again took her face in his hands and made her face him. What could possibly blemish this beautiful moment? Even Loki chose to hold back and give them this moment for themselves.
"What's the matter?"
She exhaled heavily. "Tom, I - "
He waited for her to go on, and when she found it so hard to word what troubled her, he searched for answers with Loki. The latter wore a knowing look, but chose not to get involved yet.
"I haven't been fair to either of you."
"What?"
She freed herself from his embrace and attempted to push herself off the ground. Tom rushed to her side in an instant, forgetting his own unsteadiness. Despite her being a shadow now, both him and Loki considered her frail and in constant need of support.
"There are other times for this, my love. You should not - "
"Loki, if you won't shut up for once I'm really gonna' lose it."
Loki pressed his already thin lips to a line, he had appeared peaceful, but something was boiling underneath the facade. Something was flustering him, and Tom couldn't tell yet what it was. Caroline cautiously walked back to the couch, where she'd left her baby with its father. The latter had lowered him into a quite royal looking crib, which agitated the newborn. Caroline placed her hand on the crib's side, rocking it gently.
"I don't even know where to start." Her voice sounded labored, and it wasn't just the physical aspect. Grave things had happened, and it was time to address them openly, no matter how ugly the truth was.
"I've never been clear with you, Loki." She turned to look at his sitting figure. He was eyeing her intensely, with a hint of shock. "I thought by not... addressing 'things', that I was sparing you. But I was really just sparing myself. I have denied your feelings for me, and pretended to believe it until I couldn't tell lie from truth no more. I should have left after marrying Tom, but I stayed because I wanted, and needed you. Selfishly."
"You mustn't worry about this. What happened, happened. I dare say, out of all of us, that I have done most misdeeds."
"It's not a co- competition, Loki." She coughed, sinking slowly into the sofa opposite him. Whatever would - and needed to - be said, she would look him in the eyes. It was the least they all owed one another. "I lived in denial because it was easier than facing the truth. I pushed you too far, both of you. You didn't deserve me using you, and Tom didn't deserve this fear. I'm not excusing what you did, Loki. You've done horrifying things, made all the wrong decisions, but I had my part in it."
Tom had risen from the ground, feeling much stronger with all the endorphins flooding his brain. His gaze rested on the sleeping child. Caroline was the queen, but her son was by far the most decisive chess figure. "But you've saved my life."
"He endangered it in the first place." Tom interjected, without looking away.
"He also saved you, stitched your hand and kept you from slipping into permanent coma." Caroline disagreed, moving her gaze to her husband briefly before being taken off guard.
"Oh, please, spare me from this ridicule." Loki had risen from his seated position, towering over her. "I attempted on your husband's life a lot more than once, I have lied and betrayed, I have raised my hand to you and mutilated him. I have forcibly performed an immortalization, failed, and yet still believe it has been right."
He stepped closer, bent down, trapped her between his arms braced against the backrest. "I am not a good man, and I am undeserving of this. No more illusions. I am the monster parents tell their children about at night."
"Your mask is inscrutable but your eyes tell a different story. If you were truly this appalling, you wouldn't feel so miserable about it."
"And that is redemption? Some misery and tears, and everything is forgiven?"
"It shouldn't be. But I've looked death in the eye, been devoured by darkness, you're the one who stopped that. You've died for me. Does this mean nothing to you?"
Loki knelt beside her legs, shaking his head incredulously. "You would not understand. You are too good, Caroline. Allow me to tell you, your mistakes were based on human foolishness and lack of experience. But there are things which cannot be forgiven - vile, permanent things."
"Don't you get it." She lamented tenuously, shifting her hand subconsciously to her lower abdomen. Her scar burnt. "I've changed, we all have. After all that's happened I've come to realize, life is too valuable as to waste it on - on hatred. Call me a dumb mortal if you like, I still believe there is redemption for you."
Loki was not convinced. As much as he wanted to understand this almost sanguine clarity amidst the madness, it seemed inconclusive. Frigga was dead because of him, his conscious lashed him incessantly and threatened to break through the mask. The God of Mischief swallowed, coming close to breaking eye contact yet withstanding. Tears had once again gathered in his bloodshot eyes, as his loathing for himself assumed enormous dimensions.
This maltreated victim of his deranged convictions deemed him so worthy, only days after a blood bath. It felt worse than being punished. Loki rose and walked away, as if some distance would make any of this more agreeable. "No apology will leave my lips, as there is none. Some things I have done are inexcusable. Past the point of..."
His voice trailed off, he lowered his head with Caroline's disappointed, almost desperate gaze drilling into his back. She felt too weak to argue, knowing Loki's stubborn head all too well.
After an immeasurable moment of silence only marred by the baby's cooing, Caroline decided to try once more. "I bore a beautiful child, your child. I've never seen anything like him and I know you haven't either. Nathaniel is the the best of you and me, our legacy. He's a gift, despite everything."
"Any man can conceive an offspring."
"But only few can be a father."
Loki snapped around. "A father? As in, the idyll of you, me and our son living happily until the end of our days?" His voice had grown unsettlingly loud. His hands shut to tight fists. The windows suddenly broke open and the chandelier came crashing down, shattering both itself and the table beneath it into innumerable shards.
Caroline gasped, sprung to her feet with her hands protecting her face. Tom had thrown himself immediately over the crib, intercepting whatever projectiles came flying towards it.
"How do you think this will end, Caroline? While we are playing blissfully ignorant, as if this - " He gestured wildly around him. " - could ever last. One thing I will admit to myself, despite the horror you are so willing to forget, is that I love you."
Loki yanked his arm to the side, sending the chandelier along with what remained of the table out of the way. His eyes glowed way too intensely, too bright, it made him so terribly beautiful and frightening.
"I love you, and I would never, ever leave your side. Our short time after your transformation, it was paradise to me." His voice failed him every now and then, but his face wore a mask petrified with pain and regret.
"When you stopped fighting and welcomed your feelings, your true feelings for me. This taste of bliss I can never forget - condemn me for being weak, 'tis but a small addition to my list of misdeeds. We have conceived a child together, yet your eyes betray you. You have already made your choice, so for mercy's sake, do not make me believe."
"Back off, Loki, you're forgetting yourself." Tom, still standing in front of the crib, outstretched his arm in an attempt to defuse the situation. Loki was, despite being tired of inflicting pain, no less dangerous.
"I have never seen clearer. At least, I have the decency to stand by what I am. A sentient monster."
"Nothing you could say will make me believe this." Caroline had summoned her courage and strength, once again taking a stand against a man so crushed by his emotions.
"For mercy's sake, stop pretending. I beg you. Your husband speaks the truth, I am without restraint, I cannot help it, cannot stop.This is what I am."
Tom stepped closer, attempting to get between his wife and the raging god. "This is not the right time - "
"Time does not change anything." Loki dismissed him bitterly. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, closed his eyes. He opened them with a new, ominous look which they felt deep in their souls.
"I am the reason Frigga, my one and only mother, is dead. A shade of one future, our son named Araziel, I sent him forcibly back to his branch of reality, a reality of horror and suffering. I have murdered what was left of your best friend Xenia, slit her throat just so I would not lose you. So I ask you again."
Loki put another foot forward, electrifying the atmosphere all around. A howling wind crashing through the open windows raised dust and glass. He didn't, couldn't notice - once again those green lines along the passages of his veins extended all over his face, gradually turning his skin blue.
"Is there redemption for this?"
Caroline raised her hands, clasping at her chest. The expression she wore had been shocked for sure, but not terrified. She knew this side of Loki, knew he was not trying to harm them. The shock yielded to disquiet, soon to terror. She gasped repeatedly, blood accumulated in her face, almost as if choked by an invisible force.
She dropped to the ground. A hologram reappeared, flashing red. The sound was constant. No breaks in between the beeps. Just a long, ear-splitting piercing sound.
The monitor had flat lined.
---
Inspiration for this chapter (all found on Pinterest, all rights to their respective owners)