+++
MATTHEO RIDDLE IS YASMINE AMAROS. CALANTHA, ERISED, NICCOLÓ, KASSANDRA, AND EPIPHANY ARE MINE. ALL OTHERS UNLESS MENTIONED ARE JK R*WLINGS.
TW: LANGUAGE, MINOR ABUSE
+++
I woke up in the hospital bed again, still trapped in the same place I had been for the last so many days, and I could tell that nothing much had changed. Beside me, Mattheo slept, his head held up by one of his hands propped on the arm of the chair, and the other dangling loosely at his slumped side.
I was careful not to wake him knowing that he wasn't getting a lot of sleep with the amount of strenuous time he spent waiting with me, and even though I knew he was doing it for me, I wished he wasn't.
It wasn't that I was losing whatever feelings I had for him, it was that I needed time.
Sure, I'd been asleep for the past however many days, but what people didn't know was that I could hear them--every single word. It was never quiet, but more like a nonstop relay of running from my own mind, and there I was, completely trapped inside of it.
"You're overthinking it all,"
My eyes darted to the corner of the hospital wing where the familiar girl stood once again, her arms crossed as she leaned against the wall, grinning at me. I shrugged wearily, narrowing my eyes, slightly pressing my hands against the bed sheets so that I leaned closer in her direction, and then I whispered, "Who are you?"
Her eyes widened and she grew eager, putting her hands behind her back, and beamed. She acted as though she had been waiting for me to ask this. "Don't you want to know how I know you're overthinking?" she giggled, pushing herself off of the wall, then walked gallantly around the room, not bothering to keep quiet.
My eyes widened as I looked from her to Mattheo, and then again, then for a third time, and she finally noticed, stopping her steps.
"Don't worry about Theo, I won't wake him up." she smiled, playfully shaking her hand near him. My expression turned from annoyance to confusion in a matter of seconds, and she took this on as she laughed to herself, once again shaking her stretch of reddish hair as she sat beside me on the bed.
This was the fourth time she'd appeared in the hospital wing. This time, I finally knew that it was real. That I wasn't dreaming or hallucinating.
"He can't hear or see me, only you can." she reassured me.
I laughed, trying to quiet down, remembering that I wasn't alone. What could that even mean? I cleared my throat, then, and whispered. "What are you talking about?"
"When Mattheo used the Tenebris Curse, it woke you up from your magic sleep or whatever it was that the fall put you in--it awakened your mind." she shrugged her shoulders, beginning to play with a string of the blanket I was covering myself with.
"What're you--," I shook my head, confused by all that she was saying. I shut my eyes and brought a hand to my forehead, trying to clear my head, and took in a deep breath. "What are you talking about? What curse?"
"Listen, I'll explain it more to you later, once you've talked to more of us, but for right now, you need to try and rest."
"More of you? What do you mean? Who are you?" I stared eagerly at the young girl, looking at her small freckles dotting her perfect nose. She was younger, probably around Epiphany's age or a year or so older, but she was beautiful.
She sighed deeply and placed her hands in her lap, moving her long hair so that it stayed behind her slanted shoulders, and her cheeks turned a rosy pink. "Now, that's not important, but you'll know soon enough."
"What do you mean? Why can't you just tell me who you are?" I began to grow thoroughly frustrated with her lack of answering my questions.
"Like I said, you will know soon enough. You will understand more after you've spoken to others like me."
Others like her? What was she, and why was she here of all places?
My mind only began to spin more. There was a curse that I'd never heard of, and supposedly, Mattheo had used it on me, and now I was seeing. . . whatever it was I was seeing, and I had no sense of any of it.
"I don't understand, are you a real person?"
"I was, once. Now I'm just here." she sighed, speaking nonchalantly. She was so comfortable, it was almost as if she'd done this all before, like it was a usual thing.
"What do you mean 'once'?"
"I passed on."
"Then, how can I see you, and talk to you?" I reached out and touched her arm, and though it was cold and chilling, it was soft. "And touch you?"
"I told you I would tell you about that later, but for now, I need you to rest. We have to regain your strength for what's about to happen."
"You sound insane, what are you talking about?"
"Nevermind that, just lay down. Yes... like that.... good, now... No, lay back down. Yes, now... rest your head and--"
"Who are you talking to?"
Next to me, Mattheo sat up in his chair, a confused expression plastered on his droopy face, and I laid on my back frozen in my place.
I didn't know what to say, and I couldn't mention whoever the girl sitting next to me was, and how he couldn't see her, or anything else that was going on.
"Myself," I nodded my head, trying my best to sound convincing.
He looked at me warily, knowing full well that I wasn't telling the complete truth, or so he thought, but didn't choose to push it. I was, in all certainty, surprised with his calmness.
He rubbed his eyes and sat himself up straighter in his chair. "Is everything okay?"
I nodded again.
"Pomfrey says you can go back to your dorm now, she said when you wake up you're free to leave the hospital wing." he yawned, his eyes half open. His hair was messy, too, and his cheeks flushed a deep pink.
"She doesn't want to check up on me or anything?"
He shook his head and smiled at me, pausing as he observed my pale face. "She doesn't." he whispered softly.
I let out a deep breath and threw the covers off of my legs, moving to stand up. Quickly, feeling my head grow heavy, I grabbed a hold of the bed to keep myself up straight, and watched as Mattheo moved over the bed to try and grab my arm.
"You need to be more careful." he shook his head, his tone growing into anger.
"It was an accident, don't get too upset." I frowned, my voice small.
"I'm sorry, I just don't want you getting any more hurt." he sulked down.
"You need to stop babysitting me."
He scoffed. "I am not babysitting you, I'm only making sure you're not hurting yourself even more." he said with a weary shrug.
I rolled my eyes then, and slowly walked to the other side of the bed, then stopped, my head turning to the sound of the door opening.
Mattheo stood close to my side, seeming to inch in front of me slowly, as if he hoped I didn't notice, and stood, almost shielding me.
I couldn't see over him, but the sound of quiet footsteps told me that someone had come in, and as I peered around Mattheo's shoulder, my eyes landed on a smiling Dumbledore.
From behind him, it was easily noticeable that Mattheo had been holding in a deep breath, and only just then had he allowed himself to exhale, moving to the side of me. Dumbledore and I looked at each other for a split second; I allowed myself to accept his sympathetic smile, along with his condolences, and then he turned his attention back to Mattheo.
"There is someone here to see you," Dumbledore whispered, his voice low and hoarse, though quiet and soothing all at the same time. Mattheo and I exchanged questionable glances, and Mattheo said nothing.
"They are in my office." Dumbledore said.
"I don't know anyone." Mattheo shook his head in response, his tone irritable and cold.
Dumbledore's eyes widened and his smile beamed brighter than before, and as he clasped his arms in front of him, he took a step forward. "I assure you, Mr.Riddle, that there is someone here to see you."
"Go," I nudged Mattheo's side. "I'll be okay."
He shook his head and his eyes turned dark. He grimaced, muttering, "I'm not going anywhere." he turned to Dumbledore, still standing patiently beside the open door. "You can tell whoever it is that so badly wishes to see me that they can continue to wish. As of this moment, I'm not taking any visitors." he jeered.
"Mr.Riddle, I wish that you at least know who it is."
"Then Calantha can come with, anyone that wants to speak to me can do it with her in the room."
I took a step away from Mattheo, shaking my head. "No, no, I don't want to be in the room. I want to go to my dorm."
"I'm not leaving your side, Calantha," Mattheo respected. "Either she comes, or I don't go."
This was unfair.
I stood quietly, my cheeks red from embarrassment, and listened to the small voice from the opposite end of the room. "Go," the girl said.
I fought the urge to turn around and look, because I knew that even if Mattheo could shrug my strangeness off, Dumbledore would know that something was going on.
"Okay," I said. "I'll go."
I didn't know why I was letting the girl influence me so much. For some reason, whenever she was around I felt safe, like nothing bad could happen to me. I was finally starting to trust my instincts.
"My office doors are open, Mr.Riddle. You can go right in, and then you and Miss Adamos can join in the Great Hall."
I looked up at my side and noticed Mattheo clenching his jaw, clearly growing angry, and for no apparent reason. Sure, I didn't want to come with, and yes, there was the sheer strangeness of why Dumbledore had pressed Mattheo's seeing whoever it was that came to visit him, but there was no solute reasoning for Mattheo growing this upset.
I nodded and grabbed Mattheo's hand, smiling at Dumbledore before telling him thank you, then once again accepting his condolences, and so after, Mattheo and I were walking alone together in the corridors.
They had changed since the last time I'd walked in them--the corridors--which were now lined with garland and tinsel, with floating snowflakes coating the ceiling--all by the use of magic. It still smelled like gingerbread, but there was faint singing in the distance, and I couldn't help but adorn that it was all so peaceful.
I could feel Mattheo's eyes on me, both of them piercing down on me, though I didn't bring my own to meet his gaze. He was smiling, looking at the places I was, so that he knew what I was doing, and I tried my best to hide my smile. He couldn't look away, or so it seemed.
"Do you like Christmas?" he broke our heavy silence. Still, I didn't look at him.
"It used to be my favorite holiday." I answered.
I brought my hands up to my face and felt the skin around my eyes, no longer being able to ignore the stinging pain on my face.
We continued to walk at the same pace. "And it's not anymore?"
I shook my head, pursing my lips in a fine line. "Not anymore." I shrugged. I dropped my hands back down to my sides.
"Who could possibly be visiting you, anyway?" I tried my best to shift the conversation, no longer wanting to talk about Christmas.
"I don't know." he cleared his throat, biting onto his bottom lip.
"Do you have any other family?" I questioned.
"Why?" he furrowed his brow.
"Because, I know nothing about you, Mattheo." I grimaced, already annoyed. "So, tell me, do you have any other family?"
"Yes, Calantha, I do." he halted, turning the corner, stopping before turning to me. "And I choose not to tell people for a reason. It's for your own good."
"For my own good?" I repeated him. "Are you kidding me? God! For once, just for once, can you stop trying to constantly protect me? Why can't you just be normal and allow yourself to open up to me?"
"I'm doing this for you! You have no idea what these people would do to you if they knew how I c--," he stopped, cutting himself short, and I stood before him, my temper touched. I was waiting for him to continue, and as I watched him look at the ground, a hand in his hair, I scoffed.
"If they knew that you were more than just a girl to me, you wouldn't be safe."
"What does that even mean?" I rolled my eyes, walking past him, continuing down the decorated corridor. He hurried to keep up with my pace, and soon enough he caught up with me, saying nothing.
"Well, are you going to explain yourself or not?" I urged.
"Not right now, we can have this talk some other time." he walked calmly and slowly, now taking long strides as if he were in no hurry.
But I was still mad.
"So we're going to start an argument and leave it unfinished?" I snapped, my tone ascending.
He stopped and grabbed me, throwing me to the wall. "You should be fucking grateful," he shook me, threatening through gritted teeth.
His hand was on my neck, pressing harder into my skin, and my arms dangled loosely at my sides while I looked up at him.
"Don't make me regret waking you up," he whispered into my ear. "Or you'll wish I hadn't."
"What are you saying? You're going to put me back? Please, Mattheo, I heard everything, you were almost begging for me to wake up."
He stared at me, no words coming out of his mouth. I stumped him and I'd caught him off-guard. Inside of my head, I was telling myself that I'd won, but when he raised his hand beside him, my eyes widened and fear overcame me.
"Matthew."
Both of our heads turned, Mattheo's hand still on my neck, and my eyes fell on a tall man, standing across the hallway, dressed in all black, staring dark-eyed at Mattheo. He let go of me then, and backed away, straightening his wrinkled white dress shirt, and cleared his throat, standing up straight.
I pushed off of the wall and stood in front of Mattheo, then slowly began to walk away from him, my eyes still on the unfamiliar man that had grasped both my and Mattheo's attention.
I couldn't help but wonder who he was, and how he knew Mattheo. There was something about him--a dark, unwelcoming feeling, like malevolence radiated off of him, and it drew me in.
And I couldn't help but stand there, completely mesmerized by Mattheo's behavior--how he so quickly let me go, and without even having to look in the direction of the voice, seemed to know exactly who it was that was speaking to him. There was, without a doubt, a look of defeat on his face, completely cast by his own spurs of confusion, and mine too, but there was still something about how he sulked down in his stance, no longer prioritizing intimidation, but rather forfeiting it.
"Mattheo," the man said again, still in the same, low, voice as he had before. I was in between the two now, up against the wall, trying my best not to stare at the stranger, but in all opportunity I had no reason not to. Had he not interfered, there was no way to say what Mattheo would have done.
There was an eerie silence cascading the empty hallway, alone without the three of us, and as I heard Mattheo take in a deep breath, I glanced in his direction, and in seeing his face, took a step closer to the man again, who still seemed complacent in his wait.
"How are you here?" Mattheo whispered, his eyes wide with fear and confusion, almost bloodshot, and his lips closed in a fine line. The bewilderment that he cared not to hide was tracing the curiosity out of me--because, had I not been mistaken, it seemed as though Mattheo was afraid.
The man smiled, rather awkwardly, and took a step forward, still having not looked my way once, though I didn't mind much. His black boots echoed on the surface of the stone floor, which Mattheo's heavy eyes fell down to, and his black jacket almost swayed behind him.
"Are you not going to say hello?" the man said. He was playing nice, but I knew all too well by the look on Mattheo's face that he was simply being taunting.
"Calantha, go back to the dorms, I'll see you soon." Mattheo stared straight ahead at the man, not looking at me, as though he were in a trance.
"You want me to leave?" I jeered, unexpectedly blurting out what I knew I wanted to say, but knew I shouldn't have.
"Now, Calantha," Mattheo clenched his hands into fists at his sides. "I'm serious."
I scoffed, crossing my arms. "So now you want me to leave? What, I was good before when you didn't want to leave my side, but now you want me to go?"
"Calantha, please, just go back to the dorms, or the library, or somewhere else." he gave me a look of concernment that I ignored, and shook his head.
The man began to laugh then, and for the first time, turned around and met my curious eye. He had the same eyes that Mattheo did--the dark, empty, soulless eyes, and I stared into them, waiting while they stared back at me.
His hair was dark, almost black, and was combed on the top of his head, though longer on the sides, almost coming to a stop above his ears. He had a newly grown beard, though more like a stubble, that suited his face well, making him seem older than I'm sure he was. He was tall, taller than Mattheo from what it looked like, and all in all, in his silence, much more daring.
"Well," he said, tilting his head as he observed me. I did nothing and stood against the wall, feeling like I should've left when Mattheo told me to. "It looks like she wants to stay, Mattheo."
"Calantha," Mattheo started, his voice full of worry and hopelessness.
"Does she know?" the man said, turning his gaze back to Mattheo, leaving me in a fit of confusion.
"Know what?" Mattheo jeered, growing upset. "How are you here? You can't be here, you left."
"I came back," he replied. "And I plan to stay this time."
"Stay where?" Mattheo laughed, shaking his head. "You have nowhere to go."
"Is there a more private room for us to speak in, Mattheo?" the man looked around the corridor, trying to look for something. Mattheo took a step toward him and shook his head. "Why are you here?" he asked for the second time.
"Is there a more private room for us to speak in?" the man said again, this time in a tone of fake happiness. He was smiling plainly, and I could tell it was sending Mattheo into a fit of annoyance.
"End," Mattheo sneered. "We can go into a classroom, but Calantha, you need to leave." Mattheo shoved past the man, hitting his shoulder, and walked right past me without a glance my way. I scoffed, shaking my head at how he was ordering me around, but barely even acknowledging me, and followed behind him as he scampered down the empty corridor.
"I'm not going anywhere, Mattheo."
Mattheo shook his head and continued to walk up the corridor, coming to a stop at a door, then turned back to me and clenched his jaw. "You just don't know when to fucking leave it alone do you?"
"Piss off, Matthew. I'm not fucking leaving. You can't just sit by my side when I need you most and then expect me to leave you when I know you need someone. I'm not going anywhere."
"Now is your last chance to leave, Calantha." he opened the door without turning away from me, and I said nothing, but continued to challenge him with my eyes.
"She's not leaving, Mattheo." the man said, pushing me forward from behind. I stumbled into the room as Mattheo walked inside, and I turned back around to see the man walking past me, the door shut behind him.
"Now we're in a more private place." Mattheo leaned against a table on the opposite wall, his hands clasped in front of him, his lips in a fine smile as he waited.
The man paused, hesitating before smiling and beaming at Mattheo.
"I think now is the best time to tell you that I've been offered a position here, or, at least Dumbledore has asked of my assistance."
Mattheo scoffed and laughed to himself, but soon after quieted down, his smile fading.
"You're serious?" he muttered, completely overtaken by disbelief.
The man nodded, breaking into a slow walk around the room.
"Dumbledore would never come to you for any sort of assistance." Mattheo snarled, his knuckles turning white from how hard he was gripping the desks beside him.
"Well, I assure you, he has."
"You can't stay here." Mattheo shook his head.
"I don't think you understand, Mattheo, because I wasn't asking for your permission to stay. Let me say it, and let me be clear when I say that, I will not take orders from you."
"Fine," Mattheo slumped down, snarling through gritted teeth. "But you're going to stay out of my business, and you're not going to try and get involved in anything that has nothing to do with you."
"Like I said," the man said with a weary shrug. "I won't take orders from you."
I felt so awkward, standing behind the two of them, watching them argue without a word coming from me. It was as if they'd forgotten I was even here.
"I'm sorry, but, who are you?" I stepped forward, my head high. I could see out of the corner of my eye that Mattheo had sulked down and was ne frowning with his eyes on me.
The man turned around to face me again, and inhaled as he held his chin in the air, staring down at me. "I'm Daìnn." he looked away from me and back to Mattheo.
"I see that the plan is going well."
Mattheo shuddered, standing straight up as he took a step forward. "Don't." he mumbled, his tone growing overly serious.
"What plan?" I frowned, furrowing my eyebrows, awaiting Mattheo's reply.
He seemed to stare back at me, though there was no emotion in his eyes. Simply, he was sad, by the way his eyes drooped and his lips formed a quilted frown. A look of guilt and regret.
Daìnn looked down at me and smiled, tilting his head slightly to the side. "It's nothing important, love."
"Get away from her," Mattheo warned him, but Daìnn made no notice to him. "She's not yours to talk to."
"Possessive, you are, Mattheo. Truly, I thought you'd changed." Daìnn snickered to himself, biting onto his bottom lip.
A breeze flew over me and I forced myself to look away from both of them, shaking my head. Out of nowhere, it felt wrong to be here, like I was out of place, and I wanted to leave.
To be honest, I didn't want to hear anything Daìnn had to say about Mattheo, because bad thoughts of him already flooded my mind, and I was already fighting so hard to not let myself believe them.
"I better leave," I stared Daìnn straight in the eye and backed away, beginning to feel even more awkward and out of place. Mattheo pushed Daìnn away and bothered not to look at me, and I left the two of them alone in the room.
Once I was in the corridor I took a heavy breath and leaned against the wall. The door was closed beside me and nothing could be heard from where I stood, but I couldn't help but wonder what was so serious that made Mattheo act the way he was.
We were in the corridor, just us, and then the man—Daìnn had spoken, and it was as if a light switch had turned on in Mattheo.
He acted like a child that was caught in the act of doing something wrong. Like he should've known he was being watched, but surprised nonetheless.
Then, there was a loud boom, and the door swung open, and out walked Mattheo, breathing heavily. I grimaced as I watched him bend over and rest his hands on the top of his thighs, beads of sweat on his forehead, as he stared straight up at me through his eyes.
"Who was he?" I calloused, watching him grab the wall to help himself stand up. He didn't seem hurt, but tired, as if he'd just run a marathon. "Bloody hell, what's wrong with you?"
I placed a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. "What is—"
"I fucking told you to leave!" he shouted. I flinched, backing up. "Next time, when I tell you to leave, you fucking do it, Calantha. I don't care how stubborn you are, or how much you wish to fancy your own self so as to stand up to me."
I was at a loss for words and confused, much less nervous at what I recognized to be someone on the verge of a breakdown.
"What happened, Mattheo?" I asked calmly, cooing.
He shook his head, avoiding meeting my eyes. "Nothing, let's go back to the Great Hall."
"No, I want to know what that loud sound was. And why are you sweating so badly? What happened? Are you hurt?"
"I said nothing, Calantha. Leave it alone, it has nothing to do with you. I don't even know why I made you come with me."
"Can we please talk?" I asked.
He shook his head, avoiding my eyes.
"Then I'm done." I shook my head and stormed off.
I began walking the opposite direction, making my way toward the Great Hall, not once bothering to look back to see if Mattheo were behind me. Though I didn't need to, because his heavy footsteps made sure anyone in the vicinity knew he was coming, and soon after so did his calling out for me, which I also ignored.
"Calantha, please, would you wait," he huffed, turning into a small jog as he tried to catch up behind me.
I stopped, full of haste, and stared at him.
"Don't, Matthew. I need space. You can't just go from trying to protect me to throwing me around, and then pretend like that entire conversation with whoever that was didn't just happen, and then act like everything is fine. You can't just do that!" I yelled, throwing my arms at my sides. He stared back at me, blank faced and out of breath, trying to restrain himself from saying the wrong thing.
"Ask me anything, I'll tell you whatever it is that you want to know." was the only thing he said.
"Who was he? And don't lie to me, Mattheo."
He hesitated for a moment, then looked away from me, and exhaled sharply. "My older brother."
Another brother. I wasn't expecting that.
"What was that boom?"
"I threw something. A desk."
"Why is he here—your brother?"
"I don't know," he shook his dark curls. "Really, I don't."
"What about before, before he came. What were you going to do in the corridors?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"You know exactly what I mean."
He stared at me, blank faced.
"We're you going to hit me?"
He paused. I waited. "I lost control," he gave in, sorrow plastered painfully on his face.
It was like a flame lit inside of my chest, one that I knew was about to explode, and I turned around and began to storm down the hallway, shaking my head in a fit of angry laughter. I was muttering small curses to myself under my breath, not looking back to see what Mattheo was doing or if he had gone, because I didn't care.
I continued down the corridors, the shut doors of the Great Hall closed near the end, and I hastily made my way to them, reaching for the thick handle and pulling them open.
I was taken by surprise, with the view of it all.
There was a ginormous Christmas tree in the center against the back wall, decorated with tinsels and floating ornaments, and there was magicked snow floating in the air, with presents and doves reamed around the room.
It was beautiful.
In front of me, instead of tables, were all of the students standing in a big crowd. All of the professors were standing in the front, near their chairs, and Dumbledore was speaking.
"As you all know, Hogwarts was feverishly attacked. I understand that, as most of you, or so I presume a majority of which, witnessed some unspeakable things that night. We did, as much as it hurts me to have to say, lose a number of both students and professors that night. Because of the families wishes, there will be no authoritative talk about the lives that were lost, and if any conversation about so is to take place in this castle, I will see to it that the mouth is taken to."
He paused and waited then, taking a long look around the boisterous room, crumbling in its own silence.
"Those of you that wish to travel home are as welcome to do so if they please. I reckon most of those that wished to leave already have, but the doors are still open. For those of you that will stay, classes will resume after the next two days. There is no reason for you to be fearful, I can assure you that I, along with the rest of the professors and the Ministry, are working to protect you all, but I must add that we can only do so if you stay within the walls of the premises. Your fate beyond these walls is not something that I can secure, and it is sincere when I say that I wish I could tell you that Hogwarts will not be attacked again."
Multiple heads turned and quiet gasps surrounded the hooded heads and cloaked bodies around me. I stood alone, surrounded by people who paid me no attention, and I observed the fear in everyone's eyes.
"You will all remain in your dorms unless you are occupied with class, dining in this particular room, or studying with another student in the library. No student is allowed alone in the corridor, no matter the time, and if you wish to leave your house commons, then another student or professor is required to accompany you."
Dumbledore smiled, contemplating to himself. The teachers standing around him did the same, though they stood in a state of awkward silence, while Dumbledore contemptuously waited in the silence of the room. He was so unbothered, it was unsettling.
"That is all that I can say for now, and I hope that you all have listened to my every word. I would not tell you something if I wished for you to ignore it. I wish you all a good night, and allow you to return to your dorms for the rest of the night. Thank you, all."
Quickly, then, everybody in the room turned, walking past me and out of the Great Hall. Soon after I followed with the crowd of nervous students, parting ways with them in the corridor, walking the same direction that the rest of the dark green robes had, and didn't look back.
I walked silently, ignoring the fatal whispers echoing in my ears, and kept my feet moving straight. It didn't take long to get to the Slytherin common room, and when I entered it it was as empty as I expected it to be. Everyone that already returned was in their dorm, and I was the only one standing still near the fireplace.
Hogwarts was attacked, as I had already known, but now there was no choice to ignore it. Dumbledore spoke about it, made it real for everyone here, and now there was no way denying what nobody wanted to admit had happened, and possibly, could happen again.
"You are afraid that when it happens again you'll be here."
I turned around and saw the familiar girl standing in the dark corner beside a large circular table, her arms dangling loosely at her sides, her blue eyes void.
"What are you talking about?" I stammered, my voice a low whisper.
"When the second attack happens, you're afraid that Mattheo won't come to your rescue like he did before."
I shook my head, crossing my arms in front of me. "That's not true. I never asked for Mattheo to try and save me."
"You should be wise with your words, Calantha," she warned, shaking her head smally, taking a step out of the darkness. She smiled, walking around the couch that I stood only a few feet away from, and came to my side. "He cares about you, as much as you both can't allow yourselves to accept it."
"You can't just treat someone like shit and expect them to understand and forgive you." I shook my head, staring at her.
"Did you not see what happened today?" I asked her.
"I did see, Calantha, and I understand why you are upset, but he is trying. It's not easy for him to be gentle."
"I can't keep doing this with him." I sighed, putting my head in my hands. "It's exhausting."
"Then tell him that,"
"What do you not understand? I can't just sit down and have a conversation like that with him. That's not how it works."
She paused, tilting her head upward toward the floors of stairs above us, and then placently smiled. "He is waiting for you, Calantha. Please, be patient with him."
And then she was gone. Quickly, she faded away, becoming part of the air, and I slumped back, sighing.
I hesitated, then, before working up the courage to walk the stairs to my dorm. If she was right, then when I opened the door, he would be waiting there.
And he was.
He sat with his head in his hands at the end of my bed, staring down at the floor, his back facing me.
In silence, I shut the door behind me and walked to him, sitting across from him but on Kassandra's bed, and said nothing.
He didn't say anything, and I waited, quietly, before bringing my feet up to the bed and sitting criss cross.
"Why didn't you tell me you had a brother?" I whispered.
"To protect you," he mumbled in a groggy tone.
"You're always trying to protect me, Theo, when you're the only one hurting me."
my voice cracked as I spoke, but I continued on. "Why do you keep hurting me?"
"I'm trying," he whispered. "I'm trying really hard to control myself, I really am."
"You have to let me help you,"
He looked up, his eyes bloodshot and droopy, and wearily shrugged. "What if you can't help me?"
"What if I can?"
"And if I don't want you to?"
"Then this is done," I said. "Then we won't bother each other again, and we won't speak to each other, unless it's in Potions and we have to sit next to each other. You won't think about me and I won't think about you, because we wouldn't care about one another."
"You and I both know that we can never just be nothing," he shook his head. "Not after all that's happened. You can't ignore the things you've felt."
"And you can't deny what you know is true. Hitting me and hurting me isn't going to make you not care about me the way that you do."
"I know," his voice cracked, and for the first time, I prepared myself to believe whatever he was going to say next. "I'm sorry for the way that I've treated you."
"Then show me that you're sorry, make me believe that you care."
"Are you sure that you want this, Calantha?"
"I want to know you, Mattheo, so that I can be with you. I want to be with you. I am so sorry that you've been hurt so many times, and I'm sorry that you're so unhappy, but you have to let me help you."
He nodded his head, looking at me cautiously. "Okay," he mumbled, then again. "Okay," he spoke louder this time, sounding more confident than before.
"No more lies," I placated, feeling my gut churn.
A wisp of cold air blew over and in the corner of my dorm stood the girl again, tucking her reddish brown hair behind her ear, staring at me with saddened eyes.
"No more lies," Mattheo nodded his head in agreement, repeating my words.
+++