~silk~
A/n you may like this chapter hehe
Being surrounded by Mila and her loving family brought a wave of comfort over me. The love and happiness that casually hovered in the air was contagious-I was drinking it all in like a medicine that healed my trauma. A small part of me was envious. In some moments, like when Mila's mother and father would wrap their arms around their daughter when she came down for breakfast, I would wish that my parents would do the same.
Something that made me smile was how Mr and Mrs Clancey would treat me as I were their own. They acted as if were a part of the family. My heart would warm when Mr Clancey would bring me and Mila a hot coco every night before bed.
Most of the time we would finish the beverage and end up staying up hours after we should-but I still cherished the kind act.
It was new years eve, and there would be a party at Mila's home to celebrate. It wouldn't be as busy as the Christmas ball at my manor, and I couldn't help but feel relief at that. I knew that Nolan would be attending - I prayed that Lavender would not.
I sent a letter addressed to Nolan a day after Christmas asking if I could see him. Sadly, he declined-saying he was busy with something he had been assigned to do at the end of the school year.
I did miss him, he was my boyfriend after all.
But, another boy was always intruding my thoughts lately - and I made sure to push them away before they could take over.
"You're not gonna make me do that airplane thing that people do with toddlers, are you?" Mila raised her eyebrows at me, pointing to the spoon that was still sitting in the tomato soup her mother made us.
My eyes shot to her to send her an irritated glare. "You don't." I picked up the spoon.
I wanted to get better. I needed to get better. I knew that I wasn't healthy, my weight was concerning and worrying. It was important that I stared eating-It might take a long time but, it would be worth it in the end.
Nolan would want me more if I looked like the other girls, if I had their bodies. So that's why I blinked before bringing the spoon to my lips.
Before the liquid entered my mouth, the smell of the soup made my eyes widen. It smelled delicious. Whatever Mrs Clancey was doing when cooking the meal was certainly working.
I heard my stomach growl.
My tastebuds inspected the soup now sitting in my mouth, I hadn't yet swallowed. Then the back of my throat started to fight the to meal away. I felt slightly sick, and before my body could put off the soup anymore I forced myself to swallow.
And nothing happened.
A wide smile appeared onto my face, eyes glistening as they danced over to Mila. "I did it!" I beamed with bright features. "Mila, I actually ate it!" A laugh broke from me.
"Good." She smiled, resting her chin in her palm. "Go on, before it gets cold." Her head pointed to the bowl.
I nodded, still grinning from ear to ear as I slowly continued to finish the soup. It was hard at some moments, I would feel that sickness in my stomach but, I fought hard - I wanted to do this. I didn't care to do it for Nolan anymore...
I wanted to do this for myself.
Now that I knew I could do it.
Maybe, the reason I found it so hard to eat at Nolan's manor was because of the pressure. I felt like I was being watched, monitored while I stared down at the food they had prepared. I apprehended that I would need to please them and that's why it was so hard for me to keep the food down.
"Your mother is really good at cooking." I chuckled, patting my lips with a napkin to rid of the excess on my mouth.
"You don't have to tell me twice." She smirked, picking up my almost empty bowl that I was proud of.
Just then Blaise waltzed into the dining room, holding the daily prophet in his hand and eating a scone with his other. Mila walked past him with the bowl in her hands and his brows raised when he saw it.
"Did you almost eat the whole thing." He walked over the where I was sitting, placing the paper on the table.
"Yeah, I did." I smiled extremely pleased with myself. Blaise smiled when he noticed the gleam on my eyes.
"I'm proud of you, Thea." He strolled around me, ruffling his hand in my hair and annoyingly messing it up. "Glad you're getting better."
"So," Mila clapped her hands together, leaning backwards against the counter next to Blaise. "What are you wearing for the new years party?" She looked towards me.
I shrugged, not thinking it was a big deal. "Don't know, whatever I packed in my trunk." I sipped on the orange juice to my left.
Mila scoffed. "You can't just wear anything." She smirked. "You've got someone you need to impress."
Blaise, who previously had his back faced to me, quickly turned around to send me a confused look. "Who? Nolan?" He asked.
My lips parted, eyes scowling towards Mila who had a mischievous look on her face. "Nope." She exaggerated the 'p', grinning a sinister smirk.
"Mila." I warned, shaking my head while glaring at the table.
I knew where she was going with this.
"Who was it?" Blaise demanded, desperate to know who Mila was hinting at. I could tell he was annoyed, not being part of this secret only me and Mila knew of.
"It's none of your concern, Zabini." She wickedly smiled at him.
"That isn't fair! Why do you two get to know but not me?"
"Just leave it." I ended the topic, no longer wanting my mind to race over the thoughts of a particular blonde haired boy.
*****
"I am not excited to go back to school." Mila whined, finishing up her hair with a wave of her wand. "Them O.W.L.S. are driving me mad."
"At least now that we a part of the Inquisitorial squad Umbridge will go easy on us." I reminded her, fixing my robin necklace so it sat neatly in the middle of my chest.
"Guess you're right." Mila stood up. "But, that pink pom pom better not piss me off, I swear I'll bloody drop kick her down the stairs." She sneered at the thought of the new defence against the dark arts teacher.
Her comment forced a laugh to tumble from my lips, I shook my head while grinning-fastening the last ties of my outfit. It was a floor length, golden dress. The back of my waistline were secured with small golden strips that hugged the revealing skin. My back was exposed, I tried to protest when Mila insisted that I wore it-but after 5 minutes of objection I had given up. My golden heals matched the similar coloured earrings and dress, the only thing that stood out was the dark ring on my right hand. But, before my mind could bring forward the thoughts of the boy who gifted me it, I noticed my the scars on my arm were clear for anyone to see.
"I-Im just going to use the bathroom." I rushed, not waiting for Mila's response before entering her bathroom.
I cursed at myself for not remembering to cover the scars I had inflicted on myself that time ago-I had hidden them for the Christmas party, thank merlin, but I had almost let it slip tonight. The marks were faint, but still visible if someone looked closely, and I didn't want to take any chances.
Mila and Blaise were already concerned about working on helping me eat again, I didn't want another reason to be a heathen to the both of them.
Running my wand over my arm and muttering a simple spell-the scars were gone for the time being.
"Are you ready?" Mila asked once I had returned back into her room.
I smiled. "Ready."
*****
The room was less packed and more comfortable to move around than my manor, it was a smaller space, one that was pleasing to be present in. The Clancey's were all pureblood, but didn't discriminate against half-bloods or muggle-borns. They were a simple, fair and delightful family.
With my hand conjoined with Mila's, I checked over the many faces chattering in the room-scanning around for Nolan. But, I couldn't seem to come across him. I complied on searching for him later on in the night, maybe he hadn't arrived just yet.
I felt my body being tugged, Mila rushed over to the far corner of the room where a variety of sweets were neatly stacked.
"This," Mila released hand to let hers show the treats. "Is bloody heaven!"
I laughed, watching her stuff a handful of sweets into her dress pockets. "You're gonna have a sugar rush, Mila."
She opened the wrapper of a piece of small chocolate, proceeding to suddenly shove it into my mouth. "So are you." She flicked her finger at me, smirking.
I shook my head and chewed on the little piece of chocolate, silently cheering for myself for eating it. "Hello gorgeous ladies!" Blaise appeared.
"Hi," I smiled, he pecked both me and Mila on our temples-which resulted in Mila shoving him away with a scrunched up face. "Have you seen Nolan?" I asked Blaise.
He leaned on the table with the mountain of sugary treats. "Not yet, but I'm sure he'll turn up."
"I hope not." I heard Mila mutter, I sent her a frown.
She raised her hands up in defence. "Sorry, but he's just a twat - I can't stand him." She shrugged. "He's fucking careless, I don't even understand why you're still with him."
I looked away from her while shaking my head, choosing not to listen to her waffle on about how much she dislikes him. The two of them have never got along, even long before I started dating Nolan.
She just saw a side to him I couldn't seem to see.
"You alright, Malfoy?" Said Blaise. Rising my head, Draco had joined us in the corner of the room-looking just had ravishing as he did at the Christmas ball.
"Can't complain." He had a drink in his hand. "But, these parties are getting boring as fuck now."
"Well, if it's that boring than you could kindly lea-"
"Calm down, Clancey." Draco interrupted Mila. "I'm not bashing your party, it just gets repetitive because we all go to so many now."
"He isn't wrong." Blaise sighed. "Our parents are mongs for making us do these kind of things every year."
"I like it." Mila pushed. "I get to dress up a bunch and show off how hot I am." She smirked. "Not to mention seeing Thea walk around like a bloody snack."
A blush crawled onto my cheeks, tucking a dark stand of hair behind my ear I noticed Draco looking down towards my hand.
"Nice ring, Avalon." He smirked.
A shy smile tugged onto my lips, I felt a hint of guilt at the fact I hadn't given Draco a present in return. "Yeah, where did you get that from, Thea?" Mila grinned mischievously-knowing that Draco was the giver.
I scowled at her, silently cursing at her in my mind. "It was a gif-"
"There you lot are." A voice behind me made me jump, not to mention the arm that had slithered around my waist-tugging me to their side.
"Late as usual." Blaise turned behind him to pick up a handful of deserts.
"I have important matters, Zabini." Nolan's fingers tightened around my waist. "And, having a father means that I'm actually useful, not that you'll know anything about that."
The group went silent. Every single one of our faces dropped, not to mention Mila who was raging. "That's too fucking far, Hawk." She seethed, stepping towards Nolan.
My stomach hurled, it made me physically sick that Nolan would bring up Blaise's deceased father-and many step-fathers. Blaise just held his head low to the floor, eyes downcast.
Nolan scoffed. "Can't take a joke?" I wanted to pull away from him. "It's not my fault that Zabini's mother is a psyc-"
"Nolan, come on stop." I took a step away from him, letting his hand slip from my waist to rest on my hip. "You can't say that." I said sternly, shocked at my own confidence.
His eyes darkened as he glared at me, raising a daring brow he rolled his tongue on the inside of his cheek. I didn't want to think about the thoughts running in his mind at this given moment.
He stepped towards me, with his back to everyone and his lips close to my ear. My body froze. "Thea, you can't speak to me like that." His hand gripped my wrist, fingers digging into my veins, I cringed in pain. "I'm certain you've learnt that from the past, don't fucking piss me off, oka-"
"Mate, your mother's here." Draco placed a hand on Nolan's shoulder, pulling him away from me slightly. "Why don't you introduce me?" He glanced to me, letting his eyes settle on my agitated face before moving back onto Nolan.
Nolan turned his face to the side, fixing his jaw before smirking. He hummed in response to Draco's question and letting his hold on my wrist go. A shaky breath left my lips once his fingers had stopped pressing against my skin.
Once he had left with Draco, I composed myself before putting on a believable smile and turning back to my two other friends. Mila was comforting Blaise, rubbing her hand up and down his arm. She was mumbling small sayings to him that I could not hear, but the smile that appeared on his face told me everything.
"Right!" Mila beamed. "Now that the dickface is gone, let's go dance!" She dragged both me and Blaise to the dance floor where we embarrassed ourselves throughout the night.
I wasn't aware if the striking blue eyes that were watching me the whole time.
*****
A wide smile remained on my face all evening, laughter and giggles were bouncing between me and my two best friends. The time read 11:55pm, 5 minutes until midnight and the new year.
I hoped that new things would accompany the new year, good things. Maybe, things would get better.
"Athea?" I sweet, feminine voice spike from behind me. I turned away from my two friends, who had questionable dance moves, only to be met with Mrs Hawk. "Could I talk to you, honey?"
I smiled at the kind woman. "Of course, I'll he back soon guys." I told Blaise and Mila.
I followed the petite woman through the small crowds, I noticed that everyone was preparing themselves to countdown to midnight, and share a kiss with the person they loved most. Couples old and young, all cared for and cherished by there own special someone.
We exited through a large double door, she led me down the corridor until we were in a private space. Mrs Hawk then turned to me with sad eyes, guilt mixing with her hazel hues.
"I would like to apologise for my husband's actions at the dinner." Her hands were clasped behind her back, standing how a woman should stand. "I wish I couldn't have done something to stop it, but I knew that it would make the whole matter worse."
A sad smile reached my lips. "It's completely fine, Mrs Hawk." I placed a hand on her upper arm. "I do not blame you."
"Please, call me Caterina." A pure smile played her lips. Of course, said name has a meaning of being 'pure' a word that perfectly describes the caring woman infront of me.
"I mustn't keep you from the party." She wiped the stray tear that had drained down her cheek. "I noticed how much you were enjoying yourself."
My cheeks reddened, I'm certain she as commenting on my dance. "It was lovely speaking to you, Caterina." I smiled and she waved me goodbye, retreating back to the party.
I followed her route shortly after, turning a few corners that I had memorized from staying at Mila's so often. But, my ears perked up when I heard the faint sounds of pleasurable moans.
I peaked around a corner that the noise was leading me to, my eyes widened once I saw my own boyfriend holding a sweaty Lavender brown up against a wall. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, he was thrusting up into her while they both exchanged loud moans that echoed through the halls.
I shook my head, straining my eyesight away from them.
And then I ran.
This must be the reason he hadn't been sexually active with me for a while, not to mention I had hardly been in his presence. I knew that they were sleeping together, but it hurt much more now that I had witnessed it. Her face was consumed with pleasure and lust, in a way that Nolan had never had me perform. He didn't care about hurting me, hurting my feelings-soul, mind and heart. Once again, I was the second choice, only wanted when it was convenient. My cheeks were wet, my heels clicked against the polished floor.
I would never be enough for him. the way I looked would never be enough, the way I spoke, the way I acted, the way I loved him. Even if I tried my best, nothing would ever please him. I was simply nothing to Nolan.
It was all too much.
I crashed into a body.
"Why are you crying?" His voice was concerned, he gripped my shoulders but I couldn't look at him. His scent made me aware of who I had come into contact with immediately, and I knew that if our eyes locked -I 'd break.
I needed a release.
My hands covered my face, sobs were muffled and stuffy. I heard the faint sounds of chatter and glasses clashing together not to far away. The party was occurring a few paces away from where me and Draco stood.
"Avalon." He whispered, attempting to pull my hands away from my face but I fought back. I didn't want him to see me like this, I was always weak, always crying-but I didn't know what else I was supposed to do anymore. My tears ran down my face like a deathly waterfall - my body shook and voice cracked between each cry.
"Look at me."
I ignored him, but let my hands leave my face but keep my eyes sealed. Letting the dark thought conquer my mind. I'll never be good enough for anyone, people with always choose someone else over me. No matter how hard I try things will always turn on me, leaving me to deal with the consequences.
A voice was still talking.
Things would be better if I were gone, no one would have to attempt to look after me anymore. I'm a burden on other people, my mother, father, Nolan and my friends. Fuck, even Robin-She left me.
A hand found my cheek and my eyes snapped open.
Draco's palm rested against my skin, softly placed in a pleasant manner. With blurry vision I met his gaze, his face was tight and strained, like he was holding onto something he was desperate to protect.
I found comfort within me with him holding me so carefully, like I was a fragile object that could shatter at any given time. He held me in the palm of his hand, staring right into my eyes.
And I knew he could see everything I had been letting build up in my mind.
It was ready to collapse.
"I'm always the second choice." I whispered, barely audible but I knew he could hear from the frown that turned his lips downwards. His thumb stroked my cheekbone, and I instantly let my face press against his palm-I couldn't hold of any longer.
He took the smallest of steps closer to me where he now towered over me, resulting in him having to bow his head to look down at me. He wiped away a crystal bead that fell from my eye.
"You are never the second choice." He whispered.
"Ten, nine, eight!" The muffled sounds of the guests chanting the countdown to midnight echoed in my ears.
Draco's face was inches from mine, we shared each others breathes - my mind became clouded.
"Seven, six, five!"
His eyes flickered with something I could not name, my chest expanded as I panted, ever inhale my breasts would graze his chest.
"Four, three, two!"
Just one taste.
"One!"
My hand grasped his tie and I pulled him towards me until our lips met in a kiss.
I felt myself gasp from my sudden decision, but he swallowed it and instantly pressed himself closer to my body. Draco's arm arm wrapped around my waist, his other still on my cheeks while he caressed my lips with his soft ones.
The texture of his lips was almost like silk, so soft, so pleasing and desirable. They tasted like mint, a fresh and new flavour that lured me in further. My hands rested against his chest, another gasp left my mouth when he sucked on my bottom lip, letting his teeth graze it before devouring me once again. My heart pounded in my chest as my knees got weaker. I could only focus on how soft he felt against my mouth, how addictively he invaded all my senses. The hair that fell over his forehead tickled mine, heat rose from my stomach to my chest.
When my hand had secretly entangled in Draco's hair, he groaned before swiftly pressing me against the wall. My whole body tingled, the feel of his frame leaning on mine as his arms wrapped around me felt nearly forbidden.
My problems left my mind in this moment, the only thing I could focus on was him. This all felt like a long awaited express between the both of us, like we had been starving while waiting for the other person to make the first move.
I just didn't think it would be me.
Draco's fingers slowly ran up and down my ribs, the thin fabric of my dress shielding him from my sacred skin. His knee settled in between my legs. His hand that was placed on my cheek moved from under my ear to then disappear in my dark hair.
Our lips fiercely moved against each other, desperate for any type of embrace that had been anticipated. My body, on it's own, let our a soft moan once Draco's knee had pressed in between my legs - and that's when I realised what I was doing.
I pushed him away, both of us panting and hot from our heated session. Draco's hair was messy and ruffled, my hands did a number on his previously styled mane.
"Did I-did I go to far?" He breathed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't ha-"
"No, no!" I jumped in, stopping him from apologising for something I had started. "This-just-" I shook my head, panic entering my system, this shouldn't have happened, I let my guard down.
I took a deep breath, moving away from him to force myself not to fall back to him. "This was a mistake." I could no longer look his swollen lips, blushing at the thought of it being my doing.
"What do you mean it was a mistake?"
I bit my stinging lip. "What just happened, will never happen again." I pulled my wand out. "Don't speak of this to no one." I prepared myself for apparation.
"What?" He sounded angered. "You can't just fucking kiss me like that and say it was-"
I apparated away, leaving him alone.
_________________________________________
Thoughts?
They finally kissed hehe
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