(Y/N) were in a prison cell. Kazuma was sitting against the wall, but (Y/N) was still passed out. Suddenly he stirred.
(Y/N): "Fuckin....ow. What the hell happened to us?"
Kazuma: "Subversion of the state."
(Y/N): "What the hell does that mean?"
Kazuma: "Remember the coronatite? Sent away to a random location by our order? Blew up some noble's mansion. We're imprisoned for treason basically."
(Y/N): "......Shit. Is jail here any different than jail on earth?"
Kazuma: "I wouldn't know. Never been to prison here. Or on earth. Wait a second, have you been to jail?"
(Y/N) scratched the back of his neck and looked away nervously.
(Y/N): "Uh...Maybe?"
Kazuma: "There's no maybe. Yes or no."
(Y/N): "Fuckin, ok dad. Yeah, I've been to jail once or twice. Underage drinking has consequences. And so do barfights. And, uh, pot."
Kazuma: "My best friend is a drug addict?!"
(Y/N): "No! I was playing a college party, and they thought it would be just hilarious to give me a pot brownie. I got stopped by a cop on the way home, and failed a drug test. I've never been an addict, and I don't plan to become one. Only things I'm addicted to are good vibes, metal, and guitar."
Kazuma: "You're literally addicted to whiskey."
(Y/N): "No comment."
(Y/N) noticed that Amelia was still in his arms.
(Y/N): "How in the hell did I hold on to her?"
Kazuma: "When they put us in here, they tried to take the guitar away. But once the first knight grabbed the neck, it was like you were possessed."
(Y/N): "What did I do?"
Kazuma: "You woke up out of a dead sleep, and told him to "keep his filthy hands of your baby". Then when he didn't, you pulled a dagger on the poor guy. Nobody even knows how you got the dagger, but they took it away anyway."
(Y/N): "Maynard!"
Kazuma: "Did you just cast a spell?"
(Y/N): "No! No no no no! Maynard is my dagger!"
Kazuma: "Why would you name a dagger Maynard?"
(Y/N): "Because it can't cut worth a lick! So I used it as a multitool, mostly a screwdriver. That's why."
Kazuma: "That still doesn't explain the weird name."
(Y/N): "It's a reference. You know, the lead singer of Tool? Maynard James Keenan?"
Kazuma: "Everything you do is based around obscure references."
(Y/N): "Not everything. A lot, but not everything."
Silence fell upon the two. Something caught (Y/N)'s attention.
(Y/N): "Hey Kazuma."
Kazuma: "Yes, I'm Kazuma."
(Y/N): "You see that wine bottle?"
Kazuma: "I realize you're an alcoholic and all, but it's empty, and you need serious help."
(Y/N): "Oh would you just shut the fuck up and roll me the bottle?"
Kazuma lightly kicked the bottle, and it rolled over to (Y/N). He picked the bottle up by the neck.
(Y/N): "You may wanna watch your step after this."
Kazuma: "Just what are you going to-"
(Y/N) slammed the bottle into the concrete floor, shattering dark green glass everywhere.
Kazuma: "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
(Y/N): "Passing the time."
Kazuma: "I'm scared to even ask at this point."
(Y/N) stuck his finger through the opening of the bottleneck, keeping the jagged end up as to not cut himself.
(Y/N): "Watch this."
He grabbed the guitar, and used the bottleneck as a slide. After some extra tuning, he began to play a song.
Soon enough, a prison guard came to investigate the sound of breaking glass.
Guard: "What's going on-"
He was quickly silenced by (Y/N)'s singing. Both the guard and Kazuma sat in silence as (Y/N) mourned life in prison, and the short life after escaping. The guard was entranced, but quickly snapped out of it after the song ended. (Y/N) finally noticed the armored man staring at him.
(Y/N): "Oh shit, was someone using that bottle?"
Kazuma: "I doubt people take kindly to the sound of broken glass."
(Y/N): "Well, I wasn't planning on hurting anybody with it, but if you have to confiscate it, I understand.
Guard: ".....I'll let it slide this once. Don't break anything else."
The guard walked back to his post, leaving the two.
Kazuma: "You know what, I heard the southern accent with that one."
(Y/N): "I hope that's a good thing."
Kazuma: "Don't worry, it is. Guaranteed to drive Megumin wild."
(Y/N): "Haha! Well thank you kindly. I miss her already."
Kazuma: "It sucks that it's in a prison cell, but it's nice to just talk to you man to man."
(Y/N): "You know what, since the girls aren't here, you wanna talk about preferences?"
Kazuma: "What kind of preferences?"
(Y/N): "Preferences in girls."
Kazuma: "Wow, I can't believe you'd go and do that behind Megumin's back!"
Kazuma was obviously mocking (Y/N).
(Y/N): "Hey, I love her for who she is. I don't love body parts more than her, and I wouldn't leave her for something that trivial. I can still appreciate the female form, in whatever way it happens to appear. This is just a way for us to know each other better."
Kazuma: "Good answer. Now let's talk boobs."
The two leaned closer to each other and started conversing.
(Y/N): "I think that we're the same, in the way that we can appreciate most body types."
Kazuma: "Absolutely. With no variety, everything would be plain."
(Y/N): "That said, did you have a type on earth?"
Kazuma: "You already know that I wasn't anything close to a ladie's man. But the kind that always caught my eye was the well endowed popular type girls."
(Y/N): "See, back on earth, I most definitely had a type. I would bend over backwards for goth girls."
Kazuma: "That seems typical. The whole 'big tiddy goth gf' thing was big back home."
(Y/N): "But it isn't all about boobs though. I started off as a boob guy, but then the 'thicc thighs' memes started to surface. I went along with it as a joke, but somewhere along the way it stopped being a joke."
Kazuma: "Ah, a man of culture."
(Y/N): "For me, that's like the ideal type. Thicc thighs, nice butt, boobs of any size, dom goth girl."
Kazuma: "Dom? You're into that?"
(Y/N): "Not masochism like Darkness. But imagine a loving, assertive girl pinning you to the bed. That's my kinda thing."
Kazuma: "...I understand now."
(Y/N): "You know, I never thought about it, but Megumin checks a few of those boxes. Not entirely flat, but with legs to die for, and she's damn feisty."
Kazuma: "I think you found your dream girl."
(Y/N): "Seems like it. Now, from what you've said, you seem like you'd be into Darkness."
Kazuma: "She may have a nice body, but i can't keep up with that perverted masochist. But she is sweet and kind when she isn't perving out. You know what, nevermind! I don't wanna talk about this anymore."
(Y/N): "Awww, Kazuma actually appreciates his friends!"
Kazuma: "Would you shut up already!"
Suddenly the ground shook, and a large explosion was heard in the distance.
(Y/N): "There's my girl. It wasn't around long, so the sound was more like a gunshot than an explosion, and I couldn't feel the wave of heat from inside. But the vibration tells me that this one was extra high in the air. From all I'm able to gather, 70 points."
Kazuma looked at him, unsure if he should be impressed.
Kazuma: "How in the name of eris?"
(Y/N): "I've seen a fair amount of explosions by now. Not quite an expert like her, but I try my best."
Aqua: "Psssst. Hey."
They looked up at the barred window to see Aqua looking down at them inside.
(Y/N): "Let me guess. You're here to bust us out of here."
Aqua: "Wow, you're really good at guessing! Megumin just used her explosion to distract everyone, and Darkness should be running away with her now."
(Y/N): "I swear on my life, if she gets put in jail because of one of your schemes, I won't help you pay another cent of dwbt. And I hate to break it to you, but running will only net us some more time in here. I'm willing to wit for the trial."
Aqua: "Treason is punishable by death. Since you two are just low level adventurers, they'll bend the truth and go through with the execution."
(Y/N): "How do you bring up such morbid things so casually?"
Kazuma: 'This world really has the cultural level of the middle ages.' "How would we go about getting out?"
Aqua threw something in through the window.
(Y/N): "Ah yes, my favorite Beatles song, She threw a wire in through the cell window."
Aqua: "First, use that wire to pick the lock. Use your stealth skills to escape, and come home to the mansion. When you get there, we'll already have your stuff packed, and we'll skip town."
Aqua then ran away, but not before she tripped and fell off whatever she was standing on.
Kazuma: "That debt goddess might have actually helped-"
As Kazuma was talking, he turned and saw that the lock on the cell door was a combination lock. He turned back and threw the wire straight back out.
(Y/N): "You know, I could probably bust that lock open with my lightning."
Kazuma: "Then why don't you?"
(Y/N): "It looks expensive. Plus, that guard was nice enough to let me play blues in jail with a bottleneck slide. I can scratch that one off my bucket list now."
Kazuma: "Well would you let me break it?"
(Y/N): "I appreciate you asking before grabbing at my baby, but it's not that simple. See, there's manatite-"
Kazuma: "Manawhatnow?"
(Y/N): "I'm getting Deja Vu. The stones that channels magic in staffs and the like. There's those in the pickups instead of magnets. They naturally take a tiny bit of my mana to make the guitar sound like it's on an amp. But left unchecked, they can take a little too much. That's where the lightning comes from."
Kazuma: "Do I not have a big enough mana pool?"
(Y/N): "I don't know about that. What I'm saying is that you can't control it. Megumin taught me mana channeling, so I can control the power, speed, size, and where it goes. Unless you know mana channeling, you can't do that. You could either shoot out a bolt the size of your fingernail, or a bolt the size of a car. And you couldn't aim it at the lock, so you might up shooting lightning into some poor guys cell, or even accidentally killing one of us."
Kazuma: "Dammit, it's totally out of the question then."
(Y/N): "Yeah. And did you think Aqua's plan would have worked anyway? She might just be talking out of her ass, and adventurers are treated well around here."
Kazuma: ".....Fair point."
(Y/N): "Alright then, I'm going to bed."
Kazuma: "You practically just woke up."
But Kazuma's voice fell on deaf ears. (Y/N) was already asleep. Kazuma pulled a blanket over himself, and went to sleep himself.
(Timeskip)
While Kazuma and (Y/N) were sleeping, the sound of an explosion woke them.
Kazuma: "Again tonight?"
(Y/N): "3, 2, 1..."
Aqua: "Psssst. Hey. Up here."
The two looked back up at the cell window. Sure enough, Aqua was there again.
Aqua: "Why didn't you two escape last night? I waited for you so long that snow piled up on my head, and the guards kept trying to bring me in for questioning."
(Y/N): "That wire wasn't worth the shit on my boots. It's a combination lock."
Aqua: "To think that they would have these kind of countermeasures..."
(Y/N): "What about Darkness and Megumin?"
Aqua: "They got away last night, but they were accused of the explosion. But tonight, I got them to wear masks. They shouldn't leave a trace now."
Kazuma: "I'm sure they won't."
Aqua: "You don't have to worry about the lock though. Tonight I've come with an even better plan!"
She threw something else through the window.
Kazuma: "A hacksaw?"
Aqua: "Saw the bars, and we can get out of here!"
Kazuma: "Small problem. I can't reach the bars."
Aqua: "Do you think I'm stupid?"
(Y/N): "Yeah."
Aqua: "I'm gonna ignore that for now. I brought you something to stand on!"
She held up a box, one much too big to fit through.
Kazuma: "And how do you plan to get that through the bars?"
Aqua had a look of realization. She jumped down and ran off. Soon they could hear her inside the prison.
Aqua: "No, you don't understand! This is just a present!"
Guard: "Who gives a stepping box as a present? And weren't you here last night, loitering around outside?"
Kazuma: "We should learn from that idiot's optimism."
Kazuma then yeeted the saw out the window, just like the wire the night before.
(Y/N): "They're supposed to interrogate us tomorrow, so I'd suggest getting some rest."
The two went to sleep.
(Timeskip)
After Kazuma was interrogated, it was (Y/N)'s turn. He was escorted into the room, and sat down across from the same lady that brought him in.
???: "Thank you for your patience. It is best that we interrogate you separately."
(Y/N): "I totally understand. I'd like to know your name, if you don't mind my asking."
Sena: "I suppose you weren't in the right mindset when I introduced myself. My name is Sena, and I'm a prosecutor."
(Y/N): "Well it's a pleasure to meet you. Speaking of when you introduced yourself, Kazuma said before that I attacked a knight before I was brought into prison. I gotta know, is that true?"
Sena: "Actually, this is a great opportunity. This bell detects lies, and will ring if one is told. Watch. You kicked one our knights off of a table and fell off onto another."
The bell didn't ring.
(Y/N): "I realize that I was very drunk, but it doesn't excuse it. For my actions, I am truly sorry, and I'd like to tell the knights that myself."
The bell didn't ring this time either.
(Y/N): "Wait, can I test something with the bell?"
Sena: "I don't see why not."
(Y/N): "Ok, here I go. Dimebag was a horrible guitarist."
The bell rang this time. Sena was confused.
(Y/N): "I feel like I need to wash my mouth out with soap now. I'm sorry Dime, it was a lie."
Sena: "...If you're finished, we can go on with the interrogation."
(Y/N): "Yeah, that's all."
Sena: "Very well. Please give your name, where you're from, and what you did before becoming an adventurer."
(Y/N): "I'm (Y/N) (L/N), and I was born in America. Before I became an adventurer, I was a traveling musician. I left home pretty young, and traveled all over the country with all different people."
Seeing the bell stay silent, Sena moved on to the next question.
Sena: "Just as your comrade, you hail from a place I've never heard of. What was your motive for becoming an adventurer."
(Y/N): "A pretty lady asked me to."
The bell stayed still, and it threw Sena off a bit. She quickly recovered and moved on.
Sena: "Do you have a grudge against the Lord?"
(Y/N): "Right now I'm not too happy with him. I'm being treated as a criminal on his orders, you know. But before all this happened, and didn't even know he existed, let alone know him well enough to have a grudge. All I did was to save the lives of others, I never meant to put anyone in danger. I hate to be rude, but I got thrown in a prison cell for doing good. Still makes no fucking sense to me."
The bell didn't ring once again.
Sena: "I-I see. I'm sorry, I've heard mixed rumors about your party, and I wasn't sure what to believe."
(Y/N): "You always make your decision based on evidence, not gossip. You're a lawyer, you should've figured that out by now."
Sena: "I-I'm sorry. I have just one more question."
(Y/N): "Ask away."
Sena: "Are you affiliated with the Devil King or any of his subordinates?"
(Y/N): "Of course not."
The bell rang. Sena glared at him through her glasses, her confidence regained.
(Y/N): 'Fuck! Why didn't I think of Wiz? Don't worry, I can still weasel my way out of this. Just say something to buy time!' "Hold on! I think I know what the lie is. I can explain."
Sena: "If there is an explanation, we're going to need it now."
(Y/N): 'Just say something! I'll wing it.' "You see, I think this has to do with something entirely off. I knew Verdia, albeit not very well. Although each time he was trying to kill me, we had a couple conversations. He choked me out during our final conversation, and you can ask any adventurer in town for proof. I've never wanted to work for the Devil King. Hell, I came here to fight him and his army off, and I plan to until either he dies or I do." 'HOLY SHIT THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY WORK.'
The bell stayed silent after (Y/N)'s monologue. Based on the length and conviction of his statement, Sena was inclined to believe (Y/N).
Sena: "Well, I suppose that would explain. Based on this interrogation, I'd say that suspicion of you has been cleared by solid evidence. You're free to go."
(Y/N): "Thank you. Um....."
Sena: "Is there a problem?"
(Y/N): "I wasn't awake for the trip here. Could you give me some directions to Axel? Or at least tell me where in the hell I am?"
Sena looked embarrassed that she forgot.
Sena: "I'm sorry. We'll have someone escort you back to town."
A knight entered the room, and (Y/N) followed him out. They entered a carriage and started off towards where (Y/N) assumed was home.
(Y/N): 'Kazuma is smart, so he's probably thought of something like I did. He's a sneaky bastard, he'll find a loophole.'
(Timeskip)
Judge: "We now begin the trial of the accused Satou Kazuma."
(Y/N): "He didn't find a loophole."
Sitting in cuffs in the middle of an outside court, Kazuma was hyperventilating. He stood in front of a literal jury of his peers, the adventurers of Axel.
Megumin: "Don't worry, I'll counter that prosecutor until she's in tears!"
Darkness: "You haven't done anything wrong, so there's no need to worry."
Aqua: "You can probably just leave it to me."
Kazuma: 'That doesn't make me feel any better.'
(Y/N): "You know I love em, but if it's left to them, you're fucking dead."
Kazuma: "I know!"
(Y/N): "But that's why I'm here. I might be able to save your ass."
Kazuma: "How come you're not on trial?"
(Y/N): "I beat women with facts and logic."
Kazuma: "Wh-what?"
(Y/N) whispered to him.
(Y/N): "It seems that being civil with Verdia payed off. After the bell rang with the Devil King question, I explained that I somewhat knew Verdia from talking while fighting. Bell didn't ring, and I'm a free man."
Kazuma: "How did you come up with that on the spot?"
(Y/N): "I am the king of bullshitting."
???: "Ahem."
The all looked to the man who was clearly trying to get their attention. He began to laugh quietly, and rub his mustache. (Y/N) had an idea to help calm Kazuma's nerves.
(Y/N): "Wario has put on a couple hundred pounds, hasn't he Kazuma?"
Although he had no clue who Wario was, (Y/N)'s snarky remark angered the man. It was quite the contrary for Kazuma.
Kazuma: "Hahaha!"
(Y/N): "And look at the way this fucker is dressed. They shoulda told us they had a court jester."
Kazuma: "Hahahaha! Y-you gotta stop man, this is serious!"
Darkness: "You might want to avoid-"
(Y/N): "He's built like a discord mod. Hey buddy, where's your fedora? Or your 12 year old girlfriend?"
Kazuma: *Wheeze*
Darkness: "(Y/N)! Stop that now! That is Lord Aldarp, the one who's house was destroyed, and he's here to have you executed!"
And just like that, Kazuma was back to sweating bullets.
(Y/N): "Motherfucker! I shouldn't have said anything!"
Judge: "May the prosecutor come forward?"
Sena: "Yes, your honor. A threat to a lord is a threat to a nation itself. As such, Satou Kazuma is accused of treason! Bring forth the first witness!"
Chris was at the stand first.
The Party: "Chris!"
Chris: "I guess they called me down for this."
Sena: "So Chris. The accused used Steal to strip you of your undergarments in the middle of the street, did he not?"
Chris: "W-well, yeah, he did, but-"
Random Adventjury 1: "It's true! I saw it!"
An adventurer girl screamed out towards the witness stand.
Random Adventjury 1: "I saw him swinging her panties in the street!"
Sena: "Could you point to which man you are speaking of?"
She slowly pointed to Kazuma.
Sena: "Thank you very much! I'm satisfied with this evi-"
But she was interrupted by (Y/N) with his finger outstretched, in a Phoenix Wright pose.
(Y/N): "OBJECTION!"
Judge: "I'll allow it."
(Y/N): 'I've always wanted to do that!' "Your honor, if I may, I'd like to act in defense of the accused from now on."
Judge: "Proceed."
(Y/N): "On the account of the stolen panties, I'd like to set the record straight. Miss Sena, are you aware of the way the Steal skill works?"
Sena: "...No, I am not."
(Y/N): "Then allow me to explain. You see, Steal is a thief skill. As such, it is used for efficiency. Steal cannot be used to pick a certain item. Instead, it automatically takes whatever the target holds most valuable. For that reason, Kazuma never intended to steal Chris's panties."
Sena: "But what you're forgetting about, is that he indecently swung them around after stealing them!"
(Y/N): "Ma'am, I was there, so I can explain. Chris claimed to have worked for the price of a drink. But when she was teaching us how to use the skill, she stole Kazuma's wallet, his only money, as a demonstration! And when he asked for it back, she told him to steal it back from her, and offered a pile of rocks as a consolation prize! Naturally, after being robbed blind, you'd want a little revenge, wouldn't you?"
Sena: "Um...I-I suppose so."
(Y/N): "So Kazuma received something valuable to Chris, the woman who just stole his entire savings, and he's blamed?"
Sena: "..."
(Y/N): "I'm satisfied with this testimony. You may call your next witness."
Sena's confident attitude returned as Mitsurugi Kyouya took the stand.
(Y/N): 'This motherfucker, huh?'
Sena: "Mitsurugi Kyouya, your magic sword was stolen and sold by the accused, correct?"
Mitsurugi: "W-well, yes. But I was the one who-"
Sena: "Thank you very much!"
Judge: "Does the defense have a counter argument?"
(Y/N): "In fact I do, your honor. You see I was there for this too. In fact, I was the very one who fought Mitsurugi."
(Y/N) sent Mitsurugi a smug look.
(Y/N): "By the way, how's your nose?"
Mitsurugi's eye twitched.
Mitsurugi: "Less...broken."
(Y/N) snickered and regained his composure.
(Y/N): "I'm sorry, your honor, that was uncalled for. What I would like to know is, what was Mitsurugi about to say right before the prosecution so rudely interrupted him?"
Mitsurugi: "Ah, I was saying that I was the one who issued the challenge in the first place."
(Y/N): "Thank you. Your honor, Mitsurugi had broken rental property of the guild. We were using that rental property when the damage occurred. After the destruction of property, he also tried to put his hands on not one, but two of my party members, one of those being Satou Kazuma. At first, the conflict was diffused verbally. But before we could take our leave, mister Mitsurugi blocked our way. He proposed a duel, his win meant us handing over a party member. But with my win, he promised anything he could give. We fought hand to hand, and neither of us were in life threatening danger. After my win, I referred my right of choice to my party member and friend, Satou Kazuma. Coincidentally, he was unable to use the sword. The only choice was to sell it, to help pay for debt caused by the broken rental property."
Judge: "Are there any objections?"
Mitsurugi: "No, your honor."
Judge: "Then we may move on. May the prosecution bring forth the next witness?"
Next to take the stand was Mitsurugi's party members.
Sena: "When you two attempted to retrieve the magic sword, the accused threatened to strip you of your underwear in public?"
Mitsurugi Groupie 1: "That's right! He said that he was an advocate for true gender equality, and had no problem dropkicking a female opponent!"
Mitsurugi Groupie 2: "'I'll unleash my steal ability right here in public!' Those were his words!"
Sena: "Thank you very much! I'd like to point out also, that the accused knew that his Steal skill stole underwear! If that is so, then the defense's argument about that is thrown out the window! Would you care to explain?"
Sena looked to (Y/N) expecting him to be nervous. But she saw him standing confident as ever.
(Y/N): "I would love to. But first I'd like to clear things up. After my win, Mitsurugi's party members verbally abused me in the street. Picture this. In the middle of the street, two women yelling at a man who has just fairly bested an opponent in combat. That is what I experienced. They relentlessly shamed me, and called me a coward for fighting fairly. I'd like to mention that Mitsurugi Kyouya is much higher level, and I'm just a newbie adventurer. And for the explanation, I'll call my own witness. I call Satou Kazuma to the stand!"
Sena: "Objection! Your honor-"
Judge: "Overruled. Satou Kazuma, please take the stand."
Kazuma was escorted to the witness stand.
(Y/N): "Now, since we have the bell here, we can be sure nothing said is untrue, correct?"
Sena: "That is correct."
(Y/N): "Then I'd like to ask you Kazuma. How many pairs of panties have you stolen?"
Kazuma: 'What the hell are you doing?!' "...Two."
(Y/N): "Alright, now tell me. How many of those were intentional?"
Kazuma: 'Nevermind, please keep going!' "Zero."
The bell stayed silent. The jury started to murmur to themselves.
(Y/N): "You see, Kazuma stole two pairs of panties in the same day. Once from Chris, and another from our party member, Megumin. Other than those two times, he has not used Steal on anyone. Both times he used the skill, it captured panties. It would be only natural to believe that it would steal more. As those two would not leave, trying to take back what was now our property, Kazuma acted in self defense and defense of our party. He threatened to humiliate them, but not hurt them. And most of all, he never did follow through on his word. Therefore, I am inclined to believe that he wouldn't have done it anyway, he only used it as a bluff."
Sena: "Th-that may be so. But we're forgetting the most damning evidence! When he replied 'no' to the question of his relation with the Devil King and his army, the bell rang! Isn't that enough evidence already!?"
(Y/N): "But you see, miss Sena, this could also be a misunderstanding. We have on record that when asked the same, I replied the same. And just like Kazuma, the bell rang. But I was able to explain myself, and clear my name. Is it possible that you gave the defendant no time to explain himself?"
Sena: "W-well, we did have him taken away fairly quickly..."
(Y/N): "Your honor, may I explain myself to the jury?"
Judge: "You may."
(Y/N) walked in front of the adventurers.
(Y/N): "I'm sure you all remember the Dullahan Verdia. Some of you here even fought against him. Because of my trying to end things peacefully, I conversed with Verdia a fair bit. And that is what made the bell ring. It all boils down to what it really means to know someone. Because of my civility with Verdia, I came to know him, albeit not well. And who else was able to speak with Verdia? The accused Satou Kazuma. So I would like to end this trial right here with the exact evidence to prove that he is innocent."
(Y/N) walked back to the witness stand, and faced Kazuma.
(Y/N): "Now Kazuma, you're well aware that any lie will be caught by this bell?"
Kazuma: "Yes."
(Y/N): "Then let me ask you. Do you work for the Devil King?"
Kazuma: "No."
The bell stayed silent.
(Y/N): "Do you ever plan to work for the Devil King?"
Kazuma: "No I do not."
The bell didn't ring this time either.
(Y/N): "Do you plan to fight, and keep fighting against the Devil King and his army?"
Kazuma: "Yes, I do."
The final question was answered, and the bell once again didn't ring.
Sena: "This can't be!"
Judge: "On these circumstances, the basis for this case can no longer be used as evidence. Thus, I judge the accused Satou Kazuma not-"
Aldarp: "No, judge."
Judge: "Lord Aldarp?"
Aldarp: "Are you trying to embarrass me?"
Kazuma: "That's playing dirty!"
Aldarp: "Shut up, you're just an adventurer!"
Judge: "I judge the defendant...guilty. His sentence.....is death."
(Y/N): "Lady justice has been raped!"
Aldarp: "And I want that foul-mouthed one executed too! He's made a fool of me for too long!"
(Y/N): "Fuck you! You look like Vince Neil after the reunion!"
Darkness: "Your honor, will you hear me out for a moment?"
Darkness walked in front of the judge, and pulled out a pendant.
Judge: "Th-that's the Dustiness family crest!"
Aldarp: "Tch."
Luna: "The Dustiness family?"
Wiz: "They're said to be the king's greatest allies! They're famous!"
(Y/N): "What the fuck is going on?"
Kazuma: "Darkness is actually from a family of nobles."
(Y/N): "HAHAHAHAHA!"
Kazuma gave him a deadpan stare.
(Y/N): "Hahaha...Wait a second. Oh god you're serious."
Darkness: "Aldarp is rather sly in these matters. Nothing short of this would have prevented your execution. Your honor, I would like to ask for a stay of trial. Given time, I can prove this man's innocence."
Aldarp: "I don't care how much power the Dustiness family wields! I want-"
Darkness: "I would owe you. Meaning I would have to accept anything as a request."
Aldarp's villainous smile reappeared. He was focusing intently on Darkness'.....features.
(Y/N): "That's the Darkness I know."
Aldarp: "Anything?"
Random Adventurer 1: "Darkness..."
Random Adventurer 2: "Darkness..."
Random Adventurer 3: "Y-yeah, Kazuma didn't do anything wrong! He even gave this coupon!"
Dust: "This trial is a load of crap! Kazuma! Kazuma!"
The entire jury began to chant as well.
Jury: "Kazuma! Kazuma! Kazuma! Kazuma! Kazuma! Kazuma!"
Judge: "Order! Order! I said pipe down, you ingrates!"
The judge threw his gavel into the jury, and struck Dust straight in the forehead. He was knocked out.
(Y/N): "Holy shit, you fucking killed him dude."
Judge: "Ahem. As a request from none other than the daughter of the Dustiness family, I will believe you. Satou Kazuma will be given a stay of trial!"
Aqua and Megumin ran over.
Aqua: "Kazuma! You're not getting executed, this is great! Here, a celebratory Nature's Beauty!"
Megumin: "We didn't even have to testify!"
Kazuma: "(Y/N), if I'm ever convicted of anything, you're my lawyer."
(Y/N): "Hey it wasn't that great. I just stated facts, and in a way that would make us look better."
Megumin: "Isn't that what a lawyer does?"
(Y/N): "I guess so. But the evidence was so trivial, I wasn't really worried."
Kazuma: "Still, I owe you."
(Y/N): "Oh hell yeah, I'm holding you to that."
Kazuma: "I have a bad feeling about this."
(Timeskip)
Everyone was in front of the mansion, seeing Darkness off.
Kazuma: "Really, I'm grateful."
(Y/N): "We'd be dead without you."
Darkness: "It's no problem. Just leave Aldarp to me."
Kazuma: "You sure you'll be alright?"
(Y/N): "Yeah, Wario was giving you some kinky looks. He might ask you for something crazy."
Darkness looked away, face flushed.
Darkness: "S-something crazy?
(Y/N): "My concern. I want a full refund."
Darkness: "Well, I'll be taking my leave now."
Darkness began to walk down the road.
Kazuma: ".....Lalatina."
(Y/N): "What the hell?"
Darkness: "DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
Kazuma: "That's her real name."
(Y/N): "It sounds like a drink."
Kazuma: "Is alcohol everything you think of?"
(Y/N): "No. But I could take a whiskey, I've been going a few days without it."
Kazuma: "You're as hopeless as Aqua."
(Y/N): "Oi, don't say that. I'll punch you."
They walked towards the mansion.
Kazuma: 'I have two missions now. First is to prove that I'm not a member of the Devil King army. Second is to repay that lord for his house. I may not like it, but I can't let Darkness' sacrifice go to waste.'
Before they could go inside, a bunch of knights pushed past them into the mansion.
Knight: "The court has ordered the suspect's personal belongings be taken as compensation for debt!"
Knights were carrying furniture out when (Y/N) noticed something in one knight's hand.
(Y/N): "Amelia!"
As the knight walked by, (Y/N) grabbed onto the neck of the guitar. When the knight didn't let go of the guitar, (Y/N) flipped his helmet up, and slugged him in the teeth. As the knight fell to the ground several others surrounded (Y/N).
(Y/N): "I don't care what object you try to take from me, but if you so much as look at my baby, I'll be serving a life sentence for murder."
When they saw how serious he was, the knights backed off. The party sat in an empty mansion.
Kazuma: 'Our new chapter...starts now.'
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And that's the first chapter of season 2. I know I'm technically a day late now, but I was writing this yesterday. Yesterday, Master of Puppets turned 35 years old. So I wanted to give a little appreciation to my favorite song from that album. Disposable Heroes.
Disposable Heroes is fucking heavy instrumentally, but I think the real heaviness lies in the lyrics. The song is anti-war, and talks about soldiers, human lives, being seen as disposable. My favorite lyric, for the entire album even, is:
Looking back I realize
Nothing have I done.
Left to die with only friend
Alone I clench my gun.
Fucking brutally underrated track. That's all. Hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you in the next chapter.