Author: bdxjimin
(oh my gosh, this author is so good!!)
You can find the original work here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26375866
Summary:
Even if it was a light song message, no emotions necessarily attached, Namjoon always had a little smile grow on his face when he saw a notification from Seokjin on his phone. The contact name of WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~ -which in Namjoon’s defense, was put in there by Seokjin himself- never failed to make his chest feel warm.
It was definitely the gratefulness of a good friendship and not the big, debilitating crush Namjoon had on Seokjin that made him so happy. That’d be insane.
Or
Bangtan has an inside thing where they'll send each other songs when they want to express emotions to each other. Seokjin's been sending him really weird ones lately, but regardless Namjoon decides to send him a song of his to confess Seokjin how he likes him as more than a hyung.
As things normally happen to Namjoon, it does not go according to plan.
Situation disclaimer: top Jin / bottom Joon
Side-ship: Jikook
STORY:
Back when Bangtan Sonyeondan was still in its infancy, it wasn’t uncommon for Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok to share songs with each other, bouncing around inspiration for future group projects. More times than Namjoon could count, he woke up to three or four different songs sent to him from Yoongi in the late hours of the night, no words included, just the links. Hoseok preferred to sprinkle them to him throughout the day as he thought of them (along with a string of emojis each time).
And as the other members became more comfortable in the group, they began to send their own songs in the group chat, whether it was to the producers of the group for suggestions or just to other members to show what they liked at the time.
It evolved from there.
Namjoon wasn’t sure when it came to be that the songs they were sharing started to have meanings. Sure, they still shared songs with each other for professional reasons, but it turned into a way for them to express emotions to each other as well.
Maybe it started when Hoseok was in the group chat a few days before a showcase texting about how nervous he was for the group with the intense choreography. He was met with an array of messages from the other members.
TaeTae: Don’t worry, hyung!
Kookoo: We got this!!!
Hoseok didn’t muster up much of a response to that, sending only a single thumbs up emoji.
The chat was quiet for a few moments before Yoongi sent a message of his own.
Yoongles: [Audio Attachment - “Don’t Worry” by Lee Juck]
Namjoon smiled at Yoongi’s simple form of consolation as he read the notification. The two rappers knew that whenever Hoseok was truly worried about something, it was easy for the man to get into his own head. Music seemed to be the only thing able to help him let loose.
A few minutes passed without a reply, before Hoseok replied.
Hoseokie: Thank you, hyung :)))
Needless to say, the members ended up nailing that showcase, every one of them landing their choreography perfectly. Even Namjoon, who admittedly struggled with the moves the most in rehearsals, managed to do so well that Hoseok turned to him after, grinning like a proud mom.
Sending the songs kind of became a tradition after that.
Their chat evolved from little messages here and there to just blocks of audio attachments, constant songs to express how a certain member was feeling that day or to say simple things. It continued for years, and if Namjoon was blunt, probably helped bond Bangtan into the group that they were today. It allowed the group a healthy outlet to express emotions where words couldn’t. One thing the boys could always share was their love of music. What better way to get across their feelings than with a song?
For example, conversations would go
TaeTae: [Audio Attachment - “Blossom Roses” by Her]
TaeTae: For Jimin. If you know you know.
Jimin-ssi: ???
Jimin-ssi: You good?
TaeTae: ye
Okay, maybe not the best example, but in Namjoon’s defense that was a standard interaction between the ‘95 line.
Namjoon eventually shifted his song suggestions to Yoongi and Hoseok to the main chat as well, welcoming all the members' inputs. He started with “U-rite” by They, and was immediately greeted with a slew of positive emojis from different members. He didn’t feel the need to follow up, so he smiled, pleased at himself for participating, before locking his phone. Typically, that was how Namjoon’s interactions would go.
Opposingly, a few days later, Jimin and Jungkook had gotten into what the group had deemed one of their lover’s spats:
Jimin-ssi: [Audio Attachment - “You Should Be Sad” by Halsey]
Jimin-ssi: Sleep on the couch
In between a slew of laughing emojis from other members, Jungkook cut in.
Kookoo: Hyung, you’re being so dramatic! I already said sorry for eating your leftovers!
The chat flowed as such for years, turning into a mix of equal parts of texts, emojis, and songs. If Namjoon was honest, he didn’t always listen to the music posted, but it brought him happiness to see his group bond in such a way.
But as time went on, and as Bangtan continued to grow and grow to the idol group they were today, the songs continued, but no longer in the group chat. Maybe things changed and they wanted to be more private with each other, maybe they realized how annoying it was to have your phone go off twenty plus times an hour.
Either way, Namjoon wasn’t complaining. His feelings for his group weren’t a secret by any means. He loved the boys as much as he loved his own family back home. Namjoon would gladly take a bullet for anyone of his bandmates, no complaints. But broadcasting those feelings to said bandmates with a song seemed a little hard to him. He envied the members, how easily they were able to tell each other with a perfectly matched song how they felt in front of everyone.
It took time for Namjoon to get used to using songs to communicate, and even after he did, he much preferred to send the tunes one on one. So when the rest of the group started migrating to private messages, Namjoon felt a lot better.
One person Namjoon could always count on for respecting his emotional shyness was Seokjin. Seokjin had picked up right away that Namjoon didn’t necessarily wear his heart on his sleeve. It was one of the few reasons Namjoon was so grateful for his hyung.
Per example, Seokjin had a habit of sending him increasingly difficult rap songs by English artists.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Namjoon-ah! Teach me Rap God!
Namjoonie: Hyung, I can’t even do that one. I’m Rap Monster, not Rap God.
And even if it was a light song message, no emotions necessarily attached, Namjoon always had a little smile grow on his face when he saw a notification from Seokjin on his phone. The contact name of WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~ (which in Namjoon’s defense, was put in there by Seokjin himself) never failed to make his chest feel warm.
It was definitely the gratefulness of a good friendship and not the big, debilitating crush Namjoon had on Seokjin that made him so happy. That’d be insane.
Okay, maybe not that insane. So Namjoon had been hopelessly in love with Seokjin since he had met him. So what? He thought he had managed to be pretty cool about it for the past seven years, his hyung none the wiser that Namjoon was in love with him. He knew he never stood a chance with Seokjin; his hyung was effortlessly handsome, and Namjoon was just a gangly teen when they met. He was under no illusion that they could be anything more. Their messages were just as friendly and platonic as the rest from Bangtan, and Namjoon was used to the normalcy of it.
But occasionally he and Seokjin had an interaction that left him stumped.
* * * * * * *
The first time it happened took Namjoon by surprise, sure, so when he received a nerve-wracking text from his eldest hyung again, you'd think he would've been prepared.
Hoseokie: [Audio Attachment - “Be Kind” by Halsey]
Hoseokie: Look what our friend did!!!
Namjoon was typing a reply to Hoseok’s enthusiastic message when a notification came through to his phone. He tapped it, the screen navigating over to his private chat with Seokjin.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Can we talk?
Now Namjoon wouldn't really consider himself an anxious individual by nature, but send anybody that text and they're going to be at least a little nervous. And if it were anyone else, he'd probably have a very normal amount of nerves. Given that it's Seokjin though, Namjoon's cool became non-existent. At least he could pretend to play it cool right?
Namjoonie: Sure, what's up, bro?
Nice Namjoon, super cool.
He watched as Seokjin's speech bubbles popped up and disappeared a few times before a message finally came back to him.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Actually, never mind Joon-ah.
The speech bubbles appeared again before it was followed up by a message with a song link.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: [Audio Attachment - “Weight in Gold” by Gallant]
Namjoon sat there confused. This was maybe the fourth time in the past month where Seokjin said he wanted to speak with him before dodging out. Namjoon chalked it up to Seokjin just being his particular self, and even if it bothered him to do so, he let the older man drop the subject again, assuming he would finally mention what was bothering him when he was ready to.
Namjoon pressed on the link, the smooth notes filtering through his phone's speaker before a male's gentle voice cut through. He replied to the message.
Namjoonie: Oo nice vocals on this one
Seokjin's own reply was immediate.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: You're hopeless.
While confused, Namjoon chuckled, sending back an angry face before locking his phone.
* * * * * * *
It happened again a few days later. The group had been given a few days to recuperate before setting out on a new promotional schedule, and Namjoon had taken the time to return back home to visit his parents. The trip had been nice and the weather fair. For all intents and purposes, it should've been a relaxing trip. And it was! But whenever Namjoon was given the ability to pause from work, it was hard for him to shut off his thoughts and the emotions that came with it.
It wasn't a secret that Namjoon wasn't a very touchy-feely person by nature, but that didn't mean he didn't feel the occasional loneliness from spending a night in your bed alone. Usually the constant going and going that came with daily idol life was enough to knock him out at the end of a long day, keeping the creeping loneliness at bay. But in the late hours of the night, his thoughts were loud despite the silence of his childhood bedroom.
And as it went whenever Namjoon had a chance to think of things outside of work, his thoughts always eventually drifted to Seokjin. He wondered what his hyung was doing right now. Seokjin chose to travel home for the break as well, and Namjoon hoped he was enjoying his time with his family. He hoped he got to spend enough time with his parents, as he’s been mentioning in passing how much he’s missed them. He hoped that Seokjin got to enjoy his mother’s cooking as much as Namjoon has been enjoying his hyung’s.
Namjoon realized he was smiling at the thought, but it faded as he let his thoughts continue. Did Seokjin get into his own head as well when alone? Did he feel the crippling loneliness that Namjoon felt? Was it an idol thing or just a Namjoon thing? The thought had Namjoon filling with dread, the idea of someone as bright and sturdy as Seokjin tossing and turning in bed at night feeling so alone. It didn’t sit right with him knowing that Seokjin might not feel loved when that’s all Namjoon has ever felt for him.
Namjoon turned in bed to face his old night stand, grabbing his phone to check the time. A little after two in the morning. Seokjin was probably in bed by now, but Namjoon couldn’t shake the feeling telling him to text his hyung.
He unlocked his phone, opening his music player. It might be too late to start a conversation with Seokjin, but he could at least send his hyung something to listen to when he wakes up.
Namjoon pulled up his chat with Seokjin and sent him a song he heard earlier that reminded him of the older boy.
Namjoonie: [Audio Attachment - “Dreaming of You” by Shin Hae Gyeong]
The song was beautiful, the lyrics sad but eloquent. It portrayed a feeling of loss and loneliness that he could relate to currently. Simply put, he sent it to Seokjin because he missed him. He figured it’d be safe to say it this way, as he assumed his hyung would be more interested in the music itself rather than the lyrics.
Surprisingly, Namjoon saw the message mark over as read a few seconds after it was delivered, and he was worried. Why would Seokjin possibly be up?
The younger boy watched as Seokjin typed out a message before a reply came through.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: This song is beautiful. Thank you, Joonie
Namjoon smiled at the term of endearment, but his eyebrows were still downturned with worry.
Namjoonie: Everything okay, hyung?
He watches yet again as Seokjin’s speech bubble pops in and out of the chat. It was a handful of minutes before Namjoon received a reply.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: I’m okay, I just
Namjoon was still so confused, wondering why it took so long for his hyung to send such a short message. He looked down though as another text from Seokjin buzzed in.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Can I talk to you about something?
Ah, there it is. Okay, Namjoon can play this cool. Maybe he could reassure Seokjin this time, let him know that Namjoon was here for him.
Namjoonie: Of course, hyung. We’re best friends, you can tell me anything
The message was marked as read, and Seokjin typed his reply quickly.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Never mind. Sorry.
Alright. No go again. Seemed like even the best friend card wasn’t gonna help with this one.
Namjoonie: Okay. You know I’m always here, though, right?
The message was delivered through, but it wasn’t automatically read like the previous ones. Namjoon sighed as he sat his phone down. He really didn’t want to push his hyung, but honestly these constant anxiety-inducing texts were starting to weigh on him. But Namjoon could be patient. He could hold out for his hyung a little longer.
Right before Namjoon turned to get comfortable in his bed again, he heard the buzz of his phone signify a new message. He lifted it up to see another text from Seokjin.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Miss you, too, Joon-ah
Namjoon blushed as he set his phone down without replying. So Seokjin will listen to lyrics. Noted.
* * * * * * *
Back from the break, Namjoon was working in the studio the next time Seokjin messaged him. Grateful for the distraction from the beat he was working on, he found himself laughing at the punny jokes his hyung was texting him nonstop. They were actually pretty funny.
Alright they were bad. Call him whipped. Namjoon was endeared all the same.
Regardless, Namjoon cackled aloud when he read Seokjin's latest punchline, even if he didn’t think it was that great. He typed out a reply as he grinned.
Namjoonie: I don’t care what the others say. I think your jokes are funny, hyung kekeke
Seokjin took a second to reply, but when he did, the text came off more serious than Namjoon was expecting. He figured Seokjin would reply with his confident usual ‘Of course I am, Joon-ah,’ but instead, the text was a lot more subdued.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Thank you, Namjoon-ah
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: You're a really great guy
Namjoon felt his face redden, stunned at the sincerity he felt in Seokjin’s words. To be honest, he had been stressed all day from the grind of comeback season, deadlines and projects piling up around him from all sides. It had been starting to weigh on him, the pressure that always creeps up in these crunch times, the dreaded feeling of letting down the group. But all it took was this simple comment from Seokjin to have some of the stress practically melt off his shoulders.
Seriously. How could he not love this man?
Namjoon usually wasn’t one to be openly affectionate, but he figured it was warranted in this instance.
Namjoonie: Thanks, hyung. You’re great, too. I really appreciate you
Namjoon hit send, watching Seokjin read the message almost as soon as it was sent. He expected his hyung to brush off the comment from here, also not one to be sappy for too long. Namjoon was surprised yet again though when Seokjin didn't reply with words, but a song.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: [Audio Attachment - “Love Right Next to You” by Karina]
Namjoon listened to the song, not taking much stock in the lyrics since they were in English. As love based as the song was, Namjoon doubted that Seokjin listened to the song for anything except for the music itself. As the song played, Namjoon replied to Seokjin.
Namjoonie: Wow, I like this. It has a nice beat
He watched as Seokjin started to reply but stopped, before he began typing again. When the message came through, it was just a simple,
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Ugh
Namjoon’s eyes downturned in confusion. What was that supposed to mean? Before he could reply, Seokjin sent through another link.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: [Audio Attachment - “Ain’t Giving Up” by Craig David]
The song had a similar theme, very romantically-tied, but still, it was in English. Seokjin probably had no idea what he had sent Namjoon. Even the idea that he might have had Namjoon blushing, but he didn’t get his hopes up.
He replied to Seokjin again.
Namjoonie: This is a good song, too. Are you thinking of a song of this style for the next album?
Seokjin’s response came through almost immediately.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: You’re still hopeless.
Namjoon squinted at the text. Why did Seokjin keep calling him hopeless? He began to type out that exact question, but Seokjin changed the subject, asking what his opinion was on kimchi fried rice for dinner.
Confused, but not one to piss off Seokjin and miss out on one of his home cooked meals, Namjoon typed his affirmation, letting it go again.
* * * * * * *
Namjoon had his bad days. Then he had his really bad days. Then he had days where nothing went right and he felt like nothing more than a mess of a human.
Unfortunately, it was one of those last days.
It started off not that bad. Sometimes, the schedule required Namjoon to wake up and hurry up to the studio with Yoongi while the rest of the group got to have some time to themselves. They’d part ways to their own studios once they got to Big Hit, getting to work on their own respective things.
But it was one of those times where Namjoon sat down at his desk and just… nothing came to him. No inspiration, no creative flow at all. It happened from time to time, but being an idol- let alone the leader of an idol group- didn’t warrant many days off, so he loaded up his files, trying to grind at making some progress anyway.
This funk seemed to be extra rough though, not bearing anything he could really use for any songs. After about three hours of stagnant workflow, Namjoon pushed away from his desk, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He hated when his brain got like this, but he understood. He just needed a restart.
He reclined back, deciding that a fifteen minute nap would do the trick. He closed his eyes, relaxing back.
Next thing he knew, Namjoon woke up from his snooze, a major crick in his neck. He blearily blinked, trying to will the sleep away from his eyes, before turning back to his desk and shaking his mouse to wake his computer. He glanced down to check the clock on his computer, and when he did, he had to do a double take.
Oh fuck.
The pain in Namjoon’s neck made sense then, he’d been asleep for over two hours, and now about thirty minutes late to his scheduled meeting with PD-nim and the outside producers Big Hit was trying to partner with.
Namjoon shot out of his desk, all but sprinting out of his studio to the elevators, taking them up to the conference rooms. He found the one he was meant to be in, and he knocked twice on the frosted glass door, waiting for acknowledgement to enter.
PD-nim called him in, and Namjoon opened the door sheepishly, slinking in. He shut the door behind him before apologizing in a deep bow to the guests for his tardiness. They accepted, Namjoon sat, and the meeting continued. Namjoon didn’t miss the annoyed glance PD-nim shot him once the speaker restarted his pitch, and he looked down to avoid the gaze.
After the meeting, PD-nim pulled Namjoon aside, giving him a justified but kind scolding on how it wasn’t acceptable that Namjoon was late and that he needed to keep a better track of his schedule.
Namjoon sighed but agreed, apologizing to PD-nim, letting it slip that he was late due to his too long nap. That was Namjoon’s next mistake, because as soon as the words left his mouth, PD-nim was pissed.
Namjoon then received an actual scolding, PD-nim laying into him not only for napping while he should have been working, but also guilting him for not taking good enough care of himself that he felt the need to sleep in his studio in the first place. Namjoon said nothing as PD-nim spoke, staring down at the floor with his arms crossed in front of him.
The lecture went on for a few minutes, and still Namjoon said nothing, just accepting PD-nim’s justified anger silently. He felt as though he should’ve been angry too, being spoken to like this as if he were a child, but if Namjoon was honest, he just felt nothing. Eventually, PD-nim dismissed Namjoon, telling him to pack up for the day and go back to the dorm to rest. Namjoon bowed to apologize one more time, before leaving the room silently.
He made it back to the dorm earlier than the rest of the group expected, everyone in the process of getting the table set for dinner. Jimin was setting the table when he saw Namjoon kicking off his shoes, announcing his arrival, “Hey, hyung! What’re you doing home so early?”
“Namjoon-ah’s home?” Hoseok asked, bringing out a dish that was obviously cooked by the eldest hyung. Namjoon stared at it longingly, but decided against it. He didn’t want to not enjoy something Seokjin worked hard on. He didn’t deserve that, and Namjoon didn’t think he could take Seokjin being disappointed in him too.
“Joining us for dinner?” Hoseok continued, turning to smile at Namjoon.
“No,” Namjoon mumbled, shucking off his shoes and coat, storing them by the entry. “Not that hungry anymore.”
Hoseok's smile fell, realizing that Namjoon looked a little worse for wear, “You okay?”
“It’s fine,” Namjoon tried to smile in reassurance, but he knew it probably looked shaky at best. He walked past the group, ignoring the other’s invites to dinner, trying to escape to the stairs.
“Joon-ah?” Seokjin called gently, finally joining the rest of the group in the dining room. Namjoon turned at the voice, glancing back to see Seokjin standing in the entryway of the kitchen. Namjoon took his hyung in, arms full of plates for the table, wearing his pink frilly apron that he says he bought as a joke but Namjoon knew otherwise. But the thing that Namjoon really couldn’t ignore was the look of worry on Seokjin’s face.
No, Namjoon didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve Seokjin’s concern. Today was his fault.
Namjoon turned back to the stairs, breaking his gaze away from Seokjin before his look could hurt too much. With that, he headed up to his room, shutting the door behind him.
The guilt of ignoring his friends weighed on him almost instantly, so Namjoon pulled up the group chat on his phone. He typed out a quick message, sending it so it popped up under the previous chat messages of Jungkook sending Jimin a cover of a Lauv song.
Leader-nim: Sorry. Got into it with PD-nim today. Deserved it. Going to sleep it off
The chat flooded with positive affirmations quickly after from Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung, attempting to cheer up Namjoon from his rough day. Yoongi simply sent a text that he’ll save a plate in the fridge for Namjoon in case he wants it later, and Yoongi’s own attempt at consolation almost was enough to make him smile for just a moment.
Namjoon flopped back onto his bed, closing his eyes as he exhaled harshly through his nose. He thought being alone would help him to relax, but now he was just alone with his self-deprecating thoughts, replaying how he messed up so much today and he had no one to blame but himself. Great.
His phone was about to auto lock from inactivity, but Namjoon tapped the screen instead, keeping it from doing so. Before he could stop himself, Namjoon opened his private chat with Seokjin, surprised to see that his hyung was already typing. He didn’t think he really wanted to hear a simple platitude from Seokjin- especially not Seokjin- so Namjoon shoots him his own message instead.
Namjoonie: You ever feel like nothing is going right and you’re just disappointing everyone?
Seokjin paused his typing, before restarting. A message came through shortly after.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Of course, but I have favorite dongsaengs like my Namjoonie to remind me of my worth
Namjoon felt himself tear up in spite of his best efforts, smiling for the first time today. Another message comes through right after.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Tomorrow is a new day, Joon-ah
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: [Audio Attachment - “Fix You” by Coldplay]
Namjoon smiled, hitting play even though he had heard the song a dozen times before.
Namjoonie: Thank you, hyung
Namjoon closed his eyes after hitting send, letting the soft piano notes soothe him.
When you try your best but you don’t succeed...
* * * * * * *
Namjoon woke up the next morning with a realization followed with determination: he needed to tell Seokjin how he felt about him.
Sure, that may be just the teeny tiny part of his brain that allowed him to hope, allowed him to think that the song Seokjin had sent him last night had meant something, allowed him to believe Seokjin felt the same.
Still, he wasn’t sure. But damn it he was going to ride this wave of newfound courage anyway.
There was just someone he wanted to talk to first. So Namjoon found himself sitting on Jungkook’s bed, the boy editing a video on his screen as “There for You” by Troye Sivan played, a song Jimin had sent him in the group chat a few days prior.
If Namjoon were to be asked who he thought exemplified the definition of a perfect couple, he would say Jungkook and Jimin without hesitation- you know, if they weren’t idols and all that. Either way, they were a model couple, love between them clear as day. It made Namjoon sick sometimes if he was being honest, but it was beautiful to watch all the same.
It was common knowledge to Bangtan as well that Jungkook was the one to confess with Jimin, a song in the group chat followed by a lengthy declaration of his love. Jimin had accepted in true Jimin fashion,- dramatic and with lots of tears- and the rest was history.
So Namjoon came to Jungkook, a few questions weighing on him; When did he realize he liked Jimin as more than a friend, how did he get the courage to tell him, and lastly, how did he know Jimin felt the same?
Jungkook hummed thoughtful, not looking at Namjoon as he clicked around on his screen, “This is about Seokjin-hyung, right?”
Namjoon blushed, feeling caught out. “Uh… maybe? Is it that obvious?” he asked sheepishly as he played with his hands, looking down at his fingers fiddling.
Jungkook chuckled, but not unkindly, “I think everyone knows, yeah. Your heart eyes aren’t exactly a secret.”
He stared at Jungkook shocked, the younger boy turning when Namjoon didn't say anything to that. Namjoon wasn’t sure what his own expression was, but it had Jungkook’s eyes widening and him rushing to add, “Don’t worry. I don’t think Jin-hyung realizes you like him yet.”
Namjoon felt himself relax at the statement, but his nerves stayed, “I know it’s silly. I think I want to tell him though. I-I’m not sure he feels the same, I mean I have an inkling he might, but I don’t know. And it’s okay if he doesn’t! I guess… I don’t know, I guess I just need the closure? It’s just so scary.” Namjoon paused his rambling to collect his thoughts before continuing, “When you decided to tell Jimin… how did you know it’d be okay?”
Jungkook’s eyes settled off to the side at the wall, looking deep in thought, “I didn’t. It was so scary. But there’s no way to know if you never say anything, you know?”
The older boy nodded at this, expecting that answer but needing to hear it aloud anyway.
“Although,” Jungkook went on. “If you ask me, I don’t think you have much to worry about.”
His eyes darted back over to Jungkook, confused at the statement. Jungkook’s eyes met his hyung’s and he shrugged, “All I’m going to say is that you aren’t the only one I’ve seen with heart eyes.”
Namjoon felt himself blush at the comment, a pleased smile taking over his features. He did his best not to give himself false hope, but it was something else altogether when someone else had hope on your behalf.
Jungkook chuckled at his hyung’s happy expression, patting Namjoon on the shoulder, “You should tell him, hyung.”
The older boy nodded, smiling ruefully before bringing his eyes up to take a good look at Jungkook. It was weird sometimes to him like this, so grown up and mature. It filled him with pride and melancholy all at once. Is this how parents felt watching their children grow before their eyes? Namjoon assumed so, given that’s exactly what had happened with him and Jungkook.
Namjoon’s smile turns soft, commenting playfully, “How’d you get so smart with this, Jungkook? What happened to my dongsaeng too scared to shower when the rest of us were awake?”
Jungkook laughed softly before turning his gaze back to his computer screen. It was a still shot of Jimin in the teacup ride from he and Jungkook’s last trip to Japan. Jungkook was behind the camera, the video capturing Jimin midlaugh, hanging onto his mouse hat as the ride spun. Namjoon didn’t miss the heart eyes Jungkook was sporting, staring dreamily at the screen.
“As scary as love is,” Jungkook began fondly. “It makes you want to be honest, to be brave.”
As Jungkook sat there, watching the screen with utmost love and devotion, Namjoon decided then that he wanted that for himself. He couldn’t be a hundred percent sure that he’d end up like that with Seokjin, couldn’t be sure that Seokjin even felt the same way, but Jungkook was right in that even the idea of love made him braver.
He left Jungkook’s room that night feeling lighter, his dongsaeng’s advice helping him more than he could’ve hoped. Jungkook was right when it came to discovering whether or not Seokjin would reciprocate his feelings; there was only one way to find out.
* * * * * * *
After Namjoon’s talk with Jungkook, he decided to sleep and get his thoughts straight on how to approach Seokjin. He was determined to confess to him, but he decided to accompany it with a song. Therein lied the problem; it needed to be a perfect song, the perfect song.
He spent all morning browsing his playlists on his work computer, not finding anything that he thought would be direct enough for Seokjin to be able to mistake it as anything else but a declaration. He was about to give up, call it all off, until he decided to browse one of his more experimental playlists. And that’s where it found it. The perfect song. “I Love You” by Lido.
Sure, it was a weird one, mostly synth beats, but the few lyrics the song did have were as direct as he could get. Even though it was in English, Namjoon was sure there’d be no mistaking the meaning of a song that just repeated ‘I love you’ over and over.
Now, Namjoon just had to make sure he was sending it on a perfect day.
Herein lied the next problem; Namjoon had a habit of becoming a walking disaster when the time most definitely called for otherwise. Namjoon needed to finish a project today at the latest? He spills coffee all over his keyboard. Needed to send an audio file to someone? He sends them a porn file instead (Sorry Yoongi-hyung). Needed to tape a performance before a TV broadcast quickly and flawlessly because their recording slot was ending? He rips Jungkook’s shirt open-- twice.
So yeah, Namjoon was a mess, and this was something he wanted to get absolutely right.
And if that meant dodging Seokjin until he was ready, then so be it.
Firstly, at their morning dance rehearsal, Namjoon gave Seokjin a wide berth, doing his absolute best to not bump into his hyung in any way. Even when the choreography explicitly called for Namjoon to interact with him, he’d do whatever he could to just not touch him. It was based on the fear that Namjoon would of course bump into Seokjin and knock him down and then his leg would break and they’d have to reschedule some upcoming events and everyone will be mad and Seokjin will hate him and-
Yep, avoid Seokjin at practice today.
After practice, they always broke off into their own rehearsals, and Namjoon was thankful to be able to sneak into his studio. He was thankful, at least, until Seokjin stopped him, asking if he could accompany Namjoon to his studio for help with some lyrics he was working on.
With the fear of Namjoon saying something dumb and putting his foot in his mouth, he stuttered out a refusal. Seokjin didn’t look upset by this, but Namjoon felt the need to give a reason anyway. He word-vomited, laughing nervously and telling Seokjin, “I need to go to the bathroom. Probably going to be a while. You know how it is.” Nice Namjoon.
Seokjin just gave him a weird look at that, not saying anything as he turned away. Sure, it wasn’t Namjoon’s finest excuse, but it’d have to do.
Lastly, at dinner later, Seokjin asked Namjoon to pass him a dish and Namjoon panicked. He asked Yoongi to do it, even though Yoongi was on the complete opposite side of the table from Seokjin. Yoongi gave him a pointed look, to which Namjoon returned with a shaky smile and a shrug. Confused (and also annoyed), Yoongi got up from his seat to grab the plate for Seokjin.
Namjoon subtly exhaled in relief, avoiding Seokjin’s eyes. It just would’ve been unavoidable that his clumsy hands would’ve dropped the plate and spilled food all over Seokjin, and that’d ruin the day and today has to be perfect. It just has to be.
Ignoring the weird looks the group was giving him, Namjoon returned to his meal, glad that yet another crisis was averted.
With dinner over, Namjoon skipped out on their standard movie night plans, claiming his stomach hurt and he just wanted to lay down. Seokjin offered to make him some tea to settle his stomach, but Namjoon quickly declined, saying it wasn’t necessary. He tried to not let Seokjin’s hurt expression bother him too much, but he felt the slightest bit of guilt as he slunked away to his room.
In all honesty, Namjoon just used the guise of laying down in his room to buy himself time from messaging Seokjin. He sat at his desk, mindless playing on his phone for hours, thinking of the words he wanted to say. How do you tell one of your best friends you’re madly in love with them after all? How do you say what you want to say after all these years of history?
Namjoon spent too much time in his mind, so much time, in fact, that he’d been hiding in his room for a few hours, the clock on his phone reading a quarter to eleven at night. Right, no more putting it off.
He re-started his playlist to listen to the song one more time, for courage. One last time before sending it to Seokjin and inevitably changing their friendship forever, no matter how he replied. As he listened to the song, he opened his private chat with Seokjin, typing out to him.
Namjoonie: Hyung, I need to tell you something important.
He waited a minute or two before his phone pinged with a reply.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Of course, what’s up Joon-ah?
Okay. This was it. Namjoon took a deep breath, typing out the words he had practiced in his mind.
Namjoonie: I’m going to send you a song
Namjoonie: I want you to really listen to it
Namjoonie: It’s to-the-point, but it encapsulates how I feel about you
Namjoonie: Please listen to it with an open mind and message me your thoughts
After typing that out, Namjoon pressed add attachment, then pressed ‘Attach most recent song.’ Once it was set, he hit send, then promptly tossed his phone and headphones onto his bed, not willing to see Seokjin’s response right away. Holy shit. He actually just did that.
He sat there with bated breath, questioning all of his life choices up until this very moment, waiting to hear a tell-tale ping of Seokjin’s reply. It turned out to be unnecessary though, because Seokjin came to give Namjoon his reply in person.
Absolutely livid.
“What in god’s name is this, Namjoon?” Seokjin screeched after barging his way into Namjoon’s bedroom, face red in anger. He’s holding his phone out in front of him, acting like the device had personally offended him.
Namjoon blanched, caught off guard. How could he have read this so wrong? He was so off the mark that Seokjin was actually pissed off at him. He took in a deep breath as he stood up from his chair, trying to keep a steady voice, “I’m sorry, hyung. I just had to tell you how I feel-”
“How you feel?” Seokjin interrupted incredulously. “This is how you feel?”
Namjoon wetted his lips nervously, “I know it might make things weird between us-” Seokjin scoffed- “But, I really like you and everything. I didn’t want to keep it to myself anymore.”
Namjoon didn’t know what else he expected. Of course someone as perfect as Seokjin wouldn’t feel the same for someone like Namjoon. But to be met with so much anger? Namjoon wasn’t ready for it. If he was honest, it made him a little mad himself, but he was too heartbroken to truly feel it. Did Seokjin really have to come in here and shame Namjoon? Did he have to come to Namjoon’s room and stare at him like he was upset just to be in Namjoon’s presence?
Did he have to be so upset that Namjoon loved him? Was it really such a crime?
Seokjin said nothing to Namjoon’s reply, breaking his haughty gaze away to glare down at the ground, “Are you kidding me?”
Before Namjoon could defend himself, Seokjin cut him off. “I’ve been dropping hints for months,” Seokjin began incredulously. “Months that I like you. Sending you all these obvious signals, scouring for songs constantly, and this is how you feel about me?”
Wait.
What?
Namjoon took in Seokjin’s still very-much-so angry demeanor, but he was confused. He’s been dropping hints?
More importantly, he likes me?
Hopeful, Namjoon asked, “You like me, too?”
Seokjin laughed humorlessly, “Yeah, I do. But obviously you just want me for sex.”
Namjoon’s brain short circuited at that, trying to comprehend the statement that came out of left field.
“Who said anything about sex?” Namjoon screeched, embarrassed at the implication.
Seokjin gave him an unimpressed look, but he unlocked his phone, pulling up the chat log, “I may not know English that well, but I know damn well what this song’s about.”
Seokjin hit play on his phone, and Namjoon promptly felt his soul leave his body.
Cardi B’s song “WAP” filtered through the phone speakers, the explicit lyrics filling Namjoon’s room and causing him to blush. It was the song Namjoon was listening to before the song he meant to send to Seokjin. That’s what he gets for not manually sending it.
Seokjin hit pause after an extremely pointed lyric about things in throats, giving Namjoon an expectant look, “Well?”
Namjoon snapped out of his stupor, eyes darting up to meet Seokjin’s, “That is totally not what I meant to send you.”
Even though he was still on the defensive, it was Seokjin’s turn to look confused, “What was that?”
“That’s not what I meant to send,” Namjoon repeated, standing up and walking over to his bed. He felt Seokjin’s eyes follow him, but Namjoon was too shaken to look him in the eye yet. “I meant to send this instead.”
Namjoon grabbed his phone off his bed, and selected the correct song before handing a headphone to Seokjin. His hyung took it, looking skeptical, but placed it in his ear anyway. Namjoon hit play, and watched for Seokjin’s reaction. He could tell when the lyrics began, Seokjin’s eyebrows lifting to his hairline. Namjoon watched as the anger melted from him, his features shifting into just pure surprise.
After a minute, Seokjin’s eyes met Namjoon’s, and he pulled out the headphone. He blushed, his demeanor going from pure rage to embarrassed huffiness.
“Well,” Seokjin cleared his throat. “That’s different then. I’m glad we’re on the same page now. Took you long enough to say something.”
Namjoon grinned at him, over the moon, “The same page?”
Seokjin rolled his eyes, saying nothing as he pulled Namjoon into a kiss by the back of his neck. At first, Namjoon was too surprised, his mouth not moving, but Seokjin was patient, pressing his lips firmly to Namjoon’s. Once his brain caught up to the program, Namjoon closed his eyes and melted into the kiss, his hands coming up to cup the sides of Seokjin’s neck.
Seokjin hummed, pleased, as they stood there gently kissing. There was no intent, just lazy kisses, getting comfortable with each other. After a few minutes, they broke apart, looking into each other’s eyes as they grinned like idiots.
Namjoon buried his face into Seokjin’s neck, and the older boy laughed as he drew Namjoon into a tight embrace, his hand gently stroking his back.
The younger boy felt Seokjin sigh in his arms, “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, Joon-ah, you have no idea.”
Namjoon chuckled into Seokjin’s neck before mumbling, “I have somewhat of an idea.”
They stood there, saying nothing as they gently swayed in each other’s arms. For the first time this past week, Namjoon’s mind is quiet. He hadn’t felt peace like this in so long, feeling so protected and loved and safe in Seokjin’s arms. He cherished the feeling, humming happily.
He cherished it until Seokjin broke the silence anyway, “Why did you have “WAP” saved on your phone, Joonie?”
Namjoon froze as he felt his face heat up, “Uh…”
He heard Seokjin laugh to himself before turning to whisper in Namjoon’s ear, “It’s really dirty, yeah? Is it maybe because you want to get fucked like that? Want hyungie to fuck you like that?”
Namjoon felt almost all of his brain cells die as all the blood rushed to his dick.
Despite this, his one remaining brain cell spoke up, “Um, m-maybe not for our first time?”
“That’s fair,” Seokjin murmured before grinning wolfishly. “And when’s our first time?”
Namjoon hid his face farther into Seokjin’s throat, whining. It caused Namjoon to break away from the embrace slightly, trying to keep eye contact so he looked confident, even though his blush was probably giving away his embarrassment.
“I don’t know about you, hyung,” Namjoon said quietly. “But I’m a ‘fuck on the first date’ kind of guy.”
Seokjin grinned, pleased with the answer. His hand slid down to grip Namjoon’s waist, “But we haven’t had a first date yet.”
Namjoon tried to formulate a reply, but before he could, Seokjin started kissing lightly up Namjoon’s neck, leaving barely there presses along his throat. Namjoon exhaled shakily, finding the words, “Exactly, hyung. You’re special. We don’t even have to go on a date for me to want to fuck you.”
Seokjin chuckled, pausing his ministrations to reply, “Is that so, Joonie? Didn’t know you were so easy.”
The younger boy’s breath hitched at the comment, not helped by the fact Seokjin returned to his neck, sucking a mark into his throat. Namjoon held back a moan, answering, “Just for you, hyungie.”
His hyung hummed, rubbing his hands up Namjoon’s sides. He paused though, pulling back again to look at Namjoon, his hands still on his hips. He seemed to be thinking, and it was the first time Namjoon had seen him look insecure since they’d begun their conversation.
“We will have a first date though. Right, Joon?” Seokjin asked nervously, not meeting Namjoon’s eyes.
Namjoon smiled sweetly, tilting Seokjin’s head to meet his eyes before murmuring, “If I can help it, we’ll have a million, Jinnie.”
Seokjin’s shoulders relaxed at this, returning Namjoon’s smile with a shy one of his own. He leaned forward, giving Namjoon a soft peck. After he broke away, Namjoon watched as his smile turned devious.
“In that case…” Seokjin began, and the next thing Namjoon knew, his world shifted. He felt himself stumble as Seokjin turned him and pushed him onto his bed, Namjoon’s back hitting the sheets. He was startled, but when Seokjin started to climb in between his legs, he- and more importantly his dick- were way on board.
Seokjin was laying over Namjoon, knees on either side of his hips, hands resting on Namjoon’s chest. They were face to face, noses almost touching in the proximity. It caused Namjoon to blush, taking in the sight of his hyung’s beautiful face, his kind eyes, his plush lips. With Seokjin’s breath ghosting against Namjoon’s lips, there was nothing the younger boy wanted at that moment than to kiss him.
Before he could, Seokjin’s hands slid up from Namjoon’s chest to the sides of his throat, his thumbs caressing Namjoon’s jay softly. Seokjin’s eyes turned soft before he whispered, “You’re so beautiful, Namjoon-ah.”
Namjoon felt a pleasant chill run through him. He tried to look into Seokjin’s eyes, but they were so close that he almost went cross-eyed trying to do so. Still, Namjoon replied softly, “I could say the same to you.”
Seokjin backed up slightly, looking at Namjoon meaningfully, like he was seeing him in a new light, seeing him for the first time. In a way, he was. Namjoon did his best to convey back to him with his eyes how he also felt, how much he meant it.
Seokjin came back down, this time for a kiss. It was different than how they came together earlier. These kisses had intent, had purpose. It stole Namjoon’s breath at first, but he returned the favor, putting just as much passion into the kiss as Seokjin was giving.
Namjoon’s hands slid up to grab Seokjin’s shoulders, appreciating the feel. It was one thing to have to look at the broadness of his hyung’s shoulders every day, but it was another thing to be able to touch them, to feel the muscles subtly flexing under his hands. Seokjin’s back muscles moved under Namjoon’s hands as Seokjin’s own hands slid up from Namjoon’s throat to the back of his head. He gripped his hair lightly, just enough to turn Namjoon’s head gently, getting a better angle on the kiss.
The feeling had goosebumps spreading across Namjoon’s body, and he decided to be bolder. He licked at Seokjin’s bottom lip, teasing him, and Seokjin took the bait, wasting no time dominating the kiss. He parted Namjoon’s lips with his tongue, a breathy groan leaving Namjoon’s throat when he did so.
Namjoon felt as if he were on fire, that Seokjin was burning him up in the most intense way from the inside out. It was the first time he had ever felt like this with someone else, and yet he could already tell he craved the feeling, his arousal becoming more and more consuming. Seokjin sucked on Namjoon’s tongue, and the younger boy couldn’t contain his moans any longer.
It was too much and not enough all at once. His hands bunched up the fabric at Seokjin’s shoulders. Namjoon whined, craving the feeling of warm skin on his. His hands slid down to the hem of the sweater Seokjin was wearing, pulling up on it.
“Hyungie,” Namjoon whined, breaking away from the kiss. “Off.”
Seokjin chuckled, his lips moving down to press a kiss below Namjoon’s ear. “Needy boy,” Seokjin murmured into the skin. “I like hearing you whine, Joon.”
Namjoon shivered. If he hadn’t been sporting an erection the entire time they had been making out, he certainly would’ve popped one at Seokjin’s sensual words. And by the feeling of something hard poking into Namjoon’s hip, it seemed like he wasn’t the only one who was worked up.
Seokjin pulled back, far enough to pull his sweater over his head, tossing it somewhere behind him. Namjoon took the opportunity to do the same, though no doubt less gracefully than Seokjin had. He flopped back into the sheets, his hands reaching out to grab at Seokjin’s bare waist.
It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other shirtless before, but it was different now. It wasn’t them changing in a rush in between sets in the green room. It was slow, relaxed. It was sexual, charged, done with intention.
Rid of his shirt, Seokjin leaned back, taking in the sight of Namjoon below him, staring down appreciatively. He was sat back on his heels, Namjoon’s thighs thrown over his own. Seokjin hummed as he appraised Namjoon’s body, and the attention had the younger boy squirming.
Seokjin’s eyes darted from Namjoon’s chest to his eyes, and Namjoon was blown away by the pure lust in his look. There was a fondness there, but it was almost completely consumed by Seokjin’s arousal.
“Hyung,” Namjoon whispered, awed. Seokjin smiled then, and Namjoon returned it, unable to fight his own pleased grin. “Come down here and kiss me.”
Seokjin came back down, lips capturing Namjoon’s. The younger boy readily reciprocated, his hands sliding down Seokjin’s now bare back, appreciating the feel of his skin beneath his fingertips. Seokjin’s own hands were resting over Namjoon’s pecs as they made out, occasionally giving a squeeze to the firm muscles. It caused Namjoon to exhale, but Seokjin swallowed any noises from him greedily.
Namjoon had to break away to moan out when Seokjin rubbed his thumbs over both of his nipples, unable to suppress his reaction. Smirking, Seokjin did it again, and Namjoon’s eyes closed as he threw his head back and groaned again.
“Sensitive here, baby?” Seokjin asked, continuing to flick at the little peaks.
Namjoon moaned wantonly before stuttering out, “Y-yeah… sorry.”
Seokjin flexed his hips forward, grinding his clothed erection against Namjoon’s own. Seokjin’s sweatpants were tented obscenely, and Namjoon’s own dick was beginning to get uncomfortable in his jeans. Regardless, he groaned when Seokjin rolled his hips.
Seokjin bit his bottom lip as he did so, throwing his head back at the feeling, “God, don’t be sorry, Joon-ah. That’s so hot.”
Namjoon let out a shaky laugh, but it was cut off when Seokjin bent his head forward to suck on one of his nipples. The younger boy whined at the sensation, squirming when Seokjin bit down and pulled. He did this a few times, Namjoon fully panting by the time Seokjin switched to the other bud. Namjoon hadn’t been in danger of coming this early since he was a teenager, but with the way Seokjin was going at his chest, he was going to snap without even having his dick touched.
Namjoon laced his fingers in Seokjin’s hair, pulling up, “Jin-hyung. Please.”
Seokjin let himself be pulled off, his teeth latching on until the last second, the sensation making Namjoon twitch. Seokjin grinned, his lips read from use, as he turned his head up, “Please what, Joonie?”
“Pants off too,” Namjoon exhaled, trying to catch his breath. “Want to see you, hyung. Please.”
Seokjin’s smile turned soft, “Well, since you asked so nicely, but let me undress you first, yeah?”
Namjoon nodded his consent, so Seokjin leaned back and reached down and popped the button of his jeans, pulling down the zipper after. Namjoon sighed in relief, some pressure taken off his erection finally. He lifted his hips, helping Seokjin shimmy them off completely. Clad only in boxer briefs, Seokjin stared down hungrily, eyes fixated on Namjoon’s exposed thighs.
Seokjin squeezed the firm muscles, “God, these legs, Namjoon. How are they even real?”
“Pilates,” Namjoon said without thinking. Though, in his defense, it was hard to think about what he was saying when Seokjin’s hands were sliding up and down the smooth expanse of his thighs, inching near the hem of his underwear before sliding back down.
Seokjin paused at Namjoon’s answer though, looking up to the younger boy’s face before breaking into a laugh.
“Cute,” Seokjin said, resuming his caresses at Namjoon’s thighs, rubbing the inside with his thumbs. Namjoon hummed at the sensation, enjoying the touches. Seokjin moved his hands up then, bypassing Namjoon’s throbbing dick-- much to his chagrin-- to place them on the younger boy’s hips. He hooked his fingers into the band of Namjoon’s underwear, and Namjoon’s breath hitched. He propped himself up on his elbows to look down at Seokjin.
Seokjin didn’t move then, looking up to meet Namjoon’s eyes, “Okay?”
Namjoon nodded, “Yes, please, hyung.”
The older boy obliged him, swiftly pulling down Namjoon’s underwear. He was almostly fully hard, his dick falling forward to hit his lower stomach, the slap slightly wet from his precum. It caused Namjoon to blush, but admittedly, it turned him on. It didn’t help his arousal that Seokjin was staring either, visibility surprised by the size of Namjoon’s. His hyung’s features shift into contentedness, and Namjoon relaxed, not even realizing how nervous he was.
Not to brag, but Namjoon knew he was hung. Like, really hung, both thick and long. Hung to the point where a few people had been put off by it in the past. And while he didn’t quite expect the same thing to happen with Seokjin, he also didn’t expect him to be so pleased. If Namjoon was on fire before, it was nothing to the inferno he felt lit inside him now.
“I’ll have fun with this in the future,” Seokjin hummed appreciatively.
Namjoon groaned when Seokjin started lazily pumping his shaft, “Yeah, hyungie. I’d love to fuck you.”
Seokjin responded by laughing. “Oh, that’s what you thought I meant?” he asked in a teasing tone. “That’s cute, Joonie. We’ll see.”
Namjoon flushed at this, a zip of arousal shooting through his body at Seokjin’s mocking.
So Seokjin being condescending was a turn on. He’d address that another time.
Going back to his ministrations, Seokjin returned to slowly jerking Namjoon’s cock, thumbing at his wet head at every upstroke. The feeling had Namjoon’s body falling back against the sheets, his elbow giving out from under him. He groaned, his toes curling.
“You make such pretty noises, Joon-ah.”
As if to reaffirm that, Seokjin tightened his grip, chuckling when Namjoon moaned loudly.
“Yep,” Seokjin continued. “Pretty.”
Namjoon couldn’t take it anymore, feeling like he was going crazy. He was so close, and they hadn’t even done anything. It must have been the effect Seokjin had on him. His hyung had the power to reduce him to a whining, writhing mess with only a few touches. Seokjin hadn’t even taken his own pants off yet.
“Hyungie,” Namjoon called, lifting just his head to look down at Seokjin. Big mistake. Namjoon didn’t think he’d ever get the visual of Seokjin with his hand around his dick out of his mind ever again. Goodbye any sense of productivity. Head empty, one thought. This image would now live in his head rent-free.
“Hm?” Seokjin noised, pulling his eyes away lazily from where he was watching Namjoon’s dick twitch in his grasp. He continued his lazy handjob as he watched Namjoon’s face. Oh god, this was going to be over before it even started if Seokjin didn’t stop.
“I want to see you, too, hyung,” Namjoon all but begged.
Seokjin took pity on him then, releasing Namjoon’s cock. Namjoon deflated, relieved that he was no longer in danger of coming from a one minute handjob. His hyung backed himself off the bed, standing there with his own hard cock tenting his sweatpants.
Namjoon pushed himself up, situating himself so he was on his knees. He crawled forward to the edge of the bed, placing himself in front of Seokjin. He reached out, impatient, and helped Seokjin by pulling down his pants and underwear in one go.
Seokjin’s cock sprung free once the sweatpants were off, and Namjoon took a second to marvel at it. It wasn’t as thick as Namjoon’s-- not many were-- but it wasn’t small by any means. What it lacked in girth though it more than made up for in length, just about as long as the younger boy’s. Namjoon groaned internally at the thought of it inside of him. He’d feel it so deep, nice and long-
Namjoon realized he was just sitting there ogling his hyung’s cock when his trance was broken by Seokjin himself. The older boy took his dick into his hand, giving it a few lazy pumps as he stared down at Namjoon.
Namjoon gave himself a few more seconds of lustful gazing before meeting Seokjin’s eyes, “Can I suck you off, hyungie?”
Seokjin’s eyes darkened at this, his arousal apparent, “Of course, baby. Where do you keep your condoms and lube though? I want to prep you while you do.”
And for the first time since they started, Namjoon hesitated. Right away, Seokjin noticed, his words catching up to him. His hyung froze, quickly backtracking.
“Sorry,” Seokjin began. “That was presumptuous of me. We don’t have to have sex if you’re not comfortable with that, Joonie.”
“No!” Namjoon rushed to correct him. “It’s not that, hyung. I definitely want to. It’s just…” Namjoon trailed off, a little embarrassed to voice the reason for his reluctance. God, of course Namjoon wants to be dicked down by him.
Seokjin let go of his dick to reach out and cup Namjoon’s face, “What is it then?”
God, Namjoon was going to have to say it, wasn’t he? He worried his bottom lip between his teeth, unsure of how to proceed.
After all, what was the proper way to explain to your hyung you don’t want to tell him where your condoms are because you’d rather he come directly in your ass?
Namjoon cleared his throat, looking over to his nightstand, “My lube is in the drawer there. Should be a few condoms, too, but…”
Seokjin didn’t move, waiting a few moments before prompting Namjoon further, “But…?”
Namjoon felt his face heat up, so he glanced down, too shy to tell his hyung what he was thinking while keeping eye contact, “You, uh… don’t have to use the condom. You know, i-if you don’t want to. I’m clean and everything…”
Seokjin stroked his thumb along Namjoon’s cheekbone. He hummed, gaining the younger boy’s attention, so Namjoon glanced back up to him. Seokjin had a wicked smile on his face, “Is that so?”
Namjoon nodded twice, but to his surprise, Seokjin’s smile turned soft. “Not tonight, Joon-ah,” he murmured.
Namjoon knew he looked disappointed, so Seokjin continued, “You and I have some talking to do afterward. Personally, I also think you owe me some cuddles for making me listen to WAP against my will-”
“It’s a good song,” Namjoon interrupted.
“So,” Seokjin pushed on. “I think it’d be nice to cuddle and have our much needed conversation without cum leaking out of your ass.”
“Agree to disagree,” Namjoon mumbled. Seokjin gave him a pointed look. The younger boy relented, sighing, “Fair point. The stuff is in the drawer then. I should have some wet wipes in there, too.”
Pleased, Seokjin turned away, fishing all the items out and tossing them onto the bed next to Namjoon.
Namjoon watched dumbly, eyes tracking the way Seokjin’s cock swayed as he walked. He didn’t break his gaze away, even when his hyung returned, like if he were to stop looking, Seokjin’s dick would disappear into thin air.
Man, Namjoon needed laid. The lack of sex was melting his brain.
“Eyes are up here, Joonie,” Seokjin said, breaking Namjoon’s cock-induced trance. When he met his hyung’s eyes, Seokjin continued, “Still want to blow me while I prep you?”
Namjoon nodded his affirmative, wetting his lips in anticipation
“You won’t be able to use your hands from that position,” his hyung replied. “Is that okay?”
Namjoon had realized this as well. In order for Seokjin to be able to prep him, he had to stay on his hands and knees, and honestly… What a shame. His mouth was definitely not watering at the mere thought of tasting Seokjin’s cock. He absolutely did not want to be on all fours, ass fully on display for Seokjin to finger him open. That’d be the worst.
But, if there was no other way, Namjoon was willing to make this hard sacrifice for the greater good.
He dropped onto hands and knees in record speed, Seokjin’s erect cock directly in his face, “Mouth only. Got it.”
Seokjin chuckled at his eagerness, but trailed off once Namjoon leaned forward, starting by just placing a kiss on the head of his hyung’s dick. Seokjin hummed as Namjoon moved his mouth along the side of his shaft, leaving kisses as he went, tongue peaking out. He petted the younger boy’s head encouragely as he murmured, “Good boy.”
A visible shudder ran through Namjoon at the praise, and his hyung took notice, laughing softly, “I’m going to have fun with that, too.”
Namjoon glanced up to Seokjin, agreeing silently, before he licked from where he was at the base of Seokjin’s shaft at the way up to his head. When Namjoon finally sucked the head into his mouth, tonguing the underside, Seokjin’s head fell back with a groan. Encouraged by the reaction, Namjoon flicked his tongue again, getting a similar response.
Seokjin removed his hand from Namjoon’s hair, leaning over to grab the bottle of lube. The movement had his cock shift in the younger boy’s mouth, and Namjoon was assaulted with an intrusive thought of Seokjin fucking his mouth. He groaned at the mental image, beginning to bob his head shallowly, but Seokjin paid him no mind as he popped the cap, pouring lube into his hand.
The older boy tossed the bottle aside, and with his free hand, Seokjin stroked down Namjoon’s spine, his palm coming to rest on his ass. He gave the cheek a playful squeeze before sliding his dry fingers down, middle finger brushing over Namjoon’s hole.
Namjoon whined around Seokjin’s dick. He wiggled his ass, trying to get more pressure in the place he wanted it most, but the movement had his hyung’s cock sliding deeper and brushing the back of his throat. Namjoon gagged, choking on the intrusion, but refused to pull up, forcing his gag reflex to cooperate instead. Seokjin moaned at the feeling of Namjoon’s throat around the head of his erection, “Fuck, Joon-ah.”
Namjoon shifted his hips again, trying to get Seokjin to just get on with it already. His hyung took the bait, replacing his dry fingers with his lubed ones, and circled Namjoon’s rim. He hummed happily, and glanced up. He caught Seokjin’s gaze, the older boy’s chest flushed red. Trying to look as seductive as possible, Namjoon locked eyes with his hyung as he relaxed his throat and sucked him down to the hilt, his lips wrapped around the base of Seokjin’s cock.
It pushed Seokjin into action, giving up on teasing Namjoon’s hole as he pressed his middle finger inside him as far as he could. The younger boy groaned, finally getting a taste of what he’d been craving, a taste of being filled. As Seokjin slowly fucked him with his finger, Namjoon got to work. He made it his mission to give Seokjin the best head he’d ever received, and based on the breathy pants his hyung was letting out, he had a good head start.
It was a bit of a stretch for Seokjin to reach over Namjoon’s body to his ass, but the younger boy wasn’t deterred. Seokjin’s cock was lodged deep, Namjoon hollowing his mouth whenever he pulled up slightly, but otherwise keeping Seokjin nestled in his throat.
“God, Namjoon,” Seokjin grunted. “Where the fuck did you learn to deepthroat?”
Namjoon went to pull off to answer, but Seokjin pushed his head back down onto his dick when he tried. At the same time, he eased a second finger into Namjoon, before muttering, “Rhetorical question. Stay down on my cock.”
Jesus Christ. Kim Seokjin was going to be the death of him.
Namjoon’s eyes rolled back into his head at the rough treatment as well as the stretch of his hole, groaning as best as the cock in his throat would allow. He felt his cock leaking precum onto the bed beneath him, knowing that if he could look, he would see how red and angry it was. But Seokjin made no more comments as he methodically opened up the younger boy, working quickly and efficiently so they could move on to the main event.
Namjoon stayed in place, bobbing his head shallowly but essentially just cockwarming his hyung. After Seokjin stretched him open on his third finger, Namjoon finally pulled off, licking up a string of Seokjin’s precum that stuck to his lip as he did so. He couldn’t wait anymore. He needed his hyung’s cock to split him open.
“Hyungie,” Namjoon rasped out, throat scratchy from the intrusion. “I’m ready. Please.” He looked up, pleading for Seokjin to just fuck him already.
It didn’t take much convincing. Seokjin’s gaze was lustful, his expression betraying how absolutely turned on he was. He pulled his fingers out of Namjoon. “Yeah?” he questioned. “You beg so nice. You ready for my cock, Namjoonie?”
Namjoon nodded dumbly, his mouth parted. Seokjin thumbed at his bottom lip, red and swollen from wrapping around his hyung’s cock. Seokjin smirked, “Turn around then.”
At this, Namjoon shook his head instead. He pushed up to sit on his heels, “I want to see you.”
Seokjin’s expression turned fond. He bent forward, pressing a soft kiss to Namjoon’s swollen lips, before whispering, “Of course, baby. Lie back for me.”
Namjoon did just that, feeling butterflies assaulting his stomach. He felt like he was getting whiplash in the best way being with Seokjin. One second, he’s so cockdumb that he can’t even see straight, and the next second, he’s filled with nothing but warm and fuzzies, heart content. It was jarring, but in a pleasant way, like a rollercoaster.
And now, Namjoon was ready for a ride.
He laid back into his bed, pushing up so his head was hitting his pillows. Seokjin crawled into bed after him, slotting himself between Namjoon’s legs when he parted them. The older boy squeezed Namjoon’s thighs again, but it was gentler than the first time, more comforting.
Seokjin smiled softly at Namjoon, “You doing okay?”
Namjoon returned the smile shyly as he ran a hand through Seokjin’s hair. “I’m doing good, hyung,” he answered. “It’s just a little overwhelming. In a good way though.”
Seokjin hummed in agreement, leaning over Namjoon to give him another peck, “I know what you mean. But I’m really happy, Namjoon.”
Namjoon felt his heart swell as he gave Seokjin a lingering kiss. He broke it off, mumbling into Seokjin’s lips, “Me too.”
He felt Seokjin grin against his mouth before he pulled back, “Ready to be really overwhelmed?”
Namjoon snorted, “Don’t get cocky.”
“Mm, babe. I think you’re about to learn how incredibly cocky I really am.” Seokjin winked before he sat up, grabbing a condom from the strip and rolling it on. He slicked up his dick for good measure as well, and then he was ready, lining his head up with Namjoon’s fluttering entrance. Namjoon held his breath as Seokjin breached him, pushing in slowly.
God, Seokjin was right. Namjoon felt every inch as it entered him, slowly and steadily until his hyung was fully seated inside him. The air rushed out of the younger boy, coming out as a broken groan. Seokjin looked just as devastated above him, breathing harshly as he struggled not to move to allow Namjoon to get used to the feeling of him. Namjoon’s hands were gripping harshly onto Seokjin’s shoulders, his nails digging into the flesh as he adjusted to the intrusion.
And honestly, Namjoon felt like he’d never adjust. Seokjin was by far the biggest cock Namjoon had ever taken, his hyung’s dick carving into him in a way he didn’t know was possible. Every time he took in a breath, he could feel Seokjin’s cock shift, like it had weaseled all the way up to Namjoon’s lungs and was punching the air out itself. He felt himself laugh dazedly at the visual.
Okay, so he was back to cockdumb apparently.
Seokjin gave him an amused look and took the laughter as a sign that he could move. He shifted his hips minutely, getting Namjoon used to the feeling. Seokjin pulled out an inch only to push back in swiftly, and Namjoon groaned at the sensation. Driven by the positive response, his hyung repeated the action, and with his head thrown back and his mouth hanging open, Namjoon allowed each thrust to punch a moan out of him.
His cock was red and angry, leaking against his stomach, something that Seokjin took notice of. As he changed his thrusts to longer, more purposeful ones, Seokjin took mercy on Namjoon’s cock. He pressed his hand against it, trapping it between his hand and Namjoon’s stomach.
Namjoon keened, unintentionally tightening around Seokjin, “Hyungie, I’m not- god, just like that- I’m not g-gonna last if you do that.”
Seokjin huffed, breathless, “I’m not gonna last either way, Joon-ah. God, you’re just so tight.”
“Go faster, hyung,” Namjoon whined, writhing on Seokjin’s cock. “Please.”
Seokjin obliged, keeping one hand down on Namjoon’s cock while the other went to rest on the pillow beside Namjoon’s head. Seokjin rolled his hips faster, fucking Namjoon into the mattress with steady thrusts.
With Seokjin this close, Namjoon was forced to keep his eyes on his hyung’s face. Seokjin’s eyes were closed, his face scrunched in pleasure as he huffed out quiet moans every time he bottomed out in Namjoon. He had never been so turned on by a sight in his life, so Namjoon wasn’t able to resist the temptation to pull Seokjin down with a hand on the back of his neck into a kiss.
They kissed sloppily, swallowing each other's grunts and moans. Seokjin slowed his hips as he focused on the kiss, and the feeling of the leisurely grinds versus harsh thrusts had Namjoon seeing stars. From this angle, Seokjin was grazing his prostate on every grind, and the feeling of pleasure was overwhelming.
When one particular roll of Seokjin’s hips had his cock completely pressed against his prostate, Namjoon broke away from Seokjin’s lips, crying out. Seokjin repeated the motion, turning his head to kiss down Namjoon’s throat. He pressed his lips against his ear, groaning quietly, “You feel so good around me, Namjoon-ah.” Another kiss was placed below his ear. “Wanted this for so long.”
“Seokjin, I-” Namjoon cut himself off, afraid of the words he almost mindlessly let out, so overcome with emotion.
Seokjin seemed to be able to read his thoughts though. He pulled away from Namjoon’s throat to kiss him softly on the lips, whispering, “I know, Joonie. I know.”
They shared a meaningful glance, speaking millions of confessions without uttering a single word. Seokjin dove back down afterward, this time sucking a mark into Namjoon’s throat as he started fucking forward again. He drove his hip into the younger boy, Namjoon whining out with every thrust.
Namjoon had been on the brink of orgasm for what feels like hours, but with the renewed vigor in Seokjin, the coil in his gut was on the brink of snapping.
Between each thrust, Namjoon let out breathily, “Hyung- I’m- gonna- cum- soon-”
Seokjin grunted, nodding against Namjoon’s throat, “Me too, Joonie. Let’s come together.”
The older boy took his hand from where it had been pressing against Namjoon’s cock, turning his hold into a firm grip. The second he wrapped his hand around Namjoon’s dick, the younger boy wailed, moaning brokenly, “H-hyungie!”
It was as if something flipped in Seokjin when Namjoon cried out. He drilled into the younger boy faster, fucking into him with harsh slaps of their flesh. The loud claps echoed into the room, but they were almost completely drowned out by Namjoon’s cries. His hyung’s cock was borderline assaulting his prostate, the pleasure almost too much for him. Before the feeling could consume him, Namjoon felt the string in his gut tighten, his orgasm creeping up.
With one well-aimed thrust, Namjoon came between their bodies, his mouth open in a silent moan. Seokjin pumped his cock through Namjoon’s orgasm, milking out every drop he could. With a few more flexes of his hips, Seokjin followed suit, groaning as he came. Namjoon could feel him, filling the condom inside him. Seokjin grinded into Namjoon lazily, riding it out as his own orgasm waned.
They both paused, Seokjin hovering above him as they caught their breath, lips barely pressing together. The older boy pushed himself up a bit, just enough for Namjoon to fully see his face. Seokjin reached a hand out, running it through Namjoon’s hair. In that moment, Namjoon felt so overwhelmed. The soft look Seokjin gave him spoke of so much adoration and care that he could barely handle it. Despite himself, Namjoon teared up.
“Hey,” Seokjin murmured. “Why are you crying?” His smile faded and his eyes darted across Namjoon’s face, trying to pin down what was causing him distress. Seokjin’s hand slid down to brush away his tears as Namjoon shook his head.
“I’m just...” Namjoon started, laughing a bit through the tears. “I’m just so happy, hyungie.”
Seokjin visibly relaxed at this, his hands sliding back up to continue petting Namjoon, “Me too, Joon-ah.” He shifted a little, his face scrunching in discomfort, “I’m going to pull out now though, okay?”
Namjoon nodded and did his best not to wince as Seokjin slid out. Based on Seokjin’s apologetic look, he didn’t do that well at hiding the discomfort. His hyung got off the bed and pulled the condom off, tying it and tossing it into the trash can near Namjoon’s desk. Before rejoining him in the sheets, Seokjin grabbed the wet wipes Namjoon mentioned earlier, leaning over to clean the cum from Namjoon’s stomach gently.
Namjoon sighed at the caress, watching Seokjin fondly as he got a fresh wipe to clean the mess of lube off of both of them. Afterwards, Seokjin pitched all of that in the trash, finally climbing back into the bed and snuggling up to Namjoon’s side. Seokjin wiggled, getting comfortable as Namjoon wrapped his arms around him to pull him closer. He rested his head on Namjoon’s chest, and Namjoon had never felt so happy in his life.
They laid there for a few minutes, eyes closed, neither saying anything as they just enjoyed the afterglow. After a while, Seokjin broke the silence that had overtaken them with a content hum, “That was better than I ever imagined.”
Namjoon chuckled, cracking an eye open to look over at Seokjin, “So you imagined that, huh?”
Seokjin opened his eyes as well, turning his head to look at Namjoon, smiling, “Among other things.” He yawned hard after, blinking blearily, “I know I said I wanted to talk, but do you mind if we just lay here first?”
“We can talk in the morning. Get some sleep, hyung.”
Seokjin’s thumb was rubbing nonsensical patterns on Namjoon’s chest, the feeling giving him goosebumps. He paused though, and Seokjin lifted himself up, half-laying on Namjoon’s torso, “I’ll sleep, but will you play me that song again?”
“...WAP?”
Seokjin snorted and flicked his chest, “The one you meant to send in the first place, Joon.”
Namjoon blinked before cracking into a smile, “Oh.” He looked around, spotting his phone on the bed to his right. Namjoon grabbed it, placing a headphone gently in Seokjin’s ear, the other earbud placed in his own. He hit play, the odd, synth beats filling their head as Namjoon pulled Seokjin closer. Seokjin smiled down at him, and Namjoon could feel his own answering grin.
Hitting play didn’t feel like just starting a new song on his phone, but a new song for him and Seokjin. A new melody that they’d craft every day, lyrics they’d write and beats they’d dance to. They couldn’t know how well the song would turn out, but Namjoon had a feeling it’d be a hit.
* * * * * * *
After a pleasant night filled with cuddles, soft conversation, and laughter, Namjoon and Seokjin came to a very clear conclusion: Yes, they both liked each other and yes, they were now boyfriends.
Now the fun part; telling their friends.
They both came to an agreement that telling the group shouldn’t be a big deal, maybe they’d just mention it in passing and that’d be that. Sure, maybe that was a little lowkey, but Namjoon is a lowkey kind of person, and Seokjin seemed fine with the idea. When Namjoon said he wanted to go with the nonchalant approach, Seokjin laughed and slapped him on the shoulder with a passing, “Sure, Joonie.”
So yeah, if Seokjin was fine with that, so was Namjoon.
Seokjin. His boyfriend. His.
God, Namjoon still couldn’t get over that. Couldn’t get over that he gets to call such a passionate, caring, funny man like Seokjin his. Seokjin, with his broad shoulders, his handsome face, his squeaky laugh. Namjoon sighs dreamily. He must’ve saved an entire kingdom in a past life, must’ve slayed a dragon or something in order to have the world give him such a gift like Kim Seokjin.
Namjoon sat in his room, grinning like a dope while daydreaming about his new boyfriend, when he received a notification on his phone, and his grin only grew when he saw it was from Seokjin himself to the group chat.
Namjoon opened the notification, the first of the group to do so. He stared at the message blankly.
And stared.
And stared. What.
In the chat was a song link, one now opened by everyone in the group since Namjoon had just been looking at his phone frozen for the last three minutes.
Seokjin-hyung: [Audio Attachment - “I Just Had Sex” by The Lonely Island]
Seokjin-hyung: Thanks for last night. Love you~
The message was followed by a series of hearts and kissy emojis, so many that Namjoon had to double check that Hoseok wasn’t the sender of the texts.
Once confirmed it was Seokjin, Namjoon felt his face heat up. Seokjin just typed out that he loved him. Seokjin loved him.
Seokjin just accidentally told the rest of Bangtan that he loved someone.
Before Namjoon could even think of formulating a reply, much less typing one out, both Hoseok and Yoongi had sent a series of question marks to the chat. The messages were already marked as read by Seokjin, almost as if he was sitting in the chat waiting for a reply.
Seokjin replied quickly to them.
Seokjin-hyung: Oops! That was for my private chat with Joonie. Silly me!
Oh, right. Seokjin. Namjoon’s beautiful, loving, not-lowkey-in-any-way-shape-or-form boyfriend.
That chat changed almost instantly from question marks to exclamation points, both Taehyung and Hoseok filling the chat logs. It was only interrupted once by Jimin’s succinct, ‘FINALLY.’
Namjoon received a notification a few moments later, this time from Seokjin in their actual private chat.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: ;)
Despite his embarrassment, Namjoon chuckled, endeared.
Namjoonie: Very lowkey, babe
In response, Namjoon received another single emoji, this one a kissy face. He rolled his eyes, but typed out a question for his boyfriend all the same.
Namjoonie: So
Namjoonie: You love me, huh?
Seokjin started replying and stopped a few times before sending,
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: What if I do?
Namjoon grinned at this, but he couldn’t type a reply before Seokjin did the equivalent of word vomit in text form, flooding their chat will with single line messages.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: I’m sorry
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: It’s too soon for that, isn’t it?
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: I’m sorry if it makes things awkward
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: I’ve just liked you a long time
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: You know what?
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: I don’t take it back
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: I DO love you
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Deal with it, Namjoon-ah
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: I’m not sorry
Namjoon could see Seokjin still typing, so he decided to interrupt.
Namjoonie: Seokjin
Seokjin’s chat bubbles disappeared, signaling that he paused his typing. Namjoon plowed forward.
Namjoonie: I love you too, hyung
Seokjin began typing again, taking a minute to reply. When he did, Namjoon laughed to himself.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Oh
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Okay so
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Maybe you aren’t completely hopeless
This time, Namjoon felt not only his face heat up, but his whole body filled with warmth. His smile grew fond as Seokjin continued on.
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: Come give me a kiss
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: I’m in your room right now
WWH Seokjinnie-hyung~: I’m so lonely, Joonie~
And Namjoon needed nothing else right now than to kiss his boyfriend. He ran up to his room, almost tripping up the stairs on his way.
Because when it came to Seokjin, Namjoon was, in fact, completely hopeless.
The end 💜