Hermione sat at the back of the class, strumming her fingers loosely across the wooden desk, staring off into space as she often did.
She shrunk down into her seat in an attempt to disappear into the background, a pastime that had become most important since the beginning of her seventh year.
Every time Flitwick asked a question her friends looked to her with longing glances, still holding out hope that she would return to her usual know it all enthusiastic self.
She didn't so much as look back up at them.
Luckily for her it was the last class of the day, patience was running low and she was counting down the minutes until she could rely on just her own thoughts and company.
As soon as Flitwick announced the end of the lesson she slid off her chair and slung her bag over her shoulder quickly. Purposefully trying to ignore eye contact with her classmates in the process.
Head down, messy hair blocking her vision, she stepped out of the classroom and immediately attempted to pick up her pace.
"Hermione!"
She heard from behind her, "Hermione wait!"
Gulping, she turned around, faking the hint of a smile which was more than they'd had in days.
Harry stood in front of her, clutching his book, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck as Ron stood beside him with a solemn expression that Hermione found difficult to read.
Her best friends since first year and now she didn't even know what to say.
"You alright 'mione?"
Harry questioned, to which she replied with a brisk nod as she tucked a curl away from her eye-line and behind her ear.
Ron placed his hand on Harry's shoulder and moved forward a little before awkwardly speaking,
"Join us in the common room tonight?"
Hermione smiled lightly at the pair, attempting to meet their eyes in an effort to seem polite.
"Snape set three sets of potions homework. I was going to get on with that in the Library and then head to my dorm."
Harry smiled warmly, "We'll join you."
She shook her head and her fake smile quickly cracked as she let them down again,
"I'm sorry, but I think I need to focus on my own."
The pair shrugged and Harry let out a great sigh before patting Hermione on her shoulder softly. They'd labelled getting her to do anything with them anymore a lost cause.
"Well, you know where we'll be."
She smiled politely and apologised again, giving her thanks before scurrying off down the corridor toward the library.
Desperately trying not to worry herself over another disappointed expression in her direction.
When she finally made it to the library she placed her bag down and looked up at the sea of books that stood before her. Hermione took her seat and wiggled a little in her uniform to get comfortable, before watching the sky turn grey in the little window beside her.
She lay out her books upon the table in front and for the entire day, finally felt as if she could breathe. Since the threat of war and Voldemort's return and rise to power, the hatred against muggleborns, she'd found an empty library to be the only place she could truly forget about it all.
The only place she could breathe without panicking.
Seventh year had turned Hermione into a version of herself she didn't even recognise.
She hardly spoke anymore, to anyone. Not since the growing attacks on muggleborn's had forced her to obliviate her parents. Since then she'd hidden herself away. Silently collected research on Horcrux's and other useful curses for her best friends to use when the time came.
Hermione would indefinitely still help the cause, and she'd fight beside them eventually. However that didn't stop her from feeling lost with a lack of motivation that led her to the same dull routine everyday.
She'd shy away from her friends, silently complete schoolwork and then hide away in the library and research when the time came to socialise. Hermione would go back to her dorm with a melancholic look on her face and normally cry or just be left so emotionless she wouldn't sleep a wink.
She'd been sat in the library half an hour since she'd arrived and hadn't opened a single book. The silence in the library at this time was so calming that she could just simply sink into her chair for hours and enjoy it.
Hermione longed to feel something again.
Something other than just emptiness.
She resisted and closed her eyes gently against her lids, resting her head on the table and letting her hair cascade over her face. Her normally bright eyes were now encrypted with dark circles that surrounded them, but a constant lack of sleep is bound to do that to a person.
Hermione knew she wasn't going to get any potions homework done, nor was she going to be able to complete any useful research or findings for Harry and Ron.
And although last year she would've largely flustered over this, she found herself simply past the point of caring. The constant research into dark magic and the history of hatred against muggleborns was certainly not something that would help lift her spirits this evening. Though she was beginning to think that nothing ever would.
She opened a book timidly and began to read, attempting to focus on the delicate words of the author and consequently ignore the life that seemed to be crumbling around her.
Hermione huffed and looked around, any last lingering students had left and the library was now completely empty. She was the only one sane enough to risk staying after hours. Hermione didn't care about anything.
She tried to stop Harry and Ron's disappointed glances from reappearing in her head and continued to read.
When she finally looked up from her book, the clock on the wall read 11:00pm. She was four hours past curfew. Hermione yawned at a dull expense and then collected her things to make her way back to her dorm. With any luck the girls would be asleep and she could sneak in as she usually did. Ginny was certainly the worse for asking questions, she'd never let her off easy.
The corridors were silent as she passed through them, her steps only lit by the lumos from her wand.
"Alohomora."
She whispered as another yawn escaped her mouth, yet somehow she knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep. Hermione creeped gingerly into the dorm and let out a sigh of relief as she noticed the girls were sleeping. She placed her bag down beside her bed and drew her deep red curtains around it as she always did, fond of her privacy.
Slipping into a set of lilac pyjamas, she curled up into her bed and stared up at the ceiling, her eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness that surrounded her. Hermione felt tired always, and yet was never able to sleep. Especially with Ginny and Parvati's early morning wake up call, estimated 5am, to practice quidditch. She rolled her eyes at the thought of it, they didn't even try to be bloody quiet.
~
As she awoke to sounds of the girls nattering, hardly an hour's sleep, she felt a cold tear run down to her jaw. She hadn't even noticed she was crying and yet it was minutes after she'd awoke and her cheeks were wet.
How could all her friends go on acting so normal as if muggleborns weren't getting murdered every other day?
As if a war wasn't brewing?
She must've been the only one that felt like this because they all seemed overly cheery for a Tuesday morning. Hermione lay in bed until the last one left the room so that she could get herself ready in peace.
Clambering out slowly, she got up and released a long sigh as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was wild and her face hollow and tired, plump lips a little cracked.
Moving to the bathroom, she stood under the hot stream of water and cried again. Hermione turned up the heat, the water scolding at her skin, burning and fizzing at her fingertips.
Slipping out the shower, she slid back into her Griffindor robes. She charmed her hair into a loose plait that ran down her back, something that looked somewhat acceptable and as if she gave a damn about her appearance. Hermione avoided makeup all together, instead sliding on a swipe of honey lip balm to tend to her sore lips. Hoping nobody would recognise her pink cheeks and little red nose as a sign that she'd been crying.
Sighing, she placed the correct books inside her bag and pulled up her knee high socks to an appropriate length. She was already 10 minutes late to class, how unlike Hermione Granger.
Upon entering the class, she slipped down into her chair unknowingly at the back next to Luna- forcing herself to pay attention immediately.
"Late again Hermione?"
Luna whispered with a smile, "So unlike you."
Hermione turned to her and offered a smile back, "So many projects to complete Luna. So much research."
Luna nodded understandably and began to scribble on her page.
Her classmates were beginning to notice.
She looked up to catch Ron's eye, looking over his shoulder as he offered her a pitiful look that instead of being a warm gesture seemed otherwise another disappointed glare.
Hermione quickly avoided his look and forced her attention back to concentration, determined not to let her bad moods effect her grades any further.
The hour passed quickly, and Hermione was pleased to find a neat set of notes in front of her rather than useless doodles. Luna collected her things and Hermione chatted along to her politely as they made their way to double potions with Professor Snape.
Walking with Luna was a safe and harmless way to avoid Harry and Ron and their constant conversation about where or what Voldemort was up too. Her late night research in the library was all she needed to hear about that.
Hermione tried to stifle her yawns as she entered Snape's class and separated from Luna.
"Late night Miss Granger?"
Snape hissed, smirking gleefully as she shrugged a lousy, "Sorry Professor," and made her way to her seat. A group of Slytherins sniggered at the back of the class and she slid herself further down into her chair with Ginny now beside her, smiling playfully.
"Mione."
"Hey gin."
These brief interactions with her friends were becoming more of a nessacity than something she particularly enjoyed. Ginny spread her books across the table and Hermione sighed, knowing she would struggle to concentrate for the rest of the morning.
~
Harry tapped her shoulder timidly and she turned around, tucking a curl behind her ear as she waited in anticipation for a lecture on perhaps how worried he was about her.
How she was withdrawing from the world.
How she wasn't being herself.
Instead he sighed, avoided the awkward interaction and just asked her to join the group for lunch.
She nodded, sitting on the table politely, eyes wondering around the great hall but not landing on anybody in particular. Hermione pushed her food around the plate and avoided eating.
She wasn't hungry.
Her eyes glossed over and without realising her breath quickened, the voices around her louder, blood roaring in her ears.
Everyone was always looking down on her and she hated it. Looking at her with sorrowful looks that made her want to jump off the bloody astronomy tower.
She hated people feeling sorry for her.
"I'm sorry. I forgot—
This h— homework, I—
Excuse me."
Knocking over her gold goblet of water as she stood, wincing as the attention fell to her, she scurried away— legs moving quicker than she could keep up with. She needed to go anywhere quiet, anywhere else than surrounded by people that were ok.
As she approached closer to the exit she brushed a curl behind her ear and out of her face. Her cheeks were flushed and panicked, her heart thumping wildly beneath her tight school shirt.
Hermione stumbled a little and as she looked back up, regained her footing.
Her eyes flitted over to the Slytherin table. Specifically she locked eyes with Draco Malfoy.
His expression was one of amusement, sharp jaw resting on the palm of his hand.
Malfoy raised his eyebrows at her and his lips pulled into the hint of a smirk.
It was strange because finally someone wasn't looking at her like she'd just let them down.
In fact, Malfoy's expression had proved that he was rather enjoying her gracious downfall.
She hated that almost as much as the disappointed reactions of her fellow Griffindors. Almost.
Hermione pulled her eyes away and continued with her fast pace, the library seemed a suitable destination to calm herself.