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"Zia," I whispered in my semi-conscious state, trying to reach her before blacking out completely.
Calina's pov
I felt like in a deep slumber, my body feeling numb. I felt like my consciousness was wakening up, but I couldn't move even my pinky, that exhausted felt my body.
I felt like I was lying in the darkness, surrounded by nothing. Then, I heard the monster of my nightmares say near my ear, brushing it's lips against my earlobe: Wake up, piccola.
Now, I was glad my eyes were closed, as I didn't want to see the voice's keeper. And I felt anger, angry at the voice as it belonged to him.
Suddenly, I clenched my jaw, my hands balled into fists, and my body rose up from its lying position before my eyes opened, ready to tell him to fuck off and don't tell me what the hell I have to do.
But he wasn't there. And it was Hella bright in the room. Groaning, I blinked a few times, rubbing my eyes.
For a second I felt lightheaded and disoriented before I came to my senses and looked around, realizing that I was in the hospital.
Frowning ans still feeling very exhausted, I tried to remember the reason why I was here.
Then, I remembered losing consciousness while carrying Zia's birthday cake to her, and the immense pain I felt in my legs and bones before I fell to my knees and passed out.
Sighing, I went with the back of my hand over my forehead as it was sweaty, before looking down at my lap and biting my lip not to cry.
I was scared as something was definitely not right with me. At first, I thought I was only exhausted and stressed from my profession, but as a doctor now, I could tell that the pain I was feeling couldn't be caused by stress or exhaustion. And I've been in a lot of pain lately.
My body felt sick. I had bone pain, I was excessive sweating, especially at nights. And I started bruising without harming myself.
I could tell to what illness all those symptoms were describing me, but I ignored it for a while now, not wanting to believe I was sick, having:
Leukemia.
Was I really dying? I mean, I had been suspecting for weeks now that I might have cancer, but I didn't get myself checked out because I refused to admit I had cancer.
Instead of getting myself checked, I told myself and my body that we were alright, telling myself we'd get better by time, even if I knew, as a doctor, that the human anatomy didn't work like that as every body needed some help at some point, and I crossed that point a long time ago.
And the reason why I didn't do a diagnosis on myself was because I was scared that I was really sick, I didn't want to die and leave my baby behind. She was only three, and needed me.
I came back from my thoughts, wiping my tears away, looking up, as the door of my room opened and Bob came in.
"You're awake! You gave us all a heart attack! Wait! Let me call the doctor," he babbled, leaving the room again, before I could ask him where Zia was.
"Zia ..." I muttered, thinking of my daughter. As wanted to get up and look for my daughter, the door opened again and Bob came in with Mr. Wright this time.
"Good morning Candice," he muttered, looking at my file. "Morning?" I asked with a gasp, shocked that I was out for a day, before wondering where my daughter was, what she was doing, how she was, as the last time I've seen her she fell to the ground, and I haven't seen her for one fucking day.
"Where is Zia?" I asked, looking at Bob, who hesitantly looked at me, scratching the back of his head.
"Fine, I'll go and find her myself," I muttered as he didn't answer me, and I was getting very impatient. As I was about to get up, he stopped me by putting his hand on my shoulder, saying, "Wait, she's in the room next to yours."
I felt like the blood drained off my face by his words. "What? Why? What's she got?" I asked him, thinking about her, reminding that she was running towards me when I fell on the ground.
Then, she didn't get up off the ground, and I was fighting not to lose consciousness, trying to reach for her, thinking that she was crying, before I passed out.
"Is my daughter alright?" I asked scared. "She's fine now," Mr. Wright said, making me look back and forth between Bob and him, as I was slightly panicking him. "What do you mean by now?" I asked alarmed.
"Candice, you need to calm down, please," Mr. Wright told me as I was about to get up and find my baby.
Huffing, I looked at him with watery eyes, shaking my head. I didn't want to cry, but if the matter was my daughter and her well-being, then, I couldn't hold back my tears, I just couldn't.
"With all due respect, Mr. Wright, I would listen to you as your intern, but as your patient, I refuse to lie down if my child in the room next to me, sick," I said before removing the serum from my arm, "I want to see my baby and see if she is fine." Then, I got up.
As I passed them, barefoot, feeling a little dizzy as I, I guess, got up too quickly, Bob grabbed my arm. "You really need to rest, sugar," he told me, looking at me with worry.
Shaking my head, I pulled my arm from his grip, telling him firmly, "You can't tell a mother to calm down when her baby is in the hospital and she doesn't know if she's alright or not, or what she has! And if you don't tell me why she passed out, I'll go and see myself, it is my right to know my baby's condition as her mother."
As they both looked at me quietly, I muttered a 'fine' before turning around to leave the room. When I was about to leave, Mr. Wright said, "She has an atrial septal defect."
His words made me stop in my movements. Gasping, I took ahold of the doorframe next to me, muttering in disbelief, "My baby has a hole in her heart."
"Yes, but as a doctor in fellowship, you should know that there are many things we can do to keep her condition from getting complicated. We can fix her condition with surgery and close the hole, or we could also use a device lock to repair atrial septal defects to prevent complications," he told me, trying to calm me down.
"I can't calm down, that's my child! Even if she bumps her little toe against the table's leg, my heart aches! Now, I feel like stabbed," I told them with my hand over my heart, "after what I've heard!"
"But it's nothing we can't fix," Mr. Wright argued, making me nod my head and agree with him.
"I want a surgery," I muttered, "and I want her to have an operation soon."
"Sugar, maybe, we should talk about this matter after you calmed down," Bob muttered, looking at me.
"I agree with your friend, you're little shaken and might take a decision you'll regret later," Mr. Wright claimed.
Shaking my head, I told them both firmly, "I know the surgery would fix her condition soon, that's why I want it, and I won't change my mind."
"But you know our hospital is private and the cost will be high," he Mr. Wright told me with a sigh.
"I also know this hospital is one of the best in the US and I want the best for my baby," I told him, "and I can work more, do more nightshifts, to pay the bill."
"I wouldn't suggest you to work more with your condition either," he muttered, making me look at him dead in my tracks.
"I'm good, I can do it," I muttered dazedly, knowing what he was referring. He looked at me sadly, saying, "No, you're not, I'm sorry Candice, but your results show that you have—"
"Leukemia, I know I have leukemia," I told him, looking at him exhaustedly. "You knew it" he asked me in disbelief.
"I more like suspected it." I sighed.
"You suspected that you've leukemia, but you didn't get yourself checked?" Bob asked me now, groaning frustrated, "why?"
"Because I have a child who relies on me. And I didn't want to get checked because I was scared, not to die but to leave my baby behind!" I snapped, before sobbing, shaking my head.
"Look, I know that being diagnosed with a disease like this might be scary. The idea of dying can be scary. But if you don't start fighting your fears soon, it may be too late. We have to start to treat you soon, and prevent your stage won't get worse," Mr. Wright said calmly to me.
I huffed, as I was tired of fighting, my entire life I struggled with never ending adversities. And I always succeeded to get what I wanted, with patience and time.
I never ran away from my fears, until now. Death didn't scare me, no, my only fear was to leave my daughter, who was my first priority in life, behind.
"My treatment has to wait, I want my daughter to be treated first, I don't have enough money to get us both treated," I muttered.
"But your daughter's condition is not fatal like yours. It's a small defect what she has and it won't cause her a problem, it might even close during infancy. It's better if we got you treated first," Mr. Wright suggested me.
"As you say, it might close during infancy, or not. The hole could also enlarge due to the amount of blood flowing through her lungs. And a large, long-lasting atrial septal defect can damage her heart and lungs. I want my baby to be operated, before we start my treatment and this is my final decision," I told him firmly.
"I don't really get the medical stuff you're talking about, but Zia has a hole in her heart and Candice has cancer?" Bob asked with a frown.
"Yes, and if Ms. Hooker doesn't start her treatment soon, her condition may get worse," Mr. Wright sighed.
"I know, but I can't," I tried to explain them things from my sight, "I just can't get myself treated before her, it doesn't feel right for me, and I'm scared her condition might worsen, or that she faints again! I felt like my heart skipped a beat as I saw her falling down before I had passed out! I don't want to see her like that again. Therefore, I want her to be treated first!"
"Alright, if that's your wish, I have to respect your decision as my patient, but as my intern, I am disappointed with your decision," he said disappointed, "still, I hope that maybe your friend can change your decision."
"I'd be disappointed in myself as a mother too if I put me over my child," I told him. My love for my daughter was something only another mother could understand, I guess.
I even got worried for Zia when she got the flue. Therefore, I couldn't live with the thought that my baby was diagnosed with an artificial septal defect. I gave a fuck about my condition at the moment. I just wanted my baby's heart to be fixed, having her healthy again.
"Candice, please, your condition is serious and you must be treated as soon as possible or you may die!" he told me irritably.
He was right. I would die if I wouldn't get treated as soon as possible, but I couldn't be selfish and put myself above my baby.
And I was already corrupted. He tainted me. If someone deserved to live, then it was my baby, and not a scarred soul like me.
"I know."
"You're one of my best interns! But now, I really don't get you ..."
"I don't expect you to understand my decision, just respect it," I muttered, looking at Mr. Wright tiredly.
Actually, I was really tired of life. The only reason I didn't leave this world was because of my daughter. And if I lost her, I would lose my mind anyway.
"I've lived enough, but my daughter still has a lot to see," I muttered quietly.
"What?" Mr. Wright asked me with a frown. "Nothing," I sighed, looking at him, "my decision is final, I want my daughter to be treated first."
"Nothing I will say will change your mind, will it?" he asked me sadly, sighing. I shook my head.
"Then, I wish you a good day for now." I nodded my head before he left the room.
"I know you love Zia and you want the best for her. I understand that even if your condition is worse, you want to get her treated first as I'd do the same for Boris, I won't try to change your decision, but let help you collect the money so you can both be treated," he told me.
Smiling, I looked at him in appreciation before shaking my head, declining his offer, "No. I will fix my problem myself. You have already done enough for me. I bothered you all my life with my problems, I don't want to bother you anymore."
Frowning, he said, "What are you talking about? You are not bothering me at all. You are my sister. You are my family. And we take care of each other, as family."
His words touched my heart. I looked at him with watery eyes before hugging him. "I know, but all my life I depended on someone, or some people made depend on them," I chuckled lightly, and from his expression he understood who I was talking about, "I want to be independent, and fix my problems myself." I wanted to be the strong and independent mother for my daughter.
"Alright, I kinda get you," he mumbled, hugging me, rubbing my back in a brotherly manner, "but I want you to know that I'm there for you, always, if you need anything, and I mean it, Lina."
"I know, and I can't tell you how grateful I'm to have a brother like you," I told him honestly. "Well, me too," he smirked cockily.
I chuckled, shaking my head. "Even if you're arrogant and bitchy," I added, making him gasp offended.
"And—"
"And hot and sexy?" he asked, covering my mouth to stop me from offending him more.
"Mmh," I hummed, rolling my eyes.
"I know, but thanks!"
I smiled, laughing lightly, being grateful to have such compassionate and loving people, who cared for me, around me, seeing me as their family.
Talking about family, I wondered where Emma was. Taking his hand off my mouth, I asked him with a frown, "Where is Emma?"
"Was here two hour ago, but went home to clean your house as it's a little messed up after Zia's birthday party, and Boris was getting grumpy too," he told me.
"Thank you."
"There is nothing to thank for, that's why family is here for."
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