Author's Note: THEO POV, It's explicit. VERY. This book will change, I also changed too. Good luck :,)
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All I know is that my life was once happy, but these unforgettable events changed everything, especially what my mind had become.
I don't know why nor I don't even know how. It was never the same.
||Middle School Time||
In school, I was just that ordinary kid that had problems of his own, and no one did not even check up on me once. Mom and Dad I believe are starting to get distant. Dad used to put up with the passion for art long ago but time has changed, he suddenly loses interest and took the decision to work in an office job that is probably a long hour's drive away from our home. I'd always see him getting ready early before sunrise or sunset depending on if he has a day or night shift. I see you only twice a week. until then, I haven't heard anything interesting lately...I mean like what can you expect? There's obviously nothing interesting, it's more of working your ass off until all papers are filed and organized.
Mom and Dad rarely had time together. All of us don't sit together as a family when it comes to dinners anymore. It's sometimes just me and Taylor eating on the table with her iPad just watching anything that follows her interest alone, but now it's mostly me who eats at the table alone when no one isn't around.
During dad's busy business days. I lived on with traumatizing moments.
I witness the times at night when Taylor sleepovers most of the time with her best friends that live a few blocks away. I'd stayed in my room quietly, finding possible ways to keep myself busy and I'd always hear my mother's laughter downstairs. I've not heard her laughter in a long time since dad has been working in his uninterested working life. My door wasn't fully close and head downstairs as I started to hear a noise that wasn't common. It was another male voice that was not familiar to me.
I slowly walked out of my door and as I was almost near the stairwells. I saw her...she was with a young muscular man sitting on top of him as they aggressively start to kiss each other, and after a few seconds they start to do things intimately which was way beyond kissing.
I don't know why I kept watching. My eyes start to become blurry. My heart had certainly dropped down to my stomach, as I feel so much disgust, hatred, and full of sadness that I want to throw a vase to stop this awful event. But I can't.
I can't move.
I can't somehow tell my dad about this. He still loves her, and even through the hard times, he doesn't show it. I slowly left the scene, slowly close the door without making a sound. I somehow can't confront my mother. There are so many reasons why, but I can't let Taylor also know about this. Either. She will get deeply affected.
Months passed by, and she has been doing this with different guys, especially the young-looking ones who are originally in their mid 20's. Every time dad leaves off for work or times when Taylor sleepovers at her friend's house. Mom rarely keeps up with me anymore since I'm the oldest. Her attitude did change, only with me and I guess..my dad as well, but not with Taylor.
During these nights, I would sneak out or mostly run away when dad and Taylor are not at home and it was only just mom. But because of the situation that keeps on happening at night, I don't want to deal with her anymore.
It's been dreadful. I barely had enough sleep within the past months.
Drugs and Alcohol were never on my list and never will be. I believed mom was influenced by that. Before she started hooking up with the first guy I saw at home.
"You sure u don't want to try ?'' Trainy asked, passing me a white thin rolled paper, patched with a burnt edge already. The smell had awfully surrounded this area by now.
I shook my head, I rejected his offer quietly.
Trainy, my classmate and neighbor who lives a few blocks away from me encountered each other from school but never communicate until now. He saw me stroll through the empty lighted streets alone, then saw me walking past next to his house as I saw him and a group of grownups which I assume their high schoolers at a garage. It felt so chilling yet toxic because of this odd odor.
I lay against the wall as I continuously observe alone in quiet.
"Don't peer pressure him you asshole" a brunette girl approached the scene out of nowhere, where she walked out of the door where she was right across from me.
Trainy surrender his arms along with smoke, "aye, I was just asking, this guy needs to have a sort of fun in his life" he smirked.
The girl rolls his eyes, with her arms crossed against her chest then turns to face me. "Don't mind him, he's a wannabe ass gang boy, have you seen this guy's clothes?"
I turned to observe Trainy as he was smoking and interacting with the other guys who were also smoking and teasing each other. I chuckled and looked down at the ground.
I guess this is why he's never around in school. He mostly spends his time here at home getting wasted.
"So...what's your name?" The girl asked. "I don't think I have ever seen you here in this neighborhood before, this town knows everyone. the gossip is widely opened around here but in my case, I don't often chitchat so don't worry, you won't really be the talk, or whatever."
I guess she really wants to talk to me. I looked up and I see her sitting on a bar stool chair right next to me which she grabbed seconds ago.
"A person you won't probably see ever again" I stated.
She laughed, but what's so funny about that? I often move anyways.
"Okay, a person I won't probably see ever again," she joked
"My name is Jane, Trainy's step-sister" she gave in a comforting smile.
I nodded.
During the night, Jane and I were getting to know each other but I didn't really have much in, she did most of the talking, but I never really complained. Trainy and the other guys were just doing their own thing and still smoking.
"How old are you Theo?" She asked.
"Thirteen," I said shortly.
She looked shocked. "Wow, certainly younger than trainy, you look more mature than your age"
"And you are?" I asked, with my brows raised.
"Two years older than you" she clarified as she chuckles.
I'm guessing she wants me to know her age, rather than saying it. I don't know...I can't calculate her age at this moment...too lazy anyways, but her being older definitely looks right within her age.
I looked at the clock hanging on the wall it was 12 a.m.,
"shouldn't you be home by now?" Jane asked, "it's a school day anyways"
I didn't realize the time, I left 2 hours ago.
Dad is not yet home until then. Taylor is sleeping over at her friend's out, she mentions to her mom that she'll just go to school with her friends right after and then will head home. Mom couldn't care less about me anyways so there's no point.
"Home isn't the place I wanna be in right now," I said. "Even school too"
She looked at me concerned, then stares down at the floor and nodded, understanding what I'm probably going through. "Well...where do you plan on staying?"
To be honest, I don't know. I shrugged. All I want to do is to get rid of these emotions.
"I would offer to let you stay here, but this place is a No no" She stated, "But-"
"Don't bother, I won't be staying for too long" I intervened. She frowned, "sure you gonna be alright?"
I can tell she was worried. I never took things personally with her, especially with my life.
I nodded, silently.
I guess my presence is something she will be missed.
But, I don't wanna leave just yet.
My house yet may be quiet but it's still dreadful living there.
I still feel like shit.
I can't add to this by the time I head home.
I looked at her and sighed.
"Jane..." I spoke, breaking the silence between us. It was even the first time I even said her name
"Can you teach me..." I quietly said.
She looked at me, raising her brows trying to understand what I'm saying, "What is it?"
I know I shouldn't ask this, but the amount of emotions I held in is overwhelming. That I have to realize all this shit.
I can't explain it, "This" I pointed.
It was the weed. The rolled-up thin paper that Jane mentioned and educated me on during our 2-hour conversation.
She chuckled, "What If I don't let you?" She smirks.
"You let Trainy smoke weed, why can't I?" I confront her.
It's also illegal to even hand out something toxic to a minor anyways.
"You are too young for this shit" She replied.
"Aren't you too?" I argued, my brows furrowed. "Everyone in this room is too young too, so might well hand me one anyways" I shrugged.
Before she can say anything, trainy intervened. "Jane, my brooo...if he's interested, then let him try my dudee" he spoke, slowly yet peacefully with an unbothered tone. He laughed, the way said his sentence "Holy shit, why did I...Why did I even- say it- like that"
"You're tripping out bro" Another guy who sat on the couch across Trainy replied back, laughing along with him.
She turned to me, analyzing me if I can even smoke weed. I want to get wasted.
"You really wanna try this time huh?" She asked, "Have you ever smoked a cigarette before?"
I contemplate...I have never in my life but recently been seeing my dad smokes. I shook my head.
She laughed, shaking her head. "Then it will suck for you on your first try, how will you even enjoy it when you never smoked anything in your life?"
I sighed, "I'm...curious okay?" I lied.
Just give me one for fucks sake.
She sighed, "Alright, newbie. As I said, before, it will suck but eventually, you feel the feeling of being high in a matter of time"
She hand me one of the weeds that were kept in a small tin box that has not yet been lit.
It feels so light. That I can't express enough, but I know I wasn't scared to do this.
"Right when I light the weed, you start to inhale and let the air pass in your lungs, don't let the air out too much, once it reaches inside of you, hold ur breath just for a few seconds then exhale" Jane directed.
I put the rolled thin paper in between my lips as Jane started to turn the small lighter on, which a flame on top showed and lit towards the edge of the weed. The paper started to burn as I then on inhale. Once I inhale, I felt a sensation where air enters my mouth, passing through my throat down to my lungs within seconds. Suddenly, an urge came on to give in a reflex that I certainly coughed sharply. "Shit" I cursed.
Jane laughed. "Told you it sucks ass...Try again" I looked at her, as she stares at me contently, with a sense of care. So I did it again, I inhale slowly the sharp sensation there, and slowly exhale all the air out. "There you go, then wait it out just for a little to feel it," She said. I nodded.
I slide down next to the wall and sat on the floor to lift my head up and close my eyes.
I open my eyes again, and jane took the weed out of my mouth she starts to put it between her mouth, doing the same action that I did and puffing out the smoke from her mouth.
Moments later, I start to feel quite at ease...which was quite odd but expected. Jane and I shared the weed, taking turns with it. the more I do, the more effect has come to me as I stopped. This has to be it.
I feel...happy.
My vision is a little blurred, as I start to look around.
Jane chuckled, "How are you feeling?"
I looked at her, as I study her.
Wow. why haven't I noticed that she's beautiful?
The baggy black jean jacket with a white tank top and black sweatpants. the natural makeup that matches her skin perfectly with a hint of eyeliner. Her smile...is quite comforting and beautiful.
"Better" I smiled with a small laugh.
She smiled bigger. the effects start to kick in strongly.
I laughed once again but this time, I felt intense happiness. "What? Why are you smiling?" I asked.
"You're a sexy mermaid, you know that?" She randomly said. I laughed. where did that come from?
"you smile attractively" She stated.
We both shared deep intense stares at each other as she starts slowly to lean closer to me. I closed my eyes for a second and opened then again as I found that her face is inches away from me.
"Jane..." I said slowly.
Her soft lips touched mine, kissing me softly and her hands wrapped around my neck. As I backed away. My vision is fucked, but her touch is probably something I need right now...My head starts to lay on her shoulder as my arms are wrapped around her abdomen.
-----
As my eyes were opened. I wasn't in the same room I was in before.
This time I have seen a white-gray ceiling with a bed light that's not been on. It was not the Black-grey ceiling I saw where Trainy and the other guys are at. I sat up, looking around and all I can see are White Walls covered with a bunch of posters and big Vinyls that are hanged. and plants as well.
I found myself being topless as my bottom are covered with blue bed sheets, as I look right next to me which was the girl I talked to...no smoked weed with. She was also Topless too, but still asleep than me.
I can't remember what I've done. But I know that my vision was blurred, and the time was beyond midnight. As I looked outside, it was already day. "shit..." I cursed.
I'm fucked.
-------
As I got my clothes that were on the floor from Jane's room, I slowly, but carefully left her house without noise and also without leaving her a note. Eventually, I know, that I won't ever see her again.
I indeed I'd have a good time. I didn't feel the overwhelming stress upon me as much.
I walked out of her house and began to head home following the sidewalk.
When I finally reached my house, just a distance away there I saw, my dad.
Dad sitting on the porch, with a cigarette in his hand, puffing smoke out of his mouth as he gave me a death stare.
I frowned, knowing what will happen to me, but I know that it won't affect me as much as before.
It's okay. I stand to this to be the strongest out of everyone.
I am just a few feet away from dad, as his looked never changed by the time I have arrived.
"Where on fucks have you been?" Dad spoke, with a raising voice tone.