Chapter 22 Taylor POV
“Taylor! Let me in. I am so sorry I didn’t mean it like that. Please!.” Zack has been banging against the door for about an hour now. Why did he have to touch there. I didn’t mean to lose Charlie. When he touched my stomach it brought back too many sad thoughts. I lost my child before I even knew about him. I love Charlie so much, I wish him/her were still here. I want to hold my baby in my arms. I know some may say I'm young but I would love to be a Mum. I would rather it be a bit later, but I would never want my child to die, what ever age I am.
I get up off the bed. Zack seems to have calmed down but I suspect he is still outside our room. I walk over to the fire place. On the top of that we have placed our little angel Charlie. I pick it up and sit down by sliding along the wall.
I run my hand over the bumps and grooves of the figurine. “I’m so sorry baby. I love you with all my heart, but I was a bad mother and lost you. I lost you before I knew you.” I rub my finger over the engraving along the front. “I wish you were here. I would be so excited. Chris and I would probably be going out shopping everyday so we can buy you clothes, toy and well, everything and anything you may need.” I kiss the baby angels forehead. “Zack would have been so excited. We would change one of our rooms into your nursery. We would paint the room your favorite colour and build a crib and change table for you. I would have my rocking chair in the corner of the room that I would rock you to sleep every time you sleep. We would grab some of our old kids stuff from here and give it to you. We’d teach you how to surf and play footy. Oh and you have to learn how to play guitar.” I keep rambling on talking about what I would do for my baby. I am pulled out of my thoughts by a soft hand wrapping around me.
I look up and find Zack next to me. I snuggle into his side. “I’m sorry babe. I know I shouldn't have done that. But I don’t blame you. I was just in awe of how our beautiful baby was in you.”
I look into Zack's eyes and press my lips against his firmly. “No it’s my fault I blamed you for something that was so stupid. I need to be less paranoid. I did lose our baby and you have every right to be upset with me. It was all me.”
Zack gets up pulling me along too. He grabs my face in his strong hands. “Don’t you ever say that. Okay? I love you and you did nothing wrong. Don’t blame yourself. You did nothing, absolutely nothing wrong. It’s that understood?”
I nod my head and look into Zack’s eyes. He Kisses my lips and wraps his arms around me. “Come on lets go to bed. Your parents have put Lily bed.” We walk over to the bed and lay down. Zack pulls me to his bare chest. I lay my head above his heart. I listen to his heart beat as I fall asleep.
******
The past few days have been quiet. The media have been respecting our wishes and keeping their distance. They still talk and take pictures of us but are not in our face. There have been reports out about the crash and the media have coped some crap about how they caused the crash.
We haven’t gone out much. We stay in our hotel room, well suite. We have been watching movies and just relaxing. Lily is getting restless. A three year old locked up in a hotel, equals, not good. So today we plan to take her out to the Zoo as we promised.
Right now we are getting ready. I have on a black skirt and white shirt and I slip over a tribal print cardy over the top and put on my white converses. Zack has on some tan short and a navy blue polo shirt. I dressed Lily in a green top with a rainbow frilly skirt. I make sure to grab her little safari hat. She looks adorable.
When we leave there are reporters all huddled around the outside of the hotel. They run up and follow us as we make our way to the car.
“Taylor how are you feeling? How do you respond to the rumors you and Zack are breaking up?”
“Zack? Is it true that you blame Taylor for all that has happened?”
“Is it true that you’re giving up Lily because she reminds you too much of the child you lost?”
All this crap, lies and stupid comments get too much for me every day we are asked these questions and they follow us around like stalkers. I am fed up with it. we told them what happened and they want to know more.Why can’t they stick to their own lives?
“Okay firstly, we are all good. Thank you for asking. Secondly Zack and I are not breaking up we love each other, a lot. Thirdly, Zack does not blame me. I don’t blame him. It was the car that crashed into us trying to get a picture. Lastly, we are definitely not giving up Lily. She’s my sister. So could all please move out of the way and let us have our day to ourselves?” Zack squeezes my hand as I say all that. Lily keeps bouncing. She is definitely excited for the Zoo.
******
When we got to the Zoo, Lily jumped up out of the car and ran to the lady in the ticket booth. I told Zack to go after her and make sure she doesn’t get into trouble. I get our bags out the back. We packed some sandwiches and drinks. We don’t want to pay all that money for awful food. Yeah we don’t need to worry about the money side but, they just don’t taste nice.
I go to the gate where Zack and Lils are. They have already got the tickets. When we walk in Lily has already made a mental list of all the animals she wants to visit. I think we’re going to the Monkeys first and then the Butterfly enclosure.
Lily runs off with her safari hat on and a pair of binoculars around her neck. She is super excited about today. She runs straight to the money enclosure calling for us to follow here. Luckily the Zoo is really quiet. It’s normal school time at the moment and not many kids are here.
I run after. Zack has to take his time. He’s in a moon boot at the moment. The doctor said that he will be fine in a week or two. When I catch up with her she is only 10 meters away from the money enclosures. I pick the little munchkin up and set her on my hip. We walk into the enclosure.
Lily points out every type of monkey she knows. Some of the are ‘red bottom’ AKA, baboon. ‘orange and hairy’ a Orang-utan and ‘Kala’ the gorilla from Tarzan. She runs around like crazy trying to talk to the animals like in the movies.
Zack comes and catches up to me and Lils. His boot is starting to slow him down. I know he doesn’t like it. Each day he asks when he can get it off. He has to have it for another two or three weeks. I wrap my arms around Zack’s waist. He kisses my forehead and rests into my side as we watch Lily getting very excited.
Lily runs up to us asking to go to the butterflies next. Zack nods and tells me to go ahead with her and he’ll catch up. I place Lily on my hip and she wraps her small arms around my neck. We walk off. Lily keeps talking about the different colours and types of butterflies she will see. She definitely wants to see a pink and purple butterfly. I told her that I will help her find one. She said she wants to take it home, but I told her we can take a picture and thats all.
“Tay tay! Look!” She points a massive enclosure that is encased by a glass and wire dome. YOu can see 10 meter high trees and a blur of colours flying around on the inside. “Hurry Tay tay. Let’s GO!” Lily pulls me to the door. She is bouncing full of excitement and way too much energy.
“Okay, okay missy. Just calm down a bit. The quieter and less you move the more that will come by and maybe land on you.” Lily nods her head and jumps up and down. I give her look as if to tell her off. She instantly stops and calms down she nods her head and then I open the door and let her in.
We walk in but am hit by a wave of humidity hits us. Lily walks in buzzing with excitement. She walks up to the railing of the metal pathway that overlooks the whole butterfly house. She sits her legs over the edge of the railing and looks at all the butterflies.
I pull up and sit next to her. No one else is in here. It’s just Lily and I. I pull her onto my lap. I kiss her cheek and point to a pink butterfly on the flower near by. She takes my phone and takes a picture. It’s such a different time to when I grew up. When I was younger I wouldn’t have thought to take a picture. Yeah, we had technology, but us as kids never used them. We sometimes had a disposable camera or two, but nothing like an ipad or ipod.
She takes the picture and looks happy with herself. I grab the phone and take a picture of me a Lily and post it to twitter. Management want us to keep up our accounts. It will limit speculation and rumors.
Spending an awesome day with little Lils @zoosvictoria. Gotta love the butterfly house #butterflyhouse
I take a few more pictures of Lily in the butterfly house. I post some to instagram and send some to my parents and Zack. Zack comes in and we continue to take more pictures. Zack takes a few of us kissing and hugging.
We spend the rest of the day going to all the different enclosures. Lily loved the seals and penguin shows. She would walk around the rest of the day waddling like a penguin and clapping her hands together like a seal.
We ate our lunch on the grassy patch near the giraffe. Lily would always stand up to go and see the animals so Zack had to keep reminding her to sit down and eat. I just stayed and relaxed on Zack’s chest as we laid down, eating my sandwich and fruit.
We spent the whole day there only to go home at sunset. Lily is knocked out and falling asleep in my arms while Zack carries our bags. We stop at the shop on the way out. Lily seems to wake up at just the perfect time. She gets a replica shirt that the zookeepers wear and a stuffed Orang-Utan. Zack pays for them and we slip on the top over the one she wore today.
When we exit there were some more paparazzi outside. They were calm and weren’t as intrusive as many of the other times. They just took our picture as we walked to the car. I lock Lily in her seat and Zack puts the bags in the boot. I am driving because of Zack’s boot. He still blames himself for the crash.
Hey everyone,
How are you all going. Thanks for all the voets and reads. I'm trying to write more but bloody school gets in the way.
Love you all,
Kath xxx