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"I want a daddy!"
Calina's pov
I looked at her with a smile, trying not to break into tears. I didn't expect her to wish a dad for her birthday.
I knew that one day she would ask about her father, but I didn't expect it to happen anytime soon. She was only three, I thought I'd be enough for her a few more years before she would ask for a father.
Besides, I did everything in my power to keep her from asking about him. I always read her books, watched with her cartoons, cooked and baked for her, and in my spare time I went to the playground with her.
Even if I didn't have a lot of free time due to my work, I always tried to take some time to pay my attention to her, and make her feel loved and cared.
But it seemed like I hadn't tried hard enough, otherwise she wouldn't ask about him. "Baby, don't you want anything else for your birthday? Why do you want a dad?" I asked her, my voice trembling in the end.
"No! I want dad for my birthday! Boris has a dad too! Why don't I have a dad? That's not fair!" she whined, her eyes getting glossy, before she jumped off the chair and hurried out of the room.
"Baby! Wait!" I called after her, but she already left the room. While I was still looking at the door where she stormed out through, I felt a hand on mine.
"Should I talk to her?" I heard Emma ask. "No," I said with a sigh, shaking my head, "I'll talk to her."
She nodded her head, saying, "As you wish, and Lina, don't be too harsh with yourself, you are doing your best to make sure she is fine, but she also needs to know that she cannot have everything she wants in life. Don't spoil her too much or she'll get angry every time you can't give her what she wants, like now."
I thought about her words. Then, I nodded my head pensively, agreeing with her. It seemed like I was spoiling her too much as I always bought her anything she wanted.
Now, she was used to get what she wanted and threw tantrums whenever I couldn't give her what she wanted.
"You're right, I'll talk to her. Her behavior needs to be changed, she needs to accept that she can't get everything she wants in life," I muttered, getting up from my seat.
"Candice?" Emma said as I was about to leave the room. "Yes?" I turned and looked at her. "Don't be too strict with her either, remember that she is just a kid," she told me.
"I will," I muttered before going to her bedroom. As I saw that she was not in her bedroom, I went to my bedroom and saw her lying on the bed. She turned her back on me as she saw me come in.
Sighing, I sat next to her on the bed. I knew she was mad at me for not being able to give her a dad for her birthday, but she also had to learn that she couldn't always get what she wanted.
"Zia," I said, but she didn't look at me. "Okay," I shrugged, "If can ignore me, I'll ignore you too."
She turned to me, frowning. "Mom, you can't ignore me, it's my birthday," she muttered, looking down.
"I know it's your birthday, but your birthday doesn't mean you can throw a tantrum and get mad at me just because I can't give you what you want," I told calmly.
"But ... it's not fair. Why can't I have a dad? Boris has a dad. Yesterday, we should draw a picture of our family, I painted you and me, but my friends asked me why I didn't draw my daddy ... everyone in daycare has a daddy, why don't have I a daddy?" she asked me, making me realize that she envied other children because of their father.
I never thought that she would pay attention to other children when their father came to pick them up from daycare. She felt left out. Now, I knew why she wanted a daddy I couldn't even be mad at her.
And I didn't want her to feel left out. Therefore, I said, "You have a dad."
She smiled at me, her eyes twinkling with happiness. "I have a dad? Where is dad, mom? Why isn't he here? Doesn't he love us?" she asked me questions after questions.
Pulling her closer, I hugged her. "Yes, you have a dad and he loves us very much. He's far away right now because ... he's working and very busy," I lied, caressing her head.
I may acted stupid by telling her that her father was alive, but I only wanted her not feel left out when they talked about their parents again in the daycare, I thought I could tell her some stuff about her daddy that she could talk about there, and become more involved with her friends.
"Can we call him?" she asked me with hope. It was really hard to destroy her hopes, but she would thank me in the future for hiding her from her father after I told her the truth when she was old enough.
"No," I told her, shaking my head, "I'm sorry, but we can't. Your father is, as I said, a very busy man and he wouldn't like it if we disturb him."
"Does he love me?" she asked me next. "He loves you very much, and he also bought you a lot of presents for your birthday," I claimed, giving her stuff she could talk in the daycare.
"Dad bought me presents?" she asked now with a smile. "Yes! He sent you lots of presents! And he said that he loves you and that he is sorry that he can't come for your birthday because of his work," I told her.
"It's okay mommy, I love him too, I understand he's busy and doesn't have time for me. You're busy too. But can I open his presents? I want to know what dad sent me," she said excitedly.
"No baby, you have to wait for your friends to arrive and we'll celebrate your birthday with your friends and uncle Bob and aunt Emma. Then you can open all of your presents. You have to be patient," I said with a smile.
"Okay, I'm just excited to know what dad sent me, but I can wait," she told me with a cheesy smile. "I bet something you would love," I said, clapping my hands.
"Come on, let's get you in your princess dress, your friends will be arriving soon," I said, getting up from the bed to take her princess outfit out of my closet.
"Okay, I can't wait to open presents!" she talked happily about her presents again while I changed her outfit. "Patience, baby," I smiled, kissing her cute button nose.
"Okay, mommy," she muttered, nodding her head. "You look like a real princess," I told her after I changed her.
"Thanks mommy," she said with a shy smile. I looked towards the door as I heard a knock. "Am I interrupting something?" Emma asked, leaning against the door frame.
"No, you can come in," I told her. "Aunty Emma! You know? I have a daddy and he sent me presents!" she told her excitedly.
"Oh really! I wonder what he sent you," she said, looking at me. "Presents for my birthday and mommy said he loves me," she said happily.
"Why did you come? Did the guests arrive?" I asked her, trying to change the subject and avoid Emma's gaze, knowing she was disappointed in me and she had a right to, I came to this room to talk to Zia about her intolerable behavior, but ended up telling her some stories about her father to make her happy.
"I just came to tell you that some of Zia's friends have arrived from daycare. They are playing in the garden. And Bob is entertaining their mothers," she informed me.
"Baby, why don't you go out into the garden with your friends?" I asked her and she nodded her head before jumping off the bed and hurrying out of the room.
Emma watched Zia leave the room with crossed arms before turning to me, saying, "I thought you wanted to talk to her about her behavior."
"I know, and I also talked to her, but then I noticed she was acting out of place, wishing for a daddy because she envied other children for their fathers in the daycare, coming to pick them up. I couldn't be mad at her anymore as she told me she feels left out and sad, seeing her friends with their fathers ..." I sighed, walking to Zia's room.
"And to make her feel better you decided to tell her lies about her father? Telling her he's busy? That he sends her presents? Those lies may have helped you now, but she'll ask you more questions about him in the future," she told me, following me to Zia's room.
"What did you want me to tell her? Zia, your father is a sadistic, heartless Mafia man who tortured and abused me until I could escape him? No, thanks, I don't want to traumatize my baby," I said to her as I entered her room before picking up some presents from the above shelf in her closet and putting them on the bed. Her room was the best place to hide her gifts considering she slept in my room most of the time.
"No, of course not, but you could tell her a single lie and close the subject once and for all," she told me.
"Like?" I asked her as I was picking up a pen from her little playground. "Like, he is dead?" She suggested.
"And destroy all her hopes at once. I couldn't do that," I told her while I was writing 'from daddy' on some of the present cards, not that she could read, but I wanted to make it a little realistic.
"But the hopes you gave her will make her ask you more questions about him. And one day she's going to want to meet him. What are you going to do then?" she asked me, making me sigh and look at her.
"I don't know, I still have time, I'll think about it until then. If she asks too much about her daddy, I will marry someone who can play her dad if that would make her happy," I told her and she looked at me with raised eyebrows.
"Now you've actually lost your mind. You want to marry a man so she can have a dad?" she asked me with a gasp.
"Why not? As long as she's happy, I wouldn't mind getting married, or maybe I could hire someone to play her father?" I asked her with a shrug.
"Okay! Enough! You can't marry a man just because she wants a father!" she told me seriously. "I just want her to be happy, that's all I want," I said with a sigh.
"I know, but marrying or hiring a man is not the solution. And getting married after what happened to you? Can you share a bed with a man?" she asked me. "I don't know," I said, before biting my lip not to cry but ended up sobbing anyway.
"Sshh, don't cry Lina" she sighed, looking at me with empathy, before hugging me, "I'm sorry if I was too harsh with my words."
As she asked me if I could sleep next to a man, something ticked off in me, pulling me back tow past, breaking me down. Few years ago, I've been through a lot: Torture, rape, abuse have been my daily routine in my past.
When I escaped my past and was free from all the torture, I felt like a clam for a period of time, I didn't enjoy life until I had my little girl in my arms.
She became my light in my darkness. And I would literally do anything for her and her happiness. I wanted to give her the childhood and love I couldn't have as a child, I wanted to give her everything I couldn't have.
But Emma was right, I couldn't give her everything she wanted, or making her believe in what she wanted to have. And I didn't want her to hate me for telling her lies if she'd find out about them. Moreover, she'd be devastated to find out her father who wasn't the man I described to her.
I had to explain to her who her father was, otherwise she could search him in the future and would be drawn into a life I tried to escape for years. She had to learn to deal with the truth for her own good.
"No, you're right," I agreed with her, "I'll try to explain her father to her after her birthday, as I want to see her happy for her birthday, I don't want to take away her happiness by telling her that her father is a terrible man."
"That's the right thing to do, lying to her might make her happy now, but it would also complicate things in the future," she muttered, hugging me.
"I know," I sighed, hugging her back. "I'm trying to entertain like ten mothers in the garden and you're cheating behind my back," I heard Bob say and pulled back from Emma's embrace.
"Did the catering arrive too?" I asked him with a smile. "Yes, the food has arrived too, everything is ready and the children are playing in the garden. The mothers ask about you, I think I wasn't enough for them," he snorted, making me laugh.
"Let's go then," I said, wanting to leave the room, but Emma grabbed my wrist, looking at my arm where a purple bruise was. "What happened here?" she asked me with a frown.
Looking at the purple dot, I shrugged, not reminding where I hit it at. "I don't remember," I muttered, even if I had a feeling that it wasn't a normal bruise, but something else, but waving it off, I smiled.
"Come on! The guests are waiting!" I said, going to the garden. Everything looked perfect. The food was placed on a long table and everyone could take what they wanted to eat. The children played on the bouncy castle. And most important of all, Zia looked happy.
I went to her friends' mothers and greeted them before we talked about random things. Then, it was finally time for her cake.
I went into the kitchen and lit three candles on her cake before going back into the garden. Everyone was singing happy birthday to her as I approached her with her cake.
She looked at me with a big smile. As I went to her, I felt an extreme pain in my bones that made me gasp for air, I stopped in my tracks. The pain I was feeling was immense.
Then, my legs started to hurt, causing me to drop to my knees. "Ahh," I groaned, trying not to lose consciousness, something was wrong.
"Mommy!" I heard Zia call me, making me look up to see her run over to me. My vision became blurred as I saw her fall to the ground.
However, she did not get up from the ground, scaring me. "Zia," I whispered in my semi-conscious state, trying to reach her before blacking out completely.
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