"I want you to make one."
It felt as though the air was sucked right out of her lungs. As if the walls began to cave in on her and the earth stopped spinning.
No, this can't be happening.
She looked at him, her words failing her as he met her eyes with his own. His gaze was nervous, but gentle. Determined, but adoring. The weight of his stare was too much to bear, so she turned her attention to the ground, desperate to escape the reality that met her.
It pained her to hear those words come out of his mouth.
He patiently awaited her response, his hands still holding hers as he stroked her skin. But, after several more moments of shock, all she could mutter out was, "What?"
"I know it sounds scary," he assured, squeezing her hand. "But, I swear to you that I will be there with you every step of the way. We can do this together."
Every word that left his mouth felt like a vise tightening on her heart.
He wanted her to make a Horcrux. He wanted her to become immortal with him. He wanted her to kill for him.
And she had thought that he had changed.
When her eyes met his once more, he was taken aback by the heartbreak in her stare. His worries only grew when he heard the venom in her voice. "Tell me, Tom... how do you make a Horcrux?"
He had expected her to have some resistance to the idea, but he had already played through this conversation a million times in his head. He carefully replied, "The process of splitting one's soul requires a sacrifice in return."
"A life," she said, pulling her hand away from his grasp. "It requires taking a life."
He reached out and put a hand on her cheek, and she hated herself for not moving away from his touch. "I want to spend my life with you, Avalon. And the only way for that to happen is if you protect your soul the same way I have protected mine," he said, stroking her skin softly. "We would be unstoppable. The world would be ours. We could mould it to be what we've always wanted because you and I would be limitless."
"I have told you that I am not interested in immortality, Tom," she said, trying to keep her voice level. A part of her still clung to the hope that perhaps there was a way she could turn this conversation around before it was too late. "Why can't one lifetime be enough?"
"Being with you makes me worry that even an eternity is too short to love you," he said.
Love.
"What?" she breathed out, a pained look on her face.
"I love you."
She felt her heart shatter into a million pieces at those three words. Three words that she had been dying to hear him say. Three words that were being said at entirely the wrong time.
He moved a piece of her hair behind her ear, keeping her gaze when he said, "And that is why I cannot lose you." Slowly, he reached into his book bag and pulled out the one thing that could have made her heart drop more than it already had.
The diary.
He gently placed it in her lap before taking her hand back into his, though her hand felt limp in his grasp. The moment her eyes landed on that leather-bound book, her mind was flooded with a looming sense of dread. It knew she was a threat, and it began to protect itself by targeting her mind. She felt sick to her stomach, desperate to get out of that room, but all she could do was stare at the diary as Tom said, "You've held all the pieces of my heart for quite some time. Now, you're holding all the pieces of my soul, too."
"All the pieces?" she asked, incapable of masking the fear in her voice.
"The diary and the ring," he said.
The ring.
It was the fucking ring.
The sudden realization made her head spin. It had never been the locket... his second Horcrux had been on her finger this entire time. And she'd had no idea.
She had been blinded by her love for him.
Every word that left his lips was an unintentional dagger through her heart. "I know it is a lot to take in, but I swear it isn't as bad as it sounds. I've already made the two and together we could make more. We would never have to worry about losing one another."
"Why did you have to tell me this," she whispered under her breath, heartbreak in her voice as she came face to face with the fact that she was currently in possession of the two items she had been seeking since she arrived in this era.
The second Horcrux sensed her panic, suddenly overwhelming her with its attempt at defending itself. She yelped as the ring began to burn, singing her skin and leaving a glowing red mark on her finger.
Tom's eyes widened as he watched her pry it off her finger, throwing it onto the ground hastily as she held onto her scorched finger with horror in her gaze when she met his stare. The diary, still in her hands, was making her grow more and more agitated by the second, her mind swimming with a million mortified thoughts.
The two pieces of Dark magic in the Room were tearing her apart, their sinister presence overwhelming her very being. They sensed she was a threat-- and they were doing exactly what Tom had created them to do: defending themself from harm.
She found it harder and harder to remain calm, the Horcruxes blurring the line between her control and her rage. Tom quickly sensed her shift in demeanor, scrambling to find a way to calm her down.
"We can find the man who gave you your scars," he offered. "You said it yourself, some people are beyond redemption."
Some people are beyond redemption.
An incredulous laugh left her lips at the irony of his words. She couldn't believe what she was hearing-- it was as though the entire facade of her reality was torn down in an instant, revealing nothing but the ugly truth that she had so desperately been trying to avoid: she had fallen in love with Tom Riddle, and he had not changed. Not in the way she needed him to.
He was still a murderer. He was still obsessed with immortality. And he was still the man who would one day be the reason behind the deaths of her loved ones.
No, he already was the reason. He had always been the reason. She had just tried to forget that.
That was her own weakness-- and she would pay a price for that great mistake.
He was beyond redemption.
She got to her feet and scrambled away from him as she desperately tried to create space between them. But, he followed her movement, taking a step forward. She shook her head, backing away once more. "I will never make a Horcrux, Tom. I would die before doing what you have done."
When Tom met her eyes, he was taken aback by the gaze that greeted him. She was looking at him as though there was nothing she wanted more than for him to drop dead.
She hadn't looked at him like that since the first time they met.
Hatred. Anger. Disgust.
But nothing bothered him more than the slight hint of fear.
"Avalon..." he said quietly as he took another step toward her.
"Get away from me," she snarled, still clutching the diary as she backed away.
"I would never hurt you," he assured her, hurt flashing across his face that she would ever think differently.
"You made that promise to me already," she said, her voice pained. "And you just broke it."
He felt his heart break at her words.
"I love you-"
"Stop saying that!" she shouted, shaking her head. Hearing him say those words to her in his attempt to calm her down felt like a slap in the face to all the time she had spent dreaming of how he would one day finally utter that sacred confession to her. Furious tears began to brim her eyes as she glared at him, her voice breaking when she repeated, "Stop fucking saying that!"
"I mean it-"
"No, you don't, Tom," she said, a single tear falling down her cheek. "I have been loved-- the people I left behind loved me dearly and it never caused me pain like this. What you feel isn't love. Love should not hurt. It isn't possessive. It doesn't ask for forever," she said, wiping at her eyes angrily. "What you're feeling is greed-- for me and for eternity... the whole point of being in love is choosing to fall despite knowing that in the end, you will lose it. But you welcome the pain because love is fleeting, but it's worth it."
"But, it doesn't have to be that way. Why not grasp the chance to love forever?" he asked. "We have the opportunity to be infinite, Avalon. We could be forever."
"Maybe I don't want forever with you."
He shook his head, his breathing becoming labored as he tried to calm his racing nerves. "You don't mean that."
"Nobody can cheat death, Tom. There is a price to pay and it is your humanity. And that version of you-- that empty, soulless version of you-- I will never love," she said.
She spoke with so much venom in her voice that it didn't sound like she was speaking of hypotheticals... she was speaking from experience. That kind of raw emotion, pure pain in her words... that was not something impersonal.
Avalon had watched her world be burned to the ground. She had watched her loved ones die. She had lived through her biggest fears and she had come out strong, brave, resilient.
But staring at him as she came face to face with the daunting realization that he was not who she wanted him to be still broke her down in a way no heartache ever could-- because the pain he caused her went straight through her heart and into the very essence of her soul.
She couldn't think straight-- the diary in her hands worked tirelessly to ensure her muddled mind. But, still, her worries flooded her senses, finally forcing her to face the matters she had tried so desperately to avoid.
She could not save him.
No matter how much she wanted to, no matter how much she loved him, no matter how much she feared losing him... she could not save him from his own paralyzing fear of death.
And as long as he was alive, she could never be sure that he wouldn't lose his battle to his own demons. Even if she loved him with every last breath of her life, she would one day die-- and he would be left alone in a world where his eternity would be plagued with temptation to succumb to the same sin that had led him to slaughter so many of the people she loved.
Inevitable.
That was the only word that came to her mind. She feared he was inevitable... that his path to darkness was something she would never be able to change. That in this life and every version of this life, Tom Riddle would fall from grace into sin. Because she could not compare to the love he held for his own immortality.
He was consumed by his desire to live forever. And she wasn't enough to change that.
She would never be enough to change that.
Because no matter how much he desired her, his fear for death would always outweigh all else. The darkness within him would win, time and time again-- and he would lose himself trying to stay alive.
Her next words were so quiet that he barely heard them-- as though she were saying them more to herself than to him. "I cannot let you go down that path again."
She couldn't let him...
And no matter how much it hurt, she wouldn't let him.
The people she loved had died to protect her. It was time she did the same for them.
Avalon had never feared death before, but as she stood there, she became painfully aware of how she was living her last moments. Because she would burn the whole damn Room to ash and take herself down in flames if it meant stopping Tom from becoming the monster he was destined to be.
She took in a deep breath, and accepted their end.
In the blink of an eye, she outstretched her hand, summoning her wand into her grasp. The sudden movement caught him off guard, but he quickly withdrew his own wand, pointing it at her out of nothing but pure instinct.
"Avalon," he said cautiously, his eyes filled with a million emotions. "What are you doing?"
For the first time, she heard fear in his voice.
And that broke her more than she could ever imagine. His wide eyes, frantic as he stared at her with nothing but pure panic in his gaze... it all broke her.
There was no way to stop the tears from falling down her face. She didn't bother to try. She let them flow down her cheeks like endless rivers of tormented anguish and desecrated love. As though she could let her pain spill out from her eyes and rid herself of the harrowing feeling that tortured her being.
In a way, she supposed they would be together until the very end.
What a shame the end was not as she had hoped.
"I have to do this," she said, her voice breaking as they stood there, both their wands pointed at one another. She couldn't meet his eyes for even a moment longer-- she wished he were faceless like the others. But, he wasn't.
He wasn't a blank face in a sea of the dead. He wasn't a stranger she would never know. He was the one who had stolen her heart, and she couldn't bear to meet his scared eyes.
"Look at me, dove," he said desperately, though she couldn't listen to him. "Please, just look at me."
She shook her head, her tears falling onto the floor with every slight movement. When she spoke, he barely heard her, but she didn't care anymore. In a matter of moments, they would both be nothing more than memories of two people whose love wasn't enough to save them from their own battles. Her quiet words served no purpose other than reminding herself of what she needed to hear. "I can't let you hurt them this time."
"This time?"
Time...
He stared at the girl before him, his eyes widening as everything clicked into place.
A girl who seemed to appear out of nowhere, never truly fitting in... A girl who hated him with every ounce of her being from the moment she met him... A girl who had no record of her last name, her parents, her lineage...
Someone who had lost everything to a war he knew nothing about... Someone who had no outside friends or family... Someone who had been tortured by a mysterious man with a mark on his arm that Tom had only ever seen in his own dreams... Someone who kept her secrets hidden as though her life depended on it...
Avalon Hendrix... the only person he had ever met who seemed to know him better than he knew himself.
"Where did you come from, Avalon?" he asked, his voice carrying so much hurt that she finally looked up and met his troubled gaze.
She didn't answer, her hands trembling as she held her wand in his direction, the diary still in her grasp as she watched the crumbling boy before her.
Her silence was deafening. And for the first time, he realized how much he hated the silence.
"Let me rephrase," he said, his breathing labored. "When did you come from?"
More fucking silence.
"Answer me!" he roared, advancing on her in a sudden lunge that startled her into quickly shying away from him. His eyes flashed red, her heart dropping the moment she came face to face with the momentary glimpse of his future self.
Because when his eyes turned crimson, she no longer saw Tom.
She saw the wizard who had killed everyone she had ever loved. The inhuman monster who took everything from her... including Tom.
She clung the diary to her chest, backing away from him in a desperate attempt to get as far away from his crazed anger as possible. The leather-bound book in her grasp made her head spin-- the Dark magic swirling her mind into a melted mess of incoherent thoughts and worries. She found it hard to focus, hard to think, hard to breathe... but she held onto it as though her life depended on it. As though she weren't preparing to take her own life in a matter of moments.
And as they stood there, eyes burning with the vision of their greatest fears springing to life, a stranger could look at them and never guess that they had ever been lovers. For they had lost themselves in a second so poisonous that it drowned the memory of a million perfect moments until they were left with nothing but their bleeding hearts.
He couldn't stand the resentment in her eyes-- the way she looked at him as though she were face to face with the devil, himself. The way she looked at him as though she had seen his darkest secrets-- knew his true nature.
He thought of how she had broken into his room within days of meeting him...
How she had immediately targeted his inner circle and become a part of their group...
Lestrange's warning circled in his mind.
'She's lying to us all... She's after something... She used Legilimency to go into my mind.'
Betrayal.
That was the only word that came to his mind.
Lie after lie after lie. It had all been lies. And he had fallen for them. He had fallen for her, for her deceit, for her secrecy. He had allowed her to play with his heart as though it were nothing more than worthless collateral in whatever God-forsaken mission she had come here to fulfill.
"You've been after me this whole time..." he said. "Why?"
"It doesn't matter anymore," she replied, a singular tear falling down her cheek. "Because it all ends now."
He barely had time to react to the bright flash that bounded out of her wand.
All he could do was quickly cast his own spell back at her.
Their magic met in a collision of deep, purple sparks. Dark magic coursed through both of them, their power blending together in an indistinguishable mess of rage. It was impossible to tell where his spell ended and hers began. They were one and the same.
She felt power surging off him in a wave of undeniable might. The diary in her grasp was messing with her concentration, so she hastily discarded it onto the floor and put both hands on her wand, keeping it steady with his as their magic fought for dominance in the growing space between them.
Both of their bodies burned with the intensity of the flash before them, their feet uncontrollably dragging backward against the floor as the sheer force of their spells pulled them further and further apart. It was hard to tell who lifted their wand first, but they both broke contact with each other a moment later, the spells pointing to the ceiling and breaking apart the roof above them.
They clambered away from the falling bricks, their focus momentarily shifting to watch the ceiling above them quickly fix itself, the Room mending everything but their shattered trust. In her moment of stolen attention, he sent a red flash at her.
She threw up a quick block, bracing herself for the impact, but the power of his spell blew through her shield, throwing her back into the wall behind her-- her wand flying out of her hand at the collision.
A pained wince left her lips as she extended her hand to summon her wand back, but she watched as it flew through the air and right into his hold, a sinister look in his eyes as his fingers tightened around it.
Tom was powerful-- that much had never been a secret. But, as his anger consumed him and his strength began to radiate off him like bolts of lightning straight out of a storm, she was forced to remember who he truly was.
Avalon was strong. But Tom was one of the greatest wizards to have ever lived.
He had won the war once.
And as he strode toward her, wand pointed at her, she feared nothing would ever change. And it would all be her fault.
Failure.
Despite his wand being mere inches from her face, he didn't cast anything her way. He just stood there, his fervent eyes subduing to a mixture of hurt and betrayal.
"Was it all a lie?" he asked, his voice clear but broken.
"Doesn't matter-"
"Yes, it fucking does, Avalon! Was it all a lie?!"
Desperation dripped off his tone-- as though his lifeline was resting on her answer. In many ways, it was. Because even if he lived through this, he would never feel alive again. Only love had the power to kill him without stopping his heart-- forcing him to live through his pain for all eternity.
An eternity he had solidified for himself.
She hated that it hurt her to see the pain written on his face. She hated that watching him break in front of her was tearing her apart, too. And she hated that she was now realizing that there was nothing she could do to make this any easier-- she was not meant to feel okay right now. She was meant to feel the weight of her mistakes as a wave of deep loss. Loss for what they had, loss for what they could have been, loss for what almost was.
"I wish it was," she said, her voice barely audible. She found herself angry for how pathetic she sounded... because despite it all, she still wanted so badly to have been wrong about him. She wanted so badly to have been enough for him.
"Then why?" he asked, his wand still pointed at her. "Why are you doing this?! Why were you here?"
He had already put together the answer-- she could tell from the way he was looking at her that he knew. But, he needed to hear it. For his own sake.
So, she said, "Because I cannot let you go down that path again-- too many lives are at risk. I have seen what you become. Inhuman. Empty. Soulless. A monster. And I cannot allow you to lose yourself to that destiny. Not when there is so much at stake." She saw his hands begin to shake, the wand trembling in his grasp as he stared at her. "Are you going to kill me, Tom?" she asked, her voice cold. "I know you can. I'm just another person in your way, right?"
He couldn't stop thinking of what Rosier had said.
'In the end, she will only either hate you or die defying you.'
"Kill me like the people you used to make your bloody Horcruxes," she snarled. "Like my friends-- who you and your pathetic followers will one day look in the eyes and murder in cold blood!" She shook her head, tears dripping onto the floor beneath her. "You promised you'd never hurt me and I knew that was a lie because you already had. Time and time again, you will always hurt me."
He shook his head, trying to block out her words, but her pained laughter rang through his ears like a harrowing battle cry. "You want me to use the man who gave me my scars to create a Horcrux?" She wiped at her eyes furiously, her voice breaking when she spoke, "He was following your orders."
Tom felt his chest tightening as his breathing came out in rapid gasps for oxygen. The walls felt like they were caving in on him, suffocating him as though the room were filling with poison. A daunting realization came to him in that moment: Avalon had always known his secrets.
For so long, he had feared what would happen if she learned of the things he had been hiding from her. Of his past, of his plans, of his sins...
But, she had known all along. And not only did she know his secrets, she knew his future. A future that he had dreamed of for years— an apparent leader, powerful and with a legion of followers who listened to his every command. Yet, knowing he—or whatever version of him she knew— was responsible for all the pain and suffering she had endured... he felt sick to his stomach.
And, yet, she had still found a way to love him. She had looked the devil in the eyes and not been afraid. She had come face to face with his demons and still brought light into his life. Because she was forgiveness, and she was light. Everything beautiful he knew about the world, he had learned through her love. Because despite his faults, despite his mistakes, despite his vices-- she had made room in her heart to care for someone like him.
And he had still managed to ruin it.
Looking at the girl before him, hazel eyes brimmed with tears that wept the remnants of her broken heart, he couldn't stomach the pain in her gaze.
Every ounce of logic in him knew that sparing her life would be his own damnation-- perhaps love was weakness, but in that moment, he knew he could never again feel strength if she were missing from his side.
Lestrange and Rosier's words faded to nothingness, replaced by Avery's echoing voice:
'Losing her will be the greatest mistake of your life.'
And as he looked at the girl he loved, her eyes windows into a broken heart, he knew that Avery's words would always be right.
Slowly, he lowered his wand.
"I can't lose you, dove," he said quietly.
There were tears in her eyes, but it didn't mask the bravery in her gaze. She stared at him with the strength of a thousand burning fires, her watch steadfast and bold. It worried him. Those were the eyes of a warrior bracing for her end.
"Then I suppose we will be together until the very end," she said, raising her hand and summoning her wand into her grasp. Her wand flew out from his hands, landing right back into the palm of her own. Before he could even begin to register what she was doing, she pointed it at him and threw his body back, sending a disarming spell moments later. His wand was tossed to the ground, and she quickly advanced toward him, her hands trembling as she aimed at his chest.
Sparks of fire flew out from her wand as she looked between him, the diary, and the ring. His eyes widened-- those weren't just any flames coming out of her wand.
She was preparing to use Fiendfyre.
"Avalon, don't do this," he pleaded, his voice frantic. "Look at me, please."
But, she couldn't. She wouldn't. Because if she looked at him, she'd be forced to come face to face with the eyes of the man she loved-- the man she couldn't save.
She had wanted so desperately to be the one who could change his path-- save him from his own destruction. But, she realized that she had only been prolonging the inevitable.
Tom Riddle was a danger. To himself, to her, to her loved ones, to the future.
And there was only one way out now.
More sparks flew out of her wand as she braced herself for what was to come. It was an odd feeling-- to know death was coming. She wasn't afraid. She should have been, but she wasn't. It wasn't fear that drove her hands to tremble-- it was disappointment that she hadn't been able to do what she wished she was capable of: saving the man she loved.
Because at that moment, it was a matter of saving him or saving the future. And with the weight of the world resting atop her shoulders, visions of the fallen swam before her eyes.
Harry.
She thought of Harry.
How he had given his life in an attempt to save the others... how her life was owed to the sacrifices of those who gave everything to spare the others. And she had to now do the same for them.
But, she thought of Tom.
The only person who had ever seen the darkest aspects of her and accepted them. The only person who saw her flaws as virtues. The only person who saw beauty in her scars and strength in her mistakes.
She would be his downfall.
At the end of his life, Tom Riddle would have stolen four lives.
Avalon Hendrix... five.
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice shaking as tears poured down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry."
He tried to take a step forward, but the frantic look in her eyes warned him not to. He stopped, holding his hands up for her to see he was not trying to fight back. "You don't have to do this."
"This is the only way I can know for certain that you won't hurt them," she said, shaking her head.
"I don't know what you've seen-- what version of me you've dealt with-- but I would never do anything to hurt you or the people you care about. You have to believe me."
"I want to believe you... I just can't afford any more risks, Tom," she replied, her words strained. "I'm so... s-sorry."
"I'm sorry for the pain I have caused you," he said, desperation in his voice. "But, if you do this, we both die. And I cannot be the reason for your death, Avalon. I can't be."
"I'm not afraid-"
"Do you know what my boggart was?" he asked, cutting her off. He saw a flash of confusion in her bloodshot eyes, so he kept speaking. "It was you dying. Because of me. I won't let that happen. I can't. I love you-"
"Stop saying that-"
"I love you," he repeated, taking a cautious step toward her. She kept her wand pointed at him, but she didn't stop his movement. "I love you more than I thought any heart could ever love another. And I'm sorry that I haven't done enough to make you believe me and I'm sorry that you think this is the only way out. But, please, Avalon," he said, stepping closer again. "Please, don't do this."
He saw her resolve waver for a moment and took the opportunity to keep speaking. "I wish that I was who you wanted me to be. But I know that I am flawed. I'm arrogant. I let the ghosts of my past dictate the course of my future. I believe my emotions make me weak and find myself shutting them off because of that. I have become so accustomed to loneliness that I push people away if I fear they are getting too close to me. I have viewed people as pawns for as long as I have lived. And I am selfish. So selfish that I want to prove to you that I can be who you deserve-- because no matter what it is I have to do, it's worth salvaging what we have. So fucking selfish that I cannot fathom the thought of being the reason someone like you suffers the same end that I rightfully deserve. Because you are good. You care about so many people even though your heart has been tested time and time again. You are the strongest person I have ever met in every sense of the word and you don't deserve to have your story end because I have tainted your path with mine." He took another step forward, until her wand was placed right by his chest. "Loving you was the beginning of me. Please do not let loving me be the end of you."
It was hard to look at her and know that he was the reason for her pain-- past and present. He knew that he had made his fair share of unforgivable mistakes in his life, but somehow, seeing the look of pure heartbreak in her eyes was what he regretted the most. He had failed her. And as she stood before him, wand trembling in her hands, he truthfully didn't much care if she killed him. Because the way she was looking at him made him fear that she would never love him, and that tore the life out of his body and made him a corpse of his past one way or another.
When she finally spoke, her voice was so frail that he barely heard her. "I hate you," she said, tears streaming down her face. "I hate you... because no matter what I know I have to do, I can't stop loving you." With shaky fingers and choked sobs, she lowered her wand. "I wish I could make you the enemy. But my love is my weakness, and I can't do this."
Love is weakness.
She stared at her violently trembling hands and felt disgusted at herself. Disgusted for not being able to do what she had been sent here to do. For letting her heart stop her mind. For failing herself, him, her loved ones.
She was a failure.
He began to take a step closer to her, outstretching his arms to pull her into his hold, but she quickly backed away, suddenly feeling as though the oxygen in the room were running thin.
"Avalon-"
She turned away, running out the door and slamming it behind her as she scrambled to get away from him. From her failure. From her weakness. From her realization that she was exactly what she had always feared she would be.
A fucking traitor.
Author's Note
I'm so sorry to everyone who thought this book would be sunshine and rainbows from here on out.
Guys.... HOWWWW are we at nearly 200 THOUSAND READS?!?! Kat and I started writing this book literally just over 4 months ago and we are so grateful for all the love you have given it. Every single read, comment, vote, message and follow means the world to us. I don't have time to reply to every single comment but I really try to reply to as many messages and posts that I can, but please know that we read every single comment and love each and every one of you so much. Thank you for all that you do!
Buckle up, folks. We got a lot of story left to unpack.Sending love as always. Until next time, xoxo Daffy