What A Joke [SLOW UPDATES]

By Hutchinson1K

137K 5.2K 6.5K

[ AS IT SAYS, SLOW UPDATES NOT NO UPDATES. ] This is fan fiction of My Hero Academia. I adopted this amazing... More

How funny-
Oh Joy~
The Heck?!
That was to be Expected
IDK what's up with these titles
Izuku vs Pen
OP Protagonist
Drug the mother
Izuku's plans to dominate the world
Meet class 1-A
Gun safety is for the weak
No, just stop
Creative title name loading
Todoroki's mom was just trying to boil the Endeavor out of him
The Sports Festival is just glorified olympics for violent-prone teenagers
Toaster x Bathtub
Pyschopathic tendencies are ethical only for murder
Sir, This is a Wendy's Drive-Thru
Strip money doesn't have to be made at the club
Midnight's Bottom Line
Bing Bong Bet
Gladiator Type of Beat
Its Your Fairy Godmother!
Christler Special
How to Collect Pokéhoes
Sugar, Spice, and Everything Not Kid Friendly
Jojo's Bizzare Battles
And He's Just a Tape Dispenser!
Flying Sausages are Warning Signs for Red Flags
But He Likes Them Toxic . . .
How to train a cult

Eh...

6K 225 301
By Hutchinson1K

Izuku has once again been kidnapped by an adult who thinks he needs help. Wait, is it considered kidnap if he is being brought to the police station? Meh, whatever. Izuku just wants to go home and he's pretty sure everyone else wants to go home too. That's to be expected at two in the morning though.

The ride to the police station was awful, for both Izuku and Tsukauchi. Izuku was in mortal pain from the entire drive (which is funny because he seems immortal), because with every bump and turn the car took sent a new wave of pain washing over Izuku's body.

And poor Tsukauchi had to put up with a tired, wounded, sassy, hormonal teengare. Please take a moment to thank this poor detective who is just trying to do his job . . .

After a good ten minutes of hell, the car at last pulled up to the police station and the detective and greenette made their way into the building.

"You know detective, I've never been in a police station. In fact, I wasn't planning to get into one for at least one more week." Izuku stated to Tsukauchi. "There were some things I want to try out that have a high possibility of putting me behind bars."

"Of course he's not lying!" The detective sighed to himself.

Izuku frowned. "Why would I lie, sir?"

Tsukacuhi turned to him. "Maybe because I am a police officer?! Why would you say anything like that in front of an officer?"

"Oh yeah, I guess that is a fair point."

They continued their walk through the mostly quiet building. Only a few officers were there, answering the phones and completing unfinished paperwork. But a certain group of three were huddled in a group at a desk—away from everyone else. The group was made up of an officer who had a cat head, an extremely tired looking hobo and a just as tired purple haired teen who seemed slightly traumatized. Yup, these were Izuku's people alright.

So as you could probably guess, Izuku skipped over to the small group—ignoring the protests the detective shouted.

"HIYA! I've been thinking about joining a cult, so why no sign up for whatever y'all have going on here?" Izuku exclaimed happily. The purple teen paled immediately, the hobo groaned in annoyance and the cat officer just looked more than confused.

But surprisingly the first to respond was a distrubed detective. "It's scary because he's not lying . . ."

Izuku stared at the detective for a good minute, lost in thought. The detective always knew what was a lie and what was the truth. 'A quirk for sure.' Izuku thought to himself. 'Now the question is how it works. Does it depend on a person's pulse and breathing? Or if someone were to convince themself of a lie, would his quirk be able to find the real truth? Can he get the truth from someone about something they don't know?'

Izuku's thoughts were interrupted by the purple teen yelling, "IT'S YOU!"

Oh, that's right, they have met already. Izuku's eyes widened at the realization that this was the kid who had seen him stabbed to death.

"Hitoshi! What's going on man? I haven't seen you in forever!!" Yeah, Izuku is going to end up in jail for sure.

"We only met a couple hours ago." Hitoshi deadpanned.

"A lot has happened in those few hours." Izuku pointed out and Hitoshi couldn't help but agree.

The hobo, who has been listening the whole time—quietly spoke up. "A few hours ago? Wasn't that about when you called in about a blonde girl killing someone or something?" It took a moment for Aizawa, but after that moment, he understood exactly what he said. "Oh gosh, that was you wasn't it?"

"Hahaha, of course not!!" Izuku laughed awkwardly. "I was too busy walking to  the convenience store." The greenette thought that just maybe he could convince them that he wasn't stabbed or hit by a car, but of course Hitoshi just had to speak up.

"But you were there. The girl stabbed you with a knife. She stabbed you . . . how are you even standing?"

"Oh trust me dude, I'm just barely standing." That probably wasn't the best thing to say next to an underground hero and two police officers.

"Okay, maybe it was me, but look—I'm fine!" Izuku spun around clumsily to show how his bloody body was still intact.

"Let me get this straight. In the last couple hours, you have been stabbed and hit by a car." The detective groaned while rubbing his eyes. "How much caffeine do you have in your system?"

"YOU WERE HIT BY A CAR?!" The underground hero and purple haired teen yelled in disbelief.

"I may have been the one hit by the car, but you should be more worried about the driver." The greenette's words were filled with menace and hate so strong, it sent shivers down the spines of those listening,

"Did you die both times?" The underground hero asked with a sigh.

"What do you mean did he die?" The cat officer spoke at last.

Aizawa ignored the question and instead glared at the greenette, who was fiddling nervously like a child caught stealing candy. "I—uh . . . no?" It came out as a question instead of an answer.

"It's been two days since I've seen you and you've died multiple times already."

"Wow, has it really been that short since we've met? It feels more like weeks since we've met. Damn, the author really has to write faster."

The ground stared at the greenette in confusion, but decided not to ask. They have all already come to terms with his lack of sanity.

The detective was confused and scared. "When you say he died, do you mean like he literally . . . died?"

"What else do you think 'dying' would mean?" Izuku asks.

"I don't know, maybe, like, dying inside?"

"Ha, that's cute! But I was never alive inside." Izuku deadpanned.

Hitoshi had enough of listening to the greenette and adults bicker, so he decided to ask questions that will actually get them somewhere. "Is it your quirk?"

Izuku stared at him for a long moment, lost in thought. Was it his quirk? The doctor said he would never have a quirk. Plus, this quirk hasn't helped him at all. So, what is it? "No, I'm quirkless."

"What? But I thought you said it was a quirk?" The underground hero thought back to when he first met the kid. He is positive he has a quirk.

"He's not lying . . ." The detective listened closely for the familiar beep that sounds to him when someone lies, but it was silent.

"I am so confused." Actually, Hitoshi was pretty sure he was beyond confused at this point. What was happening? The same boy who he had seen being stabbed was standing in front of Hitoshi. And what more, he was apparently hit by a car . . . like what? And now the boy was talking about how he was quirkless.

"Well, I'm quirkless but I am also cursed." Izuku states this like it was entirely common. The group listening were all glaring at the boy, obviously not having it. "Let me extend on that. The world seems to hate me and now it has cursed me to be unable to die at the cause of impact and blood loss. I guess there is the possibility I can't die from other things too, like overdosing, drowning, burning to death, being stuck in a position that keeps my bones from healing and—" Izuku cut himself off once he saw the expressions that the group around him were making.

The cat cop turned to the other two adults. "Is—is he okay?"

"That is a good question." Izuku nodded.

The detective groaned and began rubbing his temples, like he was trying to ward off an oncoming headache. "You know what? We are all tired. Sansa, can you drive the bloody child to the hospital?" The cat officer—who we now know as Sansa—nodded.

Izuku immediately put his hands up to argue that he didn't need a ride or to go to the hospital. But once his hands were up, he slammed backwards into the wall behind him. Please take note that this wall was a good eight feet behind him.

There were several yells, but Izuku couldn't focus on them with the black dots surrounding his vision. His head was pounding in pain and thick blood was dripping from his hair and into his eyes.

"Kid, are you alright?!" Someone was crouching in front of Izuku carefully, but Izuku ignored them.

The greenette struggled onto his feet, leaning most of his weight on the wall behind him. There were several people telling him to sit down again, but he could hardly hear his own thoughts through the ringing in his ears.

There was a moment where everyone just stared at injured Izuku before chaos broke out for the few officers in the building. They began searching for what caused the boy to fly backwards.

Meanwhile, Aizawa, Tsukauchi and Sansa were surrounding Izuku so he wouldn't fall. The greenette was really struggling to stay up right. "Midoriya, can you tell us what number I am holding up?" Aizawa put three fingers up in front of Izuku's unfocused eyes.

"Come on, respond kid." Aizawa was waving his hand in front of Izuku, looking for any sort of movement that showed the greenette wasn't completely brain dead.

"I feel like—I feel like I was hit, a-again, by a c-car." Izuku's voice was no more than a whisper but the three around him heard every word and stutter.

Sansa stared at the struggling kid. "We need an ambulance." As soon as he said it, Tsukauchi pulled out his phone.

Izuku's eyelids were getting heavy, making the battle to see that much harder His vision kept fading in and out of darkness. He felt like he was floating. It was such a familiar feeling. Like he was drigiting down into deep water. Everything sounded muffled and far away. He couldn't really see anything specific, just the bright lights ahead of him and dark dots surrounding his vision. But the thing he noticed most was that he couldn't breathe. He was suffocating.

Izuku fell forwards, unconscious, into Sansa's arms.

.......................................
........................................................
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Once Izuku made it to the hospital, he was immediately rushed to the intensive care unit. They began to thoroughly examine his injuries. The doctors found a deep head injury and could assume he had a couple broken ribs.

After some more examinations, they found a rib was puncturing the greenette's right lung and they immediately had to begin surgery. But they had a serious issue, no one knew the kid's blood type. And he was losing blood, fast. They had to continue the surgery with prayers that he wouldn't bleed out in the process.

All was going remotely well, that is until a long beep sounded over the doctor's voices. The heart monitor had a single straight line across the screen. His heart stopped. But that didn't mean it was over. No, they had to try and bring them back. They sent shocks through the teen's body and listened closely for any sound that he was alive, but it was silent except for the constant shouting of the word "clear!" and the long beeping noise that signaled the boy was dead.

"He's gone." A nurse said. The nurse has had this happen before, where the patient dies. But this time it's a child . . . a boy who couldn't be older than fourteen! The doctors all stayed, staring at Izuku. The greenette's chest was still open and oozing thick, warm blood.

"Time of death, three twenty seven a.m." It hurt to say it, but this was a part of their jobs. People dying like this is a normality for them.

The medical staff began to clean the room and finished sewing up Izuku's chest, but they moved slowly. They didn't want to finish cleaning the room and have to find out who this kid was. It is much easier to deal with this sort of thing when you don't know who the patient was. Also, if they finished up here, that meant they'd have to tell the kid's family that he died. That is probably one of the worst parts of this job.

A few minutes into cleaning up and sewing Izuku's chest shut, the greenette began to shake. Everyone stood unmoving and just watched in horror and shock as this dead child began to shake more violently to the point he fell off the metal table he was placed on. He hit the ground roughly and continued to shake. The doctors in the room all stepped back away from the kid, some had even run out of the room.

At last, the shaking came to an end and the child was left just laying there on the ground. It was silent, even the heart monitor seemed to have broken so the beep that signaled this kid's death was silenced. And then he sat up with a jolt. Blood oozed from his eyes and down his face like red tears. The wound on his chest, that was stitched together, burst open and began to bleed excessively. It was an awful sight that will forever be engraved into the minds of those who were watching and the child experiencing the pain.

Izuku collapsed onto the floor once again and stayed there.

——————-

Heeeeeeeyyyy.

Okay, so I really suck at updating consistently but I'm trying and hey! It's Monday! So what's goin on guys? I totally jacked up my ankle like, three times in the past month so yeah, lol.

Anyways, any thoughts, comments or things you just wanna get off your chest? Chill out right here, I gotcha. Don't be afraid to point out my grammar mistakes too—it'd be really helpful actually.

Anyways, thanks for sticking with this and I'll see ya next Monday!

~ Hutchinson1K

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