"You know, there is nothing more attractive, than going to bed with my wife, and the laptop chained to her wrists."
I look up from the lit screen and smile as Zak rubs a towel over his head. "Sounds like you're a little jealous?"
"I think I might be. What could you possibly be looking at now?" He asks, climbing into bed and pulling the laptop off me. His eyes narrow at the screen. "Is that the house? Behind us?"
I nod. "The owner said there was a fire, gutted the place. I was just curious as to what started it."
"And you didn't ask him? When he mentioned it?"
"Didn't seem appropriate."
Zak frowns. "What else are you expecting to find?"
"I don't unders-"
He turns the laptop, showing my other open page. It's a search engine of house fires linked to demonic forces.
"Okay I can explain..."
"Go ahead. Explain why you still can't turn off, even while we are on vacation? Why you are still squirrelling around on the internet looking for things that aren't there?"
Feeling a little attacked, I fire back. "And how do you know there isn't? Expert in fires now?"
"No, but I class myself as an expert in the paranormal field and the incidents of demons starting fires are little to none."
"How do you know this isn't the first? This could be massive-"
"Or a complete waste of time and another thing that's going to get between us? I'm here, with you, Maria. This whole vacation was to help you, and I'm here to support that. But how can I, when you are doing the exact same thing as you did in Vegas?"
"Hold on a second-" I'm interrupted this time by Theo on the monitor. Not by Zak.
As I go to push the laptop off me, Zak jumps out of bed and pulls on a pair of shorts. "Forget it, I'll go. I don't want our child interrupting whatever goose chance you're on now."
When he leaves, I slam the laptop lid down and toss it on the other side of the bed, annoyed at him and myself.
I didn't want to explain myself but now I felt like I had too and despite everything, he's probably right, this could be a goose chase that will lead me nowhere. But what if it isn't?
What if this is some kind of message?
Staring at the bedroom door, I wait for him to come back. But when he doesn't, I admit defeat and toss myself down in bed, pulling the sheets up. I stare out the window at the moon and the sea, letting it calm me, until eventually, I drop off.
*****
One piece of advise my mum gave me when I got married, was never go to bed on an argument. I wished I had listened to that advice last night and sorted things with Zak, because now, this morning, there was an obvious vibration of tension.
Theo was either unaware or didn't care for what was going on, only wanting to watch his show and get back onto the beach. It's his pure soul and energy I am thankful he doesn't pick up on it.
When we get to the beach, he tears off, little net in hand to go and find the crabs, whilst I sit up on a rock, letting the sound of the waves soothe me. I keep a watchful eye on him, Gracie too who has chased after him.
"Want to talk about it?" Zak asks sitting on the rock a little lower from me.
"What would be the point?" I respond, watching as Theo kicks Gracies ball across the sand.
Zak sighs. "I just don't get it. I know, I shouldn't have gone off like that last night. But you gotta see it from my point of view too.."
I look over to him. "You see me looking on the internet, no real reason, clutching at straws and researching buildings. You don't understand it, what's the fascination? Why isn't our family enough for her? Have you stopped to consider for a second, that I don't want to be timed to a tv schedule and have to listen to episode after fucking episodes about talking rescue dogs?"
His face is unreadable and I fully expect him to get up and walk away again. But he doesn't, he sits there, watching me.
"Go on then? Fire back.." I add waiting for it. "Tell me that it's what I signed up for? That it's part of being a parent?"
Zak looks over to Theo, before looking back at me. "You know, I never wanted kids. Ever. I never made it a secret, the whole crew knew. I've voiced it enough. My upbringing wasn't the greatest. Raised in a broken home, passed from parent to parent to grandparent. Bullied in school... The idea of bringing a child into the world and having to endure that, crushed me. I thought I was protecting myself and any future kids I might have, by not having them. If that even makes sense."
I don't say a word, and continue listening.
"But the moment Theo was born, and you told me to go with him, I felt it. I knew then, that my soul was split into three. A bit for me, a bit for Theo and the last bit for you. And that I would do anything in my power, to make sure both of you were protected, safe and looked after..."
"I don't understand where this is going." I tell him, feeling my throat getting tight.
"Every choice I make now, I wonder how it will impact you and Theo. Every choice. From whether I work from home more? If I go away for a week or a couple of days? Or can I give up the life on the road and be at home? Live off the museum. Whilst I'm not home all the time, like you are, I am still a parent too."
"I know."
"Then why can you see Zak, paranormal investigator before you see Zak, dad to a 4 year old child?"
"I-I don't."
"Really?" He asks, shifting himself to watch Theo than stare at me. "Because I think you do. Maria, A 9-5 job behind a desk is not the life for me and I don't expect it to be the same for you. At the end of the day, I can walk away from it all, the show, the channel, the museum, everything. But I can't, I will not and I will never walk away from our son, our marriage. Our family."
"Neither would I." I answer instantly.
"Then tell me what the hell is going on. Because although you've told me, and part of me believes it. I just have some nagging feeling that you're gonna take off. That being a mom isn't want you want anymore? If that is the case, and you want to, I want you to sit down with our son, and explain it to him, that you leaving is not his fault, or mine. And that wherever you might end up, you'll love him regardless."
I feel my chest gasp for air as tears fill my eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. Zak I swear."
"Then talk. To me." He answers with anger in his voice.
My lip trembles and I quickly hurry down off the rock to sit beside him. "I can explain."
"Then please do. Because being here was suppose to help you, but last night? You're sat in bed doing the exact same shit as you do at home. Only this time the searches are deep, they are dark stuff. I'm scared for you, Maria. I don't know what path you're going down but I don't want you to go at it alone. But I also have to think about our son."
"I'm not going anywhere. I swear, I just.."
"Tell me for fuck sake."
"Okay. Okay." I breathe, looking to make sure Theo was still okay, smiling slightly when he yells that he's got a crab.
"If not for me, for him..." Zak whispers.
Wiping my hands, I look at him. "Back in Vegas, it still stands. All the stuff I was researching was to help you with work. To give me a purpose. Something to fill the day because Theo is getting more independent now and he doesn't need my help with everything. I found time and not knowing what to do with it, I began researching."
"And last night?" He asks.
"I had a dream.. Before we left. The night you showed me this place."
"About?"
"That house." I tell him, pointing to the home over my shoulder. "I dreamt it was engulfed in flames and a dark shadow, no black abyss was walking along the balcony. It was moving within the flames, like something from a horror film."
Zaks eyes move to the house before looking back at me.
"It scared me and woke me up. I felt physically hot too. But I wrote the dream off, to an extent. Only when we pulled up, I saw the house and..."
"That's when you went really pale." He says, mainly to himself.
"It scared me. I've been been back to the website and there's not a single photo of that house online, yet I saw it, in my head. Days before coming here and yesterday, Brian confirmed that there was a fire, with no known cause.."
Zak sits back slightly looking between me and the house. "So are you saying it's paranormal?"
I shrug. "That's what I'm trying to work out. I know it's stupid and one dream isn't anything to go off, but it felt real. The terror felt real, seeing the black abyss like figure filled me with fear."
"Why the hell haven't you told me?" He almost growls.
"Because it doesn't make sense to me. How can you make sense out of it?"
Zak lifts his cap to run his head. "I'm running on the option of perhaps I've brought something home? That some energy has triggered this off?"
"And how many times has energy, brought you premonitions about a house that you have yet to even see?"
He opens his mouth to reply, but closes it again.
"Exactly. You're stumped. I am too."
Zak stands up suddenly. "No, I'm not. Not yet."
Leaning down, he grabs my face with his hands. "Don't you ever hide shit like this from me, you hear?"
I nod.
He kisses my forehead before pulling back. "I gotta make a couple of calls. Go catch some crabs."
"But.. Where are you going?" I ask as he lets go of my face and begins heading back to the cottage.
"I won't be long."
"Zak? What are you going to do?!"
"Won't be long Theo! Look after mommy for me!" Zak shouts, breaking into a run.
I look at him and then Theo who is still digging away and yells back that he will.
Where on earth is he going?
"Mommy look at this one!"
Stumped, I slide off the rock, and head over to Theo. Wondering if my goose chase for answers has just worn off onto my husband?