RopeBurn
"You know love is blind, oh, help me I,
I'm affected by Stockholm Syndrome"
Elvira
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Time was always a concept that I had never managed to fully grasp. I can vividly remember sitting in my first grade class watching the clock and begging the time to pass by. I remember how it felt as though an hour in time today was the equivalence to a second when I was younger. Being injured now seems so little, because I know in only a small amount of time it will be as though I was never injured in the first place. When I was younger it felt as though a scrape on th knee left me immobile for years.
Time never quite stood out to me as a child, that is until my father passed. For me my entire life had been put on pause, my schoolwork was no longer completed nor did I ever make time for studies. My mothers mourning seemed to be never ending, the way my brother had to cook raw food when she couldn't make it out of the bed made it feel like the depression sweeping over our home would be never ending.
While time for me seemed to be at a standstill everything around me kept going. It was at that point in my life that I learned I was nothing more than a small speck on a speck in a speck. My dead father didn't stop the teachers from moving on, or from the bank taking away our home. It wasn't a big enough excuse for my moms nursing job to not fire her, and it wasn't enough to keep my brother off of the drugs.
That was how this felt, at least for the first year. Every day was the same for me, I'd wake up and open shop. While the bookstore was often busy, it didn't seem busy enough to keep the thoughts out of my head. How much longer could I take the not knowing? Had my grandmother passed? Was my brother still sober? How much longer would it be until he found me?
That was when I met him.
Alexei Michail was a college student I met a rough year into my hiding. He had come in one day looking for work, and I was glad to take half of the load off and toss it to him. At first it was nothing more than little sparks. Sparks that we'd get when our hands accidentally touched, or when I'd reach over him to help with his schoolwork. Sparks that I kept reminding myself weren't worth the boys life, or my own.
He had dreams to become a writer, most of his time outside of work and school was dedicated to doing just that.
It seemed that time had turned his feelings into something so much more than professional towards me, even though he had only known me for little over a year. Even with my feelings towards him our relationship hadn't managed to get past flirtatious conversations. Or rather, I hadn't allowed it to. "Irene?" The nickname was something I had gotten used to, though he was the only one who addressed me as such. It wasn't like he hadn't given me the chance to be with him, as he asked me out frequently. It was that each time he did all I felt capable of doing was shutting him down with a harsh no. "Come on, what do you think? I'm not too sexy for you am I?" my attention moved from my thoughts towards him.
"Pardon?" My eyes wandered the store, catching my reflection in one of the windows. The blonde hair and green eyes had become a part of me. It wasn't like I left the shop often, after all now I had Alexei to shop for me. However it wasn't worth the risks of being seen on some sort of camera without my disguise.
"Oh come on baby, you never pay any attention to me." He spoke playfully, though I gave him a warning glare to keep the nicknames dialed down. "What goes on inside that head of yours?" A famous question for a not so famous person. "You must have an entire word search printed behind your eyes to keep you busy."
"Firstly, Don't call me that Lex." I arranged the books onto the shelf properly, cursing the idiot who placed them in there incorrectly. "Secondly it wouldn't make sense to have it behind my eyes. It would need to be placed on the inside of my eyelids." I corrected, turning my attention back to him for the second time. "Now what do you want hm? I should start taking all of this wasted time off of your bloody pay." I picked up a stack of books, holding them close to my chest.
"My haircut, Irene. I got a haircut and I just wanted your opinion on it." My eyes wandered to his newly cut hair, looking at the wet black coils that had shrunken against his head. It was indeed a very attractive hairstyle. His hairline had been cleanly shaped, along with a well cut fade towards the back of his head. "So? What do you think?" His accent hung thickly over his words, English wasn't his first language but he spoke it so well it could have been.
"It looks very nice Lex, now go work would you? I don't pay you to flaunt your hair." I shoved the book back against the shelf, a sigh escaping past my lips. Keeping him at bay was harder than imagined. Keeping my own sexual urges at bay had become a greater challenge for myself than first proven to be. Two years was a long time to go without having sex.
"You're just mad because you wear a wig." he snatched at the fake blonde hair, to which I quickly kicked him in the shin for. "Ow! Irene what the hell?" He bent down to rub his shin with a groan.
"How long have you known about that you little punk? You mean to tell me I've spent movie nights with you wearing this thing and you knew?" He laughed, nudging my arm a bit too hard for my liking as a way to get back at me.
"After the second month of working here I saw a full strand of black hair poking out from the bottom, that was when I knew for sure. Though it looks pretty real, I don't get why you'd be so dedicated to being blonde. Personally I think you'd look great with black hair." My heart fluttered at the comment, but my brain quickly shut it down.
The ding of the bell caught our attentions, and Alexei moved away to assist the person at the door. "Do you have a copy of the Quran? I left my copy back home and it has been making my prayers very difficult." A female said, catching my attention by the not-so-Russian accent. A turn around the corner revealed a girl wearing a hijab, likely around my age. She was dressed in heavy clothing, clearly not used to the cold weather in Russia.
"I uh.. Irene? Do we have any um, Qurans?" I didn't believe in god, so it was understandable that he'd be unsure of the stock. However I did believe in money, and not having bibles and other holy books was a failure on the whole 'I'm supposed to be a bookstore owner' look.
"Right back there, next to the fiction section." I pointed in the direction and moved behind the counter. She looked a bit familiar, but at the same time I couldn't tell you if I had actually met her or if it was just someone I had passed in the streets.
After a few minutes she came up to the counter, and placed the book down gently. "How are you today ma'am?" The girl adjusted her hijab to make sure there were no spare fly aways. the wind and snow was awful outside, and I could only imagine how hard it may have been to try and keep it on while carrying around her bag.
"As good as I can be, I suppose. I am just a bit tired of all this snow, though who can say that the aren't? Why don't you take the book for free? I've bought a few too many and you could use the money towards buying hand warmers." She clearly wasn't used to the cold weather, her face was red and blue. Her eyes kept locked on my face, perhaps I had met her before?
"Are you sure?"
"Positive, you have a good day now. Try to stay warm out there won't you?" She thanked me before making her way out of the shop, her eyes barely leaving mine as she did.
"Look at you being sweet. Are you sure you're the same Irene that I fell in love with?" Alexei nudged my shoulder with his own, snickering at his tease.
"Bugger off would you? I swear Alexei I'm going to stop paying you if you don't actually do some work." He laughed a bit harder, though it was quick to die down when I didn't join in as an indication that I wasn't kidding.
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"Are you watching a movie before bed tonight?" I found myself flinching at his touch, something that never failed to bring a frown to his face. He knew something had happened to me, clearly. Though he never asked. "I was hoping I could join you, my roommate has his girl over and requested I come home a bit later." He removed his hand from my shoulder, shoving into the pockets of his jeans.
The bolt lock clanked loudly, pulling at the door and seeing it stay locked in place offered a false sense of security. "As long as you don't try to get into my pants, sure." A joke, considering the only move he had ever made on me was a kiss on the cheek while blackout drunk on St. Patrick's day claiming he was Irish and deserved a kiss.
An exaggerated gasp echoed throughout the small store, loud footsteps clanked against the spiral staircase leading to my room. "I would never, I'm a gentleman." A look over my shoulder allowed me to see his watching my every move. Unlike things with Marco, his eyes didn't bring on an overwhelming sense of dread. They made me feel safe, like he was watching over me.
"A pain in the ass isn't a gentleman, Lex." My feet clanged against the staircase until I reached him. He moved so that I had access to my bedroom door, waiting patiently for me to allow him in. Just like how he waited for me to allow him into my life, though any open door he found he was immediately shut out of.
Being so close to him behind closed doors seemed to be harder on me than it was on him. While every move that was made sober was by me, he seemed to be able to withhold his own impulses. Whereas I struggled to keep it in my pants."We should watch that countdown movie, I heard it was really good." Alexei sat down onto my couch, leaving more than enough room for me to lay down next to him. "They have an app you know? We could download it."
"Are you some sort of idiot? Don't go playing around with shit like that." A wack to the back of his head granted a widespread smile against my face. He reached for my computer and handed it to me to type in the password.
Two years without a TV wasn't that big of an issue after I had purchased a decent laptop. Watching movies was much easier, and cheaper considering that illegal websites were my go to. Who needed Netflix when an illegal website allowed you to watch all of that and more? "You're no fun, it's just a stupid app." His lower lip poked out from his face.
"If you want to mess with that fine, but I'm not going to play along with your idiotic actions." My Abuela had taught me against playing around with foolish shit like the devil. Just the talk of it made me want to pull out my sage and shove it down his throat.
His laughter brought a smile to my face, no matter how annoying he was. His fingers clicked against the keypad at lightning speed while searching the name of the movie through the illegal website. "I'm only joking, I know you don't play with those things. It doesn't make much sense to me though. You don't believe in god, but you believe in demons? How does that even work?" He clicked play and placed the laptop onto my coffee table to watch it.
After watching him lay down I turned my attention towards the laptop screen. "Mind your business. My beliefs have nothing to do with the damn movie, so either play it or go home." Perhaps I was just irritable from the aggravating wig and the dry contacts. All I wanted to do was take them out of my eyes and go to sleep, but part of me wasn't willing to be so vulnerable around him. Much less show him my true identity.
He grunted, falling silent with a quiet snicker. A moment of vulnerability beckoned me towards him. My back rested firmly against his chest so that I was facing towards the laptop. "I'll just shut up and watch the movie then." a whisper hit my ear, his arm wrapping around my waist to pull me close towards him.
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Song: Stockholm Syndrome - Sofia Karlberg
unedited.
If you see any errors please let me know, this was posted immediately after writing.