I opened the door.
"Are you doing alright?" I asked softly. Mary smiled at me.
"I am. I don't think you are though, come here," she said. I sat on the edge of the bed.
"What's troubling you?" She asked.
"You know me all too well, and yet I'd feel selfish to burden you with my problems right now," I explained.
"Well, first of all, it's not a burden, I'd like to hear something besides crying for a little while. A sense of normality, I guess. And second, whatever you tell me, (Y/N). I take it to the grave," she said. I gave her hand a squeeze.
"Mary can I ask you a question, just for some context," I said, and she nodded.
"What do you think of homosexuals?" I asked, trying not to stutter.
"Nothing. I think nothing. Love who you love and love them completely. The thought that someone can't marry who they love saddens me. Why do you ask?" She said. I turned back, and a tear slipped.
"There's this girl... only she's not a girl, she's more of a woman," I said, tears falling now. Mary embraced me, and I felt guilt rush through me.
"She's older?" She asked.
"She is. She's 32," I said, sniffing.
"15 years isn't the worst thing I've heard of around here," she said, wiping the tears from my cheeks. I laughed softly.
"I just- I think I love her, but I don't know. I also have a crush on a boy my age, but he's nowhere near what she is, but probably the safest option," I said.
"(Y/N), I don't know either of these people, and I can't see inside your head, but whoever makes you crave for them, choose them. The person you'd sell your soul with to spend another minute with, chose them," she said, cupping my cheek. I kissed hers, hugging her.
"You're the closest thing I had to a mother. I don't know what I'll do without you," I said, sighing.
"You'll persevere, that's what you'll do," she said, and I smiled.
"Oh Mary, you are an angel on earth."
—————
It was Easter Sunday, and Gilbert and I were attending the mass. I'd finally got a chance to wear the beautiful dress I'd purchased last winter.
I went with him to get his hockey stick from one of the local natives.
"This is a fine stick, thank you," Gil said, shaking the mans hand.
"I hope you play well," he replied.
Rachel Lynde approached, handing a paper and telling them a boarding school opened.
Gil read it before handing it to them.
They discussed it in their language.
"Do your parents like the idea?" Gil asked. She shook her head.
"Big fight," she said.
"Halifax is fairly far, if your parents want you close, perhaps I could tutor you in all that instead, teach you what I learn at school," I suggested. She nodded, telling her parents the message.
The man turned to me.
"What would you teach our daughter?" He asked.
"To read and write English, everything they would teach her at the boarding school. I come to town every weekend, so perhaps I could do it then," I said. They went back to discussing.
"They like the idea," the girl said softly.
"Sure. Would you come to our village?" He asked. I nodded.
"Very well, thank you. We think it would be important for Ka'kwet to learn English, but the boarding school is very far," he said. I nodded, smiling. Ka'kwet. It was a pretty name.
"Of course, I'd be happy to. I'd love to learn more about your culture too," I said.
"We will wait for you next Saturday, and show you the way," he said. I thanked him, and we parted ways.
"What was that? Usually you hang out with Cole don't you?" He said. I pulled him aside.
"I've heard bad stories about those places Gil. They might be lies, but I wouldn't want to hurt another family," I whispered in a low tone as we walked back to the church.
"Bad stories? What kind?" He asked.
"I'll discuss it with you when we get home, not here," I said, aware of just how many of the people around us were racist, and unafraid to show it.
He nodded, and we headed into mass.
"Is everything set for Mary's surprise?" I asked as we sat down at the bench.
"Yep. Anne's done a whole lot of work for it. That's one thing I can admire about her. She's determined," he said, chuckling. I smiled, nodding.
"She only ever means good, at least," I said. He nodded.
"Yeah, yeah she does."
—————
I set up the last paper butterfly, and I smiled at Anne.
"Nice job," I said, and she nodded.
"I'm just glad I can do something for Mary. Oh, and by the way, that dress is really pretty," she said, admiring me. I blushed.
"Thank you. I saw it and immediately loved it. I love the flowers on your hat," I said.
"Oh? Do you want one? I decorated another one. Here, this ribbon matches your skirt," she said.
"Oh wow, these are beautiful, Anne. Thank you," I said as I put it on, smiling.
Suddenly, we heard yelling.
"They're here! They're here!"
We all got down, rushing over to the entrance of the garden.
Mary was in Bash's arms, and I smiled, watching her gasp as she took it all in.
We all wished her a happy Easter, and Bash set her down on the couch inside the small gazebo.
She thanked Constance, and Anne brought her the recipe cards we'd been working on together. I smiled, and she thanked both of us.
"Oh my girls, I love you two so much," she said, embracing both of us.
We all gathered around Delphine, putting the flower crown on her, smiling when Minnie May said she looked like a chocolate candy.
We all gathered around Mary, singing for her. She smiled at all of us, tears slipped from her eyes.
"I don't know how to thank you all. If it's alright, I'll just read my favorite prayer," she said, and Gil handed her the Bible.
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace," she read.
"Where there is hatred, let me sow love," she broke down, she couldn't finish it.
Marilla stepped forward, and we all joined in, reciting the prayer.
I felt my heart shatter with each verse. I couldn't handle losing her.
—————
"Miss Stacy!"
We were all leaving the gathering, but I had to stop her.
I grabbed her wrist, and she turned back, raising an eyebrow at me.
"Are you alright?" She asked. I felt my breath disappear. I cleared my throat, shaking.
"I just- I wanted to say I think you look lovely today. With your dress and your hat," I said, gazing at the pink flowers in it. She smiled.
"Thank you. You look lovely too. I wish it didn't have to be under such sad circumstances," she said. I nodded.
I didn't understand what was happening but I began to cry. She immediately took me in her arms, and I held onto her, not wanting to lose anybody else. She rubbed my back gently, and I shook in her arms.
"I'm so tired of losing people," I whispered.
"I know, I know."
"I'm sorry, sorry for crying all over your jacket," I said, pulling away.
"No, no no no. It hurts to lose someone you love, I should know. Better to express those emotions than feel too numb to do so," she reassured.
I nodded.
"But I mean what I said, you look beautiful," I stuttered. She smiled softly.
"I'm glad you think so, though I doubt I'd describe myself as either lovely or beautiful. Though, I imagine you get those a lot," she said, motioning to follow as she walked.
"What? How do you mean?" I asked, my cheeks flushing.
"You seem to be a very popular candidate of the take notice board," she said, and I felt my heart sink a little in disappointment.
"Yes... the take notice board. I suppose I have nobody to post about," I said, and she looked over.
"That's right. I saw you talking to that boy, the hand that Matthew hired," she said. My whole face went hot.
"It's not- well I- he asked to walk me home, and he's sweet, but I- I don't know if I love him. I don't know what love feels like at all," I said, not sure what to expect from this supposed all glorious and heavenly feeling.
"Love is... strange. It kind of just appears one day and it's your decision what you do with it. Nobody else can tell you how to love. Whatever you do figure out, I hope you follow your heart," she said.
My heart skipped several more beats.
"Are you- are you in love with anyone?" I asked, trying to not let my voice shake too much.
"You know, I think I'm in the same position as you. Rachel Lynde sends suitors to my door every day, and yet the person I seem to be conflicted over is the person I least expected it to be. Life's funny like that, I suppose," she said. I bit the inside of my cheek.
"I see. Well, I should be off. I'll see you at school, on Monday," I said softly. I turned to leave, but she grabbed my wrist this time.
I turned back, and she let go.
"Yes of course, but please, let me know if you need anything at all," she said. I nodded, and we split ways.
I touched where her hand had been, and I felt butterflies.
Cole was right.
I was in love with Muriel Stacy.