__this takes place after Meredith gave birth to Ellis, Derek is still alive!__
Dereks pov:
Meredith and I lay in bed, she gave birth to Ellis 3 months ago. She is reading a book and I'm looking at her, we've been married for almost 7 years, but she is still so beautiful. Every inch of her I love. ''What are you looking at?'' she says with a smirk on her face. ''You'' I say. She looks at me and I lean in to kiss her.
She kisses me back, it gets heated but she pulls away. ''wha-'' ''I'm not in the mood Derek'' ''Its been 3 months'' ''no'' ''come on, why not?'' ''no is no, Derek'' ''whatever, goodnight'' ''goodnight'' I turn around and lay with my back facing her. "you're seriously mad at me right now because I do not want to have sex with you?'' "I'm not mad.'' I say annoyed, I'm not mad, I just dont understand why she doesnt want to. ''oh, come on Derek, I know you long enough''
''I just said I'm not mad'' ''you know what, just go sleep in the guestroom'' I turn around look at her and say ''what?!'' ''I cant look at you right now'' ''you cant be serious right?'' ''GO'' she yells. I get out of bed and walk to the guestroom. This is unbelievable. Its not like I pushed her into anything I just wanted to know why she doesnt want to have sex with me.
I let myself fall onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. When I wake up the next morning, I can hear the kids play in the playroom, so I walk up to them. ''hey guys'' ''Hi daddy'' Zola says. ''why did you come out of the guestroom?''
Merediths pov:
I wake up and walk down the hallway to the kitchen when I hear the the kids. I walk up to them and see Derek sitting in front of them. ''why did you come out of the guestroom?'' Zola asks him. He is quiet for awhile but then responds ''you see, mommy is a little mad at me right now'' ''why? what did you do?'' ''I asked her something, but she- wasnt very happy with the question'' he tried to explain it so well to a 6 year old kid.
''well, when will you sleep in your room again?'' ''I dont know Zozo, I dont know, I'm not going to push mommy into anything, she'll ask me to come back eventually, at least, I hope she does'' he whispered the end. He stands up and I walk back into the kitchen. I pour some juice in a glass and drink it.
I hear Derek walking down the hallway. ''goodmorning, I'm sorry'' he says. I choose to ignore him, he has to understand that no is no. ''Meredith? Please say something'' I dont say anything. ''I'm going to Owens today, I love you'' he says. I make myself some breakfast while he is taking a shower. When he walks out, he comes into the bedroom and says ''I'm not staying, I'm just- grabbing some clothes''
The cracking in his voice hurts me. Its not that I dont want to have sex with him, its just that I feel very insecure after Ellis' birth about my body. It doesnt look like before anymore. He grabs a stack of clothes, underwear and he grabs his charger of his nightstand. He looks at me and I look away. He walks out and opens the door to the guestroom. I hear him lay everything down and closing the door. I put some clothes on myself and get the kids dressed too.
I hear Derek walking downstairs, and he grabs his car keys. ''I'm- I'm leaving, I'll be back tonight, love you'' he yells. The kids yell love you too and I stay quiet. After a few seconds I can hear him sigh and open the front door. He drives away and I'm left alone with the kids.
That night>
Dereks pov:
I come home to my family eating dinner in the kitchen, I grab a plate and I sit down. She doesnt even look at me nor asks me how my day was. Everyone finishes their dinner, and when I'm about to sit on the couch, I feel the need to throw up, I run to the bathroom and throw up everything I just ate.
Zola comes in and asks me if I'm okay. ''I'm fine Zola, its okay, go play with your broter'' I say. She runs away and I sit with my head in my hands. I'm about to brush my teeth when I feel another wave coming. I dont even know if I have more in me to throw up. I sit on the bathroom floor and just stare at the wall, I feel extremely dizzy.
I feel a little bit better, so I stand up and brush my teeth. I walk into the livingroom and Meredith is playing with the kids. I grab my phone and look up on google, what throwing up and feeling dizzy means. It can be a stomach bug. A few hours later around 8pm I bring Bailey to bed and tuck him in, I give him a kiss on his head and walk away.
There we go again, I run to our bathroom when I remember I'm technically 'not allowed' in there, I'm planning on walking away but I cant hold it in anymore. I throw up in the toilet and just sit there, I have no energy left in me. Meredith walks in and looks at me. ''I'm- uh- leaving'' I stand up, flush the toilet, and try and walk away, but I almost fall. I hold the wall and walk back into the guest room.
I sit on the ground and I feel tears falling down. I did nothing wrong? Right? I just asked a question. I just miss her, so much, her body against mine. I hear small footsteps walking up to the door. I open it and Zola is standing there. ''daddy?'' ''yes princess'' I say wiping my tears. ''want to play with me?'' ''oh- I'm sorry Zozo, but I dont really have the energy right now, cant you ask mommy?''
''I wanted to ask her but she is crying'' ''what? where?'' ''In your bedroom'' I pull myself together and struggle to get up, I walk to our room holding the wall and open the door. She is sitting on the ground with her head in her hands. I walk up to her and put my arms around her, I hug her tight and kiss her on the top of her head. She calms down a bit and I say ''you're okay'' she looks up at me and I feel myself about to break down, she gives me a death glare and I stand up with all the energy left in me.
I walk out of our room, tears streaming down my face, I get back into the guestroom, when I fall down. Before everything went black I can hear Zola screaming ''mommy, what is happening to daddy?'' I wake up some time later and I lay on the ground, with my head in Merediths lap, she is tapping my head with a wet towel.
I pull my head of her lap and sit up. I stand up and open the door, I step in, turn around and say ''I'm sorry, so sorry, I didnt know you felt like that about me, I'm sorry for that question. and sorry for making you feel uncomfortable just now, I could've taken care of myself" I take another step and close the door.
Merediths pov:
He is sick, really sick and he blames himself for my feelings. I'm ignoring him for the entire day already, and now he is sick. He probably feels better in the morning though. I get into our bedroom and lay down, I soon fall asleep.
I wake up by my pager ringing 911. I get up, get clothes on and walk out of the door. When I finished my surgery it was noon. Derek was nowhere to be seen, so I walked up to Bailey and asked her if she knows where he is. She then tells me ''he called in sick, 2 hours ago, why?'' ''oh- uhm I just hadnt seen him yet, can I go home? I need to fix some personal stuff'' ''sure, but when I page 911 you have to come in'' '''thanks''
I get in my car and drive home. When I get home I see that the kids are dressed and playing, Ellis is sleeping in her crib and the dishes are done. ''hey Zozo, where is daddy?'' ''In his room I think'' I walk to our bedroom when I remember I kicked him out. I walk to the guestroom and knock on the door. No respond, I open it and Derek is laying in bed, staring at the wall, shivering, puffy eyes, tears streaming down his face and no hope or energy left in him.
''Derek?'' I ask. He looks up and just stares at me. ''You do-dont have to Mer-Meredith, I know you-you are sti-still mad at me-me'' I feel so bad for him, I dont know whats wrong but I know its bad. ''I have to tell you something..'' I say. His eyes meet mine and he looks scared. ''are-are you go-going to ask fo-for a divo-divorce?'' he asks. No hope left in his eyes.
''No, Derek, never'' he sighs in relief but isnt looking at me. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, I know you have needs and I shouldnt have said no to you nor ignoring you for 1 and a half day, its just, since I had Ellis, my body isnt the same, and I'm insecure, I'm sorry for ignoring you for so long and not taking care of you" I say. He finally looks at me again and he says "Mer, you do-dont have to-to be-e insecure, you-you're beautiful."
''I love you'' I blurt out. He looks at me in shock. ''you-you still do-o?'' ''ofcourse Derek, I'm the one who has to apologise not you, I shouldve just talked to you instead of, being so mad and ignoring you, I'm sorry'' ''it-its okay, and I-I love you too-oo" he says. I kiss his lips, pull away and kiss his forehead. ''We should get you a nice warm bath'' I make a bath ready and pull him up, he almost falls down but I hold him up, I undress him and get him in the bathtub.
His muscles immediately relax and I walk out ''I'll be right back'' I say. I walk to the guestroom, grab his stuff and put it back into our bedroom. I grab him a clean pyjama set and take it with me to the bathroom. I hesitate to undress myself but he nods and smiles a bit and I know he will always love me so I get in and lay in between his legs. He plays with my hair and constantly gives me kisses on the top of my head.
''I will never push you into anything Meredith, and I want you to feel comfortable with me, so if something is wrong with me, please just tell me'' he asks with worry in his voice. ''Its not you Der, its me, I was just- too insecure'' ''Well, dont be, you are and will always be gorgeous, I love you so much Meredith, I dont want to lose you'' ''I also dont want to lose you Der. Lets get out and I'll grab you some soup''
We get out, I dress him and myself, I hold him tight and lead him too the bed. ''Wha-'' ''sh, sh it's okay, I want you here again'' he looks me in the eyes and nods. I walk downstairs and make some soup. I give the kids some candy and I walk back upstairs. He is fast asleep. I lay next to him and fall asleep too.
__Soooo, long chapter (2000 words) I had this idea in my head and wrote it down so here it is, thank you for over 1K reads, let me know what you think by commenting or voting! Thanks!__