Voldemort's voice left my mind and took with it every other thought or sound. I could feel a slight ringing in my ears and my eyes were seeing things differently, almost as if the world around me had changed its grain.
I only realized that Ben was talking to me because he shaked me.
"Jo, hey!" he was saying, his beautiful face close to mine. He examined me quickly and then moved his hand away from me almost as if I was white hot. He passed a hand on his face and pointed his wand towards me, speaking low and fast.
"Hey, look at me" he held my face in his palms studying my eyes. But I couldn't really focus on him.
Oh! That was the problem, I realized: he thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn't present.
I blinked twice and tried hard to come to the surface of reality.
"Her shoulder is a mess" Aberforth was folding himself to our level to examine me
"I got hit twice" I explained. Ben exhaled in relief.
"And then some... I can set the bone back but a magimedician has to see it" the old man went on; he braced himself and then locked his eyes in mine "It'll hurt Jocelyn"
There was little I could do to prepare myself before he made a quick backward flick with his wand and a blinding pain hit me. It passed almost immediately leaving behind a deaf throbbing. I sighed and my head swam for a couple of seconds; I was dizzy.
"I'll take her in" Ben offered, lifting me gently from the less injured arm, but I suddenly realized something.
"Ben" I gripped his shoulder tight, searching him for cuts and wounds "Are you ok? Are you hurt?"
"No, I'm fine" he reassured me; he snaked one arm around my waist to sustain me but I turned again to put myself in front of him, agitated.
"She's confused. Needs to eat something" mumbled Aberforth.
"There's blood on your face!"
Ben held his hand up to my cheek and made his eyes from determined to gentle and a touch worried "It's yours love, I'm fine. Come on"
I let him take me towards the Great Hall, where everyone seemed to be pooling. I didn't really look around at the bodies on the ground or the destruction my school, my home, had sustained. I gripped Ben as the anchor that he was, and I felt he was doing the same with me. As he positioned me on a broken bench, I almost cried at the thought that he was alive; then Madam Pomfrey arrived and all my concentration went into not screaming as she examined me.
She had to stitch muscle together again and it was painful. So painful. Ben sat next to me and murmured encouragements through the worst part of it.
The procedure was getting to the end when I heard it.
"Miss Josie" a shrill tiny voice reached me. A voice I knew.
"Gilly?"
"Miss Josie!" this time closer, louder. This time I was sure
"Gilly!" I almost jumped
"Stay down Vance" Madam Pomfrey grabbed me unceremoniously and pushed me back down, but it didn't matter because my tiny house elf had found me. She skipped between the legs of the many witches and wizards around and threw herself in my free arm.
"Merlin, I missed you so much!" My eyes began to fill with tears of joy "But you have to go, you can't stay here, it's dangerous"
"Miss Josie is injured!" Gilly was very focused on my shoulder, terror written all over her face.
"Is it almost over?" I asked the witch
"Calm down child. It's a miracle your arm is still attached"
Ben kissed my head and stood up; now that I wasn't so confused and Gilly was with me, he felt comfortable leaving. "I'll find you later, I'm going to check on Manuel"
"Thank you" I squeezed his hand before letting him walk away.
On my other side, my shoulder was acting up: Madam Pomfrey was red with the effort of not swearing as she made every single muscle fiber knit back together; she was almost done, but the movement had made my shoulder starting to bleed again. As soon as Gilly saw the blood coming out she screamed in despair.
"I'm fine, it's not as bad as it looks" I assured her, and really the witch was almost finished; she had already stopped the blood and was beginning to close the wound.
"I don't want you to get hurt-"
"Gilly will stay right where she is" the house elf interrupted me.
"She's a stubborn one" a deep, old voice commented.
I lifted my eyes and found a small group of adults looking down at me. At its center stood an old wizard with crazy eyebrows and a long beak nose, who smiled at me with twinkling eyes
"Hi Jocelyn, I'm Eugene Vance. I'm your cousin... Well uncle"
All I could manage to get out of my mouth was a small and pretty obvious "Hi"
To my credit, my voice stayed level and it didn't betray any emotion. Not that I was feeling anything: I was too exhausted and still pretty scared to feel anything but confusion towards my... Family.
Eugene nodded, serene, to the two men on his right "These are my sons Christopher and David..."
They both nodded, smiling slightly; their faces open and handsome, they must have been in their mid to late twenties.
"and this is my nephew Allan..." Eugene went on pointing at a very tall red head standing behind him "and my nieces Siobhan and Elenore"
The two witches were obviously twins: they were identical in everything from the gorgeous coils of their ebony mane, to the full backward mouths.
The whole group looked at me with wide eyes; I studied them all, the closest in age to me must have been Christopher who looked to be about twenty-five.
Eugene waited until my eyes came to rest on his face again before offering a full, toothless smile.
"As soon as we heard of the battle, I knew you would be here. You look exactly like your father" he ended the sentence with a barely contained laugh. I wasn't the only one who felt a bit overwhelmed.
I offered a real smile too, but then Gilly's tiny hands in mine reminded me of what was going on.
"You should go. Voldemort said an hour, he'll be back soon"
They all winced a little at the name, but my tiny house elf stomped her feet on the ground "Gilly won't go!"
"That's quite alright, Gilly" Eugene reassured her "The Vances don't back down from a fight".
"There, you are ready to go" said Madam Pomfrey.
Only then I remembered she was still fixing me up; I turned to look at my shoulder which had a big, red, angry scar, but I looked up at Madam with grateful eyes: I knew she had done her best and a dark spell had cut me so I would always carry the sign. She had saved my life more than once this year.
"Thank you"
She smiled tiredly and patted me on the back. Christopher came forward
"Do you need help with the injured?"
"Please!" the witch nodded emphatically and guided him towards sicker people.
Which made me worry again. I stood up and turned around, scanning the sea of people gathered in the Great Hall. Gilly's hand was still holding onto mine, her arm raised like a little girl with her parent.
I turned towards the Vances
"I'm sorry, I need to..."
"Go find your friends Jocelyn" Eugene placed a soft hand on Gilly "You'll find us here"
I committed their faces to memory and then disappeared.
I knew perfectly well where I should go. Where I didn't want to go. Where people were laying the dead, in a long row one next to the other. I prayed I didn't recognize anyone but I did.
Melinda was dead.
Professor Lupin and his wife, I saw them fall.
My eyes filled with tears, but even blurred I could still recognize the bodies. And then I saw a large group of red heads all bent over someone in the row of the dead.
"Oh no"
I got closer to the Weasleys, all huddled together. I recognized Ginny, crying over her mother's shoulder. Everyone was crying around Fred who laid still on the stone, with a ghost smile fixed on his lips forever.
"No" it left my voice in a whisper, barely audible. But Ginny heard me. She looked up from her mother's sweater and threw herself in my arms, sobbing. I cried too.
But of course my pain was nothing compared to hers. What could I do, what could I say to make it better, to make it ok? Nothing. I couldn't take their pain, Ginny's, Bill's, George's... He was holding his twin's hand and he looked cut in half. It was too much sufference, too much love that now was just painful.
Molly hugged me, taking me out of her daughter's hands and checked me quickly and with an expert eye
"Arthur told me how you saved him"
"I..." I looked for Mr. Weasley who was hugging his son Percy.
"Thank you Jocelyn." Mrs. Weasley grabbed my face in her hands, her beautiful warm eyes full of tears "Thank you!"
I placed my hands over hers. How could she be this strong? She shouldn't have to be "I am so sorry" more tears escaped my eyes and fell on her fingers.
"I know dear"
She kissed my forehead and then let me go. I took a step away from them. I didn't want to subject them to my pain too now, it seemed important that the family had time for themselves. Of course Hermione Granger was there but she was as much a Weasley as Ron or Ginny. I was loved but not quite family.
I had been loved by Fred too.
A final look at George convinced me to turn around and go look for the other people I loved and didn't know if they were ok.
I scanned the Great Hall, deciding to go near where the teachers' table used to be, to get a better view. I found him almost immediately.
Neville had a bad cut under his eye and limped a little, he had a bandage on his arm but otherwise seemed ok.
As soon as he saw me, he locked his eyes on me and stopped dead in his tracks. I couldn't keep myself any longer: a savage joy, mixed with relief washed over me; he was at the other end of the Hall but I ran the entire length in under five seconds.
As I got close, he turned to face me, his arms opened and I threw myself against him. I was crying. He held me like you do a delicate thing, a little bird that fell from the nest and pushed me back to study me, panic in his eyes.
"Merlin, is this your blood?"
"It doesn't matter" I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him.
He responded to the kiss with passion now, he tightened his arms around my waist.
He moved his face away but only to hide it in the curve of my neck, then he lifted me up so that his back was straight, my feet dangled an inch from the ground, and between the tears I felt a smile growing on my face. He was safe.
Neville kissed my temple and set me back down "Seriously, are you...?"
"I'm fine" I assured. I should have imagined he would get scared by my appearance: the wound from my shoulder had covered me in blood. "They took care of it, are you all right?"
"I'll live" he conceded a smile.
He touched his forehead to mine and for a minute we stayed silent, just breathing and reassuring each other with our presence.
Then we came back to reality. He stroked my tears away with his thumbs and waited silently for me to tell him. I cried even harder then.
"Fred" I murmured
Neville's eyes got wide and misty, but he nodded without adding anything more.
"Is Seamus ok?"
"Yes, I saw him and Luna. And Ben and Manuel"
"Did you see Jude?"
"No" he shook his head "but Luna did, he's fine. Took a blow to the knee but someone will patch him up"
That made me remember something
"My family is here"
"Your cousin?"
I nodded "And Gilly... and lots of other people"
"Wow"
"Yeah... Not exactly what I needed right now. I don't want to sound ungrateful but..."
"You don't know how to deal with them" he finished for me.
I sighed and let him envelop me with his arms, I put my ear on his heart and listened to his breathing
"Well, you could introduce them to my grandma" his voice vibrated through his chest "she would keep them entertained for a while"
"Is she here?"
"Yes, she's somewhere inside"
Neville kissed the top of my head
"You have to go speak to your family"
"I know" I took a step back and looked at my boyfriend. My favorite person. I was so incredibly and profoundly proud of him. I loved him so much I couldn't even explain it!
But as he studied my face, my scars, my new cuts, I knew he was thinking exactly the same things. So I didn't need to explain it. Because I had found someone who knew it too. And that gave me strength.
"I'll find you later, before it starts again" said Neville, coming to kiss me again; his lips were soft and light on mine. Then we turned around and continued on to the things we needed to do. Because this was war.
I made my way back quickly and found Eugene patching up a kid; both of them were sitting down, the old wizard had a cane hooked on his arm that resembled the one my uncle used in the last months. The other Vances were nearby, assisting how they could, moving ruins and pieces of wall. The only one missing was Gilly.
"It's alright, my dear" Eugene's deep voice assured me, almost as if he had heard me "I sent her to find more bandages"
I was about to thank him, when I saw that Christopher was treating Jude's knee.
"Jude!" I moved quickly to where he was standing and side hugged him, one of his long arms came to circle my waist but his hold wasn't as strong as it should have
"What's wrong?"
"It just hurts" he murmured closing his lilac eyelids tiredly.
"It's about to hurt a lot more in a second" warned the black haired wizard.
A sigh escaped Jude's lips. I positioned myself in front of him as close as I could without being a problem for Christopher, then I placed a hand on his massive shoulder and clamped on tight
"Jude look at me"
He opened his eyes and fixed them on my face.
"It's going to be quick and then you'll rest ok?"
He sat a little straighter and nodded, his hand went to my waist and gripped tight; he was hurting me but I wasn't going to back down when my friend needed strength.
"Ready?" My cousin asked
Jude was breathing hard, but he managed one decisive nod.
The next sounds were a disgusting, incredibly loud crack coming from Jude's bones and his earsplitting scream.
He went limp right after, it scared me even if I expected it, but Christopher got out of his pocket a vial which contained tiny seeds and Jude regained consciousness immediately after sniffing it. Devil's trap seeds.
"Oh, Merlin" I breathed out, moving his hair from his wet forehead
"I'm alright"
"You better be" I hugged him again, and he responded in kind, making my waist hurt; I would have a bruise in the form of his hand if we survived, but I didn't care: this was the first time that uptight, unaffectionate Jude was sharing his feelings! I mean I knew he loved me, but he was never one to show it.
Other arms enclosed us from behind and I remained squished but happy between Jude and Ben.
I left the two of them to go speak with Eugene who watched us the whole time
"Are you sure you want to stay?"
"Of course I do" he unhooked the cane from his arm and positioned it in front of him placing both his hands on top, he took a big sigh " Your aunt Helen would never forgive me if I didn't take you back with me. And since I don't suppose I can convince you not to fight I will wait until after whatever has to happen, happens."
He smiled and then moved his eyes from my face to my shoulder
"Oh I'm fine, Madam Pomfrey-"
"I know dear, but she was rather preoccupied and I'd like to check you myself"
He gently inspected my arm "You have strong muscles, very flexible wrists and fingers, must be very able with the wand..."
"You are a magimedician"
"Yes, an old one, but I am experienced at least. My son is a magimedician as well"
Chris nodded and smiled, he had a moment of respite, so he came forward.
"What does aunt Helen do?" I asked the old wizard
"She was a botanist, now she is mainly a Grandma"
"I thought I was the youngest"
"You were" Eugene talked relaxed, almost as if he was telling a story "But David just had a daughter Christine, and your cousin Jeanie is also pregnant, with twins we suspect"
For some reason my eyes began to fill with water again. I always thought Oberon and I were alone, but we weren't "There's so many..."
Eugene caressed my cheek catching a tear. His wrinkles moved at my pain and made his face much kinder and softer.
"When your grandfather left Ireland, he wasn't in the best terms with his brothers; us cousins... We tried to keep in touch even it we didn't do a great job of it."
While he talked I was vaguely aware that the rest of the Vances present were gathering around us
"When Oberon died... if I could have, I would have come to take you right away. I loved your uncle and your father very much, Jocelyn. And even though you don't know me we are family. Everyone is excited to meet you"
"They are?"
Christopher snorted happily "The ones who didn't come to fight are waiting home for us"
I decided I liked his brilliant green eyes. I tried to blink away my tears.
Elenore noticed.
"It must not have been easy these past months"
"Were you alone?" Finished her sister
I smiled and shaked my head "I wasn't"
These past months had been hell to me, but I was never alone. Never.
Eugene looked past me at Ben and Jude.
"I'm glad you had good friends with you Jocelyn"
I nodded silently, but the tears didn't stop. David, tall and silent till that moment came forward and bent in front of me "Have you lost someone?"
"Many" my voice came out raspy.
I let myself be lost for a minute longer before standing up and shrugging. I needed to do something. I dried my face with my dirty hands "I'm going to help".
My sudden change of heart confused them all.
"Maybe you should rest-" began to say Christopher, but Eugene raised a hand in calm objection and nodded towards me.
"It's alright. We'll be around, dear"
I thanked him silently before going out of the big room to find someone I could help.