"I used to think in losing things, I'd lose a part of me too, that slowly I'd become someone my heart no longer knew. Then one day something happened, I dropped what I had once held dear, but my soul became much lighter, instead of filled with fear.
And it taught my heart that some things aren't meant to last for long, they arrive to teach you lessons, and the continue on. You don't have to cling to people, who no longer make you smile, or do something you've come to hate if it isn't worth your while. That sometimes the thing you're fighting for, isn't worth the cost, and not everything you ever lose is bound to be a loss."
e.h
"Morning," I grumbled, stumbling out of the bedroom into the open plan cabin. A yawn forced it's way out as I rubbed at my bleary eyes, sleep still heavy in my movements.
Across the room sat the two enforcers — Zahra and Taron, as Thane called them yesterday — both seeming just as tired as they hunched over their morning coffees. Thane had told me a little more about them both the previous night but I had still yet to speak to them properly since I first met them after the mountain lion attack. Taron grunted a greeting towards me, head resting heavily against one hand, and Zahra offered me a smile.
I had awoken much earlier than usual this morning, four-thirty instead of the usual six am, and I was feeling terribly groggy as a result. Thane was still sleeping. He'd looked so achingly handsome with his face half turned into his pillow, dark hair flopped against his forehead and a peaceful expression. It had been difficult to drag myself away, but I hadn't wanted to wake him up, the more rest he got the quicker he would heal.
Honestly, I had almost forgotten about the two enforcers that were residing with us. Thankfully the trainees were amongst their official pack members for the mating rotation, I didn't want to see anyone else right now. Too much had happened between Jack, Thane and me. I didn't have the patience for much more.
"You're both up early." I eyed the two enforcers as I headed to the simple kitchen to make myself a hot drink.
"Tell me about it," Taron groaned, taking a long drink. "I hate travelling to the other packs."
Was it a rule that they had to wake up early when they travelled to the other packs? Zahra caught my arched eyebrow and explained, "Harris isn't always the most trusting male. We don't sleep easy when in other territories. We need to be alert. And after what happened yesterday -"
"What a fucking shit show," Taron interrupted.
"After what happened yesterday," Zahra rolled her eyes, "We're not going to risk it."
"Alpha Athen wouldn't attack, he'd have to be a fool," I said, shaking my head. I knew without doubt the only reason Jack had survived was because of my interference. He wouldn't risk such another humiliation defeat.
"A fool in love," Taron added, still looking half asleep with their eyes half shut. I flinched at their words. Zahra hit the wolf on the shoulder, startling them awake, shooting them a pointed look.
Jack had certainly acted based only on his feelings for me and nothing else. It wasn't my fault. His actions were his own, his feeling his own when I had made mine so apparent. And yet a twinge of guilt pulled at me anyway.
"He still asleep?" Zahra nodded behind me, as I kept my head down and poured myself a cup of tea.
"No." The sound of Thane's voice startled me enough that I nearly dropped the mug I was holding. I hadn't even heard him wake.
All three of us stiffened in his unexpected company, and I saw all trace of sleep leach from Taron's composure.
"Alpha," they addressed, stiffening and surging to their feet. Beside them Zahra followed suit, standing to attention and waiting dutifully for a command from her Alpha.
"Leave us," he uttered, jutting his chin towards the main door to the cabin. The two enforcers didn't hesitate to exit, Taron carrying their mug off coffee with them outside as they did.
"What was that about?" I frowned at Thane, casting him a quick look over my shoulder. In silence he wrapped me in his arms, his bandaged chest pressed to my back, his face dipping into the crook of my shoulder, as he pressed a chaste kiss to the exposed skin. A shiver racked through me, tingling down the length of my spine as I felt his hot breath fan out. I arched my neck, sighing into his embrace.
"You ruined my plans. You weren't in bed with me when I awoke."
"Your plans?"
His hands found their way to my hips, curving around me until he reached between my legs to cup me intimately. My back arched. I pressed myself completely into his touch.
"I wanted to ravage you," he hissed softly. His mouth dragged up the length of my skin and placed a tender kiss just below the hollow of my ear. "There's no denying our bond now, and I want everyone to know that I belong to you."
"Yes," I moaned.
"Turn around."
I did as I was told, pressed against the counter and his body. His mouth hovered above mine and our eyes met. A grin curved across his lips as he appraised me in my shorts and thin cotton vest. My nipples were erect and visible through the material.
He kissed me, so thoroughly that every muscle in my body coiled. A hand lay at the back of my head, holding me to him as his mouth devoured mine, tongue parting my lips. Another hand gripped tight at the bottom of my vest, tugging the material up over my stomach and exposing it to the cold air of the cabin.
I didn't hesitate to lean back and rip the vest up over my head, exposing my upper body. His head stooped as he kissed across my chest, taking a nipple into his hot mouth and teasing the sensitive nub. I tugged at the length of his dark hair, thrusting my breast towards him. Already he was tugging at the remainder of my clothes until I stood naked before him.
"Up," he groaned, pulling away from me. "Get on the counter."
His large hands gripped tightly at my waist and he lifted me off my feet until I sat on the counter, legs parted by his body.
I watched with heavy eyes, anticipation buzzing through me, as he lowered himself until his mouth aligned between my legs. He paused for a moment, his breath brushing across my delicate flesh until he closed the distance between us and began to utterly devour me.
"Fuck," I hissed sharply through clenched teeth, hips thrusting into his mouth as he teased me. His mouth, tongue and teeth kissing, licking and nibbling at me until I was falling apart against him.
The sound of a shattered pot jerked me into awareness. I had knocked my mug of tea onto the wooden floor, the ceramic now smashed into a dozen pieces. I couldn't even thing to move to clean it up, slumped across the counter, panting for breath. And Thane certainly didn't seem to care as he stood and secured himself between my thighs, pulling my hips to drag me closer to the edge of the counter.
I moaned, a low deep sound that vibrated wholeheartedly throughout my chest as I felt Thane slip into me. I was given no time to collect myself — still half dazed from my orgasm — as he began to fuck me slowly, and tenderly. Each thrust a slow measured actioned with the sole purpose of forcing me into an incoherent mess, clinging onto him as tightly as I could, knowing I would simply fall apart without him to anchor me. I had nothing else to grip onto other then his broad shoulder, my fingers digging into his muscled flesh, my hands spreading out down across his back, digging into him, pulling him impossibly closer.
He began to thrust deeper, quicker, and I cried out, not caring if the Taron or Zahra were still close enough to hear us - completely unable to silence myself as Thane devoured me.
Thane kissed me, swallowing my moans, in a rough kiss that felt as if he was trying to consume me entirely. And I would gladly let him, if this was how it felt, to be so wholly in his embrace.
***
It had taken us more than an hour to finally drag ourselves from the comfort of our bed where our morning session had ended, content to lay in our post orgasmic bliss for all of the morning. I had no idea if Taron and Zahra had returned, or if they were still patrolling outside of the cabin at the command of their Alpha.
"What time are we going to your parents this morning?" Thane had already showered and dressed, after changing the bandages on his chest and made the bed. His hair was still damp and hanging across his forehead in a messy tumble.
"You still want to go?" I asked with a frown, tugging a t-shirt over my head.
"Of course, we told your mum we would."
"Oh. I just figured you'd want to head back to Colorado as soon as possible." I shrugged.
"It doesn't matter to me when we leave. If you want to spend the morning with your parents, I'm more than happy to do so. Besides..." He pulled me into his arms. "Alpha Athen's made his move. There's little else that could be done without inciting a war against me. We don't have to leave yet unless you want to."
"I'd like to stay for breakfast. Thank you."
He placed a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. Eyes alight with a joy I hadn't noticed before. He seemed relaxed, he seemed content.
No more than a few minutes later we were ready to leave. As soon as we stepped outside the cabin, heading towards my parents place, I noticed Taron and Zahra were not alone. Nero stood off to the side, looking uncomfortable with his shoulders hunched slightly and his hands buried in the pockets of his sweatpants. Taron paid him no mind while Zahra, I noticed, was eyeing him warily. When Nero noticed me, he immediately brightened and stepped closer.
"Wow you've got some guts," Nero laughed, eyeing me up with his familiar smirk and falling into step with Thane and me.
My pace faltered, "What do you mean?"
"You two reek. In another Alpha's land — who's madly in love with you — and you two shack up post battle. Now there's absolutely no question about who you're with," he explained, jutting his chin towards Thane on the other side of me. "Those rumours will be stopped dead in their tracks. A shame though, I thought it was quite funny that some people thought you were my mate."
Thane arched a brow at Nero, expression flat.
"I'll explain later," I assured Thane, if only to stop him from staring at Nero in such an intense way. I hadn't forgotten Thane's confession of jealously about the young, soft featured, curly haired male.
I was more than thankful though that this would put a stop to the rumours, and curb Nero's penchant for lying for the sake of his own amusement. I dreaded to think what new rumours now followed my name after all that had transpired yesterday. Truly the sooner we could leave the better. I just wanted to be back in Colorado again, where it didn't feel as if I had a dozen eyes on my as soon as I stepped out in public.
"I never did thank you for those extra rumours you decided to spread." My tone was dry, and I did my best to seem exasperated by his antics as I addressed Nero, but my smile eventually won. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with the other Arizona wolves?"
"You promised me you'd introduce me to your family." He slung an arm around my shoulder, having to lean up to reach. "I'm sure they're ecstatic to meet your best friend. Have they met Harris yet? I want to be the favourite."
I laughed, shoving him off of me and stepping closer to Thane so I could hold his hand. Nero pouted and feigned a wounded expression.
"They have met him, and my mom loves him. You're going to have to work hard to usurp his position as the favourite."
"What?" Nero's jaw slackened in disbelief. "I've never even seen you smile!" He bravely addressed the silent Colorado Alpha.
"What can I say?" Thane drawled with a shrug, finally speaking up, a smirk eventually tugging slightly at the corners of his mouth. "Parent's love me."
"You think they're still gonna' to love you when you go in their smelling like sex with their daughter?"
"Nero!"
Thane's jaw twitched as he stared down the younger male. For a second I wondered if Thane really was nervous about being around my family. He was such a confident, self assured male in every other aspect. Surely he wasn't worried about my parents opinions that much?
"You're a little shit just like your uncle," Thane finally spoke up in defence of himself, leaving me gaping at him as he smirked at Nero.
Nero didn't even seem bothered by the insult, grinning widely as if he'd just received the biggest compliment.
"How about you shut it," I huffed, "Or I'll tell them how I nearly died saving your ass. Do you think you'll be their favourite then?"
"Oh come on!" Nero exclaimed, hands gesturing in the air, eyes wide - all signs of amusement suddenly gone. "You're gonna' snitch on me? This is blackmail! And that wasn't even my fault!"
"Stop teasing him then," I warned, rolling my eyes.
Nero continued to grumble the entire journey to my parents cabin, his complaints quickly turning once again towards the subject of his cousin's mating with Daniel - a subject of which seemed to pique Thane's interest. I supposed Daniel would need to speak to Thane now on whether or not he would continue his training with Colorado.
The male had already expressed his desire to continue training, and to remain in Colorado for Riley, but now that he had actually met his mate his decisions may have changed. It wouldn't be surprising if Daniel decided he now wanted to be with his mate instead.
No one would judge him if he finished his training early. Though I had admired is resolution greatly, especially his openness to admit his own faults and a continued need to grow.
***
Breakfast with my parents had been awkward at first, my parents clearly all too aware of what had happened between my mate and I and their Alpha. But they didn't broach the subject at all and for that I was thankful. Besides, Nero did his best to lighten the mood and to my chagrin my mother absolutely loved his company. While she fawned over the two males in my life in the small kitchen, I was left to sit with my father in silence.
Until he turned towards me and fixed me with a heavy, steady gaze. His expression remained muted, giving nothing of his thoughts away. He cocked his head slightly, pursed his lips and said rather bluntly, "I never liked the other one."
"The other one?"
"Jack."
"You mean your Alpha?" I asked wide eyed.
He waved off my correction and grunted, "I'm not questioning him as an Alpha. But as a male who was chasing after my daughter? I didn't like him."
"That's not the opinion mom had." My mother had confessed just how much she had wished Jack and I had gotten together - and she'd certainly pushed the subject enough times before I left for Colorado that it would have been hard to miss.
"We both wanted you to be happy. But we had very different opinions on what is was that would make you so. He wasn't good enough for you, and I hated to see you bend over backwards for his approval."
"I-I didn't-" my cheeks flushed.
"I understand why you did it. You wanted your Alpha's approval. You wanted to prove yourself in the packs eyes. You didn't do it to impress him and win a males affection." He sighed, "You didn't need to prove yourself here, not to the pack, not to us, not to anyone. You're a strong wolf, no matter what anyone says."
I swallowed back my emotions, blinking too quickly to not give away the tears on the verge of falling. This was the most I had heard my father say uninterrupted in a long time. Certainly the most he had ever said to me in confidence.
"Now tell me about this other one, what's he like?"
I nearly choked at my father's blasé referral to Thane - 'this other one' as if he wasn't most powerful Alpha in North America. I was also fairly confident that Thane would be able to hear every word of this conversation just feet away from us in the other side of the cabin, no matter how loud Nero and my mother were chattering away.
The hot flush that scorched my cheeks didn't subside as my father patiently awaited my response with an arched brow. I was suddenly all too aware of Nero's earlier comment - there was no doubt that my parents knew exactly how much Thane and I got along.
This was absolutely mortifying.
"He's good," I answered quietly, shyly averting my gaze. "Better than Jack ever was, more than I could have ever expected."
"And he loves you, without conditions? He treats you right?"
"He does."
My father nodded firmly, resolutely, and seemed content with my answer. "Good."
When it was time to leave, I was all too aware of the Idaho wolves watching us. The trainees had just left with Taron and Zahra, and now only Thane and I remained as I carried my bags to the car. My mother had come with to say goodbye with tears in her eyes, even going so far as to hand me various packages of food she had cooked; from cookies and pies to heavy pasta dishes, that I hadn't had since I had transferred to Colorado. I hadn't seen my sister at all this morning, not even as I spied Mitchell stood with Beta Maria. They didn't approach but both offered me a friendly smile, assuring me that there was no bad blood between us, despite what had occurred with their Alpha.
And when Thane began to drive us along the faded dirt path that led through the trees out of the inner territory of Idaho, I was sure I saw a glimpse of Jack's wolf through the overgrowth. The brown wolf was deadly still as he watched us depart, making no move to stop us and only acknowledge my attention with a low dip of his head.
And somehow, this time, my departure from Idaho felt more conclusive than the last. Returning here was no longer a possibility, and no part of me wanted it to be. Idaho was my past, and it would stay that way.
When I had first left for Colorado, my heart had been heavy at the separation. I ached in the misery that it was to leave Jack behind - despite my desires to start anew in Colorado. And a small part of me had always clung to the idea that I could return to him in time.
But now, with everything that had served to alter my life irrevocably; with Thane by my side, and pack mates I loved in Colorado, and an existence where I felt valued, I held no desire to ever return to what my life once was. I didn't feel saddened to leave Idaho now, even knowing that all bonds between Jack and I had been severed. I felt free.
"You okay?" Thane asked from the drivers seat, his eyebrows pulled together in a frown.
I hummed in assurance, casting him a soft smile, shifting in my seat to turn away from the view outside the car altogether.
"Your friend, the one Alpha Allister mentioned, you've sent him to lead the Nevada pack in Riley's place, right?"
"Yes...Samual," Thane confirmed. "Why?"
"He's acting as Alpha? Until Riley is mature enough, or you find a more permanent solution?"
"Yes."
"But there's currently no Beta?" With Benjamin Russo's betrayal the Nevada pack was without both an official Alpha couple and Beta couple. Leaving a lot of responsibilities to be managed by only one male.
"What's brought on these questions?"
"I was just talking to Daniel before we came here, about the whole Riley situation, and it had me curious," I shrugged, not elaborating further. I couldn't get the Nevada male out of my head since Nero had mentioned him this morning, and the probing thought that had followed me since I last spoke to Daniel himself remained ever present. Instead, I asked, "What have you done with Russo?"
"He's locked away in a cabin for now with his mate. I have enforcers guarding it at all times. I'm not entirely sure what to do with him long term. Any thoughts?"
"You're asking me?" I said incredulously.
He shot me a sideways look, glancing away from the road for only a moment to frown at me. "Why wouldn't I? I value your opinion, and you've given some excellent insight to the situation so far."
"I've never had to punish someone before," I shrugged. "I wouldn't even know where to begin."
"We'll have to sit down and discuss it properly with Adriel and the others when we return," he sighed, already looking tired at just the prospect. "At least you don't have to eavesdrop on the conversation this time."
"Hey!" I gaped at him. "I didn't mean to listen in the first time but you were all so loud and it was so early in the morning. It's not my fault my bedroom is right under your conference room."
"I'm just joking." He laughed, and then more seriously added, "You should have been included in the meeting from the beginning, but, well, you didn't know about our mating yet. You are an Alpha though, your opinion on matters like these hold weight."
"I was worried I had misspoken, that first time in Nevada to all the other Alpha's. It wouldn't have been the first time my brash attitude would have caused a few bruised egos amongst them. I've always struggled to keep my opinions to myself. But it needed to be said."
"They didn't seem to take it well," he grinned, taking one had off the wheel to hold mine. He gave it a small squeeze and threaded his fingers through mine. "But I enjoyed every second of it. Their arrogance annoys me to no end. It's good to have someone else to keep them in check, especially when it seems you have no qualms about putting them in their place."
I sometimes forgot what it was like to be myself so unapologetically. I was so used to cursing my outspoken nature, to trying desperately to reel in my dominant attitude around other Alpha's. I remembered so vividly how nervous I had felt at those Alpha meetings in Idaho, how I'd felt like an imposter amongst so many legitimate Alpha's. It seemed laughable now. Not only was I an Alpha, but in a position with a pack made to keep all others in check.
I no longer had to strive to alter myself to fit within our world, within our strict hierarchy of wolves. I no longer had to change my impulses to conform to the rules that upheld such structures.
As my father had said so simply; I could be myself without conditions.