Baby you're like lightning in a bottle.
I can't let you go now that I got it.
~Electric Love by BØRNS~
STERLING'S POV:
I don't know what I was expecting with my first semester back.. I guess I thought to myself that it would be a hell hole, walking back into the school I left willingly, going back to the friends I ditched without a single word... But the entire semester was opposite of what I had expected, and planned out in my head. I know I have Harry to thank for that. Without meeting him this summer, and his connection to my old friends I know I wouldn't have rekindled my friendship, and this semester wouldn't have been such a breeze, at least not from the start.
My classes have been incredibly easy to my standard, but that's also because I've had Harry to study, and do homework with, and he's not the kind of person that says he's going to do homework, and get distracted doing other stuff.. That doesn't mean we haven't gotten distracted once or twice.. Maybe a few times because we have... But normally it's easy to stay on track with him.. Especially since we've started a competition now.. Who's going to be top of the class, me or him. Neither of us really know but we know that we'll both be giving speeches at our graduation no matter who ends up on top, and who's second best. It's only friendly competition though, nothing that truly bothers either of us.
We've kept our promise to Carson too. He's not only passed all of his classes, but kept A's in all of them, not letting them slip once all semester, and I know it's because he's serious about all of this, about college, and getting into the exact school he wants. He doesn't want to settle, just like me.. Just like all of us. I'm in the car now, Jalyn, and Andrea driving as we all sit together in our outfits with our makeup done. End of semester party to celebrate.. Christmas is soon, meaning I should be hearing back from Yale for my early admission status any day now... But I have no idea when.
"What are you thinking about?" Jalyn asks me, looking in the rear view.
"I know! I know!" Andrea shouts, raising her hand like she's in class. I shake my head, and lean forward.
"Go ahead, spill... Tell me what I'm thinking about." I joke.
"Either Harry Styles, or Yale." She tells me, and I gasp.
"Yale! You were right!" I joke, and she laughs, turning herself back around.
"You'll get an email soon.. I know you will." She tells me.
"That's easy for you to say... You know you're getting in, you've made incredible grades, and your mom works out Oregon State so you're getting in for sure, full ride... And you Jalyn are going to cosmetology school, and you're already basically ahead of all of the other people that are going to be going at the same time as you... That's how good you are. You both are set..." I sigh, knowing that there's a chance that I won't get in, or that I'll be waitlisted. I didn't apply anywhere else yet either, not for early admissions. I was going to wait to hear back from Yale to see if I even needed to..
"Sterling, look at me when I say this. You and boy genius are literally the perfect candidates for that school, and literally any other school you apply to... because you're both that smart... Stop doubting yourself before I beat the doubt out of you." Jalyn snaps at me, and she smirks in the rearview as she looks back at me.
"And tonight isn't about any of that. Tonight we're going to let the worries of last semester, and next semester, and college melt away, and we're going to party at Hallie's house, and you're going to have a sleepover with Harry, and it's going to be the best night ever." She tells me, and I laugh. I told my dad I was staying at Hallie's tonight which is true. Harry told his mom that him and Carson were going to Jake's after the party. Lucky for us, both of our parents don't question anymore because they trust us... Little do they know Harry and the guys plan to stay at Hallie's tonight with us because her parents already left for their anniversary ski trip, and she has the house to herself.
"I wonder what my dad would say if I told him that Harry and I were going to move in together when we get to Yale." I speak as I look out the window.
"I think your dad can already see it coming, and he'd be dumb not to... But he's still going to have a cow." Andrea nods to Jalyn's words, and we all laugh as Andrea pulls up. Everyone seems to be here already, and my eyes scan quickly for Harry's baby blue car. He told me he'd drive just in case either of us needed a getaway car late at night, and I took him up on that offer. Normal parties there's drinking, but Hallie has forbidden it from tonight, just music, and friends, and hanging out to celebrate, though I don't think that's going to go over well.. It never does, especially if there are people who had graduated coming to the party. There's more than just our friend group here too, but everyone else will leave before the night is over. Everyone except the group.
"Let's get the show on the road." Andrea claps her hands as she gets out of the car, adjusting her dress. I refused to wear something that would inevitably lead me to hypothermia, no matter how cute it would make me look. I decided to stick with something casual but cute for me. Tighter leather leggings, and a tight white cropped shirt to match, on top is one of Harry's flannels, and a beanie on my head. My hair is curled underneath, and hanging down my back, and all around me too. My makeup is a bit darker than usual, but it matches the vibe of my outfit I think. We walk through the front door, and my eyes automatically start scanning, looking for him through the crowd.
"We're going to the kitchen, come find us if you can't find him!" Jalyn shouts over the chatter, and music, and I nod, still looking. I can't see him, and though there's not a million people here, it's still hard to see over everyone, and through the groups of people scattered around. I walk forward, and stand on the first step, trying to gain leverage over everyone else. I crane my neck to see, and before I can look over the whole room, my sight is covered.
"Surprise." I hear in a low whisper from behind me. I smirk, smelling the normal cologne he wears, and I feel his arm snake around my waist, pulling me close to him as he stands behind me.
"What were you doing up there?" I ask, turning myself around towards him. He keeps his arm around my waist, and crouches down, lifting me up, and switching places with me so I'm on the stair above him, and he's now below me. I'm taller this way, so I place my arms around his neck, looking down on him from where I stand.
"I was staking claim, making sure I had a place I could lay my head down tonight." He leans up towards me, and I see a lazy grin appearing on his lips as he does. I smile, leaning down, and he brings me down once more, lifting me by my waist to bring me on the same step as him. I'm shorter than him again, keeping my eyes on his as my feet touch the floor. He comes in close to me, hovering his lips over mine.
"Gag." I hear a voice over my shoulder, and watch as Carson bumps his shoulder into Harry. I watch as Harry starts to flip his middle finger, and I do it too, matching his movement as he leans down to complete the kiss fully this time. I smile as I hear Carson jokingly gag as he passes by, and Harry finds himself laughing too.
"I've got to grab Carson for like two seconds... Two, and then I'll be right back okay?" He asks me, and I nod, letting him walk off. I watch him squeeze through people, and I follow, moving into the living room. I see him walk into the kitchen, and I see Jalyn, and Andrea both there, seeing him for the first time tonight. They both move to each side of him, hugging him, and he lifts his arms, not hesitating to side hug both of them back at the same time. It's odd seeing him so comfortable around so many people, not bothered by their touch, or presence.
Of course I met him right at the beginning of his journey, and he's far into it at this point, not over it, and never will be, but he's come so far.. The case with Stephanie didn't go anywhere, and at first he was truly shaken by that. The fact that they didn't want to do anything because the only evidence they had was his words, and the texts he could show... They said it wasn't enough.. And he knows, and I know this is just a taste of what hundreds of people go through everyday. He knows, so he contacted the school, left an anonymous tip so they could watch her, mark her as someone who was seen as dangerous. It's not much, but it's all he could do, and with time he accepted that. He also filed, and got a restraining order against her just so he could feel better. So he could know he had some control.
Now it feels like all of the problems that swallowed us over summer are almost nothing. My struggles with my friends are gone obviously, his struggle with himself.. It's gone. The struggle with touch is still developing, and changing everyday, but like I said before, he's grown a lot in that. Our dreams, and wishes are always evolving and changing, and through the semester both of us have grown, and changed a lot together.
I see a figure come into my eyesight, and look up to see Harry once more, two drinks in his hand. He passes me mine, and I take it, obviously trusting him, knowing it's safe. I drink the non alcoholic drink, and he leans down to me.
"Mason is here, I just wanted to let you know." He reminds me, and I sigh. Things have been... Weird. That's the word I'll use. I feel bad for him, and I understand him a bit better now. He's tried his best to make amends to the group, to Harry, but I'm the one he's found it hardest to apologize to.. He doesn't know how to fix what he broke, and I don't really know how he can either. It's not my job to find out though. I look around, trying to find him with my eyes, and I feel Harry lean down again.
"Do you know where?" I speak over the music, and he shrugs, leaning back.
"He's here somewhere. Don't freak out.. He won't come near you baby." He promises me, bringing his arm up to me, and I know it's true. Though Mason has made amends with Harry, he won't approach me if Harry is around, and he won't go to speak to Harry if i'm there. I'm like the black plague to Mason. I'm not sure if he's just bitter or if he wants to leave us be, and let it all breath, or maybe Harry, or someone said something, but personally I think we've all let his little obsession breath.. I think it's time he starts explaining to me now, because it seems everyone else has come to an understanding with him besides me.
*Play Electric Love by BORNS*
After a long while of talking, and people watching with Harry, Jalyn, and Andrea refused to let me sit on the wall any longer. I was pulled into the mix of people, and it was exciting. It was exciting because even when I used to hangout with them I never did things like this. I never danced in a room full of people at these parties, and I never did because I looked around too often. I noticed everyone noticing me, and for once .. for once I hope everyone notices me as I have the time of my damn life.
"And what do you think you're doing?" I feel hands around my waist, and turn over my shoulder seeing Harry as I dance. I laugh, and lean back on him as I continue to move, and Jalyn, and Andrea pull me forward, trying to separate me from him.
"No! You can't take her from us." Andrea whines, and I laugh.
"Let her go... She's in love!" Jalyn cheers, pulling Andrea's hand from me. I laugh, and Harry takes my free hand, spinning me around so I'm facing him. I laugh outwardly, feeling myself spin until he pulls me back in my waist.
"We can't dance like this! It's an upbeat song." I laugh, and Harry scoffs.
"We can dance however we want. Slow dancing is just that, dancing slowly... You can dance slowly to any song." He corrects me, and I smirk. I spin out, and start mouthing the words, singing outwardly, and pointing towards him. He stands back, crossing his arms as he looks at me, and I dance around him, spinning in circles till I'm too the side of him. I press my back to his shoulder, and give it my all being as dramatic as possible, and he laughs without a care in the world. I start to dance again, but he takes my hand, spinning me once more before starting to jump around with me, singing with me.
That's the thing with him.. That's always been it. Since the start everything surrounding me, and not only me but us melts away. Sometimes even the stars are a fraction of my mind compared to him. Since meeting him we've fallen recklessly in love, and being reckless has never been in my best interest, that is until he came into the picture. I didn't see him to be the dancing type, nor the crowd type, because he wasn't.. I'm not going to make up some cheesy line and tell you that now he is because of us, and the love we share.. He's still not the dancing type, and he still isn't one for crowds, but he's one for memories... He's one to throw himself in a situation at any point in time so he can look back years from now and tell his kids about it... That's something I don't think I could ever get over.
I pull him with me, tugging his hand, and pulling him off of the dance area. He follows, stumbling behind me, and I look around, shifting my eyes at all of my surroundings to an area that seems more unoccupied by sweaty teenage bodies. The kitchen is full where the drinks are but on the other side I see more openings so I pull, running the two of us over. He follows without question but as I turn over my shoulder I can see the pure bliss mixed with utter confusion on his face. I pull until I slide my feet on the linoleum floor, sliding right into the counter. I jump on it, planting my butt on the counter. He laughs, and I pull him in by his shoulders, letting him stand between my legs as I sit on the counter. He places his hands around my waist, and I latch mine around his neck.
"What are you-" He starts, but I crash my lips into him. We're both a bit breathless from before but now more than ever. The impact of a kiss can sometimes feel heavier than a thousand tons weighing down on you, and that's what we've felt all night between each one.. Well that's what I felt. I try to be careful with my kisses and how frequent they are, I always want him to choose. Times like this there's no controlling it. There's no controlling the need to have my lips melt with his, and my body chest to chest with him. I smile against his supple lips, pulling back softly to catch my breath as I do.
"I needed that.. I needed to kiss you like that to show you exactly how that entire moment before made me feel. I had to." He moves forward, kissing my cheek, and pulling me straight into a hug, swaying a bit as I sit on the counter.
"And how did you feel? I dare you to try and put it into words." He speaks in a challenging tone, pushing me instantly.
"Electric." I speak them out after a pause. "Like lighting." I add more, wanting him to understand it better.
"You my star baby are made of lighting." He speaks, his lips close to mine, and I feel my lips slowly curve up into a smile, soft at first but soon breaking to show my teeth.
Harry, and I were together for the first part of the night, and with time came more people, and more distractions. Harry was swept up, and away with some of his friends, and I went off with Andrea, and Jalyn. We're all in the living room together now, but I need to pee incredibly bad so I stand up, looking around.
"I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back." I tell all of them, and they pay mind for a few seconds, acknowledging my words, and then I walk off, letting them continue on. I walk through the group of people, and start to turn down a hallway, bumping myself right into someone. The tall figure takes hold of my shoulders, helping me balance, and I brush myself off, looking down as he lets go.
"Sorry." I hear a familiar voice speak out. I look up, and see the blonde hair, and big blue eyes. Dream boy.. That's what Jalyn, and Andrea used to call him. I never took part in the nickname though... I'm glad too because he found out about it too.
"Atticus! I haven't seen you in forever, I wasn't sure if you were going to come." I smile up at him, remembering all the summers where he'd hang out with us.
"Well when you're in town, and your cousin throws a party, you've got to make an appearance." He holds his hands up, smiling at me. He went off to college last year so he's not much older than all of us here, but I don't know why I never asked Hallie if he'd come tonight. I should've suspected it honestly, he'd always come to our parties or hangouts, and the majority of the time he'd invite us to his... We didn't normally go because none of us really wanted to hangout with the football team but either way.
"How have you been? I know you went to Stanford, and stuff so you must be super busy now, especially with football season, and all that." I nod my head, and he smiles a wide grin down on me, crossing his arms over his chest.
"It's been really busy, but I make do... And what about you Miss Sterling King, what have you been keeping up with? I hear you applied to Yale, that's a big step... Someone as smart as you could get in any day though huh?" He asks. I smile, and shake my head.
"I haven't gotten in yet, but I did apply.. And thank you.. By the way." I nod.
"Have you... Well have you applied anywhere else?" He asks, and I shake my head.
"I'm going to wait to hear back from Yale.. If I don't hear anything yet then... Well Stanford was my second choice so, and then some other California schools too maybe." I smile, and shrug, knowing it's the truth but hoping none of it matters. I don't want to go anywhere that's not Yale.
"Ahh, now you're talking... Well Sterling, if you ever need a tour buddy or someone to show you around just to get the feel of campus I'd be more than happy. Hallie is going to UCLA which is a total bore compared to Stanford." He boasts, and I laugh. "You could come hangout with me and my friends though, I know they'd love you there." He tells me, and I nod my head, knowing he's extended invites to me before not knowing what's gone on in my life since he went off to college.
"Yeah, I'm sure of that." I shake my head, and I feel a hand on my waist. I turn over my shoulder to see Harry standing next to me, he's looking at Atticus with a fake smile and to him it probably seems normal enough. But I know it's anything but normal, he's looking at Atticus like he's a threat.
"Hey.." He speaks out, and Atticus gives him a nod.
"I'm Atticus, Hallie's cousin.. How are you?" He asks.
"I'm great, I was just looking for my girlfriend." Harry speaks out, and I give him a soft elbow to the ribs at the tone he's using. He's showing his ass right now. He backs away slightly from me, but keeps the same stance as he looks past me. "I found her though. Right here.. My girlfriend... named Sterling." He nods his head to me, and Atticus smiles, looking down to me.
"Little Sterling King finally found someone who was good enough for her... Congrats to the two of you." Atticus has a cocky smile on his face, and I know he's joking, I know he is, but he's finding amusement in Harry's behaviour, I can see it on his face.
"That's me, her boyfriend." He states again, and I turn over my shoulder, looking up at him with a glare. "I'm just letting him know... That you've got a boyfriend, and all." He tells me, and Atticus laughs.
"He's fine, he's fine, he's just being a boy.. Staking his claim. Sterling and I go way back, you have nothing to protect her over... Isn't that right?" Atticus asks me, and I give a nervous laugh, not knowing what to say right now. No Harry doesn't have anything to worry about, but he seems to think he does.
"Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all." I punch the words towards Harry, but he doesn't take his eyes off of the guy standing in front of us.
"Well King let me know if you want that tour I'll make it happen... Your little boyfriend can come too." Atticus lets his eyes flip to Harry who isn't happy with the words he just let out. Atticus walks away, turning towards the rest of the people, and I turn around too, swatting Harry's chest.
"What the hell was that? I was just talking to him." I defend, and he smirks down at me. He places a hand on the wall behind my head, keeping his other hand on my waist. "Atticus is an old friend, and he used to come around all of us when we'd all hangout, and-"
"When you'd all hangout?" He asks me, raising an eyebrow at me.
"Well.. He'd come around when the girls were over here at Hallie's but either way it doesn't matter.. He's harmless." I defend.
"Hmm.. Atticus wasn't the name that I heard." He looks down on me, and I roll my eyes, shaking my head.
"Andrea, and Jalyn used to call him Dream Boy, but I never called him that. I never saw the sparkle. Either way, he's-"
"Got a serious thing for you... Anyone with eyes can see it Sterling, don't be blind baby." He flips my chin up, and I shake my head.
"So what if he does. I obviously don't want him.. You didn't have to be rude." I cross my arms over my chest, feeling his chest press against me.
"Hmmm. Are you sure about that? What did I hear about a tour of some kind? Dream boy going to Yale? S'that why you wanted to go?" He asks, and I actually scoff out loud, letting my jaw drop. I know he's joking, but there's a seriousness to the question, and a large sum of jealousy radiating off of his body.
"You are ridiculous! Is this you when you're jealous? Because I'm not a fan of-" I start to move forward, but he keeps his hand on my waist, pushing me back very gently so I stay put.
"And so what if I am jealous. He's not half bad.. He's older, and he's got a thing for you.... Of course i'm jealous because if you haven't noticed I have a thing for you Sterling." He speaks softly, his breath fanning over my face.
"You're acting like a caveman, and I never thought you'd be one to-" I start, but I'm cut off once again, this time by warm lips pressed harshly against mine. His hand moves up, holding my jaw, his thumb trailing down from my face to my neck, resting on my throat softly. He brushes the skin of my neck with his fingers, holding me captive in a kiss I hadn't seen coming. Normally these public kisses are short and sweet, and he likes to keep them that way, but this is anything but. He widens the kiss, slipping his tongue into my mouth, and caressing my own as he kisses me harshly.
I drop my arms, and feel him press against me harder, kissing me deeper than before, and I swear the party melts away from the two of us as he indulges. The music fades, and the harsh chatter bellowing in my ears is nothing but a whisper as this kiss yells down the halls of my mind. His other hand finds my waist, gripping me harshly. I feel his massive hands resting against my skin, toying with the hem of my shirt as he kisses me. He pulls back, catching his breath, looking down on me once more, and I share eye contact, letting him peer his hazy gaze into me.
"Do I even want to know why you did that?" I ask him breathlessly, and he smirks.
"A man can't kiss his girlfriend on a wall at a party?That's it, that's the only reason." He promises with his words, and I tilt my head down, and raise an eyebrow. "And Dream Boy is standing on a wall right there talking to his friends, and they were all watching you yell at me, but I wanted them to see something else... Like me kissing you. Just so they knew... Clarification if you will." He leans forward again, and I hold my hand on his chest, pushing him back.
"You're unbelievable." I whisper towards him, smirking up as I push him back.
"I love you baby." He smirks, and I roll my eyes.
"Did you know that jealousy stems from anxiety? Scientifically speaking..." I raise an eyebrow at him, playing him in his own game. He rolls his eyes, and smirks at me.
"Yes, I did know that thank you very much you smart ass." He shakes his head, still looking down on me, and I smile up at him, seeing the warm blush in his cheeks. A mix between his flush from the kiss, and the heat from the party I assume, but it looks good on him, the heat there.
"I love you, now behave." I snap at him, and walk down the hall towards the bathroom. No, I never thought of him as the jealous type, not once. I understand it though, him being jealous like he is. Considering his past, considering he's been lied to, and hurt like he was I get the protective nature. He's never really had an opportunity to be jealous around me considering the only people we're around are each other during classes, and our friends after school. Now I've seen it firsthand though. He hasn't left my side since I came back from the bathroom, not wanting Attitcus, nor Mason to be around me obviously. I found myself sneaking away from him and traveling upstairs as everyone started to leave, and that's where I am now, in the room that was saved for me to sleep in tonight.
"And what are you doing in here all by yourself?" I hear his voice behind me, and I turn my head quickly. He's very loose now compared to how he was when the party first started. It's obvious he's been to a party from the looks of him, but he still looks beautiful. I shrug the flannel of his off my arms, and let it fall to the floor.
"I was tired of being around people, and everyone was leaving anyway so I said goodnight to our friends, and came up here." I shrug, throwing my hair up on top of my head. I turn around, wanting to reach for my bag, but I'm met with warm hands holding my waist, and his chest rising and falling against mine.
"I'm sorry about earlier." He speaks in a low tone, holding my face within his one hand, keeping the other on my waist. "Jealousy got the best of me.. I love you too much I think." He defends himself, and I shake my head.
"It's okay, don't worry about it... But please tell me... You trust me right? You know I would never... Well I'd never look at anyone else like I look at you." I explain to him, and he nods his head, looking down on me. Our faces are incredibly close, and now, and I'm once again looking up at him, watching him as he stares down on me with weighty eyes, that search my entire face. His eyes travel from my lips to my eyes, and back and forth, and back and forth.
"I trust you." He whispers, his lips almost touching mine, teasing mine as he holds me in place.
"Prove it." I speak in a whisper, matching his own town, and he lets go, kissing me once more. He brings his hand away from my waist, and up towards my face, holding each side of it as he kisses me as deeply as he did downstairs. I almost hold my breath, not knowing if I'll ever be able to take in another breath as refreshing as this kiss is right here and now. He moves his lips, tilting my head up farther, giving him better access as he kisses me, and the heat, and energy exchanged between us throughout the entire night is more than anything we've felt with one another since we met. I stumble back as I continue to kiss him, and my knees hit the end of the bed. I fall back, my butt hitting the bed, and I gasp, feeling the two of us break apart.
"I.. I'm sorry." He brings his hand up to the back of his neck as I sit down on the soft bed. "I'm sorry I pushed you too far, I'm sorry.. I.. Well I'm sorry." He shakes his head, and I keep myself from laughing.
"Harry, why are you apologizing?" I ask him, and he stops himself. His eyes flip up to me, and back to the ground, then back up to me as he contemplates his answer. It's been a long time since I've seen him this nervous, and I completely understand it, and I hope he doesn't think I'm upset by it either.
"I thought.. I thought I.. Well I thought that I overstepped, or that I pushed you to.." He mumbles, his voice dying out as he doesn't know what else to say. I shake my head nervously, looking down at my hands.
"You weren't I... No you weren't overstepping at all... I was.. I mean we've known each other for almost nine months now... I'm comfortable with you. I love you... I'm not... I don't feel pushed." I explain, and he nods. "Do you... I mean do you feel like you're being pushed? We don't have to do anything at all, you know I don't need that.. You know I'm okay with waiting for you." I look up, and he shakes his head, looking at his feet as he shuffles them.
"I don't feel pushed at all... I'm.. I'm just nervous to take.. I mean I'm scared, well not scared just.. Nervous... To take the next step." He explains, and I look up to him from the bed, scooting over.
"We don't have to do anything if you're unsure then." I promise with my words, and he sits next to me, holding his hands together in front of him.
"I..I'm not unsure though. I'm sure I'm ready to do more.. I'm not ready to go... Well to go all the way.. With.. with you, but I want to go farther than just.. Than just kissing you... OR cuddling you, and sleeping next to you." He tells me, and I feel my stomach twisting with nerves, knowing I've never done anything more than kissing him like I just did.
"Then we can take that step together.. We'll go slow, and we can stop if either of us needs to... and we don't have to go all the way, not yet.. But.. But I'm ready too.. For the next step I mean." I tell him, knowing it's nothing but nerves in my stomach. I do trust him, and I do love him more than words. I just don't know what any of this is like considering I've never done it before now. He looks at me for moments more before blurring my vision, kissing me harshly as we sit together on the bed.
I scoot myself back, and he follows, pulling me into him by the arch of my back as he leans over me, kissing me this way. He hovers, holding himself over me as he kisses me, moving away from my lips and towards my neck softly. He's not harsh at all with any of his movements, lips nor hands. He brushes the skin on my stomach, his hands warm, but sending a chill through me as he finds, and toys with the hem of my pants.
"You're positive that you're ready for this? We don't have to do anything at all baby..." He promises, but I shake my head.
"I'm sure.. Positive.. I want to be as close as I can be with you, and I'm ready to take the next step." I speak softly, looking into his eyes as his hair hangs over his face, his curls framing him perfectly. He brushes his nose against mine, coming in close once more as he kisses me as softly as he can.
"If you want me to stop I'll stop... Just tell me please." He pleads with me, and I nod.
"I will. I promise." I nod to him, and he pulls, his hands taking the leather leggings from my body, and discarding them somewhere in the room. He's clothed still, and I know he will be for the entirety of this. His hands travel up my legs, and I can feel the timid nature of his soft hands as he holds my waist, his thumbs pressing to my lower abdomen as he kisses me again, leaving the softness in his kiss for the past, bringing more serious energy to the kiss now. He connects himself to me, moving his shaky hands down, hooking his fingers under my underwear.
"You're sure?" He asks me one more time, and I nod again.
"Positive." I speak breathlessly, closing my eyes as he continues on, letting me indulge in a pleasure I've never felt before.
I lay down, my head pressed to his chest. All he wears is his boxers, to sleep in, and I wear his sweater, the soft brown material covering my hands as I lay with him, letting my hands run over his chest. There's no music, no noise throughout the house now. Everyone is in their own corners, doing their own thing now, just like Harry and I. Secrets lie within each room of tonight, but I can't say the same for Harry and I. Of course there are some secrets between the two of us that no listening ears or prying eyes will ever know.. But the love we share.. It's no secret, there's no way that it could be at this point. We've been laying like this, quiet like this for what feels like forever. In reality it's only been a few hours.
"Are you alright?" He asks me softly, and I nod my head against his skin, letting my arm rest lazily over him.
"Perfect... I had... I had a really good time tonight with you and everyone." I tell him, and he sighs. "What's wrong?" I ask him, and he shakes his head. I look up at his face, and see him staring straight into the ceiling, looking ahead instead of looking at me. His hand moves softly through my hair, but he doesn't look at me. His movements are mindless. "Hey, what's wrong? Was it too much? We could have stopped, I'm.. I'm sorry." I speak quickly, sitting up on my knees so I can look at him. He shakes his head instantly, looking at me now.
"No it... It wasn't too much Sterling it was.. It was almost perfect." He tells me, and I shake my head.
"Almost?" I ask, and he looks down at my hands as he uncovers it from the sweater sleeve and wraps it with his own.
"It's dumb.." He shakes his head, pushing away his own feelings. "Come back, let's just go to bed." He tries to pull me down, but I pull away, looking at him with a deep concern.
"No it's not dumb, and I'm not going to be able to sleep until you tell me... Was it something I did?" I ask, and he shakes his head. I hurt for him, and not because of his words but because of his expression. He doesn't look upset, or sad, or hurt. He looks ashamed, and I don't understand it at all in these moments. Nothing he did was wrong so why is he reacting like this?
"I know that this was your first... Your first experience like this, and I just keep thinking about... I keep wishing that mine could have been something like this... With someone like you Sterling that's all... It's not your fault, and it's not a big deal I just wish my first experience could have been different.. I wish I still had something I haven't done that I could give to you as well.. Something special." He tells me, and he keeps his eyes locked on my hand as he runs his thumb over my knuckles.
"I wish you had never experienced what you did either... But I.. I just have to ask you.. When you experienced what you did tonight for the first time.. Did you feel safe?" I ask, and he shakes his head no. "Did you feel cared for?" I ask, and he shakes his head no. "Did you feel loved?" I ask, and he shakes his head no again, and looks up to me, locking his eyes with me again.
"I felt those things tonight though.. When I did things with you.." He tells me, and it's almost like the realization hits him. "I guess. I guess I did experience something new tonight..." He speaks softly to himself. "I still can't give you one of my firsts." He shakes his head, and I shake my head.
"This isn't some trophy game, and if I treated it like that I would suggest you run away screaming.. I don't need your firsts to feel like I matter. I feel like I matter because I know you trust me enough to share yourself with me mentally , emotionally and physically. I don't need to be the first and only person you've been with in a sexual way.. You're not a prize to be won, and neither am I or any of my firsts... I don't care if I'm not your first I care that I'm..." I stop myself, and he tilts his head, letting his hand dance up my thigh, the bare skin exposed from my lack of pants.
"That you're my what?" He asks, urging for me to continue my sentence.
"I care that... I care that I'm your last." I speak softly, knowing that those words might scare someone away.. The long term dream of what the words mean. I look up, not knowing what I'm going to see, and instead of fear, or confusion I see him looking at me with a dream like stare.. Adoration.. That's the word I'd use for it. He reaches his hand forward, connecting it with my cheek softly, letting his thumb glide over my cheek bone.
"I love you Star baby..." He speaks softly, and pulls me back down to him. I rest my head on his chest, and he pulls me in tight by my body, letting my melt into him, mesh with him. "Thank you for changing my life." He speaks softly again, and I still dn't understand it. I don't know what he means when he says the words, but I feel them.. He changed my life the same, and I know he'll continue to do just that.
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A/N: okay I know that I say this like every chapter but I really think the understanding and love shared within this chapter as well as the excitement truly makes this my favorite one in this story...
I LOVE STERLING KING SO FREAKING MUCH IT HURTS(,:
Also.... HAPPY 500K ON ROOTS THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH. Seriously I could cry. I'm never sure how my stories will go especially since they're softer and not the normal fanfic everyone loves reading but I always underestimate you guys.
THANK YOU FOREVER AND EVER I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!
I'll see you all very soon!
(Don't get too comfortable)
HAHAHA I LOVE YOU BYE *virtual hugs and kisses bc you deserve it*