Chapter forty five
Harry
Bunk beds suck.
I'm way too tall to fit properly in them and I sleep on my stomach so the dimensions of it don't necessarily accommodate my height and my feet are always touching the far end of it, not to mention the countless times I've bumped my head with the back of it.
The worst thing is probably the little to no privacy the bunk beds arrangement offer because I can hear every damn thing through the stupid curtain.
So I've heard everything, from crying to moaning and now yelling and I'm absolutely exhausted. We had a show in Brisbane last night and I haven't recovered fully since and it's pretty late in the afternoon but Zayn's raised voice it's what's bothering me the most at the moment.
I don't know what the fuck is his problem but Niall fucking a girl in his bunk bed and Louis fighting with his girlfriend was enough to wake me up during the night and morning and I haven't left my bunk because I'm certainly not in the mood for people today.
I'm a morning person, don't get me wrong but the jet lag and getting used to touring again really takes a toll on me and so far we've been on the road for less than a week and I'm dreading the long nine months we have ahead of us.
Call me grumpy or whatever the fuck you want but if Zayn keeps on yelling to our manager the way he's been doing so far I'm going to jump off the tour bus and pray for a truck to run me over.
I slide off the curtain and I look to the side, the door is closed to the back but since my bunk is on this side I have a good hearing reach, besides the screaming match is getting louder but it's hard to piece out what they are saying.
''She can do whatever the fuck she wants!'' It's Zayn's voice that startles me and I frown, unsure of what he's talking about but I roll my eyes and drag my hand down my face to wake myself up a bit better.
I slept more than 14 hours for sure and I don't know how far on the road we are but we have an 18-hour road trip to get to Melbourne, where we have our next concert but that's in two days so at least I can fix my sleeping schedule.
I don't know what time it is now and I lost my phone in between the sheets so I don't bother but the clarity from the windows coming from the other side of the bus lets me know it's probably around sunset which would be later than normal because they are in summer here.
Another reason to be annoyed, the heat is almost unbearable and the change of weather always fucks up with my asthma so I feel my chest having a small wheeze.
''No, she can't. She's gonna get sued if she...'' I decide I've had enough of their screaming and I hop off my bunk bed to go on the opposite side from where the yelling is coming from but much to my dismay this half of the bus is crowded with people and they all look at me weirdly.
''Well good morning, beautiful.'' Niall teases and I grab the cushion to smack on his head and take a seat right beside him.
''Shut the fuck up, Niall.'' I sneer at him and he is looking at me with a wide smile and a mischievous glance. ''What do you want?''
''How do you feel?'' He says in a sing-song voice and I want to erase the smile off his face.
''Annoyed.'' I turn to the side and Louis is texting someone but he's also giving me the same look as Niall and Liam are right beside me, smiling as I haven't seen him in a while. ''What the fuck is wrong with you all?''
''Well, someone got up on the wrong foot today.'' Gemma says and she comes to me to place a bottle of water in my hands and kiss my head but I groan in discomfort. ''Hi, baby brother.''
''What do you want Gemma?'' I spit and she pushes Niall to the side so she can sit in between us and I see the rest of them give me a weird look.
For a tour bus with reduced sitting space, there's a lot of people in here. There is Louise, her boyfriend, and their daughter. Three security guards, our tour manager, two of our producers and Louis' sister, Liam's girlfriend as well as the rest of the boys, my sister, Zayn, and our manager at the back.
I don't know why everyone is so excited to see me, I slept for a while more than I usually do, it's not like it's my birthday or something important happened for them to give me this much attention.
''Harry, it's almost seven pm and you are barely waking up, are you okay?'' My sister asks and I shrug, chugging on the water she gave me.
''Where are we?'' I look around but I can't recognize anything from the outside.
''We are an hour away from Sydney.'' Liam informs and I nod at him, they all keep looking at me with eyes almost shining.
''Did you have a bad night?'' Louis asks and I throw him a dead glance. ''What?''
''It's not like you fighting with your girlfriend over the phone helped me much.'' I sourly say and Niall laughs next to my sister but I turn to him with my jaw tightened on my face. ''And what the hell Niall? Was that you moaning last night or what? You were panting like a wet dog.''
''Harry!'' Louise covers her daughter's ears and I roll my eyes but everyone explodes in laughs.
''What's wrong with you, Harry?'' Gem asks and I take a deep breath.
''I couldn't sleep until 5 am last night and even then I kept tossing and turning.'' I inform and she nods, smiling at me but I decide to ignore her. ''I don't know why the fuck did we have to sleep in here when we didn't go on the road until what?''
''Nine hours ago.'' Liam says for me and I point to him but he shrugs. ''Yeah, I don't know.''
''Besides, my phone was working like shit because of the cell service and I had to stare at the roof of the bunk for hours.'' I inform and Louis gives Niall a knowing look while I frown. ''What?''
''Are you hungry?'' Niall offers and I nod so he gives me a sealed bowl with a few greens and what looks like sliced salmon so I gladly take it with a plastic fork.
''Thank you.''
I grab the underside of the plastic bowl with my left hand for support while my other hand gets the cutlery so I can start eating right away but everyone keeps looking at me.
I decide to ignore all of them while I eat my food in silence but the girls insist on bringing up new topics while the boys fight over the PlayStation game they are playing right now.
My head is pounding a little bit and all of the noises around me are not doing much to help my case. I can still hear Zayn's heated conversation with one of our managers but I decide to let it slide.
I don't know what the hell could be going on there but the truth is we still have half of the road trip to our next venue so I'm already looking forward to bed again since I can't do much, but I hope they are done discussing by then.
''Why is your jet lag so bad, Harry?'' Liam's girlfriend tries for conversation and I could choose to ignore her but she's never here so I should be polite and pretend her voice it's not bothering me.
''Cause I had to go from LA to New York to London and then here which took a few layovers as well, the time zones are fucking me up a little bit and the concerts tired me as well, that's all.'' I inform and she nods, giving me an understanding smile.
''Why does your voice sound like that?'' Louis' sister asks and I cough a little bit so I can recover and clear my throat.
''My throat is a little sore from the first few shows, that's all.'' I inform and she offers me a worried glance, just like my sister.
''You've had just the first shows, Harry. You need to cool it down.'' Gem is the one to scold me now and I shrug, focusing on my food.
''This usually happens, it's not a big deal.'' I confess but none of what I say seems to ease their worry over me, as Louise is looking at me with the same worried glance. ''I'm fine, don't worry.''
Clearly noticing that I'm not in the mood for talking they disperse into another topic but everyone keeps on sneaking glances at me and I grab my sister's phone to check my face in case I have something on, as Niall likes to prank us sometimes but there's nothing wrong.
I gather most of my hair in a bun once I'm done with eating and I toss the plastics in the bin placed on the kitchen part of the bus and I go to the front to say hi to our driver Earnie.
Zayn comes back after a while with our manager behind him. This time is Sam who's joining us for this part of the tour, most times is Steve the one to come along but his girlfriend had his kid so he is not here but Sam is almost as annoying as him, so they make up for each other.
I look over at Zayn as I drink more water but he just sits next to Louis, seemingly frustrated and Sam nods at me from the distance and I raise my hand to acknowledge him at least.
Zayn has been dealing with more anxiety than before. The tours are the best part of the job in my opinion, but to have been doing them consecutively for four years takes a toll on all of us but he seems to be the most affected.
I don't blame him, he takes on the highest notes because they are within his reach and you get exhausted while singing them every single night. Even when we haven't done two shows in a row so far, to imagine what's ahead of us isn't as exciting as it once was.
I sit in my original spot by my sister and I wave at Zayn, who's offering me back a tight-lipped smile.
''So...'' Niall trails off while giving me a side look before turning to Zayn. ''How's Zee?''
Sometimes I wish Niall would shut up.
''She's alright, had an acoustic show last night and apparently, it went really well.'' Zayn confesses and I take a deep breath, looking to the side so I can avoid the conversation.
I've been trying to clear my head from Zara since I last saw her and it's been one of the hardest tasks ever.
She is not one to post a lot on social media but lately, she's been checking up on her fans and the people that follow her so her posts always come up on my feed. Also, a few photoshoots for very important magazines have been all over Twitter so her face has been hard to avoid.
I haven't reached out to her and she clearly hasn't made an effort to do it either and I honestly don't know what to think.
Everyone talks to her, it's not like she's isolating herself from the world, just me. I hear everyone texting or talking to her, even doing facetime calls and I feel left out.
Of course, everyone loves Zara and she is kind enough to check in on those she loves but imagine my surprise when I heard that she sent a video wishing one of our bodyguard's daughters a happy birthday and that she also sent a gift her way.
Like, who even does that? Only Zara would do it, and remember about it because that's just how she is.
I just wish she would check up on me as she seems to do with everyone because she had a concert and I didn't know a thing about it, which makes me sad because it's crazy to think that we are as far apart as we've never been.
Maybe this is it.
''She looked so beautiful last night.'' Sophia shows a picture of her wearing a white dress and I try to avoid it but my sister grabs her phone to zoom in on the picture.
''She looks happier.'' Gemma comments and I let out a scoff.
She looks happier. Happier my ass.
Are they doing this on purpose, just to spite me and make me have a bad time? Because I have no problem going back to my bunk to sleep a while more.
''What's your problem, Harry?'' Zayn asks and I nonchalantly shrug.
''I just have a hard time hearing about Zara, that's all.'' I confess and they all turn to me. Every single one of the people in this tight space has their eyes on me.
I look down to my hands, turning the rings on my fingers while I feel everyone stare at me and that goes on for at least thirty seconds until I can no longer hold it because Louise is whispering to her boyfriend in the ear and he's looking at me with wide eyes.
''Alright, what the fuck? Why are you all looking at me?'' I stand up in the middle of the seats and they all follow me with their gazes.
''Harry...-''
''No, no, no.'' I shake my head and I walk back until I reach the bunks to give them all a proper look. ''You've all been staring at me since I came back here and I want to know why.''
Gemma gives Sophia her phone back while Louis exchanges a look with Niall who seems to be the most nervous of them all as Zayn is quickly laughing with Liam. All of our bodyguards have been smiling like fools since I stood up and Sam is shaking his head.
''Who's gonna talk?!'' I raise my voice and they all exchange looks again and I turn to leave them all but I feel a tug on my leg. ''What?!''
It's not until I've let those loud words out of my mouth that I realize I've just yelled at Lux, who's looking at me with frightened eyes and a quivering pout on her lips, ready to cry.
''Shit.'' I lean down to grab her in my arms and give her a look. ''Hey sweetheart, I'm sorry I yelled at you, okay? I didn't mean to.'' Her little hands form in tiny fists before she throws them around my neck and I cuddle her.
''Uncle Hally mean.'' She says quietly in my ear and I balance her on my arms for a while until I can feel she has calmed down but everyone's eyes are still on me.
''I'm sorry, okay? It's not your fault, princess.'' I try to calm her down but she's shivering now and I feel really bad because I blew up at her for no reason and she's not gonna understand I didn't mean it. ''Do you wanna play with my phone?''
As soon as I offer she is pulling away from her hiding spot in my neck and her eyes are gleaming again before nodding so I laugh at her excited expression and I walk with her to my bunk to search for it and finally give it to her unlocked.
I don't know how but she already knows where to find the game apps on my phone but she seems distracted so I walk back with her in my arms, and as expected, everyone is still looking at me.
''Seriously what's the deal?'' I ask frustratedly while I keep Louise's daughter tightly in my arms as she plays with my phone.
''Who's gonna tell him?'' Niall asks and Gemma shakes her head at him, everyone mimicking her move.
''Gonna tell me what?'' I can't help how defensive my tone gets and they keep on exchanging looks.
''Alright, put my daughter down for this one.'' Louise instructs me while approaching me but I step back with the toddler in my arms.
''For what?''
''Seriously Harry, you're gonna drop her.'' She motions for me to give her Lux but I shake my head.
''I'm not gonna drop her, do you think I'm stupid?'' I ask and she looks up from my phone to my face.
''Stupid!''
''Harry!'' They all complain as the 3-year-old in my arms just repeated what I said and I can't help but laugh.
''Alright, we don't say that...'' I tell her while she looks at me attentively. ''It's not very kind.''
''Sorry.'' Her little voice makes up for the look on her face and I kiss her forehead before I take her with her mum but she's still using my phone.
Louise picks her daughter in her arms but she's quickly asking for her dad and Tom holds her on her lap as I look at them in awe, thinking how cute their little family is.
However, the moment doesn't last very long because I turn to the big number of eyes ogling at me, especially Niall who looks like he's about to burst in excitement and joy.
''Whatever it is that you are hiding, it's not funny and I'd like to know about it.'' I state and Niall moves to the left, patting the side right next to him. ''No, what?''
''Harry, sit down.'' Gemma encourages and I give all of them a look but they are expectantly waiting for my next move.
''What's going on?'' I ask taking a seat and Zayn is the only one looking at me with a serious expression, the rest is containing their smiles.
''You said you haven't used your phone since last night after the concert?'' Louis is the one to ask and I nod slowly, trying to figure out where they are going with this.
''Yes, why?''
''No checking Twitter or youtube or anything since then?'' He corroborates and I shake my head again, feeling even more confused. ''So, there's this thing going around...a video.'' Louis says and before he can talk again Niall interrupts him.
''Of Zara.'' I instantly feel my stomach turning at the sole mention of her name and my thoughts get clouded by the worst kind as fear quickly washes over me.
''What happened to her?'' I rush my words out and I look at Zayn but he's silent. ''Is she okay? What happened?''
They all look at each other for what seems to be an eternity and I look for a response but not of them give me one.
''Can someone please say something?'' I raise my voice and Gemma sighs.
''Calm down, Harry.'' She strokes my back but I move out of her reach.
''No...what video?'' I ask in desperation and Niall seems to be the one wanting to talk about but Louis is restricting him from the other side of the bus because of the looks they are exchanging. ''What video?''
''It was a video of her concert last night and she sang an unreleased song and...-I think, no, we think you should hear it for yourself. '' Niall offers and I look for my phone but Louise's daughter is playing a game on it so I take Gemma's but it's locked.
''Who has the video?'' I ask getting impatient and Niall is the one to respond, quickly grabbing his phone and looking for it.
''It's everywhere.'' He announces and I start feeling nervous as to what this could be about because so far, Zara has proven me to be unpredictable.
''And you've all heard it?'' He nods, still looking for it and once he finds it, he offers me his phone and I snatch it away from him, rushing to press play.
''Alright, thank you! You've all been so lovely tonight with me, thank you so much.'' I turn all the volume up as Zara starts speaking from the clip I'm watching while I feel everyone stare at me.
''This concert was very special for me, for many different reasons.'' She stands up from the stool in the middle of the small stage as her white dress flows down and suits her body and tanned legs perfectly while she's pacing around the stage with the mic on her left hand. ''Not only I got to come here, to your wonderful country and your beautiful city to play but it's also a different type of show from the one I'm used to doing, which is a very lovely change.''
I feel my heart racing as the seconds go by and she keeps on walking through the stage before getting to the point. Besides, it's a poorly filmed video, meaning the audio is crappy and it's also filmed from far away but you can still see her through the crowd.
''The cause we helped fund tonight and also tomorrow night, it's very near and dear my heart.'' She holds her free hand on her chest as I get a breath caught in my throat and I'm holding it due to the anxiety this is giving me.
''These past couple of years, since I started doing this, they haven't been my best ones but you all stuck through with me.'' She motions to her audience as her voice gets small and I can tell how much effort she's putting into this speech but they all cheer for her nevertheless.
''There was also this person...and he really helped me go through a lot...- Sorry.'' Her breathing gets shallower and she quickly apologizes for the quivering tone of her voice. She's extremely nervous and my hands are shaking too.
''He's not here with me tonight, but as he'd say...no matter where we are, he's still with me.'' Her other hand goes over the mic and I can see a small shining thing through the screen meaning she's wearing the ring I got her.
There's silence through the room, everyone is expecting her to say something else but the air gets thick and I'm even struggling to get the air pumping to my lungs because from what she's said, she's talking about me.
The phone slips from my hand and it falls to my lap, everyone around me turns to me expectantly as I'm visibly shaking but I pick up the phone and I press pause before I walk across the hallway and I lock myself in the back part of the tour bus, hearing how they call my name but I turn to Niall's phone.
I put the phone back in my hands, increasing the volume as if I could raise it even more but it's at its max and I press play once more, holding it tightly between my hands.
''Anyway...sorry.'' She apologizes again and she turns back as if she was wiping away her tears before facing them again. ''You guys usually don't get to see me like this but the song that's next is very important to me.''
A song?
I can't concentrate on anything other than her voice but I've heard all of her songs so far, back and forth and I have no idea which one she could be talking about that makes her this emotional.
''This is a small project of mine, I wrote it in a day. Let me tell you about the process...'' She clears her throat, taking short strides across the stage. ''I should probably quit stalling but I'm very nervous.'' She chuckles and everyone in the crowd cheers for her.
''Well...this song is very important to me because it's about a very special person for me, the most special, hence why this is difficult for me but...-Ugh, I'm not making much sense, am I?'' She asks and a few people laugh at her rambling state but I'm about to lose it if she keeps on going like that.
She takes a deep breath and a small sip of water before sitting back on the stool with the microphone in her hand, letting out a big sigh before talking again. ''I gave myself a pep talk before going up the stage, clearly didn't work.''
Her joke makes everyone laugh as she's clearly nervous and using this as a coping mechanism but I find myself smiling like a fool to the screen of the phone while staring at her radiating self.
I miss her so fucking much.
''I'll try my best to get to the point, please interrupt me if I go off-topic.'' She says to her crowd and there's a small cheering of encouragement which makes her smile.
''I wrote this song in a day but I started the process around six months ago.'' Her voice comes out more firm this time as if she's trying to focus herself but I can see how she's twisting a strand of hair from the back of her head, indicating she's extremely nervous.
''This was probably the easiest song to write while the hardest to sing. I haven't rehearsed it that much, you'll be the first one's to judge.'' She motions to them. ''This song is the most special song because I wrote it about the most special guy in the world for me.''
She has to stop herself from talking because she's quickly getting emotional and I release a breath, having to reach for my inhaler and taking a few pumps to ease the tightness I'm feeling on my chest but I'm starting to suspect this has nothing to do with asthma.
''Writing this song has helped me a lot, just like him so I love it so much.'' She confesses while her voice trembles but there's silence in the venue she seems to be in. ''I don't know what else to say, maybe I'll just let the song speak for itself so here it goes.''
Zara fixes the microphone on her stand and gives their band a look, receiving a thumbs up from her drummer.
''I hope that you all like it and please...treat it with kindness because it's very important to me.'' She says with both her hands on her chest and a scared smile playing on her lips as the melody of it starts playing.
I have to put the phone down to dry the moistened palms of my hands but I'm quick to pick it up from my knees and get the screen close to my eyes.
As soon as her sweet voice starts singing the first verse, even with a trembling voice, I get goosebumps all over my body. If I were to hold onto this phone any tighter it would break because I'm grabbing it as hard as I can, afraid Zara stops singing but she doesn't.
I thought the first verse was the toughest thing I had to hear but as soon as the second one starts I feel my vision getting blurry due to the tears that are threatening to appear and fall down my face but I hold my breath.
Another verse carries on and I listen to it carefully and I swear it feels like she's talking to me instead of singing, and I can't help but feel my stomach turning in giddiness and nervousness.
I feel like crying but I find myself smiling like a fool again, it quickly vanishes when I realize what this song means and what she's actually saying with it but I can concentrate on making something coherent at this moment.
Across the small screen I can see her shining as she always does but this time there's something different. As if this song is making her stronger because her voice it's not the same frightened one as when she first started performing it.
This song is for me, there's no doubt in that but there are small lines in the verses that make me doubt it and everything about it makes me curious because I can hear some of the melodies she had been mumbling in the background.
The piano notes are a few that she had been mindlessly mumbling under her breath without noticing when we were back in LA, right after her tour. Everything about this song reminds me of us.
It's a big ode to our relationship but it doesn't sound like a love song at all. She talks about missing me and how bad she feels about it so the only thing that comes to mind is that this is a breakup song and maybe she means goodbye with it.
I can't let that happen.
As if I could have a trailer of our entire relationship in my head I can go through every single one of the moments she's singing about and it's all so clear in my head. The last line is what she struggles the most with but she nails it.
Her hand is grabbing the microphone tightly and she looks down until there's no sound of music anymore and the performance is finished. A big applause is heard and she looks up once more with a shy smile but she's wiping under her eyes.
''Uh, thank you...'' She sheepishly comments on the mic but before anything else happens the video is gone, and so is my breath.
I feel my chest tightening and beating loudly at the same time. I don't know what to feel, it's like I want to blink repeatedly to awake myself from whatever this fucked up reality is but I can't close my eyes either.
Did I just hallucinate or did that just happen?
I feel the rim of my eyes burning and I realize I have tears in my eyes when they roll down my face to fall on the screen of Niall's phone.
Did she write that song for me?
Does she think we are done?
I can't believe I finally got the grand gesture I wanted because that public performance of an unreleased song and the things she said before doing it is part of it but I have no idea what to do now.
All I needed was for her to show me a little of her appreciation, which I never doubt she had for me but I wanted to feel like I matter to her and that I'm important and now that I've got it, what do I do?
Why didn't she call?
Why didn't she tell me?
I have a million questions in my head without a proper answer but I'm too much in shock to think straight right now.
I can't let Zara believe that I don't love her anymore, I can't let her think we are done for good, I can't leave things just like this.
I have to see her and I have to see her now.
Once I stand up, I open the door leading to the bunks and I see how Niall, Gemma, and Louise are rushing back to the common lounge area, pretending to act normal as if they hadn't been snooping around on me while I watch that video but I don't care.
I go to my bunk and I throw most of my stuff in a bag, changing my shirt quickly and grabbing a hat along with a hoodie so I can use it and I step on the common area where everyone looks at me expectantly but I give back the phone to Niall in silence.
''So...'' He trails off and I take a deep breath before letting it all out but I turn to Zayn.
''She's having a concert tonight?'' He nods carefully and I hear my sister along with the rest of the girls giggling but I ignore them.
''Yeah, in Sidney.'' He states and I rush to the front so I can go talk to the driver as my manager is hot on my heels.
''Earnie, can you leave me the closest to this theater in Sidney as possible?'' I show him and it takes him a while as he keeps focusing on the road. ''Please.''
''You're on your lucky day, Harry. We are 10 minutes away from the closest I can get you.'' He announces and I smile at him as I pat him on the back, thanking him for it.
''I owe you, man!'' I say back walking across everyone so I can get a few more things from my bunk.
''Harry!'' Gemma exclaims and I turn to her before focusing on my bag. ''Are you really going?''
''Harry!''
''Oh my god!''
''Harry!''
''Oh fuck, he's leaving!''
''Man, think this through.''
''That's so romantic!'' Niall is the one to yell right now and once we turn to him he's pretending he didn't just blow his lungs out to scream like a girl in excitement.
''Yes, I'm leaving. I gotta go see her.'' I confess, sliding the strap of my bag over my shoulder and asking Lux for my phone back.
''Where do you think you're going, Harry?'' Sam stops me with his arms folded on his chest and I give him a once over, there's no fucking way he's stopping me from going to see Zara.
''I leaving to go get my girlfriend back.'' I state and my sister squeals in excitement alongside Niall but I don't remove my eyes from my manager.
''You can't.''
''Fucking watch me.'' I bump him out of the way and everyone looks at us attentively but I just walk past him. ''I'm done with your shit, there's no show tomorrow and I'll be back on time.''
''You're nine hours away, Harry.'' He reasons and I shrug.
''I'll find a way.'' I say and I look down at my phone, dialing her number but it's useless because she's not picking up. It's pretty late so she must be already on stage.
''You can't leave, and you are gonna risk both you and Zara with this.'' He threatens and I shake my head. ''I'm not Steve so I don't care about it that much, I'm just trying to save you both a big lawsuit.''
''I'll be careful.'' I respond but he shakes his head. ''I promise no one is going to find out.''
''She's already on the spot with that song, you being there is done. The rumors are going and this would sink you and you don't want to mess with them.''
''You're not stopping me with empty threats, I don't care.'' I repeat and he takes a step back.
''What about them?'' He points to the rest of the guys who are looking at me expectantly but I turn to give him a look. ''This wouldn't just harm your image and hers, all of them too and you know what are the consequences of not going by your contract rules.''
''Nothing's gonna happen, I'll be careful.'' I promise once more and he looks very doubtful but the tour bus starts slowing down in pace so I look outside the windows and we are nearing a petrol station on the side of the road.
''Harry, you've gotta take a taxi from here, and we can't stop the bus for long!'' Earnie tells me from the front looking through the rearview mirror.
''I'll be right there, thanks mate!'' I raise my voice for him to hear me before I turn to my manager. ''Please let me go, I've gotta do this and I'll do it even if you don't let me, just don't be a pain in the ass now.''
''Be in Melbourne on time by the concert because you'll have great problems.'' He threatens and I nod frantically before giving him a quick hug. ''And don't get caught.''
''I won't!'' I tell him and I turn to everyone, Gemma being the first one to approach me in a hug.
''Please be smart about this, Harry.'' She whispers in my ear and I nod. ''She can't handle any more heartbreak so don't say anything you don't mean okay?''
''I will.'' She hugs me once more before letting go and I look at the rest of them so quickly greet me with a few hugs and words of encouragement.
''Please bring her back.'' Niall pleads and I smile at him.
''I'll try.'' I tell him before I walk back to the front, almost on the door as it's opening. ''Bye, I'll meet you guys soon.''
I wait until the door is fully open and I pull my hood up so I can hide a little better but thankfully it's getting darker outside so hopefully, it will be easier to go unnoticed by people on the street.
I get down a few steps until I'm on the ground but I hear someone calling my name from the bus so I turn around and it's Zayn.
''Zayn.'' He walks down the steps so he can be in front of me and I look at him expectantly.
''What are you doing Harry?'' He questions me and I want to roll my eyes at this stupid delay of time. ''I'm serious.''
''I don't know, I gotta go talk to her...-''
''And then what?'' He interrupts me and I sigh. ''Because you'll be back on tour for nine months and she'll have to wait for you.''
''Zayn.''
''My sister is trying to get better from all the bullshit she's been through for years and I don't want to have to trace her again because she disappeared for two weeks.'' He talks over me and I look down. ''I mean it, whatever you are going to do, just, don't break her heart okay?''
''I promise.'' I say wholeheartedly but he shakes his head.
''We are all done with the back and forth so please let this be the last time.'' He comments and I smile at his words.
''If it's up to me, this is it and I'm not letting go this time. You have my word.'' I tell him in all honesty and he sighs before giving me a look. ''Mate, I'm running kinda late.''
''Yeah, um...'' He takes his hand inside his pocket and he offers me something, when I look I see it's an all-access pass. ''Use this.''
''Zayn, I owe you.'' I round him in my arms and he chuckles, embracing me back for a quick second. ''Thank you.''
''I swear I'll kill you this time, Harry.'' He threatens in a serious voice but I can only nod at his words. ''No more shit, cause I'm fucking done with you two fighting, okay?''
''Got it.'' I take the pass and I keep it tightly in my hands with my phone. ''I have to go, I'll keep in touch with you guys.''
''Okay.'' He steps inside the bus again before giving me one last look. ''Don't ruin it.''
''I won't!'' The door closes and I turn around, ready to go into the petrol station shop so I can ask for a taxi.
It's not a great moment to realize my phone battery is running low and I forgot my charger on the bus as they are already setting motion and leaving the station but I go inside to ask for it.
Thankfully I'm not in the middle of nowhere but from what I saw on my phone, the theatre she's playing at is in the city and it's very tricky to maneuver a tour bus through small streets.
I get inside and ask for a cab and I ponder getting some flowers as well but I already bring too much attention as it is, a big bouquet would make it worse. I'm already wearing a hoodie and a hat on unbearable summer heat to cover my tattoos and my hair, I don't need anymore.
I wait for about fifteen more minutes until I see the car arriving and I tell him the name of the address. He said it's not far away but also not very close so that doesn't ease any of my nerves but I have no other choice but to wait.
I try calling Zara a few times but I have less than 5% so I save it for an emergency, in case I need to call Cassie or something.
It isn't until the driver tells me that we are almost there that I realize what I'm doing.
I'm about to go see Zara again and I have nothing prepared to say. I thought that the next time I saw Zara would be in different circumstances and definitely not so soon.
It's crazy to think that last night I went to bed thinking she was done with me and today I'm about to go see her again. It sounds delusional because I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
I obviously lied to myself when I said I would get over her when all it took was a four-minute song to bring me back crawling for her.
However, I need to be smart. I can't go in there without having anything to say, both Gemma and Zayn warned me not to mess up but I already carry that pressure myself. I'm not the smartest when it comes to talking and I've fucked up a lot with Zara, I don't want this to go the wrong way or hurt her.
One thing's for sure and that's that I want her back. I need her back in my life and I will tell her that. That I love her and that she's all I can think about, because it's the truth and I don't want more fights between us.
I know for a fact this won't be easy and that we'll most likely be apart for months but I love her and for her, I'm willing to try everything. I can only hope for the best and pray that this song she wrote doesn't mean goodbye.
Which I also need to be ready for. It would make me look like a loser because I'll have to find the quickest flight to Melbourne tonight but I push all of those thoughts to the back of my head in order to stay positive.
I know she's talking about me, and thinking about that song only gives me chills.
Now, if I remember correctly, she performed that song for last and I sort of know the order that the rest go, from when I visited her on her tour so maybe I'll just wait until she's done with singing and wait backstage so I can talk to her and then happily ever after.
If everything goes according to a plan that I don't actually have and I haven't thought through, I should be leaving tonight with her in my arms.
There's a possibility that she doesn't want to talk to me but I won't be thinking that way. She can't sing a song like that one, get emotional and say she doesn't feel anything for me. There's no way.
Or is it?
No, there's no way, she loves me, and hopefully, she'll take me back.
I look out the window and there's a big crowd of girls waiting outside of the theater and I know I'm screwed because I can't go past them without getting recognized so I ask the driver to leave me at the back door if there even is one.
I try to call Cassie but she doesn't pick up either so I don't know what I'll do.
The driver gets me to the back and there's an alleyway with a van so I assume that's Zara's ride for later so I tell him to drop me off there.
I probably look like I'm about to rob someone because I'm all dressed in black with a hoodie and a hat, trying to go incognito but the truth is I have to sneak my way into my girlfriend's concert to get her back.
What even is my life anymore?
I open the gate trying to make as little noise as possible and I adjust my bag on the side of my shoulder tightly. I ended up buying a single flower so I could squish it on my bag but it's probably destroyed by now.
As soon as I take a few steps forward and into the direction I hear music from I see two security guards approaching me.
''You can't be here.'' The taller one says and I raise both my hands up in the air in surrender.
''I have a pass, I couldn't get through the front door. I'm Zara's friend.'' I tell them and they both look at me upside down. I get my hand inside my pocket and I show them it and they scan the code with a phone and they give me a look.
''We're gonna need to see some ID.'' I groan to myself before opening my bag and sinking my hand to look for it.
''You can call Cassie or Courtney, they know me too.'' I insist but none of them seem to budge and I still can't find my passport.
The last thing I need is to get kicked out of here, it would ruin my great entrance and I wouldn't get to see Zara at all but I'm not leaving until it's that way.
''Look, we don't have all day.''
''I have my passport here, just hang on.'' I tell them and they look at each other. ''Anyone knows me, Mel, Archie, Avery...even Lex, come on.''
''We are just security for the event, we don't know who you're talking about.'' I roll my eyes and I finally get my hands on my passport so I offer it to them. ''You're not Zayn Malik.''
''No, I'm not.'' I say obviously and he seems to not like my tone. ''Look, I'm in a rush and I need to get inside.''
''If the name on the pass doesn't match your ID, then there's nothing we can do.''
''Zayn is Zara's brother and I'm friends with both. I work with Zayn, and he gave it to me so I could get inside.'' I explain my best without losing my mind but I'm getting impatient here.
''The best we can do is call the manager of the event, we are not allowed to call any of the people related to the act.''
''Okay, I'll wait.'' I say and they give me back my passport with the pass as one of them stays here and the other one gets inside.
I go to my Instagram and I spam Cassie with DM's telling her I'm outside and I try calling her once more but my phone is slowing down, meaning it's gonna turn off in a matter of seconds.
I don't want to overwhelm Zara so I send her a text simply saying ''I'm outside'' hoping that she'll get it but my phone dies right after.
I wait for about five minutes and I see a random woman I don't know, coming with the security guard that left to go get her. She is wearing all black and it has a logo with the charity this is organized for so an idea gets in my head.
''Hi, how may we help you?'' She kindly says with both the guards behind her.
''Hi, I'm here to see Zara. I know this may sound ridiculous but she knows me and you can ask any of the people working with her, her manager, or her assistant.'' I insist and she gives me a look as if I'm talking crazy. ''...and I'd like to make a donation, is that a thing? Can I do it?''
Suddenly she smiles in excitement and I know I just bought myself inside, even if I just bribed this lady.
''You'd have to go through a security checkup but as far as the rules go, any donors are welcome.'' I smile at her words.
''Thank you, thank you so much. Thank you.'' I repeat and she nods, looking at me expectantly so I realize she's waiting for the check. ''Oh, alright.''
I get to my bag and I put it on the floor before getting to the last part of it and I grab my checkbook quickly, writing a big number and signing it right away to the name of the charity on her tag.
I raise from the floor and I offer it to her as she analyzes it and smiles at me in content so thankfully I won't have to add another zero to it.
''Great, come on in!'' She cheerfully says and she turns around, motioning to follow her but I get stopped by the guards.
''Um...''
''Alright, security checkup.'' She says and I sigh, giving them my bag and standing with my arms and legs apart so they can check I don't have anything on me but it's nonsense after they just let me get in because I bribed them.
Zara doesn't need to know about this.
''Should we include your name on the donors' list?'' The lady asks and I shake my head instantly.
''No, and if it can be an anonymous donation it's better.'' I add and she nods diligently. ''And if anyone asks if I was here, I wasn't.''
She gives me a look before nodding again and when they finish checking me, she motions for me to follow her inside and I can instantly hear Zara's laugh through the speakers but we are far away from the actual floor, walking through a few corridors.
The sound of my heartbeats on my ears is ringing loudly and I start feeling nervous about this because so far I haven't had a single moment of calmness since I heard her new song.
I feel like I'm on a sugar rush, I'm excited and filled with energy and I don't know what to do to contain it.
''Alright, we have time for two or three questions, right?'' I hear her cheerful voice talk through the speaker and the crowd lets out a mix of responses. ''Who wants to ask?''
There's more noise as I walk through the hallways until I'm at the back, where I can see everyone in front of me looking at her but it's too dark for her to see me. Besides, I'm still wearing the hoodie covering most of my head.
This time she's wearing a black top with some shorts and a patterned shirt over her top but it's still off the shoulder. Her hair is styled in loose curls, enhancing her already wavy hair, framing her beautiful face perfectly.
Her make up is done simply but she looks a little bit tired, still amazing as ever but she looks a bit exhausted but just like I have, she's been traveling a lot so maybe that's why
''Okay, you...what's your name, love?'' She points to someone in the crowd and her crew hands the girl a microphone.
''I'm Sasha...and first off, I wanted to say how much I love you!'' This causes Zara to smile at her and get insanely blushed cheeks as she always gets while receiving compliments.
''I love you too.'' She smiles and waits for the girl to ask her question.
''Are you releasing the new song?'' Everyone chants for her to say yes and I lean against a wall, looking at her interacting with the crowd with a stupid smile on my face.
''I don't know...'' She trails off, talking shyly again. ''The thing with that song, is that I never meant to sing it more than once because it's not a usual song or what I'm used to singing for all of you and it's special, as I said...It wasn't written to make a single and taking advantage of it, doesn't feel as good...so my answer is, I don't know.''
''And are you signing it tonight?'' Zara laughs at the insistent tone of the girl and smiles.
''That's two questions...'' She mocks a serious face but it doesn't last long. ''But I'll answer it with one of my own...do you guys want me to?'' Everyone starts telling her yes and she smiles back at them. ''Alright, maybe I will... who wants to ask another question? We are running out of time.''
She picks someone else from the audience and she greets them again, telling her their names and then asking for a question again.
''Who is the song about?'' This time the tone of the question changes Zara's features and I see her fingers twisting the rings on her hand in nervousness.
''You've all been asking the same thing, over and over again, huh?'' She teases them before smiling. ''It's about a very very special person that means the world to me and makes me really happy, that's all I'll say about it.''
I've been smiling like a fool since I got here but listening to her talk in present tense gives me hope because as insignificant as this might seem, it says a lot because she could have easily said something else.
Maybe it's not all lost but I'll have to wait until she's done with her concert, which I don't mean to sound rude but I hope it's soon. I want to kiss her so bad.
The crowd seems to be swooning with her response and she hides again, getting blushed and all self-conscious. It makes my stomach flutter in excitement that she gets this shy when talking about me, even when there are not many people around.
''Okay, last question.'' She announces and everyone starts booing at her so she mocks offense. ''Hey, if we do more of these I won't get to sing the song.'' She playfully tells them and they all calm down. ''Yeah, that's what I thought.''
They give the microphone to another girl so she can ask another question again and Zara greets her sweetly as well.
''What's the name of the song?''
''Ah...I've been waiting for this question.'' She giggles and then she shrugs, acting nonchalantly. ''Well, I don't know...a lot of people have been asking the same on Twitter and I've come across some very creative names.''
I let out a small laugh when I realize she's not answering any of the questions she has just been asked, she's only going around the topic and being vague, it's endearing to see.
''Does it have a name?'' The girl asks again and Zee looks around in innocence.
''It does but I like the ones I've heard so far, they are much better than the one I came up with...it actually has two names.'' Everyone starts teasing so she can reveal them and she shakes her head. ''One of them is the off the record one, but I'll keep it to myself, sorry loves.''
''Why can't you say it?'' Another voice asks and Zara turns to them.
''Because I like a little mystery and it's fun to see you all so curious.'' She teases one more time before adjusting her microphone on the stand.
She's sitting on a stool in the middle of the small stage as her ban surrounds her and the lights dim on her.
''As you all know, this little gathering is coming to an end and I'd like to thank each and every single one of you for coming here.'' She says into the microphone while staring into her audience as they cheer back.
''This trip to Australia has been one of the most memorable I have and I'm always well received here. I know many of you came from all the way across the country so thank you so much, thank you for being here and I promise you, next time I'm back I'll try to go to different cities.''
''Now, that we've gotten to the last part of the show, as I did last night I'd like to tell you a little more about this song you are all so curious about.'' She smiles once more but I can see how nervous she is but that's only for me to see, because as far as everyone can tell, she's smashing it.
''It was supposed to be a surprise to the ones coming to the second show but news travel fast and an hour later it was posted on youtube so most of you have heard it or at least read about it.''
''I love this song, a lot.'' She lets out a breathy chuckle, staring at the floor as her fingers fiddle with the hem of the sleeve on her jacket. ''It helped me put things in perspective and value the things that truly matter. And what they say it's true...you don't know what you have until you've lost it.'' She says as I start rounding the back of the crowd but she looks down.
Her tone makes my throat go dry, it's inexplicably hard for me to see her struggling this much when she doesn't know I'm here and that she hasn't lost me but interrupting her would cause us big problems so I have no other choice but to wait.
''I said it was for a special person and I don't know if he has heard it or not, but aside from all of that, it was mostly for me. I've had a hard time letting all of my emotions and feelings out but not anymore. So here you go...''
(a/n: please press play)
The melody of her song starts playing as a breath gets caught in my throat, preventing me from breathing properly as I feel all of her nerves coming to me, almost as if I were the one on that stage, scared and frightened but her soft voice starts singing.
I miss your soft lips
I miss your white sheets
I miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheek
And this is so hard
'Cause I didn't see
That you were the love of my life
And it kills me
I see your face in
Strangers on the street
I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep
And in the limelight
I play it off fine
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light
Oh Oh Oh Oh
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light
Oh Oh Oh Oh
I can hear her voice struggling to make it past the song, not because she's unable to reach the notes but because this song is paining her as much as it's paining me and it's hurting tremendously.
They say that true love hurts
Well this could almost kill me
Young love murdered
That is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone
I can see her alluring blue eyes getting shiny as the lights hit her and she moves a few hairs out of her hair, gasping for more air as her chest goes up and down. She's singing gracefully but I can see how much effort she's putting into this performance.
The life is fading from me
While you watch my heart bleed
Young love murdered
That is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone
I'm petrified as the first time I heard the song, each one of the lyrics hits me once more and I feel like my chest it's about to burst open right at this moment but then I remember the next part is my favorite so I focus purely on her and her angelic voice.
Remember the time
We jumped the fence when
The Stones were playing and we were too broke to get in
You held my hand and
They made me cry while
I swore to God it was the best night of my life
Or when you took me
Across the world we
Promised that this would last forever but now I see
It was my past life
A beautiful time
Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sun rise
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sun rise
This reminds me of the first time I saw her on stage, she stood up and now she's walking shyly across the small stage, and her hair is falling on her face, just like the first time I heard her sing and everything comes rushing back.
They say that true love hurts
Well this could almost kill me
Young love murdered
That is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone
The life is fading from me
While you watch my heart bleed
Young love murdered
That is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone
I have to quickly swipe my hands under my eyes, unable to pry them from her and anything she does, ceasing and following every single one of her moves almost as if I were afraid she might disappear but she's right in front of me, singing a song about me.
It was my past life
A beautiful time
Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sun rise
('til the)
They say that true love hurts
Well this could almost kill me
Young love murdered
That is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone
The life is fading from me
While you watch my heart bleed
Young love murdered
That is what this must be
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone
As soon as the last word is out of her mouth she's struggling to contain herself from breaking apart but the lights go out and something lights up inside of me, as I round the area where the people are, still looking down but directing myself backstage so I can get to her before she leaves.
I get a few awkward stares as I'm still carrying my bag with me but since I have a new pass I'm granted access as I walk by until I reach a fence and I see Zara's manager.
''Courtney!'' I raise my voice as much as I can because the applause coming from Zara's public is too overbearing but thankfully she manages to hear me and turn to see me, a surprised reaction taking over her features.
''Harry, what are you doing here?'' She comes closer to me, instructing a tall guy from their crew to move the fence so I can step inside and I calm down my breaths as they care coming short.
''I have to see Zara.'' I say and a smile sneaks its way to her face and she nods, indicating me to follow her as Zara is saying a few words before getting off stage but I'm a bit sordid after so much screaming and cheering.
I get a few stares from Zara's crew but all of them seem to get happy as they realize it's me and some of them wave so I salute them back, unable to contain the smile on my face.
''Do you want me to tell her or do you want to surprise her?'' Courtney offers and the latest seems to be the best one so I opt for that one.
''Maybe I'll surprise her, but I won't hide.'' I say cheerfully and she seems very excited as well but I have to take my inhaler from my pocket again so I can take a few more pumps as the air it's not flowing properly to my chest.
''There she is.'' Courtney points to her, walking with Cassie as she takes her earpieces out and chugging a bottle of water, both of them unbothered by my presence but my cheeks are hurting to see her so close to me.
Her cheeks are flushed red and some of the hairs are sticking to her forehead as she seems to be a bit sweaty but to me she looks like she's glowing, radiating in her undeniable light as her best friend showers her in compliments.
She lets out a small laugh, and her eyes crinkle because of how much she's smiling but she suddenly looks down, shaking her head before raising it and it gets caught up in me.
Her bottle falls to the ground and the noise startles Cassie as I see Zara mutter my name with her lips so I decide to leave my bag and take a few steps closer to her and she gives her microphone to Cassie, walking up to me so she can meet me in the middle.
''Harry.'' She's the first one to talk and I offer her a lopsided smile, sinking my hands on my pockets, taking the last steps until I'm facing her completely.
''Zara,'' I respond and she is dumbstruck, totally astonished, and unable to say anything. She blinks rapidly as if she was testing to see if I'm here but I close the distance between us and I cup both sides of her cheeks, making her look up at me. ''Hey''
''What are you doing here?'' Her voice comes inaudible and her hands fall on my shoulders, her grasp on me is tight because she's still coming to the realization that I'm actually here. ''Did you hear it? I'm so sorry if you felt like it was intrusive, it wasn't my intention to hurt you and I-''
''Zara.'' I interrupt her rant but it's useless because she's looking directly to my chest, even when I have my hand on either side of her neck, my thumbs caressing the velvety skin of her cheeks.
''Please forgive me, I don't know what I was thinking with it. It was a bad idea and I'll take it back, I won't release it if what makes you comfortable.'' She offers but I let out a chuckle at her nervousness, she's adorable.
''Zara-''
''I knew this was a bad idea but after last night it felt freeing and like it could work. I felt better but I should've stopped to think about you and ask for your opinion beforehand because this wasn't good and I...-''
''Oh my God, Zara please shut up.'' I raise my voice and she finally removes her eyes from my chest, connecting them with my eyes and letting her recover her breath.
''What?'' This time she whispers and I smooth my thumb on her cheeks, leaning closer and moving my gaze from her intensive stare to her beautiful lips.
''I loved it'' I whisper back and she looks down at my lips as well, our close proximity making it difficult for us to properly look at each other but feeling her skin close to mine makes up for the feeling.
''Really?'' She checks up on me again and I nod, laughing again but calming down as her hands lock behind my back and now she's locking me in place as well.
''Really.'' I emphasize and this time she giggles before sinking her teeth on her bottom lip and I'm the one to eliminate the distance between us but she pulls back as I had landed my lips on hers.
''Does it count as a big gesture?'' She brings my words back to her mouth and I smile at her, nodding slowly before I move her hair away from her face, settling my hands back in the same place they had been before.
''It does.'' I keep my sentence short and her smile widens on her face, completely taking over and I tilt my head back so I can finally meet her lips but while her breath feathers on mine and she parts them she moves back away.
''One more question.'' She says in a very small voice and I nod, motioning for her to go on with a smile on my face. Her hands tighten at my waist, taking me in closer and trapping me in her arms before she looks at my eyes. ''Can I have my boyfriend back?''
There's only one answer that comes to mind at this point and I could tease her about it but we have a pretty big audience right now so I refrain myself from messing with her, even more, when she's relentlessly shaking.
''Yes, baby, you can.'' This time she is the one to tear down the space between us and hastily crashing her soft lips onto mine, giving me a kiss like she hasn't had before and connecting us once more into a promise that we won't break this time, because I'm not letting her go. Not anymore.
___________________
Third time's a charm...ain't that right?
Please please please let me know what you think of this chapter, the ending and the song!! It's very important to me and I really want your opinion on this one
As some of you know, the first time I thought of this story it was around 8 years ago and it was basically inspired on this song. The minute I heard it, mainly because of the name hehe, I knew I had to write something about it and the time finally came and I'm very excited about this!! I've been waiting a very long time to use it and I can't believe the moment is finally here.
By the way, the name of the song is The Harold Song by Kesha.
This song has been with me for years and it's a hidden treasure of mine, I hope you love it as much as I do and from now on if you hear it, it reminds you of Harry and Zee
Also, I wanted to feature a song for inspiration on the top of the chapter but i didn't want to make it confusing but if you want to hear it is this one:
Como te atreves by Morat. I don't know if you guys know but my first language is Spanish so the lyrics of their songs have been inspiring me as well. If you look for the translations of the lyrics on google they should appear
I'm so excited for new chapters to come on this new part of Zee and Harry's story, but we are nearing March 25th...so be ready for that too!
As always, thank you so much for reading and leave me your opinion on this very special chapter! As well as a vote if you enjoyed it, it means the world to me
I'm so happy that the song is out and I hope you liked it!!
I'll see you soon
Love,
Ju