~32~
"Ano na namang klaseng narcotic ang sininghot mo at bigla mong naisip maging bakla?"
"H-Hindi sa ganon! Hindi ako bakla." He denied but I just looked at him with a bored face.
I narrowed my eyes at him in suspicion. "Fine. So, what kind of game are you playing on me this time?"
"Makinig ka nga muna. Ie-explain ko. Let me explain."
May pa 'let me explain' pa ang mokong. Sarap pingutin sa lungs ah. I sighed in defeat. "You got five minutes to explain this idiocy."
He sighed before proceeding. "Ganito kasi yun: lumabas kami last time nina Hunter tapos may natripan kaming babae."
Kung may-ina-narrow pa ang mata kong singkit na, malamang ay halos line nalang talaga ang mga mata ko. I got a feeling that this is not going to be good.
He continued. "So medyo nakipag-flirt ako. Tapos naging mag-syota kami."
My eyes did almost all of my acting. At this point, pakiramdam ko lumapad palabas ng bintana ang logic ko. His story is so stupid, I felt like I'm losing a brain cell every second I spent listening to it.
"Excuse me. Naging mag-on agad kayo after a few minutes? Ano to? Nakausap mo lang, girlfriend mo na agad? Parang friend request lang sa Facebook?" I blurted out, exasperated.
"Hindi naman ganun, Sand. Sobra naman ang bilis niyan. Mga isang oras."
Sa isip ko naihilamos ko na ang mga palad ko sa mukha ko. Hindi ako ang nasa relationship pero bakit parang ako ang na-stress?
Alam kong babaero si Paolo at talaga naman kasing may charm siya pero, nyeta, isang oras lang niyang naka-usap, naging girlfriend na niya agad? I am amazed, in a bad way.
"You certainly amazes me," I said with an expression of despair.
"Diba? Pogi kasi."
"I'm not complimenting you, aho!"
"Aho? Aso yun ah."
Lord, bigyan niyo pa po ako ng dagdag na neurons! My neurons were so frustrated at Paolo, they willingly went through apoptosis! His antics left me in despair.
I tried to compose myself although the urge to whack Paolo's head was so strong. I refrained from committing a felony no matter how tempting it was. "So, saan ako papasok sa narrative na ito?"
"Nung hihiwalayan ko na kasi siya, ayaw niya. So sinabi ko may girlfriend na ako."
"Tapos?"
"Ayaw niyang maniwala."
"Tapos?"
"So pinakita ko ang picture ng girlfriend ko sa kanya."
"Tapos? Anong problema dun? Pinakita mo na naman pala ang picture ng girlfriend mo."
"Picture mo ang pinakita ko."
There was silence for a brief moment. Parang mali yata ang dinig ko. "Excuse me, kaninong picture ulit?"
"Picture mo."
Forgive me, Father, for I will commit a sin. I'll punch this idiot in the throat! Nasan ang shinai ko! Hahatawin ko talaga tong mokong na to! Never in my life have I wanted to strangle someone so bad.
At umulan ng mura sa loob ng sasakyan niya. Sinubukan kong suntukin siya sa braso pero nyeta ang lakas niya.
"What the hell were you thinking?!"
"Wala na kasi akong maisip."
"Of all the girls you're toying around with, picture ko talaga ang naisip mong ipakita, loko ka?!"
"W-wala naman kasi akong girlfriend ngayon."
"Yeah, right. Kelan ka ba naman nawalan ng girlfriend sa pogi kong yan, you philandering womanizer!"
"Wala nga. May-... may hihint-... Teka. So inaamin mong pogi nga ako?"
I proceeded to whack him even more due to his cockiness. Sometimes I just hate Paolo's guts. He's such a neurotoxic creature!
"So ano, Sand? Payag ka nang maging girlfriend ko?"
Nanggagalaiti pa rin ako sa inis.
"Fake girlfriend, you mean? N. O. No," I told him and got out of his car since I already saw Kuya Kei approaching the parking lot.
I took one glance at Paolo as he sat behind the steering wheel looking defeated.
While I somehow wanted to help him since helped me before, he really needed to think about what he did first. Kailangan niya ding matuto sa pagkakamali niya. Hindi yung ako pa maglilinis ng kalat niya. I can do a lot of things for him but pretending to be his girlfriend- that's way beyond me.
One doesn't just make someone fall and then leave like it's nobody's business. People nowadays tend to waste love.
Halos hindi ako makatulog kinakabihan dahil sa issue ni Paolo. I mean, I'm not that much of an asshole not to help a friend in need. Hindi rin kakayanin ng konsensya ko na pabayaan si Paolo.
It was just seven in the evening and kakatapos lang naming magdinner when I decided to talk about it with Paolo personally.
Sinundo niya ako sa bahay around eight. Halatang nagmamadali dahil nakashorts, sando at tsinels lang ang loko. I just donned a typical pambahay na yukata and a haori para hindi mahamugan. Dinala ko nalang din ang uniforms and school bag ko since sasabay nalang ako sa kanya papuntang school in the morning.
"Salamat talaga, Sand, at pumayag kang tulungan ako." He started nang makalabas na kami ng gate ng village kung saan kami nakatira.
"Not so fast, Paolo."
"Alam ko namang may kapalit tong pagtulong mo sa akin. Papayag ako sa kahit anong gusto mo, Sand. Handa kong ialay ang katawan ko bilang kapalit." I looked at him as if I just heard the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my entire pathetic existence.
"You just sounded like you're making some sacrifice to the devil." I threw a sharp look at him. "I don't need your body. You can keep it. I just need you to promise me one thing, Paolo."
"Ano yun, Sand?"
"Never do this again." I was dead serious when I said that. Parang na-gets naman niya ang seriousness ko. "Just because you are good-looking doesn't mean that you can go around playing with peoples' hearts."
Natamik siya habang nagdadrive. "Oo, Sand."
Just when I thought he's already being serious, he added, "Ikaw lang simula ngayon."
That remark earned him a punch on his arm courtesy of me pero parang ako pa ang nasaktan dahil sa tigas ng muscle niya. Fu!
Nagkaroon ng awkward silence sa pagitan naming dalawa na sinira nang kanyang kawirdohan. "So inaamin mo nga kanina na pogi talaga ako?"
Ahh! I'm so frustrated that I think I will be able to pull out all of the hairs on my head!
I pray that I will survive this night.
"Let's get down to business. What's the plan?" Tanong ko matapos naming kumain ng chocolate ice cream at manuod ng anime. I questioned about him being too touchy habang nasa loob kami ng convenience store sa ibaba ng condo niya.
I had to swat him several times as he continued to try to hug me from behind. Parang langaw na umaaligid sa akin.
He just shrugged and said na practice lang daw.
Nakahilata lang ako sa sofa niya habang siya naman ay naghuhugas ng pinagkainan namin. Who would have thought that Paolo actually knew how to do household chores? Yun nga lang medyo magulo ang condo niya.
I noticed na may ginagawang new room na katabi ng bedroom niya. Sabi niya binili na daw ng Erpats niya ang kabilang unit para i-expand ang unit niya. Come to think of it; financially, Paolo has been spared no expense. One can see that sa mga mamahalin niyang sapatos na nakalagay sa walk-in closet niya. However, I could still feel the cold loneliness inside his room. Siguro ganun nga talaga kapag mag-isa ka lang na nakatira.
"Ayaw kasi niyang maniwala na may girlfriend na ako. Bale ang gagawin natin ay magpapanggap tayong mag-syota sa social media. Post-post lang sa Facebook. Iblock nalang din muna natin sina Kuya para hindi halata. Wala naman sigurong kaso sayo since hindi ka naman madalas mag-online."
"Uh huh," I muttered doubtfully. "Sure ka talagang maniniwala ang babaeng yun?"
I saw him smirked in response as he dried the last plate with a clean towel before placing it inside the plate drawer. He got his phone at umupo sa may paanan ko. He even placed my legs on his lap so that he can sit closer.
"Tingnan mo." Iniharap niya sa akin ang phone niya, showing a photo of us habang nasa convenience store at bumibili ng ice cream.
Pakiramdam ko medyo uminit ang ulo ko nang makita ko ang caption saying: ang pangit naman pala ng girlfriend. Babae ba talaga yan? Ew!
A moment later, another photo appeared on her timeline. It is a blurry photo of myself taken from a distance. Dinagdagan pa niya ng caption na 'napakawalang taste naman pala ni Paolo. Talagang pinatulan niya 'tong pandak na 'to?'
Excuse me? Sinong pandak? Ako?
I felt a vein bulged on my temple. Sinong tinatawag niyang pangit? Higit sa lahat, sinong tinatawag niyang pandak?! How dare her call me pandak!
Game on, bitch! Game fucking on!
"I'm in, Paolo." I told Paolo while balling my fists. "I'll show that bitch who she is dealing with," sabi ko nang may halong gigil. Humanda sa akin 'tong babaeng to.
Pakiramdam ko, sa sobrang inis ko, makakakain ako ulit ng isang tub ng rocky road ice cream! Ngiting tagumpay naman si Paolo. He ended up buying another tub later that night.
It took another day for us to plan out this pretend relationship that we're going to pull off. Pierre got involved na rin since he overheard our conversation while nasa corridor ng school and volunteered to give me a make-over.
"I'll be your fairy godfather!" he flamboyantly declared as if it's his lifelong dream to become one.
I mentally rolled my eyes.
Aside from his flamboyant-bordering-to-disturbingly- gay antics, he's very dependable and is a natural-born leader capable of leading people. This can be seen clearly with how he led the arts club. He's also good with doing interior designing since he's hands on with the interior design ng Le Sucre.
Come to think of it, matagal na kong hindi nakakabisita sa Le Sucre. Medyo matagal tagal na rin na hindi ako nagsa-submit ng flavor suggestions.
I immediately shot his dream down. "Hell, no."
"What?! If you are going to pretend as Paolo's girlfriend, you have to look the part! His standards are very high! And besides, if you want to stomp on one of his exes, you definitely need to look the part."
"Wow. Like he's deserving of his high standards, huh," I said sarcastically.
"Uy, wag ka! Puro mala-teen models ang mga nagiging girlfriends ko!"
"Yeah, right." I rolled my eyes.
"Sige na, Sand. Libre naman ang lahat eh at tsaka libre ko din ang pagkain sa date natin."
Hindi naman sa pagkain lang ang habol ko ano, pero nagpag-isip-isip ko rin na tama naman sila. If I want to go against that bitch, I need to look the part.
Pumayag na din ako.
I know masamang magsinungaling at nakokonsensya talaga ako nang magpaalam ako na sa condo muna ako ni Paolo magstay nang tatlong araw because of a research paper that we have to do.
Well, meron naman talaga kaming research paper at magkasama kami sa paggawa. However, it's quite easy kaya madali lang din naming nagawa. The main reason for this three-day sleepover is to plan out this "get rid of the ex" project. Weekend naman kaya okay lang.
"First time ko na may kasamang kumain dito," he told me as I began setting the table para sa breakfast namin one fine Saturday morning. He was sitting in front of the dining table sipping the coffee I made for him.
It's not like I care. Morning person kasi ako and since maaga ako nagising, I decided to cook breakfast. Hindi rin ako halos nakatulog dahil sa bigat ng paa ni Paolo na dumagan sa akin habang tulog ako.
Yes, we slept in the same bed last night. Yes, may tendency siyang mangyakap kapag tulog. Worst night of my life.
Fifty percent nang tapos ang research paper namin na sinimulan namin kagabi. While he looked like a jock, Paolo is actually smart and working with him on a paper was surprisingly easier than I thought.
"Bakit? Hindi pa pala nagse-sleep over ang Wolfpack dito?" Inilapag ko sa dining table ang niluto kong bacon, eggs and hotdog. Walang pagkain sa loob ng ref ni Paolo kaya binili ko yan lahat sa convenience store sa ibaba.
He sipped his coffee before answering. Mukhang hindi pa naghihilamos ang loko and still in his sando and boxer shorts. "Hindi. Kung hindi sa bar, sa Le Sucre o sa bahay nina Aison kami naghahang-out. Sumama ka na kasi minsan. Parang hindi ka naman Wolfpack niyan eh."
To be honest, I dont really feel like I fit in with the Wolfpack. They are nice guys. Ma-issue lang talaga ako. Deal with it.
"Ang bango!" puri niya sa niluto ko.
"OA ka. Pinirito lang naman yan."
Tumawa siya. "Matagal na rin kasi nung may nagluto ng pagkain para sa akin." For some reason, I felt saddened by what he said. Could it be possible that Paolo, amidst his very strong male bravado, is actually lonely deep inside? Considering his situation, I understand if he is.
I nervously placed by hand on his should in my attempt to show care. "K-kung ganun, edi kumain ka nang marami. Minsan lang yan."
Darn! I intended to show care but I ended up sounding sarcastic. Pero sa totoo lang, ayoko mang aminin, I have grown to care about Paolo.
"Naman!" he said enthusiastically dug in.
Due to my obsessive-compulsive tendencies, I can't help but clean Paolo's condo unit habang nasa baba siya at bumibili ng snacks. He volunteered to do that. I never forced him or whatever.
"Uy! Bakit ka naglilinis?!" bulalas ni Paolo nang madatnan niya akong nagtutupi ng mga damit niyang bagong laba na hindi pa niya inaaalis sa plastic from the laundry shop.
Clearly, he's just having laundry services. I highly doubt he's doing his own laundry. He doesn't even cook! How the hell is Paolo surviving in this kind of living condition?!
"Magulo ang condo mo. I can't concentrate!"
"Grabe ka naman, Sand! Hindi naman ito sobrang gulo."
"Magulo! Kagabi ko pa gustong gawin to. Don't stop me."
"I-Ikaw bahala. Para naman kitang asawa niyan," pabiro niyang sabi.
That sent shivers running down my spine. I looked at him as if I was throwing knives at him as he laughed. In the end, tinulungan nalang niya ako.
"Paolo! May ladder ka?" tawag ko sa kanya. I intend to clean his floating shelves sa living room area but they were too high for me to reach.
"Wala eh," Paolo answered as he came into the living room wearing only his boxers.
"Wala ka bang ibang damit? Can't you wear something decent?"
Tinawanan lang niya ako. "Naglilinis ako ng banyo. Since mababasa din naman ako, nagboxers nalang ako para diretso ligo na din."
Wow. Nice reasoning you got there. I mentally rolled my eyes because of what he said.
"So, I guess, you don't have a ladder, as well," I said, defeat.
"Buhatin nalang kita."
"I'm not going to be touched by a half-naked man! No, thanks." Actually, hindi lang half-naked men. I just don't want to be touched in general. Being lifted is out of the question.
"Asus nahiya ka pa. Lika na."
"Mabigat ako! Wag na nga! Stay away!" I yelled at him as I climbed up the coffee table to reach the floating shelves.
"Wag ka nang mahiya. Kaya na man kitang buhatin. Ang payat mo din kasi. Lakas mong kumain pero ang payat mo."
He wrapped his arms around my waist and began lifting me. I flinched at the feeling of his body touching my back. He's definitely invading my personal space!
"Tigilan mo ako! Put me down! Put me down!"
Siyempre nagpumiglas ako. I really hate being in close proximity or being touched by someone.
"Get away!" I continued wiggling, trying to break free from Paolo's hold.
"Uy! Wag kang magalaw. Baka mahu-"
Hindi pa man natatapos ni Paolo ang sinasabi niya nang biglang nawalan kami ng balance.
Napaluhod kami pareho sa may coffee table. I could still feel his arms holding my waist. Ako naman ay parang nakatuwad at nakasalampak sa coffee table. I could see our reflection on his television and it's not a very nice view. Worse: it's a very bad, suggestive position.
I was about to kick him away when, the main door opened.
"Barging in, Pao-..."
Pierre's sickeningly jolly tone sounded, announcing his arrival and the start of the worst day of my life!
"Oh! I see that you two are busy. So sorry for the intrusion... Can I watch the action instead?" His weird expression just made everything worst. He doesn't even look apologetic at all!
Somebody, please kill me!