Denki is afraid of many things, even though he hates to admit it. Being so afraid of things a hero shouldn't be afraid of is embarrassing. However, Denki's biggest fear and his biggest shame is his fear of elevators. It's such a silly thing to be afraid of. Elevators. Heroes shouldn't be afraid of elevators. Heroes shouldn't feel their hearts speed up the moment they step onto one. Heroes shouldn't avoid using elevators at all costs. Denki hates that he does.
It's not his fault that he's so afraid. It's not his fault that he almost died in one once.
He was in a freak accident when he was a child that left him with nightmares that didn't go away for years and a fear of elevators that still remained. It's been quite some time since he last had a panic attack on one, but he still felt the lingering sensations whenever he thought about stepping foot on one. He pushes through it when he has to, but it isn't pleasant in the slightest. For the most part, his only motivation to push himself despite his fear is to not inconvenience those with him. That's the only reason he got on the elevator with his friends the day Mina invited them to a pop-up café in town.
She had read about it online and really wanted to go, but thought it wouldn't be fun to go alone. Despite the fact that most of her friends weren't really interested in the café's alien theme, they went along anyway so she would be happy. Even Denki.
She seemed so excited when she had asked if he would go as well. How could he say no to her? He knew the café was on the rooftop, but she was so happy to go with her friends. He couldn't refuse. Eiji was also going, so that should help. If his boyfriend was going to be there too, he knew he would feel safer. And the building couldn't be that tall, right? It's not like they were going to the heart of Tokyo. They were staying in their city. It would be fine.
When the weekend of their planned outing arrived, Denki kept repeating those reassurances in his head. He should be fine. It had been so long since he had a panic attack in an elevator. It would be fine.
Unfortunately for Denki, the building was, in fact, that tall. It was the tallest building on the street. Just his luck. He felt dizzy just looking at it.
"Oh, that's... That's tall." Denki's voice was timid as he stared up at the building that loomed over them.
"I guess so," Mina said, unphased by the building's height, "If we take the elevator, we'll be at the top in no time. It won't feel tall at all if you stay away from the windows."
"Windows?"
"Yeah, that's why you're nervous right? I just assumed you're afraid of heights."
"Heights..." Denki finally looked away from the top of the building and directed his gaze to Mina instead, "We're going all the way to the top floor? All the way up?"
"Uh-huh! It'll be fine. We'll keep you away from any windows." Mina gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, meant to be a sweet reassurance, before grabbing Hanta with one hand and Kyoka with the other, "Come on! You too, Bakugou. Stop being such a grumpy butt."
"I don't even want to be here! You damn extras tricked me!" That was very true. Mina and Hanta thought it would be entertaining to mess with him.
Hanta just laughed, "Well, you're here so you might as well try to enjoy yourself. You do know how to have fun, don't you? Or are you a ball of fury at all times?"
"I bet he falls asleep with that scowl on his face," Kyoka joined in on the teasing, "Instead of counting sheep, he counts the number of people who piss him off."
"Of course I can have fun, idiots!" Katsuki pushed past them into and into the building, "I'll have more fun than any of you!"
Mina laughed, "It works every time."
Denki stood back and watched Mina, Hanta, and Kyoka walk into the building after Katsuki.
"Do you want to hold hands too?" Eijirou asked, holding his palm out towards Denki, smiling at him softly. Eijirou didn't know about Denki's fear of elevators. Denki had never confided in him about it, but he could always tell when Denki was upset and needed his support.
Denki threaded their fingers together, "Please."
"Don't worry, I won't let go. If you look out a window and get scared, you can use me to block the view. Okay?"
"That's not- I'm... Let's just go."
Eijirou held Denki's hand firmly as they walked into the building, "It'll be okay. The elevator will take us up so fast that you won't even realize how high we are. Just don't look out the windows."
"The elevator..." Denki took a deep breath as the elevator came into sight, their four friends standing in front of it, "The elevator will be fast. We won't be on it long. In and out."
Eijirou nodded, "You won't even notice how high up it goes."
"Yeah. Won't notice..." Denki watched as Hanta pushed the elevator call button. He watched as the doors opened.
His heart stopped.
The elevator had glass backing. They would be able to see outside as it brought them up. They'd see exactly how high they were. It was for people to see the view of the city. It was supposed to be appealing.
For Denki, it was the scariest thing he had ever seen. He could see exactly how high they were. He could see exactly how far they'd drop if the cable were to break like the one so many years ago.
This was not going to be fun.
"Oh no, um..." Mina looked at the glass backing of the elevator, then back at Denki, "Just face the doors. Okay?"
"Why does he have to face the doors?" Hanta asked.
"He's afraid of heights," Eijirou said as he guided Denki onto the elevator. Denki was too focused on not panicking to be bothered to correct him about what he was truly afraid of.
Hanta looked confused until Mina pointed at the glass backing of the elevator, then a look of realization crossed his face, "Yeah, face the doors."
Denki was honestly ready to run off the elevator, but the doors closed before he got the chance. There was no turning back now.
The elevator doors were shiny and reflected the view. A distorted reflection, but a reflection nonetheless. The others didn't seem to notice, but Denki definitely did. He could see the reflection of the outside world as the elevator took them up and up and up. He tried not to look, he tried to focus on Eijirou's hand holding his own.
It didn't work.
No matter where he looked, he could see it in his peripheral. If he looked too far to the left, he could still see the reflection. If he looked too far to the right, he could see a glimpse of the outside, which was much scarier than just seeing the reflection. It was stupid to give it a proper look, he should've just closed his eyes until they reached the top, but his eyes moved on their own, and he got a full view of how high they were. They had made it up high enough that they were above the building next door. He could see onto the rooftop. A man was sitting on the ledge smoking a cigarette with no concern for how risky it was. Denki wished he had that sort of courage. Instead, he turned around and hid his face in Eijirou's jacket sleeve, his grip on Eijirou's hand tightening as he felt his breathing get away from him.
Eijirou was quick to act. He pulled Denki close with his free arm. "Stop the elevator! He's freaking out!"
Katsuki looked over before he quickly hit the open door button. The elevator stopped just a moment later, jerking slightly as it did. The others didn't notice the movement, but Denki was hyper-aware of everything around him and the jerking caused him to shriek and put off a small spark.
"It's okay, relax," Eijirou spoke softly as he guided Denki off of the elevator, "We're off now. It's okay."
"N-No!" Denki shouted before he started crying into Eijirou's sleeve. He couldn't get himself to calm down. His tears were overflowing, and he felt that if he didn't let them out, he might burst. His heart was racing and his breathing had never felt more out of control.
"He's having a panic attack," Kyoka said, "We need to get him somewhere quiet so he can calm down. There are too many people here." People were starting to stare as Denki sobbed and neared hyperventilation.
Eijirou focused on Denki while he let the other figure out where they should go. He did his best to soothe him by running his fingers gently through his hair and whispering assurances. It didn't seem to be working, but there wasn't much he could do while they were standing out in the open like that.
"Well, um..." Hanta looked around, trying to find a good place to go, "I don't know what's down that way but I don't see anyone over there." He pointed to a short, but empty, hallway.
"It's good enough for now," Mina said.
Katsuki had just been watching Denki this entire time but now he turned to Hanta, "He's crying. He's gonna need water. Find some."
On a normal occasion, Hanta would have said something about Katsuki's rudeness, but Denki was his main priority right now, so he did as Katsuki said and went off to find something for his friend to drink.
Mina placed her hand on Denki's shoulder, causing him to jump a bit, "It's okay, Kami. We're going to sit over here. Come on."
Denki didn't give much of a response, he just kept his face buried in Eijirou's sleeve. Eijirou didn't try to make him let go. Instead, he guided him down the hallway as gently as he could.
"Well, we found the bathrooms," Kyoka said as they reached the end of the hall. The bathrooms were the only things back there, along with what seemed to be a janitor's closet, "I wish we could find somewhere that he could sit."
"It's away from the crowd. That's all that matters." Katsuki said.
"We can sit on the ground," Eijirou said, as he carefully lowered Denki to sit down, and they both leaned against the wall. Denki's breathing had started to level out, but he still hadn't stopped crying, and he was putting off small sparks.
"Doesn't that hurt?" Mina asked.
Eijirou shook his head, "I can handle it." He was used to Denki's electricity, and these sparks were mild. It did hurt, but he could push through it. He only cared about comforting Denki. He pulled Denki as close to his side as physically possible and kissed the top of his head, whispering kind words. He was glad that they were finally out of view so that he could freely give Denki affection without judgy eyes surrounding them.
Denki's mind felt fuzzy. He could hear things going on around him, but it all blurred together. He could identify voices, but couldn't understand the words being said. He heard Eijirou speaking softly near his ear, but it was indecipherable. He wasn't exactly sure where he was, but he was afraid to look. He knew that they had walked and Eijirou had sat him down, but he felt so unsteady. He felt as if he was still on the elevator. He knew that wasn't the case.
He had heard Eijirou yelling at the others to stop it before all the sounds started to blur. He was pretty sure Eijirou had told him that they were off of the elevator when he told him to relax, but he wasn't positive about that one. Everything felt so unsteady and uncertain. He was so dizzy and everything sounded wrong. The only thing that felt steady was the hand on his head, which he knew must be Eijirou's. The arm he was clinging to felt steady, that was Eijirou's as well. Eijirou was steady. He tried to focus on that. He focused on the feeling of Eijirou's fingers running through his hair. It took a moment, but it worked.
The dizziness started to ease off and the sounds around him started to make sense again. He could hear Eijirou whispering about how much he loves him. His tears kept falling, but he could breathe again. He could hear again. He finally worked up the courage to peek out. He blinked a few times as his eyes adjusted to the brightly lit hallway, but he was relieved when he saw the sight of a plain white wall rather than the hell that was that elevator. Mina and Kyoka were sitting on the other side of the hallway and Katsuki was standing off near the end, closer to the crowd. He seemed to be looking for something.
"Denki?" Eijirou still spoke softly, but now a bit above a whisper.
Denki looked up at him. He hated to see his worried expression. He knew he was the cause of it.
"Are you feeling any better?" Eijirou asked as he caressed Denki's cheek.
Denki nodded before leaning into his hand. He smiled at him, despite the tears that were still falling. He was hoping a smile would reassure him a bit. He hated it when he made him worry.
Eijirou smiled back before kissing his forehead, "Do you want me to hold you?"
Denki nodded again as he let go of Eijirou's sleeve, allowing Eijirou to wrap that arm around his shoulders and pull him even closer. Denki sniffled as he rested his head on Eijirou's shoulder. He wished he could stop crying but at least he could breathe normally again.
Mina looked up from her phone as the two moved into their new position, just now noticing that Denki had relaxed, "Is he okay?"
Eijirou looked at Denki's tearstained face, then turned to Mina, "For the most part."
Kyoka got up from where she was sitting and moved to sit in front of them, "How are you feeling, Kami?"
Denki just shrugged and looked down.
"He hasn't said a word yet," Eijirou said.
Kyoka reached to hold Denki's hand. It was trembling, along with the rest of his body, but her hold helped steady it, "Take all the time that you need. There's no rush. We can sit here for hours if you need it. They don't close until nine, and we have nowhere else to be today."
Denki nodded, looking at their hands as he intertwined his fingers with hers. He didn't want to make everyone wait up for him, but he felt like he might fall over if he tried to stand. He wasn't as dizzy as before, but he did feel a tad light-headed. Perhaps lingering anxiety, perhaps dehydration from all the crying he had done, perhaps both. He wondered how much time had passed while he had his face hidden.
"I'm going to look for Tape Arms," Katsuki said loudly from where he stood closer to the end of the hall. It startled Denki and caused him to jump, but when he realized it was just Katsuki, he relaxed against Eijirou's shoulder again.
Eijirou gently rubbed Denki's arm to reassure him before looking to Katsuki, "Yeah, good idea. He might have gotten lost. This place is pretty big."
Katsuki rolled his eyes before walking off, grumbling about how much of an idiot Hanta was, "One job. Gave the dumbass one damn job."
Denki watched Katsuki go before looking up at Eijirou.
Eijirou was pretty good at reading Denki's facial expressions when he tried, so he knew what he wanted to ask, "Sero went to go get you some water, but that was a while ago."
"I'm sure he's fine," Mina chimed in from her spot on the other side of the hall, "If something bad happened, there would be chaos in the building. He probably just hasn't found anything yet. This place is mostly just shops. The only restaurant is the café up top. He's probably on a scavenger hunt for a vending machine."
Denki nodded. Hanta would never return empty-handed. He'd search the building from top to bottom three times over before accepting defeat. He's just that nice of a person that he would go to those lengths to help his bro. It made sense that he hadn't returned yet if Mina was correct about the lack of locations to buy drinks. Still, he wondered how long 'a while' was. He started to check his pockets for his phone. He puts it in a different pocket every time because he's an idiot like that. He found it in the front pocket of his jeans. Why would he put it there of all places? Nobody knows, least of all Denki. He checked the time and saw it had been twenty minutes since they had arrived at the building. His panic attack was pretty much instantaneous, which meant they had been sitting here listening to him cry for nearly twenty minutes. Now he just felt bad.
Eijirou put his hand on Denki's phone to make him lower it, "It's okay. Don't think about the time." It was pretty obvious why Denki was upset considering all he had looked at was the time and that was enough to make him pout.
Denki felt bad for crying, yet he hadn't stopped. His cheeks were still wet and he was still sniffling. He hated it. He wiped his cheeks and started rubbing his eyes. Maybe the tears would stop if he rubbed hard enough.
"Hey, don't do that," Eijirou tried to keep Denki's hands away from his face, "If you rub too hard, you might hurt yourself."
Denki swatted at Eijirou's hand while attempting to rub his eyes at the same time, making sounds of frustration as he did.
After about twenty seconds of the cycle of swatting and rubbing, Eijirou just grabbed Denki's wrist and held it firmly in place, causing Denki to let out a loud squeak-like sound, a mix of shock and objection.
Eijirou raised Denki's hand and kissed it, "It's okay."
Denki looked at Eijirou, then his hand, and then started crying heavily again.
Kyoka frowned, "Way to go, Kiri. You made him cry more."
"He was being too rough. He was going to hurt himself, Jirou." Eijirou let Denki's wrist go and hugged him again, "I'd rather him be upset with me than be injured."
Mina got up from her spot across the hall and walked over to sit next to Denki. She grabbed Denki's hand and held it gently, "I'll hold your hand. Does that help, Kami?"
Denki nodded, still crying. The approval prompted Kyoka to reach out and hold his other hand. They all wanted to support him as much as possible and help him through to the end of this panic attack. It clearly hadn't fully ended.
Denki squeezed both of their hands as he tried not to cry, but the tears kept falling. Once he got started, it was always so difficult to stop. At least he wasn't sparking anymore. He didn't want to hurt them.
About five more minutes had passed when Eijirou let go of Denki's shoulders, causing Denki to immediately sit up straight and let out a small sound of objection.
"It's okay, I'm not going anywhere," Eijirou reassured as he took his jacket off. He then wrapped the jacket around Denki's shoulders, "If you wear this, it's like I'm hugging you even when I'm not hugging you," Then he wrapped his arms around him again, "And now I'm actually hugging you so it's a double hug!"
Denki smiled as he sniffled and leaned back into Eijirou's side.
"I found a vending machine!" Hanta exclaimed as he hurried back over to the group, "I got him some water."
"Perfect," Mina said as she let go of Denki's hand and took the bottle from Hanta. She opened it before holding it out towards Denki, "Here, Kami. This might help."
Denki wiped his cheek with the back of his hand before reaching out for the bottle and taking a drink.
"Are you feeling any better?" Hanta asked.
Denki nodded silently before taking another drink from the bottle.
"Still not up for talking, huh?" Kyoka asked.
Denki shook his head as he let go of Kyoka's hand so he could take the bottle cap from Mina. He screwed the cap back on and set the bottle beside him. It took him a moment due to how much his hands were trembling, but he managed it.
"That's okay," Eijirou said before kissing the top of Denki's head, "Take your time."
Denki sniffled again as he pulled Eijirou's jacket tighter around him and nuzzled into his shoulder. It was warm in Eiji's arms, it was stable, it was safe. His tears hadn't stopped falling, but there were certainly fewer than before.
"Where did Bakugou go?" Hanta asked.
"Looking for you," Kyoka answered, "You were gone for too long. You should call him to tell him that you made it back okay."
"Shit, okay." Hanta walked to the end of the hall so he could make a call without being a big disturbance to Denki.
Denki watched him as he pulled out his phone and searched for Katsuki's number in his contacts. But before he could make the call, a loud voice came booming from the crowd.
"THERE YOU ARE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"
"Bakugou! I was about to call you."
"I JUST SEARCHED THREE FLOORS LOOKIN' FOR YOUR ASS. WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO?" Katsuki continued to shout as he stomped over.
"Shut up!" Kyoka shouted, but not nearly as loud as Bakugou had, "Do you want to get us kicked out?"
"No-"
"Then shut the hell up!"
Katsuki grumbled angrily as Kyoka rolled her eyes at him and Hanta began to explain his journey to find a vending machine. Denki continued to watch them. It took a bit before Katsuki seemed to be content with Hanta's explanation and they walked over to rejoin the group.
"I'm sorry," Denki said before anyone else got the chance to speak, surprising the others.
"Don't apologize!" Mina said as she reached to hold his hand again, "You had a panic attack; that wasn't your fault."
"Yeah, dude," Hanta said, "That was out of your control."
"I shouldn't have come. I made it not fun for you."
"It can still be fun," Kyoka said, "There's still several hours before closing. That's plenty of time to have fun."
"Still shouldn't have come. I knew it might happen but I said yes anyway. I wanted Ashido to be happy. Should've said no."
"Kami, you're so sweet!" Mina exclaimed, "I wouldn't have been upset with you if you said no. Don't ever feel like you have to do something for me if it makes you feel scared or uncomfy! That's what makes me unhappy."
Denki sniffled again, still crying a bit, "You wanted us all to go together. The café is only here for one week. I wanted to go too, so we could go together as you wanted."
"I'd rather be missing you for an afternoon than watch you cry like this. But don't feel sorry for it. What's done is done. It's not too late to have fun today. So don't feel sorry. In the future, I'll keep in mind not to invite you to any more rooftop cafés. We'll stick to the lower floors from now on. But today, let's not worry about what could've been different and just have fun. Okay?"
"Okay..."
Eijirou rubbed Denki's arm in an attempt to reassure him, "Are you feeling any better now?"
Denki merely shrugged in response.
"What scared you so bad?" Hanta asked.
"He said he's afraid of heights," Mina said.
"No, I didn't," Denki corrected, "You assumed."
"You're not afraid of heights?" Eijirou asked.
Denki shook his head.
"Then what happened?" Kyoka asked.
Denki didn't answer.
"He freaked because of the elevator," Katsuki answered for him, "Am I right?"
Denki looked at him with a surprised expression, and then looked down at his lap, "They scare me..."
"Thought so," Katsuki said, "You're always avoiding them. I noticed."
"What's so scary about elevators?" Hanta asked, "Is it a claustrophobia kind of thing?"
Denki shook his head, "Falling. So, it kinda is heights. But only in elevators."
"You're afraid of the elevator falling?" Kyoka asked.
Denki nodded, "Like, the cables snapping and the braking system failing so it falls."
"There's a one in a million chance of that happening," Kyoka said, "You'll be okay."
"Actually, there are about 30 elevator related deaths per year in the United States alone. Thousands of injuries. Again, just in the States. Their government did a research study on it."
"How do you know that?" Mina asked.
"I know that it's rare, so I thought looking at stats and learning how the apparatus works would reassure me. It didn't."
"Why are you so afraid of them?" Eijirou asked.
"I fell in one."
"Wait, what?" Hanta asked, "You were in a falling elevator?"
Denki nodded, "It happened when I was eight. It was only two floors up, so no one died. But I broke my arm. A guy in the elevator dropped something on me when the elevator started falling and it caused a fracture. No one had major injuries other than me, so that was good. But it still scares me. Especially when it's high up. The chances of injury increase the higher you fall from. To be fair, the elevator I was in wasn't up to code. They told me that it didn't have a functioning brake system and the rigging was bound to fail as well. I don't remember much of that day, but I do remember that my mom wouldn't let me touch anything because she said it looked unsanitary. I remember when we got on the elevator, it was very shaky and squeaky. The lights started flickering and it jolted really hard, then there was a super loud sound, then it started falling. Something in the rigging had broken and without the automatic braking system, nothing was stopping it from going into free-fall. The building owners got sued and mom got a lot of money in the lawsuit for physical injury and emotional distress. The building was built soundly, the owners just didn't maintain it and it fell apart. They said the elevator hadn't been inspected a single time since it was first constructed."
"That must've been terrifying for you at such a young age," Mina said, "Hell, I'd be terrified if that happened to me now. It sounds horrible."
"It was terrifying," Denki said, "The higher I am, the worse it is and the more likely I am to have a panic attack. Our dorms have five floors, but I've gotten used to them at this point. They're very secure and they keep a chart on display with the dates of every inspection and the signature of the inspector saying that it's still safe. It helps a lot to see that. The main building of the school has eight floors, but they also have that chart on display. They do light inspections once a month and a complete inspection every six months. That's much more than necessary. It only needs to be done once a year. It's reassuring to know that the school is so on top of maintenance."
"I never noticed they had charts," Hanta said.
"I suppose the average person doesn't. It's probably not healthy for me to obsess over it as much as I do..."
"It's okay to look for charts," Eijirou reassured him, "If it helps you feel better, that's good."
"Kami, I'm so sorry," Mina said, tearing up, "You just had to go up to fourteen floors for me. In an elevator that has windows! Of course, you're panicking. I'd panic too if I was in your shoes."
"It's not your fault," Denki smiled at her, a stark contrast to his tear-stained cheeks and red eyes, "I chose to do it. You didn't make me."
"I'm buying your lunch today. Whatever you want. You put yourself through this to make me happy, so the least I can do is buy your lunch."
"Okay, I can agree to that." Denki used his free hand to rub the lingering tears off of his face. They had finally stopped falling.
"Are you feeling better now?" Kyoka asked.
Denki nodded, "Yeah, I think so."
"You're still shaking a bit," Eijirou said.
"Yes, but I feel better than before. I think..." Denki paused before continuing, "I think that I'm ready to go upstairs."
"Are you sure?" Hanta asked.
Denki nodded, "Yes. I don't want to hold us up any longer, and I'm hungry."
"We'll take the stairs the rest of the way," Katsuki said, "It's only six more floors. We've walked higher."
"Please," Denki said, his voice much quieter that time, "I don't want to get back on the elevator."
"We won't make you," Kyoka said, "That'd just be cruel."
"God, no!" Mina said, "We're definitely taking the stairs."
~ CHAPTER TWO COMING SOON ~