"Good morning, Doc," My assistant greeted me, I just nodded my head as an answer and entered my office.
Two days na simula nung lumabas kami ni Maxine and as usual after that hang out I became busier than ever. Hindi ko makayanang tumunganga lang maghapon sa loob ng condo ko. Pakiramdam ko mababaliw ako kapag wala akong ginagawa kaya palaging mas minamabuti kong pagurin na lamang ng husto ang katawan at sarili ko.
I won't deny that my conversation with Max that day really got into my mind. She's right. The love that I am calling isn't healthy for me anymore. I'm torturing myself with pain and I'm trapping myself with our past.
And, I think she was also right when she said that I'm assuming things. Totoo nga naman ang sinabi niya. Umalis si Jasmine nang hindi ko man lang alam kung pareho ba kami ng nararamdaman o hindi. Hindi ko alam kung mahal o minahal niya nga rin ba ako ng higit pa sa pagiging matalik na magkaibigan.
I feel so dumb for knowing nothing about her feelings and most of all for knowing nothing about her reasons why she left me so sudden. Nakakapagod rin pala yung ganito. Yung hindi mo alam kung sa'n ka tutungo kase para kang batang nawawalang hindi alam ang tamang direksyon pauwi sa sarili mong tahanan.
And lastly, I can't help but to feel guilty everytime I'm thinking how bad I am for treating Allison the way she doesn't deserve.
Allison Shal Cruz has been my fiancè for almost two and half years now. My parents and her parents fix this fucking engagement.
Allison came from a well known family here in the country. Her Dad owns international airlines and corporations. Allison is an only child so basically she's the sole heir of the Cruz.
Our engagement happened two years ago when her Dad had a big debt to my Dad. I don't know what exactly happened to them but it's like a bomb explode inside of my ear when they say I'm marrying Allison.
Allison isn't that bad. Actually all the good traits of a good woman are already in her. She's kind, caring, understanding, responsible and I won't deny that she's incredibly gorgeous too. She's a flight attendant and a private pilot. And she's already helping her Dad to run their airlines and other companies.
Kung tutuusin hindi siya mahirap mahalin. Mahirap lang talagang turuan ang pusong kumalimot ng tao at magmahal ng bago. Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na buntong-hininga at napailing na lamang.
I pressed the intercom to call my assistant.
"Doc?" She immediately asked when she opened the door.
"Start na tayo para matapos din agad." I said and stood up to put on my doctor suit-coat.
She nodded and went out again to get the papers or rather I say the records of my patients and put them on my table. I sat down to read and review all of them. Maya-maya pa ay nagsimula na akong mag-check up.
Two patients nalang ta's tapos na ako. Humingi muna ako ng 10 minutes break dahil nararamdaman ko na ang pagkapagod ko. Nag-uunat-unat ako ng bigla nalang nag-ingay ang phone ko, indikasyon na may tumatawag kaya tiningnan ko ito at nakita kong si Mommy ang phone caller. Huminga muna ako ng malalim bago ito sinagot.
"Yes, Mom?"
"[Hello, Sweetie,]" She sweetly uttered.
"Do you need anything, Mommy?" I politely asked.
"[Sweetie… Allison is coming home, fetch her later.]" Walang paligoy-ligoy nitong wika.
Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko at saglit na nag-isip. Wala rin naman akong magagawa. Kahit tumanggi ako ay papagalitan lang din ako kaya walang ring ibang choice kundi ang pumayag.
"Okay, Mom. I'll pick her up later, I will just gonna finish my work."
"[Okay, Sweetie. Drive safely.]"
"Okay, Mom."
The call ended and I started checking up on my patients again. Nang matapos ay agad kong inayos ang sarili at saglit na nagbilin kay Nurse Missy.
I immediately left the hospital and drove my car to the airport where I would pick Allison up. While I was driving, I couldn't help but think how can I start being her good fiancé. Of course, I know that I need to start treating her right but the question is how? I don't know what to do. I don't know where I should start.
When I arrived at the airport, I immediately parked in front of the exit where she would come out. I put on my sunglasses and got out of the car so she could see me right away because I know she didn't expect me to be here to pick her up.
Madalas kasing pinapasundo ko na lamang siya sa driver namin or worst nakakalimutan kong ipasundo siya kasi nakakalimutan ko o hindi ko alam na uuwi na pala siya. Like what I said, I always make myself busy with my work and other stuffs kaya hindi ko magawang maglaan ng oras para sa kanya.
Madalas ay nagkakasama lang kami kapag may family occasions o hindi kaya ay company events and gatherings. We never had a chance to have time alone. Palagi lang kaming magkasama kapag kailangan na naming humarap sa tao at magpanggap na mahal namin ang isa't isa.
She's always gone for her work. Traveling the whole world and I never even once asked her out. Ni mag-usap nga kami ng mahaba o magkwentuhan man lang ay 'di pa namin nararanasan. Palaging isang tanong at isang sagot ang conversation namin kung kaya't hindi maikakailang ilag talaga ako sa kanya dahil palagi na lang akong naiilang sa presensya niya tuwing nasa malapit siya.
Kakaiba kasi siya kung tumingin. Hindi naman lingid sa kaalaman kong may nararamdaman siya para sa 'kin at isa yun sa mga dahilan kung bakit pinili kong maging ganito ang trato ko sa kanya. Ayokong paasahin siya dahil sa ngayon ay hindi ko pa talaga kayang magmahal ng iba.
Naputol ang malalim kong iniisip ng matanaw ko siyang lumabas sa exit door kasama ang isang lalaki na sa palagay ko ay katrabaho niya. Taimtim ko silang pinagmasdan at hindi maiwasang hindi kumunot ang noo ko sa nakikita.
Masyado silang dikit na dalawa habang nag-uusap at masayang nagtatawanan. Hindi ko alam sa sarili ko pero para atang nakaramdam ako ng biglaang pagkairita habang patuloy silang pinagmamasdan.
Inalis ko ang pagkakasandal ng katawan ko sa kotse at tumayo ng tuwid at bahagyang ring inayos ang damit dahil naramdaman ko ang bahagyang paglihis ng skirt ko. I'm simply wearing black leather skirt na hanggang kalahati lang ng hita ko ang haba at naka-tuck in dito ang plain white shirt ko na medjo fitted sa 'kin. Black sandals na may 4 inch heels naman suot ko sa paa at saka ang Chanel sunglasses na sinuot ko kani-kanina lang. Hindi ito ang suot ko kanina ng pumasok ako sa hospital. Naisipan ko lang mag-palit bago siya sunduin para naman hindi ako amoy ospital na haharap sa kanya.
I walked to meet her. I could see the shock written on her beautiful face when she saw me. Napatigil ito sa paglalakad kaya napatigil din ang lalaking kausap niya kanina at takang-taka na nakatingin sa kanya. Nakita ko pa ang pagsasalita nito pero hindi na siya magawang pansinin pa ni Allison dahil nakatuon na ang buong atensyon nito sa 'kin.
"Scarlett," Basa ko sa galaw ng labi niya.
"Hey," Bati ko nang tuluyan na akong nakalapit sa kanya.
Nang matauhan ay agad na nagliwanag ang mukha niya at nakita ko pa ang munting pag-kislap ng mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin.
"Scarlett, what are you doing here?" She asked while smiling at me widely.
I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly. "Obviously. I'm here to fetch you." Seryoso kong tugon.
"How did you know na uuwi ako ngayon?" She asked curiously.
Saglit akong sumulyap sa lalaking kasama niya na mukhang nakalimutan na niya ata dahil sa 'kin. "Mom told me. Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa 'kin na uuwi ka pala ngayon?" Kunot noo kong tanong sa kanya.
She stared at me for a while and said, "I thought you were busy that's why I didn't bother to tell you." She said with a hint of sadness in her tone.
Saglit akong natigilan at hindi malaman ang dapat kong sabihin o gawin. Matamang nagtititigan lang kami habang patuloy akong nag-iisip ng dapat kong sabihin o gawin man lang. Sabay kaming napabaling sa kasama niyang lalaki ng peke itong umubo-ubo para kunin ang parehas naming atensyon.
"Oh, shit!" Mahinang mura ni Allison, nang mapagtanto niyang nakalimutan niya ang kasama niya. "By the way, Scarlett this is Zeke my work mate and Zeke this is Scarlett my—"
"Fiancè. I'm her fiancè." Mabilis kong putol sa sasabihin niya at inilahad sa harap nung Zeke ang kamay ko.
Narinig ko ang mahinang pag-singhap ni Allison. Saglit ko siyang nilingon at nakita ko ang bahagyang pagkakabukas ng bibig niya habang nanlalaki ang matang nakatingin sa akin. Naiilang na tinanggap naman ni Zeke ang kamay ko.
"Nice to meet you." Pilit itong ngumiti sa akin at kunot noong binalingan si Allison. "You didn't tell me you have a fiancè,"
"You didn't ask." Kibit-balikat na sagot ni Allison.
Nakita ko ang pagbaba ng tingin ni Zeke sa kamay ni Allison. "But you're not wearing an engagement ring—"
And that's my cue to grab Allison's waist and her luggage. "Let's go." Malamig kong putol sa sinasabi nitong si Zeke at iginaya na si Allison lumakad.
Nakita ko ang bahagyang pagsulyap pa ni Allison sa Zeke na yun kaya mahina kong pinisil ang bewang niya na naging dahilan na bahayang pag-kislot niya.
I put her luggage inside the trunk of my car before going to the side of the shotgun seat so I could open the door for her. I can sense that she was confused by my actions based on her facial reaction. Nakakapanibago naman talaga, e. Kahit ako hindi rin sanay sa kasalukuyan kong pinaggagawa. I turned around to get into the driver's seat, when I entered my car, she was already looking at me confusedly with her forehead furrowed.
"What?" I raised an eyebrow.
"What's happening to you? Why are you acting so… weird?" Kunot-noong tanong nito sa akin.
I smack my lips and shrugged. "Why is there something wrong with my actions?"
She shook her head and knitted her forehead even more. "But… What's going on? Did you bump your head?" Napailing na lang ako at piniling ignorahin na lamang ang mga tanong niya.
I started my car engine and maneuvered my car. I still felt the stares she was giving me.
I started driving, then something came up to my mind. "Let's have dinner somewhere?" I asked and glanced at her for a moment before looking back at the road.
Her eyes widened in shock and her mouth went agape but she immediately recovered. "Wait, are you asking me for a date?!"
"Yeah?" I said, not so sure. "Why is there something wrong? Again?" I raised an eyebrow while questioning her. And I really emphasize the word "again".
"What the hell!" She exclaimed. "Did you eat something or someone poisoned you? Don't tell me you missed me, that's why you're acting like this, huh?" She exaggeratedly said. "Oh, my god! Is this for real? I'm having a conversation like this with you?"
"Where do you want to eat?" I asked instead of answering all of her questions.
I took a quick glance at her, indicating that I am waiting for her answer. Nawiwirduhang sinusuri pa rin ako ng tingin nito at maya-maya pa ay pumirmis na siya sa kinauupuan niya at iniiwas na ang tingin sa akin.
"It's up to you, tutal first date naman natin 'to na hindi set up ng parents mo o ng parents ko." She said and sigh. I just nodded my head and focused on driving.
I just took her to one of my favorite steak house. Sa palagay ko naman ay magugustuhan niya rin dito dahil masarap naman ang mga pagkaing siniserve nila lalo na ang steaks nila. Maganda rin naman ang ambiance ng restaurant.
"Good Evening, Madame's. Table for two?" Salubong ng entertainer pagpasok namin. Tumango lamang ako bilang sagot.
"Yes, please," Allison replied and smiled sweetly.
Natigilan naman ang waiter na kaharap namin at natulala kay Allison. Tumikhim ako para kunin ang atensyon niya at napagtagumpayan ko naman. Nagbaling ito ng tingin sa akin kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin bago irapan. Naglikot ang mga mata nito at nahihiyang nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin.
"T-This way madam's," He bowed his head and he started walking to lead us to our table.
We followed him until we reached the table for two. I immediately pulled the chair for Allison before I sat in front of her. Saglit namang umalis ang waiter na nag-aassist sa amin at agad ding bumalik dala-dala ang menu. Iniabot niya ang isa sa akin at isa kay Allison bago muling umalis.
I opened the menu and scanned the whole thing. "What do you want to eat?" I asked without looking at her because I was still busy looking for my favorite stake in the menu.
"You."
What the fuck?!
Bigla akong napaangat ng tingin sa kanya pero inosente lamang itong nakatingin sa menu na para bang wala siyang sinabi na kagimbal-gimbal. Naramdaman ko ang pag-iinit ng mukha ko kaya hindi mapakaling tinitigan ko siya.
Sa tingin ko ay nararamdaman niya ang tinging ipinupukol ko sa kanya kaya nag-angat ito ng tingin at diretsong tumingin sa akin at naguguluhang tinitigan din ako pabalik. "Are you okay? What happened to you? Your face is red."
I cleared my throat. "Don't mind me. I'm fine. I'm asking you, what do you want to eat?" I asked her again and tried to keep my voice calm.
"I said it's up to you. I don't know what's their best seller here kaya ikaw na lang pumili ng food ko." She said and frowned.
Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag-luwag ng marinig ko ang naging sagot niya. I want to fucking slap my fucking self for thinking something not appropriate here.
"Scarlett ang dumi-dumi ng utak mo!" I mumbled under my breath while bowing my head because of embarrassment.
"Are you saying something?" She asked because maybe she heard the murmur but she didn't understand what I really said.
I shook my head. "Nothing."
Nagugulumihanan akong sinuri nito ng tingin kaya ilang na ilang ako sa kanya mabuti na lamang ay muling bumalik ang waiter na kanina pa nag-aassist sa 'min.
"May I take your order ma'am's?"
Nag-order na lang ako ng steak para sa akin at ganun na lamang din ang inorder ko para kay Allison. While waiting for our food to serve, we talked. She had a lot of stories so all I did was to listen to her.
I realized that getting along with her is not that bad. Actually she has this good company, her sense of humor is strong that's why you won't get bored when she's with you plus she's good at speaking kahit na hindi naman masyadong nakakainteresado ang kinukwento niya ay maaaliw ka sa paraan ng pagsasalita niya.
When our food arrived, I cut her stake so she could easily eat it. We ate silently. It's not awkward, though. Actually it was really comforting. I am having peace with her.
Siguro mahahanap ko nga ang totoong sayang gusto kong makamtan kung matututunan ko siyang mahalin. I mean loving her is not a losing game, it was actually a winning game. I know that she was worth it for my love.
-
Kasalukuyan akong nagmamaneho papunta sa condo niya para ihatid na siya.
Palalim na rin ang gabi kaya hindi na ganun ka-traffic.
"Scarlett,"
"Hmm?" I take a quick glance at her.
She's intently staring at me kahit na namumungay na ang mga mata niya dulo't ng antok. Kita na rin ang pagod sa mukha niya dahil na rin siguro sa wala pa siyang pahinga mula nang lumapag sila dito.
"Uhm, can you sleep in my condo tonight, if you don't mind?" Allison asked.
Saglit na kumunot ang noo ko sa narinig. Muli akong sumulyap sa kanya at nakita ko ang mga nangungusap niyang mata.
I bring back my gaze to the road. "Why?"
I heard her clear her throat. Nakita ko sa gilid ng mata ko ang bahagya nitong pag-iwas ng tingin sa akin.
"Uhm, nothing…" She trailed off. "I just want to spend the rest of the night with you…" Pahina ng pahina ang bawat pagbigkas niya sa mga salitang binitawan niya.
Napalunok at napahigpit ang kapit ko sa manibela ng hindi ko malaman kung ano ba ang dapat kong isagot. Saglit akong napaisip. I don't have anything to do tomorrow because my Dad gave me a day off. And I think it's fine to sleep with her because she was my fiancè.
I gulp and look at her. "Yeah, sure." Tanging naisagot ko at tumango pa.
Magkahalong pagliliwanag at gulat ang rumihistro sa mukha niya ng marinig ang naging sagot ko. Mapaghahalataan na hindi talaga siya sanay sa mga inaakto ko ngayon.
"Oh, god! Really?" I just nod my head as an answer.
She smiled broadly. Hindi ko inaasahan ang sunod niyang ginawa. Dahil sa tuwa at galak ay napaangat ito sa kinauupuan niya at walang pasabing hinalikan ako sa pisngi. I got shocked for a moment mabuti na lamang at nakahinto kami sa intersection at naka red light ang stop light kung hindi ay malamang sa malamang ay natapakan ko ang preno ng wala sa oras. When I recovered from the shock I chose to just ignore what happened and back my focus on the road.
I felt her hold my hand and intertwined it with her fingers, I looked at her and she just smiled at me so sweetly. I could do nothing but let her and besides I feel comfortable with it. She played my fingers until we reached the parking lot of her condominium.
Nauna akong bumaba at umikot sa passenger side para pagbuksan siya ng pinto. Nang makuha sa trunk ang luggage niya ay muli na naman niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko kaya hawak kamay naming tinungo ang papasok sa building. We entered the elevator and she immediately pressed the button floor of her unit.
Nang makarating kami sa tapat ng unit niya ay kaagadan niya din itong binuksan ang pinto at pinauna akong pumasok. Kusang lumibot ang mata ko sa buong unit.
May kalakihan ang unit niya kaya maluwag at maaliwalas pa ring tingnan kahit na maraming gamit. Malinis at organize din. White and gold ang theme ng unit niya, modern na rin ang interior at masasabi kong simple pero ang elegante tingnan.
Tuluyan na akong lumakad papasok hanggang sa makarating ako sa livingroom niya. I sat on her sofa and dropped my phone and car keys on the center glass table. Inihilig ko ang ulo ko sa backrest at dahan-dahang ipinikit ang mga mata ko.
I think this is a good start for us.