Beyoncé didn't even wait until the employees let the stairs down completely before she climbed over the seat in front of her leaving her bags for Jay to carry since he was useless otherwise .
She spent the entire flight switching between pouring , sleeping , wiping her eyes , and falling her nostrils only getting up twice to go to the restroom when she saw that he was sleeping peacefully to keep from wrapping her slender fingers around his neck until he started coughing and gasping for air .
She didn't know how they even got it this point but if she thought she was okay with what he said then fuck him and the ride home .
She made sure to grab her comfort blanket and pop a sucker into her mouth so she'd have an excuse as to why she was going to remain silent the whole car ride .
Breaking up was hard to do when the man you loved and hated at the same time was your only ride home .
She could easily call a cab but she was still was new to New York ( She couldn't believe she left Texas for his ass 🙄 ) and didn't know her way around well enough to navigate anyone .
She had a condo of her own way on the other side of town from him she would be staying in more than usual now that they weren't together .
"So you're really mad ?" He asked when she slammed the door when he was trying to get in almost catching his hand in between it .
In her head she was beating in his ass .
In reality she had scooted over and made room for him to get comfortable , adjusting the blow pop in her mouth with her hand biting down gently to see if it was soft enough to chew off the remaining sugar shell and chew the short lived gum and put another one Between her lips .
She had a purse full of various candy for the whole car ride home if he wanted to play with her emotions .
She was grown and he couldn't make her speak if she didn't feel like it .
The only person that had that power was her mom and her father and he was neither even though he was damn near old enough .
"Beyoncé !"
"What ?! What do you want from me ? We have no reason to speak , you broke up with me remember? Those were your words " she said a little louder than she had meant to .
It was clear to see that she was hurt so why push her to her breaking point .
Why couldn't he just leave her alone ?
"I didn't say that " he corrected .
"Oh that's right . You said we were back together and then went back on your word like it meant nothing" She said with an attitude . "Did that mean nothing to you ?" She asked in a low tone breaking any any eye contact as she found the floor rather interesting at the moment .
He knew she was referring to them having sex this last night til daylight .
"You're really going to paint me out to be the bad guy huh ?" He asked looking at her . Sometimes he wanted to grab her shoulders and shake some sense into her but he knew if he put his hands on her he'd never forgive himself and neither would she . "You think I didn't know about little plan ?" He asked .
"Plan ? There was no plan other than going on a trip to fix things -" Bey tried to explain .
"You didn't hang up with Kelly " he said a bit hurt from the conversation they had and the way they formulated a plan to use sex as a way to win him over knowing damn well it was deeper than a physical issue . "I explained to you in detail why I wanted to take a break and you decided to not only not take it to heart , but to tell her our Business and try to trick me into rushing things because you were being selfish Bey ? That's low down " he said making her feel bad .
At the time she didn't consider the conversation wrong but now that she thought about it , if he had done the same to her she would be pissed too .
She had royally fucked up and she knew it .
They both knew it but she was hoping he wouldn't elaborate .
"You think I talk about our sex life with my friends ? Make a plan to fuck you into submission even though you told you me you weren't ready for a relationship right now ?" He questioned .
"That's not the same thing " she argued .
It was a double standard but she's sure most women would agree with her .
She would be embarrassed as hell if he told his friends about the nasty things she had done to and with him because they would look at her different. They would see her as a slut or being easy , something to brag about and congratulate and probably compare to woman he'd been with before .
Whenever she told Kelly or Michelle ( never her sister , that would just be weird ) about things that happened between Them it was to get encouragement and to build her sled confidence and notions that was said in the group chat would ever be mentioned out loud or discussed anywhere else .
She usually was asking for tips anyway and Kelly seemed to always have them .
"How ?" He asked genuinely wanting to know it . "What's the difference between you telling her stuff and me telling my homeboys ? You think because you're a woman I have to automatically respect you when you don't even respect our relationship or my feelings ? I love you Beyoncé but that's the shit that makes me want to stay on break " he said making tears well in her eyes .
"Can you stop saying that ?" She asked .
"Saying what ? The truth ?" He countered.
"That you love me " she said finally looking over at him . "Don't say it if you don't mean it " She decided .
She knew as long as he was calling her by her first name and not bae , baby , or BB so easily that he couldn't mean it .
Is this why they called it falling in love ? Because falling both and embarrassed you but you took the risk of looking stupid anyway ?
"Really ? You wanna go there ? So I don't love you ? I'm just arguing with you for the hell of it ? Because I love hearing the sound of my voice and making you cry ?" He asked getting more pissed off with every question . "That's bullshit and you know it Bey . How can you fix your mouth to say I don't love you ?" He asked . "Nah , look at me " he said reaching Over and grabbing her chin hard enough to keep her from turning her head but not hard enough to hurt . "Look me in the eye and tell me I don't love you " he challenged .
Bey thought about it for a second knowing he was right but not for sure .
He loved her but he didn't want to be with her ?
She feared every day that there was another reason .
"Is there another woman ?" She mumbled .
"Speak up " he demanded .
"Is there someone else ?" She asked . "I'm starting to believe there is " she said not holding back . "You're gonna take all my stuff and move me out of your apartment so you can sleep with her . You're gonna rap about her -"
"You think I don't want to mention you in a song ? You think I'm cheating because I didn't write you a fucking love song ?" I can't because I love you . I've never had to write my lyrics down but when it comes to you I keep messing up . There's no words to describe it and that scares me . No , there's no one else . Just you and you will never understand how hard it is for me to express that " he said making a tear fall down her reddened cheek .
"I'm older but you make me feel like a little boy experiencing his first crush . I'm supposed to be the Mature one , I'm not supposed to be this nervous . Jesus Bey , I brought Tyty on our first date because I didn't know if I could do it by myself " he admitted .
"So we're on break because you can't write me a love song ? What the hell does that have to do with me ?" She asked missing the whole point . "I don't need words Shawn , I don't need a song . I want actions , I want to feel you trying . You think this relationship is easy for me ? I have people in my ear everyday telling me you're not shit and to get away while I can but I can't " Bey said . "I can't do it " she repeated before smacking his hand away from her face so she could cry in peace .
It was a good thing she didn't wear makeup everyday because she didn't own any water proof mascara and this nigga had her crying all weekend .
"I thought "it " meant something " she said acting like the word "sex " was forbidden .
He fucked her seven ways to Sunday until she absolutely couldn't take it anymore , but that was beyond the point .
Right before he pulled out and leaked his warm seed onto her belly he told her he loved her .
That meant they were together right ?
"Of course it meant something " he said . "I don't say Things I don't mean and I dont waste my time and you know this . I'm not saying we can't speak or see each other Bey , I just want us to slow down " he explained .
"You called me Bey " she pointed out .
"Huh?"
"Nothing " she said shaking her head .
"I can take it slow for you " she said . "But does that mean no sleep overs ?" She asked blushing .
"I don't think it will be good for us " he said shaking his head . "If that little episode had you confused I'd rather stay abstinent until we get our feelings together . I don't want to send mixed signals " he clarified .
Bey nodded her head in understanding .
"I get it " she said removing the sucker from her mouth before putting it back into the wrapper carefully before wiping her mouth and unzipping her jacket . She felt her left for the three black hair wraps for thick hair Kelly had given her for this very occasion .
"What are you doing ?" He asked scooting back as she leaned over and whispered something to the driver who quickly raised the partition with a smirk trying to hold in his laugh .
Hearing them argue was apart of his job but making up was always private .
"What does it look like I'm doing ?" She asked as she tied her hair up .
He knew she'd find a loophole but not this fast .
He barely had time to adjust his seat and help her with his belt buckle before she her hands were circling up and and down his shaft before she took him into her mouth switching the flavor .