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❦Hold Me While You Wait - Lewis Capaldi❦
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I COULDN'T SLEEP THE WHOLE NIGHT. I was awake, staring at the ceiling and thinking about Alec.
Knowing, he's out there looking for me, is making me feel some time of way.
Excited.
Happy.
Aroused.
I haven't seen this man in four years and he still has the same effect on me like four years ago.
Getting up from the bed, I walked toward the door and decided to go to my studio where I paint. It helps me to clear my head and have a straight mind in different situations.
It also helped in my pregnancy with Axel.
I would always have panic attacks until dark thoughts clouded my mind.
I felt helpless and alone.
The worst part about this was that I never had someone to talk to about it.
Grabbing one of my empty canvases, I placed it on my canvas stand. I'm not sure what I want to paint but I know if I start to think, it just comes.
I sighed and began to paint. My hand just started to move in different directions.
When I paint, I let my thoughts out and focus these thoughts onto my canvas. Most of the time it looks like my mind was having a party and at other times my mind creates a masterpiece.
''Mommy,'' I snapped my head around and saw Axel standing at the door with his jammies on and his plush bunny under his arm.
I sighed and pond with my head tilted to the side. I don't know why but he hasn't slept for the last few days. He always wakes up in the middle of the night.
''Hey, my little boy. Why are you awake,'' I slowly approached him and went down on my knees to his level. I reached for his forehead to see if he had a fever and when my hand made contact with his head, I noticed it was burning.
I looked him in the eyes and saw that they were swollen.
''Let's get you some medicine, water, and a lot of love,'' I lifted him into my arms and walked towards his room. As I held him tight in my arms, I felt a huge rock fall onto my chest.
The worst fear that exists is, to see your own child suffer. As a mother, you wish that you could take all the pain away from your child and carry it for yourself. You would do anything just to make them smile again.
We entered Axel's room and I turned on his light. I sat him down on his little chair and turned around to the medicine shelf at the top of his bookshelf.
I grabbed the essentials and gave them to him. ''He is your water,'' I handed him his bottle of water and he chugged on it. I clapped my hands together and smiled at him.
''Now, let's go and sleep,'' I tickled him. He stood up from his chair and ran to his bed while I ran after him.
I continued tickling him even after we got into his bed. ''Can you tell me a bedtime story?'' he snuggled himself closer to me and wrapped his little arm around my neck.
I looked at his green eyes and saw Alec in them.
''Well, I have a story,'' I leaned down and kissed his forehead.
''One day a young fisherman accidentally caught a mermaid in his net. Legends say if you catch a mermaid, she must grant a wish if you let her go,'' I pocked Axel's nose and he giggled.
"I wish the girl I like would love me forever," he said.
"Why do you like her?" asked the mermaid.
"Because she is the prettiest girl in the land."
''The mermaid thought for a while and handed the boy a magical ring,'' I said while holding up my ring.
"Give this ring to the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with," she said, "but you must wait one full year from today before it will work."
''The boy took the ring, and on his way home, he passed a homeless girl,'' Axel took my ring and slid it onto his finger which was too small for my ring.
"Please, sir," she said, "Can you spare something to eat? I will work for you in return."
''The boy didn't have much, but he agreed to share his food with the girl if she helped him put away his nets. They shared his food, and the girl left while the boy crawled into bed and dreamed of his love,'' I said.
''Every day for a month, the girl would help him with the nets, and he would share his food. Then one day, she was not there. The boy was worried, went to look for her, and found her asleep in his fishing shed,'' I said.
''The boy was ashamed that he never thought about where the girl would sleep. He woke her up, let her sleep by his fire, and then added a room to his home for her.'' I told Axel.
"You can sleep here for the next 11 months," he told her. "But then my wife will move in, and you will have to leave."
''The next day, the girl was not waiting to help with his nets, and he was angry,'' I said in a deep tone which made Axel giggle slightly.
"I gave her food and a room," he said, "and this is how she repays me?"
''He dropped the nets and burst angrily through his front door,'' I wrinkled my brows angrily.
''The boy couldn't believe his eyes. His little home had never been so clean. His bed was washed and made, there was a pile of chopped wood by the fire, and a pot of stew waited for him on the fire,'' I said with widened eyes. Axel smiled widely.
''Again, the boy felt ashamed. The girl had worked hard all day and made his home more lovely than he ever had,'' I said.
''They ate together, and the girl left for her room while the boy crawled into his clean bed and dreamed of his love,'' I continued.
''As the months passed, the boy would ask the girl to stay and talk before they both went to sleep in their rooms. They shared stories of their families, and the boy spoke every night of his love,'' I smiled.
''And then one morning, the boy awoke to find the girl waiting by the door with her things under her arm,''
"What are you doing?" asked the boy.
"It is time for you to marry your love," she said, "So I must go."
''The boy hadn't realized a full year had passed. He grabbed the ring and ran to the village to find his love. When he found her, the boy saw that she looked exactly the same, but he no longer felt the same way,'' Axel looked shocked.
''So he ran back to his home and chased after the girl,'' Axel cracked a smile.
"Did you find your love?" she asked.
"Yes and no," said the boy, "I found an ordinary girl in the village, but now that I am with you, I know I have found my love."
''And so the boy gave the girl his ring, and they spent the rest of their lives together,'' I smiled at Axel.
''The End'' he clapped his hands happily.
''That's a beautiful story, mommy,'' he yawned. I smiled and hummed in response.
''Let's go to sleep,'' I tucked his duvet over his small body and kissed his forehead again. He closed his eyes and scoped closer to me.
When I thought he was asleep, I wanted to get out f his bed and go to my bedroom but I couldn't even make it out of his bed when he called me.
''Mommy?'' I turned around and hummed. ''Mhmm?''
''How do I know if someone is my first love?'' I was caught off-guard by his question.
''Why do you wanna know that Axel?'' he opened his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. ''I always wonder what my first love would look like. You always talk about that and I can tell that you love daddy very much,'' I smiled at my little three-year-old.
I always tried to give Axel the best life but sometimes I tried to show him how the real world out there is. But no matter what I made sure he stays a child and lives his life to the fullest.
I sighed.
''The first love is not the person you fall in love with first, no, the first love is so much more. Your body is filled with love. This feeling you have inside you is indescribable. The first great love is the person who shows you how it feels to release the most beautiful feelings in one with her,''
''You have the most indescribable and beautiful moments,''
''The first great love is the one that hurts you the most. You are afraid that he will leave and hurt you, your smallest quarrel is every time like a blow to the heart and you always look for the blame on yourself to not let the other feel bad,''
''The first love appreciates every single centimeter of you. With her, you want to spend your life, plan your future, and trust each other blindly,''
''The first love gives you the feeling of being important and gives you the feeling of security,''
''As soon as you are in the arms of the person you don't want to get out. You always want to be with her. As soon as your lips touch and you feel her warm soft lips on yours you don't want to stop kissing her. This tingling feeling you have as soon as you touch or hug each other doesn't go away,''
''You will always be excited when you meet. You harmonize like one and the same person and as soon as you have to say goodbye you miss this person directly. Your love for her only gets stronger and the thought that you might lose each other destroys you inside,''
''The first love is the person you don't want to stop loving,''
''When you are together you forget everything around you, you have only her, and you love this person with all your heart and every fiber of your body,''
''No matter if you have loved, the first love is the person you will never get over. A part of your heart will always belong to her no matter if you go your separate ways or not but something in you will always miss her,''
''The first love is the person you would always go back to because of the connection you have no one can understand but you two,''
I didn't notice that I was crying until I saw the tears drop down my hand.
Oh God, why did I tell you this to Axel?
He's only thee.
I turned to look at him. ''I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to say all that to you,'' I reached out for him and caressed his black hair.
I tried so hard to hold back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. But I failed, I let it out.
Axel got up and wrapped his arms around my neck. ''It's okay, mommy,'' I smiled happily as he whispered calming things into my ear.
God, he shouldn't be doing that.
I'm the grown-up here. I should be doing that to him and not the other way around.
''I love you, Axel,'' I whispered.
''I love you too, mommy,''
❦
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Credit for the bedtime story goes to MomLovesBest.