This is the first thing I've published and I'm really proud of it I think it's pretty good and I'm sure you'll have fun reading it. There's a bit of fluff and a bit of angst so enjoy...
"Sshhhhh, less talking more sleeping" sirius murmured, burying his face further into his boyfriend's chest. "Ok, alright" Remus replied, smiling down at the boy laying on him, switching off the lamp and going to sleep.
'HA, I knew it!,' came a loud voice from the door. The two boys immediately jumped up and moved further away from each other
'Wait wait we can explain', 'yeah it's not what it looks like!' said the two panicked voices scrambling for an explanation
Lily switched on the light and walked further into the room, she was smiling which confused them as they had always thought their friends would hate them if they found out. "Why are you smiling?' asked a shaken Remus.
"Because", replied the red-headed girl the smile growing larger, "James owes me 3 galleons"
"So you're not mad?"
"No, why would I be, plus we've been waiting for you two to get together since third year.
"Wait why were you up here anyway," commented remus now recovering from the original shock,
"Oh, i was looking for james but now i have two reasons to look for him," giggled the girl
"Wait", said Sirius, putting his hand out, panic clearly visible on his face, Lily turned back around to face him and listened as he spoke. "Could you maybe not tell James" the black haired boy stood shifting his weight from foot to foot waiting for a response.
"But my 3 galleons..." she whined clearly joking, but she stopped once she saw the look of utter fear on his face, "of course no problem" she said feeling awkward after her insensitive comment. She wasn't sure what to do first so she hurriedly moved towards the worried boy and gave him a quick hug, before nodding in the direction of Remus and then rushing out of the room.
Truthfully remus felt hurt by his boyfriend's reaction to someone finding out, he didn't know Sirius was that ashamed. He knew that he wanted to keep their relationship secret in fear of the backlash they would face, but he still hated the thought of Sirius being ashamed of being seen with him. He choked down sobs and blinked back tears he didn't think he should be feeling, and turned towards Sirius, "uhh.... I've got to go" he didn't wait for an answer before almost running out of there, in his opinion he couldn't get out of there quick enough. He needed somewhere alone to let out his emotions and right now gryffindor tower was the worst possible place.
Now Sirius was alone, he slid to the floor silent tears rolling down his face, he hoped, prayed that no one walked in, no one could see him in this state. He had seen the look of absolute pain that echoed in Remus' eyes when Sirius reacted like that and the way the boy repressed sobs as he left the room. He had never meant to hurt Remus like that never in a million years, but the more people that knew the more likely his father was to find out, he shuddered at the thought of what that meant, his parents treated him bad enough as it was. The truth was he loved remus so much, so much his heart could burst and he wanted nothing more than to scream it from the rooftops but... he couldn't
"Come on black pull yourself together" he thought and went to dry his tears with his sleeve but when he noticed he was wearing Remus' jumper he couldn't stop the overflow of tears as they streamed down his face who'd have ever thought this previously perfect day could turn out so horribly.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Lily was confused; she hadn't tried to upset Sirius; she wondered what she said that could have made him react like that, but quite frankly she didn't want to think about it. She decided the best course of action was to get to bed as quickly as possible. Focused on the previous events and getting to her dorm she didn't notice James walking towards her.
"Hey watch it!" he said holding her shoulders just in time to stop her from walking into him. He dropped his hands and put them lazily in his pockets and began to speak to her, "you know i was just looking for you neither me nor peter could find you anywhere. Did you hear......"
Lily was way too tired and stressed for any of this, god she needed him to shut up. 'Fuck it' she thought and got on her tip toes and kissed him on the cheek (which of course made him stop talking immediately) then she walked off towards her dorm looking as if nothing had happened leaving James behind her blushing a deep crimson red.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Breathing heavily Sirius stumbled into the bathroom and put him hands on the sink, he looked up in the mirror and saw not the proud Sirius Black, but a disheveled misery with tear streaks and puffy red eyes; a mere shell of a man, "you had one good thing", he said to the reflection, "one good thing and you couldn't stop yourself from hurting him, YOU IDIOT!!"
He splashed the water over his face and started to look human again, he had to go find Remus! It took all his might not to break down weeping, but he took off the jumper he was wearing and folded it neatly on Remus' bed, (he didn't think himself worthy to be wearing it) and wrapped up in an old black hoodie. He needed to win back the love of his life!
He searched all the alcoves and rooms Remus would hide in when he was feeling particularly down, but he couldn't find him anywhere, there was only one more spot Remus could be. So Sirius pulled his hoodie tighter around him and walked outside,
headed to the astronomy tower.
Remus was sitting at the top of the tower leaning on the railing with his legs dangling off the edge. He heard a slight knock on the door and turned round to see Sirius standing there, Remus couldn't read Sirius' emotions but he noticed Sirius had changed out of his jumper and that hurt deeper than Remus liked to admit. 'Oh no' he thought, 'this is the end he's going to break up with me, i knew no one would ever love me i'm a.. i'm a.... a ... Monster!'
"Oh hey" Remus sighed, wiping his tears with the back of his sleeve clearly trying to hide how much he'd been crying. "Hey" Sirius whispered, feeling guiltier than ever seeing the state of the man he loved. "Mind if i sit?" Remus shuffled over and Sirius took his place next to him.
That sat in silence for what felt like forever neither of them knowing what to say. "I'm Sorry!" they both said in unison, they couldn't help but laugh, but it did not last thanks to the solemn atmosphere. Now it was Remus' turn to speak...
"No I get it you're ashamed of me it's understandable" spoke the werewolf trying not to start bawling again.
"What?! of course not..." Sirius started but Remus cut him off.
"It's fine I'm a werewolf, a halfblood or just embarrassing to be seen with, whatever it is you can just leave right now, walk away, no hard feelings". This time he couldn't hold back a few tears from escaping.
Sirius rook Remus' hands in his, "Re, you've got this all wrong, nothing in the entire universe could ever make me want to leave you."
"But.." this time it was Remus' turn to get cut off.
"You are so clever and funny and amazing and endure something every month most people couldn't survive once, not to mention you are the most beautiful person i have ever met" Remus couldn't help but let out a small giggle at that last comment, "you mean the world to me and if i could i would let everyone know, i'd even scream it from the top of gryffindor tower" Sirius smiled at Remus but to his dismay it wasn't returned.
"How can you say that if you don't even want James to know, I love you Siri but I don't want to be someone's secret. I understand why you didn't want to tell them at first, but for it to mean so much that they don't find out... I'm human Siri! I have feelings!"
"Im sorry ok, I fucked up! I know that, but what if my dad found out? They'd kill me! I can't risk that!"
"Maybe you're right, maybe we can't risk it. I love you Siri. I wish we could do this but you can't even bring yourself to wear one of my jumpers, let alone be seen with me" and with that, he was gone.
'Great' Sirius thought 'you tried to make everything better, and you just made them 100 times worse!'
** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Remus awoke to the rays of light streaming into the dorm, but as he remembered what happened last night his smile faded immediately. 'How could he have been so stupid‽ He broke up with the love of his life over what?... a silly disagreement where he was probably in the wrong! Of course Sirius didn't want to be killed by his family! I'm such an idiot, i could just scream' he thought, but before he could do anything else he noticed something...
On the wall opposite his bed, someone had cast the words Sirius ♡ Remus . With one look at the handwriting Remus knew exactly who wrote it, and a huge beaming smile spread across his face. Looking around the room he could see Peter being really confused (he'd get there eventually), as well as James trying to decide whether to be happy for his friends or sad because of his bet with Lily. And Sirius, God Remus felt so guilty!!
Sirius had come up with this idea on his walk back from the astronomy tower. He had been truly terrified that Remus would still be mad, but he had to try something! He walked over to Remus, seeing the smile on his face gave him a bit of confidence but still shaking he sat on the edge of the bed.
"Look Re, I'm so sor-" before he could finish, Remus grabbed his collar and pulled him into an adoring kiss.
Sirius hesitated, confused as he wasn't expecting this, but quickly melted into the kiss, sparks flying as passion and love flowed through their veins. The moment was truly perfect. When they finally broke this kiss, the pair locked eyes, smiling.
Both Remus and Sirius were blushing profusely, "look I'm so sorry Siri! I overreacted. I was just hurt, and you were right; it is scary, please forgive me."
"Forgive you‽" Sirius seemed shocked by this testament, "I was never angry at you! I was scared you'd never forgive me!"
"Really?"
"Really."
Remus was so relieved, he couldn't believe his luck at how someone as amazing as Sirius Black would love his hot-mess self. Sirius lay down next to Remus, resting his head on his chest, relaxed. The sound of Remus' heart beat in his ear. This was bliss. This was happiness. This was true love.
Remus kissed his forehead, "I love you Siri."
"I love you more Re"
"Impossible"
And just out of the corner of his eye Remus saw Lily slip into the room and James reluctantly pass her 3 galleons. She smiled at the couple, and gave them a thumbs up. Remus couldn't have asked for a better family and definitely couldn't have asked for a more perfect boyfriend'...
Aagghhhhh I love this so much!! I really hope you've enjoyed it and please tell me what you thought I'd love to hear. Also feel free to give me any suggestions of what you'd like to see in later chapters and I hope you'll stick around for more updates
Lots of love
- the author xx 💕