Boun Point of View
Flashback Begins (Prem:16 – Boun: 19)
"I'm telling you Boun, this chick's skills are sick." Max gushed, "Her Japanese technique is crazy. It doesn't matter what she does from dragons, to samurais, or geishas they come out as masterpieces."
"How does a stripper have time to do tattoos?" Gun asked confused.
"She's not a stripper, she bartends there at night." Tul laughed, "She actually attends the same college as us, she's an art major."
"What's her name again?" I asked staring at my phone. I was trying to listen to the flow of conversation, but I hadn't heard from Prem all day. He wasn't answering my calls or responding to my texts.
"Gena Desouza."
"You know Boun, I think she is actually a stripper." Max said elbowing Gun.
"Oh?" I absentmindedly responded, my eyes never leaving my phone screen.
"She does this cool trick with marbles and a water bottle." Gun added giggling.
"Sounds...hydrating." I sent another text, no response.
"BOUN!" They all simultaneously yelled at me.
"Why the fuck are you all shouting at me?" I exclaimed frustrated.
"You're not listening to shit we're saying, dude." Tul chuckled.
"I'm sorry guys, I haven't heard from Prem all day, this isn't like him."
"Are you sure you two are just friends?" Tul asked, Max hit him upside his head, "What the fuck asshole!"
"That's none of your damn business." Max reprimanded.
"Guys don't fight..." My phone rang, it was Prem, I quickly picked up, "Salapao! Where have you been?"
"Hia..." He was crying so hard I could barely understand him.
My adrenaline immediately started pumping.
"What's wrong? What happened?" I demanded grabbing my keys.
"Oat...outed...me."
Oh. Hell. Fuck. No. Disclosing someone's orientation without their consent is the most jacked up thing you could ever do.
I didn't like Oat the moment I met him, and not just because he was Prem's boyfriend, but he was a total dick.
"After I...broke...up...with him...he told everyone at school...that we weren't friends anymore...because...because...I came on to him."
My blood was boiling.
They were boyfriends. Secret boyfriends. But still boyfriends. Secondly, he was the one who came on to my Salapao first.
"It's all-over Facebook. What if my parents find out?" He sobbed, "I'm dropping out of school."
"No, you're not." I told him sharply, "There's no way in hell you're dropping out because of that asshole. Just give me an hour, and I'll be over there soon."
"Okay."
Once I hung up, I could see the livid expressions on my friends faces.
"Is that dick's last name Boonsing?" Gun said standing up.
"Yeah." I replied, "how do you know?"
"He lives a few houses down from me, just turned eighteen, has been pestering me for a free tattoo." Gun explained rolling his eyes.
"Call him." Oat and I were going to have a little chat.
After Max and Tul left, Oat arrived fifteen minutes later. Gun invited him in.
I was peering down the hall with a clear view of them two. I didn't have plans to kick his ass or anything, but he and I were going to have a talk.
"I'm still setting up can I get you a drink?" Gun asked him playing the role of a gracious host.
Oat laughed and licked his lips as he started invading Gun's personal space.
But I wasn't too worried,
Gun led a regimented lifestyle, he ran cross country, did some weightlifting, and mixed martial arts. His father insisted on him protecting himself when he came out at the young age of ten. His dad worried his gentle disposition would attract some unsavory characters and wanted him to be able to defend himself.
"Did you really call me over, for a tattoo? I know you're into me."
Oat attempted a kiss, but Gun acted swiftly, turning his head so he ended up kissing the side of his face.
"Eww, gross!" Gun shoved Oat away, "Puh-lease, if I were dying and your dick was the antidote, I would prefer a slow painful death instead."
"Why you little tease..." Oat cocked his fist back, though I knew Gun could handle himself, this was my fight not his.
"Who the fuck are you calling a tease?" I demanded emerging from the hall rushing right for him.
When Oat saw me, his eyes widened slightly in fear, just as my fist connected to his face.
"So, you wanna out people online and at school, but try to fuck Gun behind closed doors?"
Oat spit out blood, "What's wrong, mad your buddy here doesn't want you, but me instead?"
"Honey, nobody wants you." Gun laughed moving out the way.
I got directly in Oat's face.
"This is what you're going to do. You're going to go on Facebook and issue an apology stating that you and Prem had a fight and you made up that lie because you were pissed off, you're going to do the same thing at school on Monday, and personally apologize to him in front of everyone."
Oat immediately started laughing. "Like hell I will."
"If you don't, you'll know exactly how Prem feels." I threatened.
Oat looked at Gun, who waved and blew a kiss at him.
"It's my word versus his. Everyone knows this guy's a flamer; I'll just say he came on to me."
I shook my head and laughed. Gun pulled out his cell phone, showing it was recording.
Oat looked as though he was about to piss his pants.
"Did I forget to mention my dad is super overprotective." Gun smiled. "So much so that he felt it was very necessary to install motion sensors and cameras throughout the entire house, would you like to see?"
"You...set...me up?" Oat couldn't believe it.
"You set yourself up." I told him, "Honestly I just wanted to talk, maybe hit you in the face a few times, but you surprised me, by coming on to Gun."
"This outcome was much better than we expected." Gun winked.
Oat glared at me and Gun before responding with,
"Just point me to the nearest computer."
That Monday Oat apologized to Prem in front of their friends.
Prem smiled.
Then he punched Oat in the face.
I was sad I missed it.
Flashback Ends...
"Hia?"
"Mn..."
"Do you regret," Prem's voice was raw with such emotion, "Do you regret...the last nineteen years together?"
Hearing that question made my heart stutter and my breath hitch.
Slowly, I turned my head and looked at Prem. I studied every feature on his sad adorable face. He had dark circles under his red rimmed, bloodshot eyes. I forced myself to look away.
"Salapao," I exhaled, "you were my first crush...first kiss...first time...first person I ever loved."
I shut my eyes for a moment before continuing,
"Just because you are my first heartache doesn't make me regret everything else, I just wish I weren't in love with you so this wouldn't hurt so bad."
"I hate myself for breaking your heart." I heard a muffled sob and knew Prem was crying. This
was all too much. I could hardly breathe; I'm suffocating. "I hate losing you...selfish...I'm so selfish...because I can't...I can't..."
My heart felt like it would come out of my chest.
This wasn't fair.
Why am I punishing him for not loving me the way I want him to?
Deliberately hurting Prem for inadvertently hurting me was wrong.
I had to make this right.
I knew there was only one thing I could do to make him feel better, make us feel better. I rolled over and scooted closer to the one person who I pathetically loved so deeply. I slipped my arm under Prem's neck and pulled his head over onto my chest.
"Please stop crying Salapao," I comforted him, "...this 'all or nothing' attitude is selfish of me. I can't make you love me if you don't and I shouldn't punish you for it either."
Prem held onto me for dear life.
His body shook with wordless cries while I held him. After what seemed like close to an hour, his cries finally calmed and I continued to hold him until the small hitches ended, completely.
"Thank you hia." Prem's hoarse voice murmured, "thank you for being my first friend, my first kiss, my first time," His voice trailed off.
Soon Prem's breathing evened, and I was certain he fell asleep. But all I could think about was his last words.
My first time.
It was our first time.
My buddies thought I was crazy for staying a virgin until I reached my twenties. I was by no means a saint, I fooled around. Enjoyed some generous hand and blow jobs but the moment never seemed right to go all the way. I dated some decent people, they weren't bad at all, but I just didn't feel the spark. That inkling that made them different from others.
Only Prem held that 'special someone' title, and I was finding it difficult to bequeath that trophy (my heart) to someone else...
Flashback Begins (Prem:18 & Boun: 21)
It was hard trying to keep this surprise party from Prem under wraps. A few times I thought for sure he would discover my plans. Gun and Earth helped a great deal. I rented out a resort for the weekend and luckily, Prem was none the wiser.
I was so damn thrilled to see so many people witness Prem's face, and it made all the effort worth it. Prem was so delighted and shocked. He had the most amazing smile I had ever seen on his face.
We had lots of fun, laughing, joking, and dancing until 1 o'clock in the morning.
"This was the best birthday ever." Prem smiled emerging from the bathroom of our hotel suite.
"Thank you."
He was wearing a bathrobe and a million dirty thoughts ran through my mind.
Deep breaths Boun. He's just your friend. He doesn't see you the same way.
"You're welcome." I finally managed to say standing up. "I still don't understand why you won't let me get you an actual present. The surprise party was a joint effort."
Prem stared at me, with this nervous look in his eyes as he approached.
"Actually, I do want...something." He replied taking a deep breath. "I want you...to be...my first."
I stood there wide eyed and speechless, my mouth hanging open from shock.
"Sala...Sala...I think I need to sit down." I plopped down on the edge of the bed.
Prem sat down beside me.
"Just hear me out hia."
"Okay." Was all I could say.
"I don't want to waste my first time on someone who I may end up hating or regretting it with someday." Prem moved closer to me, "You're my best friend, I want my very first time to be with you so I can treasure it just like our first kiss."
This is a bad idea.
This will complicate things even more.
This is the point of no return.
"I've wanted this for a long time. But I decided to wait until I was your equal." Prem's words excited and scared me.
"My equal?!"
"I'm eighteen now."
Oh, fuck me.
"Salapao this could change things between us, it will complicate our friendship."
I'm too in love with you.
"Only if we let it."
"Friends with benefits is a bad idea." He had to understand that.
"But that's not what this is Boun, friends with benefits is defined as casual sex with zero commitment and no strings attached. We are attached to one another and more committed to each other than any relationship you and I ever had."
Which was the exact reason why our romantic relationships didn't last. Whomever we dated couldn't get past the 'we're just friends' bit. Truthfully since our first kiss, were we? We made out plenty of times after that.
Prem and I seemed more like two people in an open relationship than actual friends.
I wanted to ask him...
Then why aren't we boyfriends?
But Prem hated labels and I didn't want to scare him away.
If I make love to Prem now, I'll never be able to get over him.
Can I risk my heart?
I shouldn't do this. I should say no.
"Okay." What the fuck is wrong with me?
"Really?" Prem's expression was one of utter happiness.
"Yes."
WARNING SEX SCENE
The moment Prem's lips latched onto to mine; I knew I would never be able to refuse him. I would give in to his every whim. He owned me.
I hated it.
I loved it.
Such an ambivalent contradiction.
It seemed while I was busy secretly planning Prem's party, he was secretly planning this. He bought everything we needed to ensure this first-time experience would be safe and pleasurable.
I took my time prepping him working my fingers inside of him. He was so tight, and I watched his facial expressions morph from agony to pleasure as I stretched him and continued until I knew
for sure he was ready.
After tearing open the packet, I rolled on the condom.
I felt nervous, scared, and excited.
It was like every single emotion I ever possessed had been bottled up and shaken up together.
I settled between Prem's legs.
"I love you." Prem blurted out, "I just...wanted to...tell you that."
I knew that already. He tells me that all the time. But I know it's not the same love as mine, but...
"I love you too." So deeply. So strongly that I would give in to something that would potentially destroy me later.
As I leaned forward, Prem's gentle hold, became a bruising grasp on my shoulders as I eased into him inch by inch. I suddenly paused when I saw too much pain register on his face. It felt wrong to for it to feel this good while it hurt him so bad. Every muscle tensing with effort not to push further.
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Please keep going." He begged, his eyes pleading.
I kissed him deeply, swallowing his deep groan as I completely buried myself into him. I never felt anything so intense, so good and just when I thought nothing could feel any better than this I experimentally pulled back slowly and pushed forward.
"Oh fuck...Boun," Prem groaned, and a flood of pleasure spurred me to do it again.
And again.
"Salapao," I moaned.
This was too good. No way I could last long.
"More Boun." Prem's voice was raw with passion and like always I gave him what he wanted.
I was in trance lost in the many expressions he gifted me with each thrust.
Pulling out almost entirely, and suddenly changing my angle, I thrusted in again. Prem's eyes snapped open and I felt him tightened around me.
"Oh, right there!"
I found what I was looking for. I hit that same spot repeatedly.
"I'm...gonna..." Prem's muscles tensed. Knowing his peak was quickly looming, I continued with long, powerful strokes. With one more fleeting groan I felt Prem come undone. I buried my face in the curve of Prem's neck and thrusted a few more times soon finding my own release.
We laid together breathing in synchronic cadence while we came down from our high.
"Hia?"
"Huh?" I panted.
"Can we do it again?"
END SCENE
Flashback Ends...
"I love you." Prem murmured.
He was talking in his sleep.
Something he did since childhood. It seemed the more stressed and overwhelmed he was with daily life, the more often it happened.
Our separation must've taken a real toll on him.
"I know." I whispered, back. Just not the same.
"I really," He whimpered squeezing me tighter, "I love you...the...same way...you love me."
Wait, what?
After hearing that, how the hell am I supposed to sleep now?
Thanks for reading everyone.
For The Love of Pimchan will be updated no later than Monday.