A/N:
Sorry in advance to Jessie, it's a Why Don't We song...
Also, imagine the picture Phoebe takes with Harry's long hair, he hasn't cut it yet.
Love you;).
*PHOEBE'S POV*
This isn't real. My mind is fucking me over. My fever dreams are becoming a reality.
The feeling I have is indescribable. I find myself sprinting down the stairs like no one's watching. I don't even blink an eye, I don't look at my feet to try and make sure I don't fall.
I just ran. As fast as I could down the flight of stairs.
Pushing through Harry to get to the doorway, I embraced myself in this pair of arms. The arms I got so used to being held by.
I can't believe Ashlyn is here right now.
I haven't seen her in about 6 months, somewhere near there. And now all I wanna do is hug here till the day I die.
Because I know there will come a day where she'll need to leave again, and that'll be the last of her until next time.
We're best friends, and I'm eternally grateful for that, I just wish I could see her more often. I try and put the effort in, I do.
But it's hard when you're also best friends with a worldwide famous pop star, the one you love so much. It's hard when you write for that said pop star, taking up all your free time.
The thing is, I had a choice. And I chose this one, and I don't regret one bit of it.
But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to miss people and want to be with my old friends and family.
This is the life I chose, so I need to live in like it's my last.
Cause I know that it is.
I looked over at Harry, widening my eyes because I'm in so much shock. All he did was smile and smirk at me, watching Ashlyn and I's interaction lasting for longer than I thought, but I truly don't mind.
I haven't felt her touch in so long, and now that she's really here, I don't wanna let go. And it's not even in that way either, I just really missed her.
"I missed you so much, Pheebs." Ashlyn said as her voice muffled from my neck, her arms around my waist as mine are around her neck.
"I missed you too, holy shit." I replied as I finally came out of the hug, touching her face to make sure she is really here. "How.. how are you.." I started to stutter, still in utter shock that she's in my presence.
"Harry.. He did it all. It was all his idea." She smiled at Harry, then back to me, then back to Harry. I instantly went to H, hugging him as tight as I could. My eyes started to water again and my throat started to choke up, but I didn't care.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you." I whispered to him while squeezing him tight, him rubbing my back as I stood on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek.
"It's no problem. I saw how you were acting this past week, figuring you could use some extra company. You see me all the time, but you haven't seen Ash in what... 6 months?" He asked, and I nodded my head quickly. "Right, so I figured I'd fly her down here for a week and-"
"A WEEK?" I tried not to scream, but it definitely failed. Good thing everyone is up, or else I would've just hurt everyone's ear drums.
"Yes, love. A week." Harry recited.
"Holy fucking shit... Oh my god, please come in." I slapped myself on the head, interacting with Harry while she was still waiting outside the damn front door. She quickly fled in the house, but immediately stopped as soon as she set her bags down on the living room floor.
"Holy shit.. It's nice as hell in here... How long are you guys staying in here?" Ashlyn asked with the most shocked expression on her face.
"Two months at least, could be more, could be less. Just staying here to explore Jamaica and write for the new album." I replied before Harry could get to first, already getting ready to show Ashlyn the house. "I'll show you around."
"I'll go get you girls some coffee and something to eat while you show her around." Harry said as he was already on his way out of the door, I yelled out before he left fully, telling him thank you.
Ashlyn and I eventually made it through the entire house before Harry got back, which surprised us both. I showed her the studio, which she's been satisfied with for the past 10 minutes, and that's what led us to sitting here.
It's so surreal seeing her after so long, knowing we spent almost every day together when we were dating. It's been longer than I thought it was, but I'll forever cherish her and our memories together.
I'm more than grateful for her and the memories we've made, especially with Harry. I'm convinced they talk more than me, because she truly just... lit up when he opened the door.
Not like that, but in a way that showed she's finally home, where she needs to be. And I'm glad we get to be her happy space. It means more than she'll ever know.
Mid conversation, Harry knocked on the door, me obviously letting him in.
And man did I light up right when I saw his face.
I tried not to make it visible, but with how hard I smiled at him, Harry returning it, I think I truly failed.
"One medium caramel iced coffee, with cream and liquid sugar. One large vanilla iced coffee, cream and liquid sugar." He handed us our coffee as he perfectly pronounced them. I sometimes forget that we've been best friends for ages, and that comes along with knowing each other's coffee orders.
Even if his is disgusting as fuck.
Who the fuck just drinks plain black coffee? I truly will never be able to wrap my head around that thought, the taste of it without ANY flavoring.
He's fucking psycho for that.
"Thank you, H." I thanked him quietly as Ash went to go set them on the studio desk.
"I'll leave you two alone to chat some more, maybe we can go out tonight?" Harry offered, and I instantly shook my head yes. Ashlyn is the life of the party, but also so shy at the same time. I don't know how she does it, but she balances out the two and makes it work.
I could worship her for that.
"Absolutely, we'll come out when we're done." I replied, Harry smiling at me once more before closing the door, letting me enter whatever conversation I'm about to have with Ash.
I headed over to the studio desk where Ash was already, plopping into the seat next to her. Looking over, I notice her eyes have been on me the whole time, totally watching the rosiness of my cheeks flush down from the conversation Harry and I just had.
It wasn't even emotional or sexual, I just get all giddy around him, and I know he notices it every time now.
"He really likes you, doesn't he?" Ashlyn spoke out into the blue, only leaving me with a question I don't fully know the answer to. How can she ask that type of question? Why not go to Harry and ask him that, not me?
"I.. I don't know. He's the only one who's able to give you that answer." I shrugged, not wanting to speak on his behalf, putting words into his mouth that he's never said. But.. he's thought them, right? Just because he doesn't say them, doesn't mean he can't think about me, or imagine me.
But there is one thing that I do know, and that's how I feel about him. I don't know when I'll ever be able to fully tell him, but I hope someday. These feelings want to escape, not be bottled up and kept a secret forever. Especially when they involve Harry Styles.
"I think I got my answer by him just staring at you in that doorway. You both are crazy about each other, aren't you?" She raised her brows at me, causing me to slightly panic on the inside, but I quickly remember that it's just Ash. I've talked to her about every little thing, so why does this scare me?
"On my part, yeah." I shook my head up and down.
"What do you mean?" Ash asked, once again reassuring me that it's just her, and that I can talk to her about anything. "For the record, I knew it would all slip out one day.."
"Hm?" I asked.
"Oh, stop it. I'd be blind if I didn't see the real reason you broke up with me." She blurted out, taking a sip of her coffee, pretending like what she just said wouldn't be effective in any way. On my part, I'm currently about to spit out of my coffee, surprised at how bold she just was.
"Holy fuck..." I looked at her and laughed as coffee dripped from my mouth down to my chin, quickly collecting it with my thumb so it wouldn't slip any further.
"I know you broke up with me for him, I saw it from the day I met you." She expressed.
"Okay, that makes it seem like I used you, which wasn't the case at all." I defended myself, still in a soft and nice manner.
"No no.. not what I meant. I know you wouldn't use me, nor anyone else. I just have known for the longest time, I can see it when I look at both of you.. the love in your eyes when he looks at you." She embraced the thought that's always crept in my mind, letting the thought finally wander and explore its way through my mind, not afraid of it anymore.
But just because I'm not afraid of the thought, doesn't mean I'm not afraid to say it.
"I just don't wanna ruin our friendship, you know? Cause if it all goes wrong-"
"Phoebe," She put her hands on my shoulder as I collected my heavy breathing, already having anxiety over us not working if it ever went that far. I hope it does, but what if it doesn't? What if this is all for nothing?
I need somewhere to be myself, and that's wherever Harry is. He's where I can be myself.
"Breathe.. Don't get anxious and all worked up about it, let time take over. Only time can determine where you guys go.. It'll all work out, I promise." Ash reassured me, letting myself take a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. She's always been able to help me wind down, she's been there through most of the panic and anxiety, all the trauma that comes along with that.
"Thank you.. I really hope you're right." I sighed, letting out a soft smile as I headed over to once again, my favorite acoustic guitar, getting ready to sing out another one of my ideas.
Be myself. I need somewhere to be myself... That's a song idea.
"Letting out a song idea?" She asked as she situated herself in her chair once more, ready to see what idea I let out, which she can comment on all she wants because this is all we used to do while we were dating.
"You already know.. It just popped into my head, help me with it?" I pouted slightly, even though I already knew the answer, it doesn't hurt to ask.
"Of course, show me what you got." She praised me, placing my fingers on the C chord.
*PLAY SONG NOW*
"Where do I start? All these thoughts inside my head, colliding, I decide I'm stayin' in tonight.." There's so many thoughts in my mind because of him, it leads to so much collision.
"They say 'follow your heart,' but it's beating uncontrollably, I can't hear what it's tellin' me this time.." I can never hear what my heart wants, only what my gut wants. It's so loud up there, but it's so calming down there.
"We're dancin' on the edge of anxiety's ledge, and I might fall again, I might fall.." Dancing on the edge, leads you to the tip, leading you to actually fall. But there's still a chance you might make it out.
"We're walkin' on a rope of worry, and I hope that I don't fall again, I don't fall, oh.." The light guitar strums calmed my nerves, letting me balance on all of the thoughts, all of the anxiety.
"Take me somewhere I can be, I can be myself.. Oh, take me somewhere I am free, free to be myself, and nothin' else." The thought from earlier coming out of my mouth freely, just like the lyrics. Harry makes me feel so free, but so anxious at the same time.
That's an odd mixture.
"I've never had pride, and I'm proud of that, 'Cause I know that I'm just somebody else.." I'm a completely different person around others, but I can be myself here. Around the ones I love. "So, why do I try? Try to find my validation in what everybody's sayin'... I need some help." It's true, I listen to others too much. I listen to what they have to say about me, I truly do need help, but I'm too scared to ask for it.
"We're dancin' on the edge of anxiety's ledge, and I might fall again, I might fall.." I repeat the start of the bridge again, leading the guitar to get heavier as I go on, but still keeping it light in a way. "We're walkin' on a rope of worry and I hope that I don't fall again, I don't fall, oh.."
"Take me somewhere I can be, I can be myself.. Oh, take me somewhere I am free, free to be myself.. And nothin' else.." I repeat the chorus again, keeping the guitar strums heavy and I completely skip thinking of a bridge, only letting the end of the song take over me.
I continue the strums four times, the same pattern of C, E, F, then C, Em, F.
"We're dancin' on the edge.." I strum once, keeping it slow and steady to add some depth to the end of the song, making it feel more intimate and emotional. I don't know why I'm doing it though, I'm never gonna release it. "Of anxiety's ledge, and I might fall again.." I take a slight pause before completely finishing. "I might fall."
It finally comes to an end, and the first thing I do is look at Ashlyn, tears in her eyes with her coffee straw in her mouth, I keep from laughing even though it was a very funny sight.
"You okay over there?" I ask, letting my laughter as well as happiness escape me, very happy with the song I just made up on the spot.
A very small idea in your head can always lead to something bigger, which has been a real thing I've experienced, and it's truly the best feeling. Finishing a song you're proud of and actually love is the best feeling, that feeling feels endless in that moment, and maybe it carries on forever. I just know this song already has a special place in my heart.
"P... That was absolutely beautiful." She tried to keep in the rest of her tears, but she gave up and let them all fall freely. She's free to be herself in front of me. "How do you come up with that kind of stuff on the spot? Is it just a songwriter thing?"
"Eh, it depends. It usually sparks with one little idea, then I just start singing.. and I don't know, it comes out naturally. If I really feel that way, it'll come out like that." I explain to her, shaking her head the whole time, actually understanding what I'm saying.
Her and I talked a little bit more before heading out of the door, going straight to Harry's room to see where he was while Ashlyn went in my room to put her bags in and change out of her airport clothes, getting ready for the day.
I opened the door, and there he was, sitting and reading on his bed. He looked up at me as soon as I opened the door, setting his book in his lap. I ran right to his bed, jumping on the empty side. He had his glasses on, which are my favorite things in the world. He looks cutest with them on.
Noticing he was also shirtless didn't settle my nerves any less.
"Hey, what book you got there?" I asked, leaning into his side, him putting his arm around my shoulder as I got my daily cuddles for a bit.
"Love is a Mix tape." He said straightforwardly, but I could feel him somewhat fall into me, sighing at the good feeling of our bodies connecting.
"The one I recommended to you?" A huge smile plastered on my face. I've recommended so many books to him, and he didn't start reading them until recently.
"Of course, love.." He whispered, leaning closer to plant a kiss to my forehead, making me flutter in different parts.
"Where's the disposable camera?" I asked.
"Right here," He replied, picking it up from the bedside table. "Why?"
"I wanna take a picture of you.." I said shyly as he handed me the camera, already posing with his book.
"Alright. 1..2..3!" I snapped the picture, him looking perfect as always.
"Obviously we can't see it yet, but I already know I look hot." He flipped his hair to the side, his ego really shining through.
"You're so full of yourself." I laugh at him, getting up from the bed.
"Where are you going? I wasn't done with cuddle time..." He pouted, changing his demeanor quickly.
"Ashlyn wants to go to the beach, coming along?" I asked him, giving him an invitation cause the beach is his favorite place.
"Duh." He said as he was already up and changing, getting a tote from the closet, putting towels as well as his book inside, along with other necessitates.
"You ready, P? Harry coming to?" Ashlyn popped into the door, smiling.
"Yup, let's go!" H and I responded at the same time, us all heading out of the door. I made sure Harry texted the rest of the band and crew, inviting them as well if they wanted.
We have our own beach that we have for as long as we're staying here, clearing the coast of fans, the beach is our down time.
I hope Harry and Ashlyn can have some time together, I know they missed each other too.
Ashlyn seems... Happier. Like she's finally escaped the darkness, leading herself into the light. I just wish I could've been there to help her these past months, I know it's not easy to head out of the dark.
But she has this glow in her smile, and I'm glad it's affecting me too. She hasn't even been here for a day, and I already am dreading her leaving.
It'll hurt when she leaves, but for everyone's sake, it's easier to not think like that till it happens.
***
Song: Be Myself - Why Don't We.
Y'all, I'm truly in love with this chapter. I have so much inspo back, and I'm glad I'm back on my shit. I haven't written this much in so long, I hope you guys like these long chapters.
I love you guys, thank you for getting my book to 350, it means more than you know!!