*PHOEBE'S POV*
I tried to keep the guitar strums low, but it's most definitely impossible when you get so into a song. Well, I don't have lyrics yet, I'm waiting for Harry on that, but I do have a whole strumming pattern for a song.
Making and writing new songs feels like the biggest accomplishment, it makes you feel so achieved and giddy inside. Harry and I always feel that way when we make songs we're proud of, those are some of the best memories we have together.
Sitting in our old childhood bedrooms after tours were over, taking a break from the world and writing silly little songs we liked, which turned out to be crazy, chart topping hits.
It's crazy where this type of lifestyle gets you, and you yourself gets to choose how to live it.
I did end up touching up what I think I'm gonna call 'Deep End.' I just had to touch up some rough guitar bits, add some vocals, all that extra stuff. I'm super proud of it though, it has superficial meaning to me.
A little bit later, leading to now, I've just been messing around in this little studio, writing a few lyrics that ended up coming to mind, making guitar beats out of all of them. It's now 4:30am, I still don't know why I have this much energy, but I'm glad I do, otherwise I would probably wanna stay in bed all day.
I think today is gonna be a good day.
Despite that I'll be tired, I think I feel productive.
That's the pain of trauma and anxiety, you never know what days will be good, and what days will haunt you. You just have to fight through each and every one of them, eventually leading you to a good day.
The funny thing about writing songs is that you can write about whatever you want. You can write about someone that is right next to you, far away, or gone in general. Writing about those people might bring closure to the writer, it might make them feel something that they haven't felt in a long time.
This idea sprung up into my head for the past hour, I don't want to continue it without Harry, though. I think his input is always worth my time, which I know I for sure want him to write this song with me.
"Sweet creature.. Had another talk about where it's going wrong..." I started singing, but I heard a slight knock on the door. It was faint... but I think I heard it? "Come in!" I yell as soft as I can without getting up and opening it on my own. As expected, a woken Harry entered the room.
"Good morning..." He said, rubbing his eyes, his morning voice shining through. Harry's morning voice is the cutest and hottest thing in one, it's so addictive. Every rasp, every word, he's pure perfection.
"Morning, sleepy..." I responded back to him, watching him sit on the little couch in the corner, right next to where I'm recording.
"How long have you been up, love?" He asked as he placed his hand on my thigh, reaching from where he was doing to do so. Gestures like this drive me crazy, everyone can absolutely tell that physical touch is my love language. Always will be.
"Not long.." I try and lie, but I know he can see right through me, he always does. "Three hours." I claimed simply, his face turning into a frown. For some reason, he felt the need to get up and hug me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I love his touch. But why?
"Couldn't sleep?" He asked in a pouty voice, rubbing my hair with my head laid on his shoulder as he hugged me. I shook my head yes, but it honestly isn't as big of a deal as he's making it out to be. "I'm sorry, you deserve sleep."
"H, it's alright!" I laughed, finally pulling out of the hug. "We went to bed super early, so I just woke up. You on the other hand... slept the whole time. Hog." I poked fun at him, enjoying making him laugh right when he woke up. That's nice if I do say so myself.
"Hey... I was tired!" He defended himself, his voice hypnotizing with that rasp. His smile this early in the morning definitely helps my mood.
"I know, I know." I played on, getting ready to talk about what I've been doing.
"Have you been in here the whole time?" He asked quietly, taking a sip from the coffee he must've made for himself. Which I didn't even notice, but he brought in a cup for me, setting it down on the studio desk. I shook my head up and down, him returning with a soft smile. "What've you been workin' on? Anything for the album?"
"Actually, yes. It could be a contender for sure." I took out my journal, flipping to the page where I started writing down lyrics for this song. "I've only got a few lyrics, but I have a whole chord progression, and I didn't write anymore lyrics cause I wanted to write together."
"We haven't written by ourselves in awhile, I'm glad you waited for me... What lyrics do you have so far?" He asked, and I gave him the journal to look at.
"There aren't many yet, I was just waiting for you... We can change-"
"They're perfect. I love them... No need to change anything." He looked up from the journal, giving a pearly smile, taking another sip of his nasty ass black coffee.
"I still don't know how you drink that shit... It tastes like ass." I nag him on about the coffee, but I seriously don't know how people let that down their throats, and into their bodies.
"How do you know what ass tastes like?" He avoided, pretending to look confused. I swear he acts like the biggest child, but I guess I signed up for it.
"Oh, shut up, curly." He wasn't close enough to elbow, so I gave him a slight middle finger instead, hoping that was enough to satisfy his large ass ego.
"Alright, to get more lyrics out... I'm gonna need to know what you've written this about." He winked at me before he apparently decided he wanted to have a staring contest, because he wouldn't quit looking at me.
"Uh... Erm well... It's kinda-" I got cut off by my own cough, trying to recover while I try to continue. "It's about us, our childhood, how I had to be without you on tour for awhile... All that." I explained, watching as he smirked, clearly stoked to be writing about our life together at 5am.
*PLAY SONG NOW*
"Can you play the chords so I can get a feel of the song?" He asked politely as I grabbed the acoustic I've been using all morning, beginning to play C, then G, and finally Bm.
"Sweet creature.. Had another talk about where it's going wrong.." I began to sing, collecting all the emotion I had while writing these lyrics two hours ago. "But we're still young.. We don't know where we're going, but we know where we belong.." I stopped playing for a second to talk about the song. "I don't have a pre-chorus, so here's the chorus."
I began to replay the chords till I got down to the chorus, strumming a little louder before, just so he can hear how the dynamics can change.
"Sweet creature, sweet creature.. Wherever I go, you bring me home.." I start to riff off of that, letting the flow of the guitar and lyrics lead me further. "Sweet creature, sweet creature.. When I run out of road, you bring me home." I finished with a final strum, waiting for Harry's reaction as we just stare into each other's eyes.
He stayed silent for the longest time, it honestly started to scare the shit out of me. What if he didn't like it? He hated it, didn't he?
"P..." He kept the mystery going, pausing for what seemed like on purpose. "It's so crazy how our experiences have the power to get beautiful songs made out of them." He finally said.
"Did... you like it?" I got all pouty, getting insecure about my writing is a flaw of mine. Validation is key to things like this, which he always makes sure to give me.
"I loved it so much, it's beautiful... Cause it's all true." He replied, glancing down before looking back up at me again with his shy eyes.
"What's true?"
"You always bring me home. You're my home, P." He said before brushing it off like it was nothing, taking a sip of his coffee while I started to tear up. He looked back into my eyes as I did his, motioning me to come over to him. I hopped out of my seat, making my way over to him in his hoodie and my sweatpants. "I didn't mean to make you cry, angel... c'mere."
"No, they're happy tears." I emphasized softly, crawling on top of him to hug him. I hooked my legs around his waist, hugging around his shoulders as he hugged my waist, scratching in motions. "You're my home, too."
"I'm glad I can be that for you, P." He assured me.
"Me too." I replied before finally getting off of his lap, going back to the studio seat, picking the guitar up again as well as my journal. "Ahem... Sorry I got off track."
"We all have our moments, it's okay." He looked at me as I smiled in response before looking back down at my journal, trying to be slick with it, but I know he saw me blush.
Fuck, what is he doing to me?
"Okay... what're the chords you're thinking for the pre-chorus?" Harry asked, and I almost immediately responded.
"Am, Em, G, then D." I played them for him as I strummed them, letting him hum along so he can match lyrics to the melody.
"And oh we started... Two hearts in one home.." He randomly sang out, silence coming from the room after he sang. I try to think of lyrics to fit in quickly, letting my brain wander to wherever it needs to go.
"It's hard when we argue.. We're both stubborn, I know." I smiled as I looked down at the strings, them slowly coming to a stop.
"Then.. that can lead to the chorus. How is it that lyrics can just pop into our heads like that?" He asked.
"We're songwriters... I don't know how it works, but we just need to accept that gift and take it with us. I'd be nowhere without that kind of gift." I started ranting. "Plus, we're writing about us... which is the easiest thing to write about for me."
"So you're saying this isn't the first time you've written a song about us?" He asked impatiently after me, like he's been trying to hold that in but it excited him too much to do so.
"Okay... Let's go back to the song!" I answered semi sarcastically, not wanting to get onto the topic at the moment even though I accidentally brought it up. If he already knew, why would he even take the time to ask? Just for him to hear that someone's written songs about him?
If he wanted to know that people have writtens songs about him, he can go ask Taylor Swift.
"Whatever you say, Phibs." He gave the nickname, immediately making me scoff at him and turn away to my journal to write the recent lyrics down.
Being here with him is all I'll ever need, I forget that we've known each other our whole lives. It's a crazy thing to think about, that I've known him since kindergarten. That our superficial lives became super fucking crazy. If I knew it would end up like this, and with Harry, I would've fainted and never woken up.
It's like a fever dream. I'm here but I'm not. Difference is, the dream isn't bad. I don't wake up sweaty and scared, it's the exact opposite when I'm around him. It's a marvelous fever dream, one that I wanna live in forever.
But things change eventually.
Let's just hope that it doesn't make us drift or lose ourselves, that's the last thing I want.
For Harry to lose himself because of something I'd probably end up being the cause of, it's unbelievable and the thought makes me wanna throw up.
"Do you know what I miss?" Harry spoke out of nowhere, and I looked over at him.
"What?" I asked in return.
"Running through my mom's garden..." He suddenly pulled out his phone to show a picture back when we were kids. I went back next to him on the couch, leaning my head on his shoulder. Reminiscing is something we've always done, but never like this. In the photo, we had the brightest smiles and biggest laughs.
"You know what I miss?" I added on.
"What do you miss?" He asked.
"Being truly happy every second of my life." I answered, his face immediately turning into a frown, but I continue. "I regret taking my childhood for granted, if I ever knew it would turn out like this... I.. I don't know." I stuttered. "I don't regret that we're here now, I'm eternally grateful. But I miss being mentally happy..."
"Why haven't you been mentally happy?" He questioned softly, being concerned but still doing it in a way where I'm not scared to talk about it. I don't know how we went from writing the happiest song, to talking about my mental issues...
"I don't know honestly... Those dreams have been keeping me up, they mess up how I feel. Trust me, I don't wanna feel like this, but I don't know how to make it stop. The fear, the tiredness, the numbness. It all goes away for so long and when it comes back, it stays longer." I tried to explain in the best way that I could, trying to make sense of it all at the same time in my head.
"I hate that you feel that way... but when you're a child, you're too innocent for your mind to be scattered with different things it can't handle. I know your mom takes a big part in this, and I wish there were more ways that I could help you with it." He spoke out into the echoed room, connecting his sad eyes with mine.
"You being here is enough for me." I placed my hand on top of his, leaving it there as I continued. "You've been here through it all. And the fact you've stayed with me ever since we were little kids.. I just.. I forget to thank you for that sometimes. You do so much for me even when you aren't paying attention. Like when you give me random hugs... it makes me feel one thousand times better, H." I tried not to get sappy, but it obviously didn't work.
When I start talking about my emotions, I get so into it that I need to keep going until my whole thought process is out in the open. I don't know why, it just happens.
"I'm never leaving, P. You're quite literally stuck with me forever. You know I'm here when you need to talk about that stuff.. anything really. Even if you don't thank me, I just know. There's no need to thank me." He returned the emotional talking, which made me almost sob, but I pushed it down and kept it in.
"I love you so much." I replied softly as I looked up into his eyes, him returning the favor.
"I love you too, so much. Never forget that, angel." He places his hand on my knee, giving it a light squeeze before patting his own. "Alright, enough with the sad stuff for now, how about we work on this beautiful song?" He smiled, finding enough in himself to stand up, his tired eyes dragging a seat next to mine, sitting right next to me. I got my journal back out right away, scribbling down random words until he got situated.
"Wait.. you said something about Anne's garden, right?" I asked shockingly, coming up with a genius lyric that would fit perfectly.
"Yeah, what about it?" He asked.
"Running through the garden.. Oh, where nothing bothered us." I sang, more of a tiny little hum. His eyes widened, holding out his fist for me to bump. I giggled as I bumped his fist back, us both doing a little 'boom' sound effect.
We stayed in the studio until I eventually found it in me to take a little nap, falling asleep at 8am. We've almost finished the song, but I nearly drooled all over the lyrics from falling asleep on my journal. He must've carried me to bed, because now I'm waking up to someone pounding on one of the doors in this big ass house.
"I'll get it!" I heard Harry yell from somewhere in the house, which led me to be suspicious, hopping out of bed as quick as I could. I stood at the top of the staircase as I watched him open the door.
And my mouth dropped.
I stopped in my tracks, and just stood there.
And the tears started falling from my eyes, but as well as a smile across my face.
Crying with a smile.
***
Song: Sweet Creature - Harry Styles.
AHHH! Who do you think it is ;)?
Much love for my babies!
P.S. - I love leaving y'all hanging.