THE BAGUIO seminar ended well. Maliban na lang sa nararamdaman niyang pagkailang. I mean, who wouldn't be?
Sa loob ng tatlong araw roon ay pinilit niya talaga munang lumayo sa lalaki. Not that much distant though. She's still his secretary so they need to stay in touch. Pero mukhang nahahalata rin nito ang pag-iwas niya kaya't ito na rin mismo minsan ang lumalayo.
Hindi siya pabebe. She's just being careful with her decisions. Ang pabebe, nagpapahard to get kahit sa una palang naman ay alam na niya ang desisyon niya. But in her case, she's torn between the two choices. She actually wanted to accept it since she likes him-or well, she just don't like to elaborate what the state of her feelings for him. Kasi aminado naman siya na hindi lang iyon pagkagusto.
But at the same time, she's scared with the consequences. Hindi ba't ang dati 'nun ay parang pinipilit niya lang rin ang sarili sa lalaki? And she doesn't want that.
"I want my coffee in my desk, Ms. Montrez.. " Her boss said when she entered his office after hearing the intercom.
And how can he accept it in the first place if he's also being distant with her? Oo nga't iyon ang gusto niya noong nasa Baguio pa sila but it's been a week! Nagbago na ba ang isip ng lalaki at naghanap na lang ng ibang babaeng papakasalan?
"AGAPE!" A high-pitched familiar voice from a woman enveloped the whole floor. Napangiti na lang siya nang makita ang matalik na kaibigan na naglalakad palapit sa gawi niya. She's walking in grace with her ruffled top and her pencil cut skirt. Nasa balikat pa nito ang lab gowm at may hawak na kape galing Starbucks.
"Are you busy with something, Claresta? Do you perhaps.. got yourself a new boyfriend?" nakangisi niyang tanong na ikinanguso ng kaibigan.
"I'm busy with patients!" giit nito.
She just chuckled. Kilala na niya ang kaibigan at kapag ganitong hindi siya madalas makipagkita ay busy ito sa kung ano-ano. Mukha namang sa lalaki siya busy ngayon. It's a good thing. Excited na siyang ikasal ang kaibigan. If she will not be a mother of her own, mas mabuting magpaka-ninang na lang siya.
"How's your stay here? Maayos ba?" Clare asked and sat at the vacant chair beside her. Hindi naman siya kinakabahan kung makita sila ng boss niya na nagkwekwentuhan habang oras pa ng trabaho. He didn't mind if it was Clare.
"Okay lang.. " tipid na sagot niya. Hindi niya sinasadya pero sa tunog ng pagkakasasabi niya ay may pait.
"You don't need to lie. I know my cousin. Masyado 'yung maraming utos... " natatawa nitong sabi.
Natahimik na lang siya. Hindi naman iyon 'yun e. In fact, she prefer working so she can divert her attention to other things. Hindi yung purong ang lalaki ang iniisip niya.
I mean, she needs a break! Minu-minuto na lang yata ay nasa isip niya ang boss niya, ang singsing, at sa kung ano bang dapat gawin niya.
"Something's troubling you. Do you have a problem? Tell me, maybe I can help.. " Her bestfriend stated and she smiled. Noon pa man ay ang kaibigan na ang lagi niyang takbuhan kapag may problema. She's lucky to have her. Na hindi na niya hinangad pa na magkaroon ng maraming kaibigan. Maybe one is enough. Clare is true and sincere. It will just make her greedy if she asked for more. Sobra sobra pa nga si Clare sa kanya.
"Someone just gave me ring.. " she blurted out.
She waited for her bestfriend's reaction but she looks calm. Nakahinga naman siya ng maluwag roon.
"Is that what bothered you? Why? Marami rin namang nagbigay na sakin ng singsing.. " taka nitong tanong. Napasapo na lang siya sa noo. Akala naman niya ay naiintindihan na nito.
"The ring is not for fashion... i-it's something else.. " she confessed.
She closed her eyes when her bestfriend suddenly stood up. Hindi man siya nakatingin rito ay alam niyang gulat na gulat na ito. Wala nga siyang naging boyfriend tapos bigla na lang na may magbibigay ng singsing para sa kanya? If it's not for fashion, then it's obvious that it's the world's smallest cuff. Sigurado siyang maintindihan agad 'yun ng kaibigan.
"Wait... " tuliro pa rin nitong sambit. "You mean you dated someone without me knowing?" Clare fired and she immediately shook her head.
"No! It's not like that.. " agap niya agad.
"Santisima Agape Clementia.. " Pabulong na nitong sambit habang nakatayo pa rin at nakatutop ang bibig. "D-Don't tell me you had a... a one night stand and you're... y-you're pregnant?" dugtong nito at ibinaba pa ang tingin sa tiyan niya.
Nanlaki agad ang mata niya. Agad siyang lumingon sa paligid kung may nakarinig at nakahinga ng maluwag nang makitang solo parin nila ang paligid. Agad siyang tumayo at hinawakan ang braso ng kaibigan at tulala naman itong sumunod sa kanya.
"Hindi 'yun gano-"
Naputol ang sasabihin sana niya nang biglang hinawakan ni Clare ang kamay niya at sinserong tumingin sa kanya.
"Hindi ako galit. And I'm happy that you're pregnant. It's a blessing. And I think I would be a pretty and rich ninang to your baby girl... " she paused while shooking her head. "Mas maganda siguro kung lalaki, right? Yeah, I think it's a boy-
"Claresta... " she uttered. Napatingin naman sa kanya ang kaibigan niya. "I'm not pregnant. Walang nangyaring ganon. Nakaselyo pa ang bataan. " sambit niya.
Nakanguso naman siyang nilingon ni Clare. "Wala? Sayang.. " sambit nito kaya't napasapo na lang siya sa noo.
"Oo wala, dahil wala naman akong jowa.. " sagot niya.
"Alright.. and what about the ring?"
She sighed heavily. Hindi niya talaga alam kung paano sasabihin sa kaibigan. O kung dapat ba niyang ipaalam ang bawat detalye.
"H-He needs someone to marry him at.. at ako ang gusto niya.. " Wait, that's sounded so wrong. "I mean, ako yata ang pinili dahil medyo.. medyo pasok daw ako sa pagiging desente.. "
"Oh? Don't tell me it's for business?"
"That too... but he has some deeper reasons.. "
Clare stared her. Tila sinusuri siya. Napaiwas naman siya ng tingin at pinaglaruan ang daliri.
"You like him?" she asked. Napaayos naman siya ng upo at hindi umimik. "You like him.. " she said and this time, it's not a question but a matter of statement.
"What kind of guy he is?" Mukha namang kalmado ang kaibigan niya kaya't nabawasan ang kaba niya.
"He's.. well.. uh.. I v-visually enjoyed him and.. " Napatigil na lang siya. What is she saying? Oh god, she's crazy.
"Don't make a fool out of yourself just because of his looks.. " seryoso nang sambit nang kaibigan kaya't nakanguso siyang umiling.
"No, I'm not.. " she prompted. "He's sunless. He lacks sunshine. Ang totoo niyan ay masyado siyang madilim. He's one dark handsome man.. " Natatawa niyang sagot at nakatitig lang sa kanya ang kaibigan. "But he's blazing and full of light if you know him more. He's naturally sweet and I happened to see that kind of his side.. " she said. Napapangiti na lang siya sa tuwing naaalala ang mga nangyari sa kanila. It maybe just a spur of moment for him but it's everything for her. And maybe that's the reason why she's falling-so hard that sometimes, she's not thinking anymore about getting hurt. Nasa isip niya na sa sobrang lalim ng pagkahulog niya ay hindi na siya makakaahon. And it would just numb her until she can't feel it anymore.
"This is crazy.. " Clare blurted out. Napayuko naman siya. "But this is the first time that I saw you with that shining eyes. And it's a shame in a sense to stop it's shine. " she said.
Umangat ang tingin niya rito. She's smiling at her and she can feel how supportive her bestfriend is. Na kahit anong maging desisyon niya ay hindi ito magagalit at susuportahan lang siya.
"Do you know that every girl has a story with their first relationship?" she stated. "Kahit sabihing hindi seryoso o naging casual lang ang lahat. It might not be the first love but it will always lingered in your mind everytime you entered an another relationship.
"In your case, you haven't experienced that first relationship. That's why I understand that you're afraid. But look at us now. After passing that stage, we're happy and sometimes afraid too but the experience completed us. "
She closed her smiling lips. "It wouldn't be an experience without experiencing that experience.. "
That was so nice to hear.
"What I mean is, everything you started will be an experience. And you're a woman. They say that woman don't need a man. But I don't think so. " she said. "You see, kahit ang mga babaeng tumandang dalaga ay may istorya sa una nilang naging pag-ibig. At kahit sabihing tumanda nga sila ng walang lalaki sa buhay, do you think they didn't thought about getting married? Or having a children on their own? Siguradong naisip nila iyon. But at some circumstances, they preferred to not need a man. Eventhough they wanted it, and they longing for one.. "
"Follow what your mind say. Wag mong susundin ang puso mo dahil wala naman talagang sinasabi 'yan. A heart would just always remain as a confusing organ. It just beat because of your mind. Don't even think to follow your heart. Kasi magmumukha ka lang tanga kasi wala ka naman talagang susundan.. " she said and stood up. "Maybe my words of wisdom are enough. I'm going back to the hospital now.. "
Hindi siya nakasagot. She's lost for words. At hinayaan niya lang na tingnan ang bulto ng kaibigang palayo sa kanya. But knowing Clare, she expected something. And yes, her expectations come true.
"And oh, don't forget to invite me in your wedding! Kahit sa huwes 'yan o sa divisoria!" sigaw nito nang makalayo na. Napasapo na lang siya sa noo. Any minute, rumors will spread about her. At sino namang isasagot niya kung magtatanong sila kung sino ang papakasalan niya? Clare and her big mouth.
NAPASANDAL siya sa upuan at wala sa sariling hinawakan ang kwintas na sinadya niya talagang itago sa damit. She made the ring as a pendant. Hindi naman kasi niya puwedeng ilagay iyon sa daliri niya dahil hindi pa naman talaga siya nakakapagdecide.
Ilang beses na niyang tiningnan ang singsing ngunit hindi parin niya maiwasang mamangha sa disenyo. It has a gold ring band, with a pear-shaped moonstone with a delicate diamond crown. Each side of the moonstone has a two rose cut diamond. Nang makita niya iyon noon ay muntik na niyang maitapon dahil sa napakaraming batong nakapalibot.
But it's not the time to appreciate the ring, ang problema niya ay kung anong gagawin niya sa singsing. If she put it in her finger, then she's accepting the proposal. And if she reject it, obviously, she will give back the ring to the owner.
This is really hard. Mas mahirap pa yata sa lahat nang pinagdaanan niyang examinations mula elementary hanggang college.
She closed her eyes as she removed the ring from her necklace. At nang matanggal niya iyon ay nagmulat siya ng mata. She then slowly put it in her finger. Her hands were shaky. And she can feel her sweat streaming down from her face. When it's already in her finger, her heart hammered. The ring matches her paper white skin.
If I would get hurt in this at the end, then I'll say sorry to my heart in advance.
You're free to blame me if you will be hurt and break into pieces.
And I'm sorry, because I'll sacrifice you now.