Saturday found Lucas sitting on the floor of Mona's bedroom, study notes spread out in a wreath around him. Alex sat across from him, biting her thumbnail over a stack of French grammar structures, and Mona was at her desk, typing up some science research project. Lucas usually preferred studying alone, but when Alex had called and invited herself over to Mona's, he'd decided he'd come along too. In Alex's defence, neither Mona nor her parents minded, and since Alex's father had locked himself away in his study with his latest manuscript and Alex hated to be alone, here they were. Downstairs, he could hear Mona's younger sister Kiara shouting at whoever she was playing video games with. Apparently, they were playing as badly as a newborn baby (though Kiara worded it in far less polite terms).
He'd also agreed because he wanted to keep his mind off that night. Lucas had done some research into various Christian organisations' beliefs on homosexuality, and apart from an unfortunate foray into the Westboro Baptist Church's discography, he'd managed to find a lot of positive content, supported by evidence from the Bible and other texts. He knew that Damien didn't really need any of it, but being prepared help calm him down. Besides, it could always come in handy. He thought he'd remembered most of the important ones (quote quote), but maybe he should've made himself flash cards as well. Lucas frowned, thinking it over. It would certainly impress Maria if he could quote the Bible, right?
"Lucas. Lucas?"
Lucas looked up. Mona wasn't looking at him, eyes fixed on her screen, but she'd been the one who'd spoken.
"Yes?" He asked, mentally shaking himself a little, trying to put it out of his mind. If he was worried, it was probably nothing compared to what Damien was going through.
"Could you read over the abstract for my research project? I'm not sure if the words are making sense."
She handed over the laptop, and Lucas began to read. Alex took the opportunity to drape herself across his shoulders. He frowned a little, trying to understand exactly what physics concept Mona would be investigating, but resigned himself to the fact that science would never really make sense to him, and began to check for grammar errors.
"You okay, Lucas?" Alex asked, squinting at Mona's work as well, before giving up with a dramatic sigh. "You seem sort of out of it. Rough night?" She gave him an exaggerated wink, nudging him with her elbow.
Lucas groaned. "Subtle."
"Sorry, sorry. One of us has to be the funny one."
"You're the funny one?" Mona asked, tilting her head to one side, and Alex stuck her tongue out at her.
"But seriously, are you good? You've barely criticised my notes, and I know you hate the way I format them."
That certainly got his attention. Lucas looked up. "What do you mean, 'the way you format them'. You don't format them. They're one long list of dot points, without any section headers or subheadings, it's a—"
"There he is!" Alex cheered. "There's our Lucas."
"He has a point." Mona said, leaning over to peer at the notes in Alex's hand. "They'd be a lot easier to read if you just organised them a little."
"Shut up, you two. I'm not going to be bullied by nerds. We were talking about Lucas, remember? Something's up, so spill."
Alex could be awfully persistent when she wanted to be, and Lucas knew by the determined set of her jaw that she wouldn't let this go. He sighed, glancing back down to Mona's paragraphs. "Just a little worried. Damien's coming out to his parents tonight."
Alex's mouth made a little 'o' of surprise. "Ah. Right. And you don't think it'll go well?"
"I don't know." Lucas said, focusing on rewording one of Mona's sentences. Part of him didn't want to think about it because the worry would have him on edge all day. The other part of him wanted to think about it until he had a solution for every possible outcome, even though that was logically impossible. "They're really religious. His mom seems nice, though. Haven't met his dad."
"Well, religion's not always a bad thing." Alex suggested, tugging at the end of her ponytail. She did this often, when she was thinking. "There are religious people who're cool with all that stuff."
"True." Mona nodded. "The pastor at the church my grandma goes too had a whole sermon during Pride Month about how God should love everyone."
"Hopefully they'll be that kind of religious." Lucas deleted two words, replaced them with one. "But if not, I told Mom I might be having a friend over tonight. Just in case something happens, and he doesn't want to stay at home."
It was always good to have a backup plan. Just in case.
"God, I hope it goes okay." Alex wrapped herself around Lucas again, squeezing him into a hug. "Have him over sometime, too. We should both meet him properly."
"So you can interrogate him, you mean." Lucas said, but he leaned into the hug all the same.
"Of course. We need to make sure he's good enough for you, intimidate him, a bit of threatening, you know how it is."
"You and Mona are going to be intimidating?" Lucas asked, glancing between the two.
"We're intimidating." Mona said, then paused to think on it. "Maybe just Alex."
"It's okay, Mona." Alex said, leaning back to rest her head against Mona's leg. "I'll do all the talking, scare him properly, and you can beat him up if he steps out of line."
Lucas rolled his eyes, but he was grinning. His friends. His wonderful, ridiculous friends, who he loved so much.
"Please don't try to hurt my boyfriend." He said instead, handing Mona back her laptop.
"So we're calling him a boyfriend, are we?" Alex asked, and Lucas very pointedly buried himself in his notes again.
***
Damien picked him up on the corner of Mona's street. He'd chosen Mona's street instead of her house because he'd thought that in Damien's probably very nervous state, being ambushed by Alex wouldn't be helpful. He loved her, he did, but there were times where she was a lot to handle.
"You okay?" Lucas asked as soon as Damien removed his helmet. "How're you feeling?"
It was still daylight, though only barely. Damien was silhouetted against the bright, burning orange sky.
"Me? I'm fine. Never better." Damien said, and it was just a little too loud, a little too casual. Lucas looked at him, steadily, waiting for his actual answer, and Damien sighed. "I'm freaking out a little. Thoughts on me drinking beforehand?"
"Bad. Bad idea. Please don't do that."
"Yeah, figured you'd say that." Damien sighed, tugging at the strap of the bag Lucas only just noticed he had slung over his shoulder. "It'd be easier, though."
Lucas wanted to hug him. Or kiss him, or hold him very, very tightly. But they were in public, and he didn't want to overstep. "You don't have to do this." He said. "Really, Damien, there's no pressure at all. Nobody has to come out."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. I want to, though. It's like..." Damien looked around, as if he'd be able to pull the right words out of the evening air. None materialised. "We're real close, y'know? I don't want to keep this from them. It's a part of me, I guess. An important part." He laughed a little, shaking his head. "Christ, I have no fucking idea how to explain it. Ignore this, tesoro. I'm rambling."
"I'm not going to ignore it, it's something you care about. Idiot." Lucas added, affectionately. Always affectionately these days. "Besides, I like hearing you ramble. Especially when you put up with my rambling all the time."
"You do ramble a bit. Maybe it's contagious." Damien said, and grinned as Lucas tried to frown. "Don't look like that. I got you something." He shrugged the backpack off his shoulders and reached inside.
It was a helmet. A black, shiny motorbike helmet.
"Don't get too excited." Damien continued, watching Lucas' face for a reaction. "It's just an old one of Mateo's I cleaned up. I know you're not a huge fan of the bike, but if we ever needed to get somewhere, I thought it'd be good for you to have."
"So you can drive me around?" Lucas asked, eyes still fixed on the helmet, smiling so wide it hurt. Something felt very tight in his chest, some feeling that felt too big for his ribcage to hold, growing larger every second. He didn't know what to do with it.
"Drive us around, thanks. I'm not going to be your taxi."
Us. Lucas wanted to shout, anything to let out whatever feeling this was, a feeling impossible to hold inside. Whatever it was, it was trying desperately to get out.
"You've gone quiet." Damien said, still watching Lucas. "Good quiet or bad quiet?" Idly, without even realising it, he was twisting the strap of the bag in his hands.
"Good quiet. Definitely, definitely good quiet." Lucas took the helmet from Damien's hands and hugged it to his chest.
The surface was hard and polished, with only the faintest of scratches on the surface. He could almost see his reflection in it, albeit a fuzzy, warped one. Even his reflection looked happy.
"Gracias a Dios." Lucas was pretty sure he heard Damien mutter, before he swung his leg back over the bike.
Lucas slid his new helmet onto his head, and was pleased to find it fit over his glasses. Climbing onto the back of the bike, he held onto Damien as tightly as he could as they took off. Not because he was scared (though he was far from at ease). He just wanted to be close to him. It never felt like he was close enough.
By the time they arrived at Damien's house, the last of the light had bled from the sky. The street was quiet, the same bicycles leaning against the front of the house, the same overgrown lawn. They walked up the path in comfortable silence. Lucas let the back of his hand brush against Damien's, the closest he'd be able to get to holding hands.