Jennie POV
I've been crying for the whole day. Been rolling all over the bed just to smell the last bit of scent Lisa left. Okay, I may sound crazy but I badly miss her, like a part of me is missing. I went through her clothes and hugged them as if she was still here.
Then I started to get annoyed, why am I like this? Why am I letting myself get eaten by guilt and thoughts by someone who I don't even know if she still thinks of me! So I gathered all her clothes and threw them outside- well outside our room which technically is my room now because she does not have the right to get back here anymore. I left it like a pile inside the guest room
Why would I let myself get hurt by her every single day? Maybe Rosè is right! I should move on! Maybe I'll start today
But even if it was getting late I'm still hoping that she'll go thru the door and celebrate our anniversary. No, I should try and think of myself from now on. I love her with all my heart, I gave her everything and entrusted her with every last bit of me but she threw out like I was nothing
I was busy having an existential crisis between myself if I should just forget her or not?
But forgetting her is not easy
everything is not easy. And I should stop talking with myself. I mentally noted and smacked my forehead when my phone suddenly rang
I answered it without even looking who was calling
"I'm busy arguing with myself so what do you want?" My voice sounded a little bitchy
"Who's winning the argument?" I couldn't help myself but roll my eyes
"What do you want?" I ignored the laugh coming from the other end of the line
"I just wanted to ask if you want to go out tonight. Maybe eat dinner or go out somewhere?" I raised my eyebrow. Hmm thinking about it, it's not a bad idea. I should reward myself and unwind. After all, I've been in my pajamas the whole day. I haven't even showered yet
"Okay, I'll meet you at the bar downtown. Maybe around 8?" I didn't want to eat because I don't really have an appetite and being around a lot of people with drinks and loud music might help me forget this dreadful day
"Or I could wait outside your apartment until you get finish getting ready?" I rushed towards the door and opened it and I saw him smiling with a bouquet of hyacinth. I didn't recognize him because he was not in his usual get up. He was wearing a white Gucci shirt which I also have, and black pants, he finishes it off with a white sneaker. He looks good then I remembered I was still in pajamas so I shut the door on his face but he stopped it with his foot
"Aw!" He winced in pain which made me open the door to check on him, he sat on the floor holding his foot
"Why the hell would you put your foot there?" I annoyingly asked but also worried that I did hurt him
"I'm sorry. Are you alright?" I should not take all my anger out of him because he's actually pretty nice and patient with me. I even have to thank him for always trying to make me smile
"All good. Here take this" he handed me the bouquet as he dusted off himself. I took it from him and went inside
"Come on in. Do you want any drinks or something for your foot?" I took a vase from the cupboard and filled it with water enough for the stems of the flowers to reach
"Nope. Just hurry up so we could eat" he shooed me as he slouched on the sofa. I didn't even bother to argue with him because something about him just made me follow his orders.
After an hour of getting ready, I went out of my room and saw Kai watching tv laughing about something funny he just saw. I watch him as he wiped the tears off his eyes from laughing, he feels so comfortable, and just the sight of that feels very fulfilling. The apartment is suddenly filled with something other than sadness and tears. Lost in thoughts the tears just suddenly left my eyes
"Hey are you okay?" it was sudden but he was already in front of me wiping the tears off my cheeks and caressed my back. When I didn't even bother to explain why I was crying because honestly, I don't know the answer either-he pulled me into a hug as I buried my face on his chest.
"Hey, it's okay Jen. I'm here" he's right.
He's here
"Let's go eat. My treat" he broke the hug after a few minutes as I nodded smiling at him. I should really start moving on
- - - - - - - - - -
Lisa POV
"I'm sorry" Chae whispered after Jisoo and I told her the truth, she reached for my hand and held it tightly. Her eyes were all puffy and red from crying, Jisoo, on the other hand, couldn't help herself but wrap her arms around the latter to comfort her. I wish I could hug Jennie right now but I still don't have the guts to face her. I badly miss her every second of every day but before I could be by her side once again I had to tell her everything first and before all of that I need to do something.
"It's okay Chae. I know that even if I'm not here you took care of her" I smiled at her and squeezed her hands back but something seems off, she pulled her hand back or I was just thinking too much of her action? Maybe I was because as soon as she retreated her hand she grabs her glass of water and took a sip.
"I do have one question... How long have you been hiding this?" I watch as she glared at Jisoo who was sitting beside her. Jisoo begged for her life with her eyes looking at me but I just simply ignored it because I feel like this is something that I was no longer concerned about? Okay maybe I was but come on, these two are both in denial, just kiss already!
"Yah! Manobal! Tell her! Don't try and act innocent over there" she managed to compose herself pulling me into their argument but I turned my back and tried to call for the waiter to ask for more water
"Okay okay okay. I knew since the night she left, I actually called her that night. Remember when I kept on saying I was busy with work? Well, I was busy going back and forth from Seoul and Tongyeoung-si" Rose was about to let all hell let loose on Jisoo when I intervened
"Chae it was all my fault, I should have at least left a note or called or something but everything was being too fast that I needed to reorganize my thoughts. Jisoo.. well Jisoo she actually helped take care of my mother..." my words trailed off as I swallowed the lump in my throat. The past months came by so fast but at the same time one of the hardest months of my life
"I'm sorry Lisa" I stared at my hands, remembering the months that passed by
"It's okay. I just really want to get this over with so I can finally be with Jennie" I smiled at her sincerely as she forced a smile.
"We should not be talking about sad things inside a bingsu shop. I can't take everything seriously when there are literally kids and old people eating shaved ice and fruits dripping from their chin" Chae and I chuckled looking at Jisoo who seems really disgusted.
"Right. Let's go to the bar and grab a few drinks and talk about sad things with people who grind with each other and barely remembers anything the next day" Chae sarcastically suggested
"At least it's our type of people and what better place than a place that serves free alcohol?" Jisoo wiggled her eyebrows suggesting something
"You're paying. I'm not going bankrupt with your frugal ass" she rolled her eyes and flicked her hair, some strands hitting Jisoo's mouth making the latter spat. She was ready to get her revenge when I both stopped them
"I'm payin' let's go" I stood up from my seat as they both looked at me differently. Jisoo smirking and Chae looking so shocked
"When did you get so bourgeoisie?" Chae joked Jisoo grabbed her coat
"Didn't you hear?" Jisoo exclaimed acting so surprised
"Hear what?" she drank the melted bingsu before standing up
"Lalisa is rich now" Jisoo winked at me as I just shook my head and walked first to leave the store as the lovebirds followed. I took out my phone and starred at the photo I last took when we went to Tongyeoung-si
I really miss my Nini
- - - - - - - - - - -
Jennie POV
After we both had dinner we went straight to Chaeyoung's bar. I left her a message that I'm going to but she hasn't replied to it. Maybe she's busy. I didn't really want to go here because it somewhat reminds me of Lisa but this is the best bar in town and I also promised myself that I'm slowly taking a step forward
"What do you want to drink?" Kai spoke near my ear because the place is crowded and the music is already playing loud
"Anything you're having" he shook his head and held my hand as we both made our way to the drinks. I don't drink much so don't really have a drink that I prefer, just bring me something and I'll gladly accept it
We both took our drinks to a booth farthest from the speakers so we both could hear each other
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked for the hundredth time, he's been asking me that since dinner I would always answer yes or nod but he seems to see beyond the lies I was telling
"Yes" I shortly answered and took a sip of my drink, I made a face when the alcohol traveled down my throat. "Ugh this drink is hard" Kai chuckled as he took a sip of his drink
"Well I thought you needed it, you're mind has been preoccupied the whole night" I raised my eyebrow and looked around the club, I guess Chae is not here yet? I wonder where she is
"Tell me what's bothering you" he placed his hand on top of mine with his pleading eyes but I shook my head not really wanting to tell him that it was supposed to be Lisa and I's anniversary, we should be somewhere together having the time of our life instead I'm out here having dinner and drinking with a guy who obviously likes me
"Okay, if you're not comfortable talking about it right now it's fine but I just want you to know that I'm always here" he was acting so serious and that's the last thing want to happen right now. I hit him jokingly and he acted so hurt, we both ended laughing at each other
"Quit being so serious, aren't we supposed to have fun?" he shook his profusely and wave his hands up, a server immediately arrived
"We'll get a bottle of a silver patron" he took out his card and gave it to the server who gladly accepted it
"A bottle?!" I protested, I'm not much of a drinker and there is only 2 of us so drinking a bottle of tequila might not be the best choice
"I thought we're here to have fun?" he joked signaling the server to proceed with the order. I wanted to stop but he was right, I decided that this is the start so I should just forget everything and enjoy
What's funny with alcohol is that if you drink when really don't have a care in the world and you're enjoying, you never notice that one bottle has now become 2 and a party of 2 just became a party of the whole bar. A lot of people joined the fun when Kai suddenly decided to shout his paying for each and everyone's drink.
We're both at the dance floor having fun as he wrapped his hands on my waist. The music was loud and a lot of people are bumping with each other, I was having fun dancing even if everything seems to be spinning
"Are you having fun?" he whispered tucking my hair behind my ears
"Yes." I smiled barely seeing him because of the light. I laughed uncontrollably when I accidentally tripped as he catches me
"Hey be careful, I don't want you getting hurt" he chuckled helping me to steady myself but as clumsy as I was I tripped once again so our faces ended up close, helping me to stand up I placed my hands on his face, tracing his jawline
"Thank you... for everything" our face barely an inch from each other, I stared at his lips tempting me to lean
"You're so beautiful" he whispered before our lips crashed from each other. His hands traveled down my back and neck making me go crazy. I was craving for human touch and interaction. It's been a long since someone has made me felt beautiful and appreciated. We ended up making out in the middle of the dance floor not really caring if someone bumps or stare at us. We both caught our breath but I pounced on him once again bitting his lower lip not too much to cause any tear
There are a lot of people, so our bodies being close to each other can't be avoided. I suddenly felt something poking on my stomach...
"Do you want to leave?" he asked his eyes suddenly filled with lust
I nodded my head and he pulled me making our way out of the club
- - - - - - - - - - -
Lisa POV
How do you get your life together? I don't have any idea but I do believe in sequential worsening, it's like compounding. Where one mistake can get worse and worse until eventually, you have these problems stacked up into one big pile of bullshit that you can no longer see anything good from it.
And I think it all started that night, not the night I left but the night when everything went batshit crazy. Here I am now collecting the dues, I thought changing was enough to pay for the things I've done, and meeting her, loving her, and being with her was the reward. I forgot that the world does not give anything for free especially for people like, people who ruined others.
Will I be called selfish if I still wanted everything? I still want to kiss her and be beside her because he has always been my reason for existence, she's everything to me. I couldn't stand here, hanging on, when the very thing I held disappeared right before my eyes
"What the hell is up with her?!" Chae was about to storm and confront Jennie who we all saw making out with a guy, the same guy I saw before being clingy with her in front of the office building. Jisoo stopped her before she could even take two steps
"Let go of me! She's stupid and making the biggest mistake of her life" her voice cracked while I was still emotionless, well physically at least because inside I wanted to scream and cry so loud because it feels like my soul has just left my body
"How long?" I asked staring at the exit, not a sight of them anymore
Jisoo looked confused and looked at Chae who was now bitting her lips holding herself from crying
"You knew?" Jisoo asked the tall girl, she shook her head so hard as she buried her face in her hands
"I'm sorry Lisa it's my fault I told her to move on an-" I caught her off before she could continue. I understand everything she just said. It was a given, she just doesn't want Jennie to be miserable anymore, I have no right to get angry or anything because in the first place I was the reason why she felt that way.
"It's okay, I understand" I started walking past them, I just want to leave and get far away as possible. I don't know where but the farther the better
"Lisa" Chae called out but I ignored her when the fresh air finally hit my face I finally could breathe. I closed my eyes catching my breath. Counting 1-10 to get control of my breathing
"Lisa... hold up" I didn't even notice Jisoo followed me outside right behind her was Chae
"I need to go" I was about to leave once again when Jisoo pulled me, her hands grabbed me holding me tightly that if she let go of her hands it would imprint on my skin
"Go? Go where? Aren't you tired of leaving? Starting something new then what? When everything seems like falling apart once again you'll leave. That's not the only thing you could do Lisa!" her voice raised, luckily it was the only three of us present here in the parking
I ignored and continued walking
" You're a coward Lisa!" I turned to look at her, she's angry
"What do you want me to do Jisoo?" I asked seriously, she scoffed as if she couldn't believe I asked her that. I know she wants to tell me something so why not tell it to me straight
"Stop running away! Don't be so immature! It's your fault she's fucking somebody because you're such a coward. Acting so martyr with your acts and beliefs but in reality, you hate every single thing you are doing! " Every word she spoke I walked one step close towards her and the next thing I know Jisoo was sitting on the ground stain of blood on her mouth
Chae hurriedly ran towards her and helped her get up
"I'm not running away! I'm accepting what I deserve. So don't call me a coward. If she's in love with someone else and she's happy, that's enough reason for me to stay as far away as possible" I looked down at my shoes while clenching my jaw when I felt my cheeks sting from pain. Chae slapped me
"Do you think she's in love with him? Is that what happy Jennie really looks like? How stupid are you Lalisa? Stop it. Just stop running away from everything, especially to her" she shook her head in disbelief
I don't know what to think anymore. I'm hurting, I hate myself for ruining everything. I hate that I hurt the love of my life, I hate that she's with someone else, I hate that reality is hitting me hard with I don't deserve her
"Maybe you should forgive yourself, buddy, I know he did, your mom did too. It's for you to let go." Jisoo was now standing beside me blood still seen, she taps my shoulder
Jisoo has been always right about everything, except that part. No one has ever forgiven me and I don't even know if I could ever forgive myself. If I ever did deserve forgiveness.
"I'm always here Lisa, I may have not been a good friend to you in the past but I'm here now" she hugged me as I stood frozen. If Jisoo was there at that time, will the outcome have changed? I don't think it will because every twist and turns life make, it will always point back at me.
but Jisoo was crying her tears drop on my shirt, it was a rare sight. So I did what every good friend would do
"Thank you Jisoo, let's go home. This is just the beginning" she raised her head and looked at me, I showed are most convincing smile I could mutter as I tap her shoulder "We're good, always will"
- - - - - - - - - -
Unknown POV
"Beginning... perfect. I was just getting started"
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