Elise was dropped off at a cottage with no uncrowned king to be found. Good, because Elise wouldn't let him see her grieve.
She wouldn't let anyone see her cry, or scream, or anything that would make her break.
Everything makes her break. She felt the vulnerability and the familiarity of it. The invisible chains that tightened and the feeling of failure deep within her bones, biting her to the feeling of a chill on her spine. It felt like a feathery touch and yet it was like she was burning in blue fire.
When Elise finally found herself standing in silence, when she finally realized that she was alone, that no one would be there to comfort her, a few tears fell down as she stared off of nothing. All she could feel was nothing at first. Just the feeling of her cheeks getting wet from how she was crying profusely.
Then she felt everything.
All at once, she felt it. The pain that came along with grieving came faster than she could ever imagine. And she couldn't stop it. The pain she felt was unbearable.
The pain felt like someone was crushing you so hard that you would wish for death to come. The pain that were like a path of thorns and rocks, you walk upon that road with nothing but the burdening feeling of desperation and fear and you would wish. You would wish and wish and hope that he were alive.
That he were alive to apologize to her face and tell her everything would be alright. Everything should have been alright.
He should have been alright.
He shouldn't have died. He shouldn't have smiled to her like it was goodbye, he shouldn't have fought, to have that fucking determination in those eyes, those eyes that Elise had recognized so well. He shouldn't have died.
But he did.
And it was too late. She should have stopped him when he was saying goodbye to her, she shouldn't have let him kiss her on the forehead like some drama kind of thing. This wasn't a movie or a story where they were the characters who would grieve and die, who would get a happy ending or not. This was Hugo and Elise, for goodness' sake. This was Hugo.
This was her Hugo.
And he died.
This wasn't some sad plot in the story. This was her friend dying.
Somebody died right in front of Elise and she didn't do anything about it.
She could have done something.
She could have been the wall, she could have been the one to protect him, she could have done something. Anything!
She should have done something.
She was a failure. That was what she was. She was a thorn and a vine stopping Hugo from surviving, from staying alive. She was a failure as a friend for not watching his back when he was watching hers. She was a failure for failing at protecting him. If he was her wall, then she should have been his as well. What was she? A damsel in distress?
She would have stopped it from hurting him.
From killing him.
She was a failure. She couldn't stop it. She should have. She could have.
Death took him. No matter how she hated the fact, it was Hugo who knocked at death's door and death only opened it for him and welcomed him with open arms. Hugo, who was this lonesome wolf who wouldn't let anyone see his true self, who was this flower so bright and beautiful and yet with thorns ready to hurt anyone who would come close to him.
But Elise got close.
Hell, despite the thorns, Elise got to know him for who he was, for who Hugo was, for who Hugo was in Elise's life.
For who Hugo was in Elise's life.
And Hugo was her first friend. Hugo was someone she had first trusted as a kid who was close to her age. No kids were ever close to Elise, they were afraid of her, but Hugo wasn't. Hugo even told her that he never regretted staying by her side.
Elise heard herself sobbing desperately. It all came at once. The pain, the desperation, the fear, the anger, the tired feeling deep inside her bones that had once wanted her to be buried on the ground like her parents.
She had once thought of stopping everything.
She once thought of stopping to swim for air, to stop breathing or to stop waking up to face her nightmares of reality, to stop crying, to stop sobbing, to stop everything and everyone.
Sh clawed her skin as her shoulders shook in pain.
Pain. Pain was good. Elise could feel her nails digging in her skin. It felt good. It felt as if she was grounded to reality.
And yet she was shaking. Her hands were covered in blood and they were shaking.
But it felt so good.
Elise cried and she cried and she cried for her friend.
Dear Elise,
I've found a blue flower growing by itself near my home. I had wanted to give it to you but knowing you, you can't even take care of yourself, how would you take care of a mere flower? You're an idiot.
I've taken care of it as it reminded me of you. I've even named it after you. You should be honored, you little tyke.
The flower is a fighter despite the harsh weather that it experienced, it keeps fighting, showing me off its beautiful petals to me like it's goading. The idiot. It reminds me of you, to be honest.
I've come to love it.
I hope you could visit soon, you idiot, so that I could show off this flower to you.
-Hugo
Elise remembered his words like a whisper in her ears, like a reminder of him. His voice, his smile, his words, they were all engraved in her head like a memory that couldn't be forgotten.
Why would she dare forget Hugo though?
Hugo was one of the biggest pieces of making Elise who she was now. Hugo was her brave anchor that keeps her grounded, he made her smile and laugh, he made her snark and bitch around without judging her.
He made her braver, more stronger and more confident. How would he just leave her like this?
He said that he'll fight. That he'll protect her, that he will fight for the sake of everyone.
He'll fight, he said he will. Elise saw the determination in his eyes and the reassuring smile plastered on his pretty face. His words were firm and unfaltering. It sounded true.
Did he lie?
Dear Elise,
That damn squirrel should better sleep with one eye open if he ever kills you in your sleep (but it's not like I'm believing that he could with how much of a brute you are.)
Or should I tell you that you should better sleep with one eye open just in case he really does kills you?
Anyways, since you have the strength of ten men, I guess that the boy should watch out for his poor sagging ass. He would never know what's coming.
You really should be careful, in all honesty. I wouldn't want my only best idiot dead, right?
Stay alive, forelsket.
-Hugo
He said that he'll fight but why had he lost even before it started?
He couldn't do this to her. He couldn't just leave her alone like this. She wouldn't let him.
But was this her fault? If she weren't human, would she have the ability to protect him? Her human self was the only reminder of her parents, her invisible chains towards the human world, a memory that couldn't be erased even if she tried. She wanted hold onto it for as long as she could.
But holding onto it now reminded Elise of Hugo.
If she weren't holding onto this chains, to her reminder of her human life, of her parents then maybe she could have saved Hugo. That maybe she could have let the boy see another light of day. Maybe she could have let him see another sunset, another flower of meadows as beautiful as she had seen a while ago. Maybe he could call it breathtaking again, maybe he could have told her a lot more than that word.
Breathtaking.
The flower meadow was Hugo's death bed where he have knelt and fought with blood and tears.
The beautiful flowers cheered their support for the young boy by swaying with the flow of wind, by making sounds of small bells. Different color of flowers were there, witnessing Hugo's determination. There were tears in his eyes, as crystal as water, as clear as day.
Witnessing his smile as blood dripped down of his mouth as he was stabbed.
The gentle sunlight of the sunset made him look like a boy out of a fairytale book. Long chocolate hair with his eyes as warm as a touch from familiarity, skin as smooth as his words, as smooth as butter with bread.
The gentle breeze caressed his skin like a soft and warm mother comforting her child as it cried, the breeze that played with the trees and the clouds, making Hugo feel like he was home, back in his bed.
He probably wished he were.
Looking at Elise while the girl cried while reaching out to him, he couldn't help but chuckle quietly. A tear fell out of his eye as he smiled softly, like a feather of silence, the softest cloud, and the softest petal.
Idiot. Elise was an idiot.
She probably wished that he'll stay alive.
He wished he were.
With his last dying breath, he mouthed: "Idiot..."
It wasn't Elise that was the idiot though. No. Elise was his forelsket.
He was the idiot for liking a person who would never like him back.
He felt something burn at the back of his throat and suddenly a flower came out of his mouth. A flower that was blue and breathtaking. It reminded him of Elise's eyes. Beautiful and bright, so endless as the skies.
He chuckled again.
He was the idiot for liking someone who could never like him back.
Elise felt like she had lost too many things in her life.
Her freedom, her family, her childhood, her joy. Hugo.
What more could she lose?
How many more should she lose to break her?
Hugo.
Why would Hugo be her wall? Why would Hugo do this to her? She couldn't believe that he had done that. No. She wasn't even believing that he was dead.
But Elise had seen it with her own two eyes.
The way the warmth seeped out of his beautiful eyes, the way his shoulders had slowly turned relaxed, the way his smile had slowly fallen as he slowly laid down at his bed of flowers with his own blood covering him.
What was the last view for him? Was it the color of the beautiful colored sky? Was it th flowers? Or was it his foes surrounding him slowly to take him away?
Elise knew that he was dead.
Dear Elise,
I haven't seen you for quite some time. I'm wondering how you are since you haven't been writing as much. Is that squirrel bothering you? Should I kick him in the ass for you?
Anyways, do you remember what we talked before? I don't know why I remembered your voice telling me the 'we don't need a cure when we could prevent it' kind of thing and how you would let me die if I were to suffer and all that drama shit.
I figured that I would let you. I know, right? Surprising. That if I were to die, I'd let you let me die. I don't know why I suddenly remembered this but it just popped in my head so just bear with me. Don't mock me. Remember the story book that we read about the two best friends? The one you said that it was stupid yada yada yada. About how one had fallen into despair when his friend got sick?
If one of us were to get sick, we would find a cure, okay? But if we were to die, like you said death is inevitable, you would let me and I would do the same.
I just want to be remembered, okay? I want to be remembered as your best friend. Don't spit on my grave or whatever and please, no tears, I don't like your ugly crying or sobbing. It would probably sound like a donkey wheezing.
Anyways, whatever.
If you or I die, I'm still hoping that we'll meet in an another life and I don't care when or how. I don't care what time it will be or what year it will be. I'll just hope I'll see your ugly face and ugly grin and smiles. In another life, I hope we'll be as close as we are now (I admit it, okay? Praise my honesty, heathen!)
In another life, I hope that you accept me as you did, Elise, and I will accept you as are like what I did.
I hope you would write soon, forelsket.
-Hugo.
That was his last letter.
______
Okay...
This one really hurts, even for me.
What do you guys think?