Trigger Warning: Suicide
You, Emily and Derek were talking quietly as you all headed out of the Federal Building. The three of you were the first to leave, all headed to Homeland Security.
The drive was quiet, each of your separate anxieties filling your minds. The only noise was the quiet chatter coming from the police radio.
As you were nearing the Homeland office, you finally broke the silence, "What are the protocols for Homeland? What do we need to tell them first and foremost?"
"First off, they need to know about the threat. We need to take them quickly through the profile, give them our extensive background that led to the conclusion, and then they'll send a notice to POTUS." Emily answered from the passenger seat.
You were about to ask another question, but the police radio cut you off.
NYPD Radio, 7:48: "We have reports of an explosion near Federal Plaza, all available units respond."
"Did they just say explosion?" Derek questioned, turning the dial up on the radio.
The car went silent as the three of you waited for the next update. You never know that three minutes could feel so long.
NYPD Radio, 7:51 pm: We need Bomb Squad and SWAT units to report to the Federal Building.
"Oh god." Emily sighed and you felt your anxiety bubble up to the back of your throat.
"Aaron was at the Federal Building." You quietly said from the back of the car.
At your words, Derek slammed on the breaks and turned hard. The turn sent you and Emily into the side of the car with yelps, "What the hell, Derek?"
He turned to face Emily for a moment, "There was just a bomb set off in the Federal Plaza, we need to get back."
"Right." She nodded, watching him turn the lights and sirens on.
NYPD Radio, 7:55 pm: The explosion was located on the West Corner of the Federal Building. A Federal SUV was at the source. Unknow how many casualties. All available units respond.
You felt your stomach sink, "Oh god, Aaron."
"Y/n there are tons of Federal SUVs at the Federal Building, not only FBI agents are driving them tonight." Emily tried to reassure you.
You nodded with a shaky breath, "We need to call someone."
Right on cue, Derek's phone started to ring.
"Garcia." Derek answered, listening for a moment, "Yeah. I'm still here. I've got y/n and Emily with me now."
"I'm almost back at the Federal Building. What the hell's going on?" He asked, handing the phone to Emily and she put it on speaker phone.
"All right, we're going over the closed circuit footage right now." Penelope's oddly calm voice rang through the car.
"Who else have you checked on?" Emily leaned into the phone to speak.
Penelope was cut off by the police radio.
NYPD Radio, 8:03 pm: We have orders to maintain a border around the blast zone. No one goes in until the blast site is cleared.
She answered after the radio stopped., "You're the first. Rossi and Reid called me."
"All right, well, keep us on the line while you check on everyone else." You said from the back of the car.
"I just tried JJ, she's not responding." She had tried JJ on a separate line.
"Try again." Emily told her shortly.
You could hear a dial tone and you waited for JJ to pick up.
"This is Agent Jareau, Communications Director for the FBI's Behavioral Ana-"
"What was that? What happened?" Emily asked, moving the phone closer to her.
"It went dead mid-message." Garcia said in a worried tone.
"I'll try her again, she prob-" The line went dead, a dial tone beeping through the car.
Derek slammed his hands on the wheel, "Damnit!"
You went to console him, but another message went out over the radio.
NYPD Radio, 8:11 pm: We have reports of two Federal Agents down, trapped in the blast zone. All available units respond.
"F-Federal Agents?" You felt a lump form in your throat and the pit in your stomach dig deeper.
Emily turned around and set a hand on your tense shoulder, "It's not him, I'm sure he was still in the building when the message went out. He and Kate weren't meant to leave for a few more minutes."
You nodded shakily, sucking in a deep breath.
The rest of the drive was quiet, the only noise coming from the engine and the loud sirens. Derek wasn't very gentle on the horn either, he may as well have sat on the goddamn thing.
Yet, with all the noise that Derek was making, it felt like you were in a bubble. It sounded like your ears were plugged, the noise sounding far away and distant. Your eyes went fuzzy and you could only make out the blurry shape of Emily and Derek in the front seat.
Your thoughts were trying to convince you that Aaron was fine, and he was handling the catastrophe inside the Federal Building. That he was completely safe the whole time, only hearing the explosion from the high floor of the field office.
When the car lurched to a stop, you quickly got out, forcing yourself to focus on the scene in front of you.
"Who's in charge here?" Derek asked, flashing his credentials at a random Bomb Squad member.
"Captain Warner." He answered, pointing to a tall man over by the police barricade.
The sight in front of you was awful. There was an SUV light up orange and yellow, tall flames shooting out of the broken windows.
"Captain Warner, I'm Agent Morgan, FBI." Derek said, you and Emily pulling out your creds as well. You finally pulled your eyes away from the SUV.
"I'm looking for Agent Hotchner," His name sent a shiver down your spine.
"Aaron Hotchner." Morgan said, trying to get an answer from the mean looking man.
Warner rolled his eyes with a sigh, "Go back to the Federal Plaza. There are evac marshaling spots. Check in and make sure they know where you are." He said with a bored tone.
"I am not about to do that." You injected yourself into the conversation.
"Get out of my face, or I'll have you bodily removed, Agent." Warner said, tilting his head to look down at you.
A familiar voice yelling pulled your focus.
"Please, we're here!!"
"Aaron." You breathed, the lump forming in your throat again. You followed your feet as they dragged you back to the police barrier.
"Hey, the area's restricted." A SWAT member told you.
You turned back around to look at Captain Warner, "That's my husband down there." A little white lie, but it didn't really matter. You just felt that it carried more authority than fiance.
"My orders are what they are." Warner rolled his eyes. Asshole.
"I don't give a damn what your orders are." You growled, walking toward Warner and your hand instinctively going to your gun.
He puffed his chest out, "I get it, agent. But we've been told by you that responders are the targets."
"So until the blast site is cleared, no one goes in." He spat at you.
Aaron's frightened yells caught your attention again.
"Someone! Damn it, we're here!" Aaron pleaded, begged.
You looked to Morgan, hoping that he could get you further. While he talked to Warner, you walked back to the saw horses, looking down to Aaron.
He was knelt down by a limp body on the ground, and through what you knew, you assumed that it was Kate. You felt bile threatening to spill out of you. You had spent the past three days wishing the worst on her, and now there she is. Practically a splat on the pavement.
"We're here! Please!" Aaron screamed, you could hear tears in his voice. He was so scared, so frightened, so terrified.
You heard Captain Warner say, "Go." And you did.
You and Derek shot off toward Aaron, Emily going back to the SUV to get back to the field office.
It only took the two of you a few seconds to get to Aaron, somehow you beat Morgan. Probably the adrenaline pumping through your veins.
"Hotch!" Morgan yelled as he was running.
"Aaron!" You yelling in unison with Morgan.
As you met up to Aaron, you saw a third person crouching over Kate. A young boy, probably in his twenties.
"Aaron." You said through a heavy breath, kneeling down next to him.
"Y/n, we've got to get her out of here." He looked you dead in the eyes, fear evident in his eyes.
You sighed, "They're not letting any ambulances down here till they clear the scene." The ground around Kate was covered in blood, and Aaron's hands were under her back.
"Kid, you gotta get behind the barricades. Let's go." Morgan pointed to the police line.
"Go!" You yelled, not looking up from Kate.
"Go, Sam." Aaron said quietly.
The kid, Sam, finally got up. If you were paying more attention, you would have noticed that he didn't walk toward the police line.
"Talk to me, can we carry her?" You looked between Morgan and Aaron.
"Aaron, can we carry her?" You asked a little louder.
He let out a rough breath, "No, I tried. Y/n, she's gonna bleed to death if we don't get her out of here. We've got to do something."
Morgan's phone ringing caught your focus for a moment, but you couldn't bother to pay attention.
"Garcia, I got Aaron. But listen to me. You've got to get somebody down here right away, you hear me? Right now." Morgan ranted into the phone.
You watched as Morgan listened to Penelope on the other line.
"What?" He asked, looking toward the burning SUV.
"You're absolutely sure?" He confirmed, which caught your full attention.
"Aaron. The kid. He's the bomber." Morgan said to the two of you.
"Go." Aaron told him, and with that, Morgan was sprinting toward Sam.
A few seconds after Morgan turned the corner, an ambulance pulled up to you and Aaron. The two of you let out a breath as the paramedic jumped out of the rig and grabbed a board and a first aid kit.
"She's got an arterial bleed in her back and I'm going my best to hold it closed." Aaron told him, watching as the man pulled on gloves and squatted down next to Kate.
"You okay?" The man asked while rolling Kate slightly.
He nodded slightly, "I just want to get her out of here."
The man pressed two fingers to her neck, feeling for a pulse, "Her pulse is weak and thready. I'm gonna need your help, okay?" He looked between you and Aaron.
"Okay." You and Aaron answered in unison.
"Is the area clear?" You asked him as he started to open his bag.
The paramedic shook his head, "You were calling for help and I couldn't listen anymore. My partner was too afraid to come in here with me."
"Kate, we're going to get you out of here." Aaron said softly to the whimpering woman on the ground, "We're on our way out of here."
He grabbed a clamp from his bag and looked at you, "Grab her shoulders, it's going to hurt her, but we need to roll her so that I can access the artery." He told you, and you moved to grip her shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Kate. This is going to hurt." You said to her, brushing her hair out of her face and speaking softly. No matter how much she made you mad, you would never be inhumane to someone.
She only whimpered in responses, her face screwing up with pain.
"On three; one, two, three." The paramedic said, and you pulled her right shoulder off the ground. She groaned and her right hand came up to grip your wrist.
"Okay, I'm gonna clamp that artery. When I say move, move your hand and get as far out of my way as you can. Got it?" He told Aaron, moving the clamp toward the wound in Kate's back.
"Yep." Aaron said short, watching the paramedic get ready to clamp the artery.
"Okay, move." He said, and Aaron pulled his hand back past his waist.
The clamp clicked shut and Aaron let out a small breath, "Okay. I need to get a bag in and start getting her pressure up."
Aaron stood with his next instruction, "Get the gurney from the bus." Aaron quickly walked over to the ambulance and pulled out the gurney from the vehicle.
"Keep holding her in place while I do this." The paramedic told you and you nodded, tears forming in your eyes as Kate whimpered and her hand went loose around your wrist.
He placed an ambu bag over her mouth. You could feel Kate's pulse started to rise as he pumped air into her lungs.
Aaron returned with the gurney and helped you and the paramedic get her on the bed and into the ambulance. You were going to ride up front with Aaron, but Kate had an iron grip on your wrist.
"Where's the closest emergency room?" Aaron asked as he climbed into the front seat of the vehicle.
"St. Barclay's." The paramedic said as he continued to work on Kate.
"Where?" Aaron asked, probably having some hearing damage from the explosion.
"St. Barclay's." You repeated, moving closer to Aaron.
"And where is it?" Aaron questioned the paramedic.
The paramedic looked up from Kate, "It's four blocks uptown, one block east." He said quickly, and Aaron started driving. He slammed the gas down and turned the sirens and lights on.
As he was driving, Kate finally came back to consciousness.
"Hey, Kate. We've got you, we're headed to the hospital now. You're going to be fine." You told her, leaning down so that you didn't have to yell at her.
"Is she awake?" Aaron asked from the driver's seat.
She tried to turn her head, "Is that Aaron?"
"Yeah, Kate, it is." You brushed her hair out of her face again.
"Kate, we made it." Aaron told her shortly, pressing the gas harder.
"Thank you," She looked to you, "I know you're not overly fond of me, and I-"
You cut her off, "Kate, that's in the past. You can tell me when you're not laying on a gurney in an ambulance."
She nodded, letting her eyes close and her head fall back to the gurney.
"We're almost there, Kate. You've just got to hold on a little while longer, try and keep your eyes on me." She hummed and her eyes fluttered back open.
The rest of the ride was quick, the paramedic cleaning some of Kate's superficial wounds as Aaron drove.
When Aaron got to the emergency entrance, he was stopped by a man in a suit.
"What's this?" Aaron rolled down the window to talk to the man.
"Secret Service." The man answered, which caught your attention, "We're directing all emergencies over to Lenox Hill."
"I'm SSA Hotchner. I have SSA Joyner on board." Aaron told the man, "She was injured in the bomb blast at Federal Plaza."
The man held a hand up to stop Aaron, "Credentials."
"They're in my jacket at Federal Plaza." Aaron said in distress.
You pulled your badge from your jacket and leaned up to the front of the ambulance, "Here, SSA y/l/n with the FBI."
"Ma'am, this hospital is on a strict bypass. I can't allow you in, even with Supervisory status." The man said, still trying to deter you.
Right then, the heart monitor flatlined, "I'm losing her, she's crashing! She's crashing!" The paramedic yelled from the back, and you looked at the Secret Service agent with pleading eyes.
"Please." You and Aaron said in unison.
He looked around for a moment, before yelling to the man operating the gate, "Open it up."
Aaron drove into the emergency bay, turning the vehicle as he did so that the back would be closer to the entrance. As you were talking to the Secret Service agent, Kate's grip never ceased on your wrist, even as she flatlined.
When you turned back around, the paramedic was doing chest compressions on Kate as they pulled the gurney out of the vehicle.
"What do you have?" An ER resident asked as they started to wheel the gurney into the hospital. Aaron was pushing the bed as you continued your grasp on Kate's bloody hand.
"BP fifty over thirty. She's bradycardic with severe spinal injury." The paramedic rattled off, continuing the CPR on Kate's limp body.
"Agents, we need you to let go." Another doctor told you and Aaron, and it hurt your soul to leave Kate like that. You had to pry your hand out of her grasp, her bloody hand print staining your arm.
As they wheeled her down a hallway, they continued to yell things, "Get her in the bay. Get the crash cart." Was the last you heard before they rounded the corner.
For a moment you stared down the hallway, watching the last of the gurney disappear. What caught your focus next was Aaron's tall form stumbling toward the nurses station.
"Aaron?" You walked over to him, grabbing his arm.
His feet tripped over each other and he crashed down on top of a medical cart, sending instruments flying and clattering to the ground.
"Aaron!!" You yelled, quickly crouching down next to him as nurses ran over to him.
He was holding himself up on his elbow, but quickly flopped to the ground, letting his head rest on the floor as people worked around him.
They got him onto a gurney and into an ER bed, sticking electrodes and wires to his chest and placing an IV into his arm.
While they were working on Aaron, you called the field office, asking to speak to anyone from the BAU that was there. To your satisfaction, JJ picked up. You told her the status of Aaron and Kate, before walking back over to Aaron's unconscious form on the bed.
-
As you were sitting at Aaron's side, you heard the familiar booming voice of Derek Morgan at the nurses station.
"Doc. FBI. How's Aaron Hotchner." You heard him say, deciding to stay by Aaron's side and let them direct Morgan to you. Aaron's limp hand was clasped in your now clean one, although you were sure that they were stained pink.
"He's got acute acoustic trauma in his right ear, and I pulled shrapnel from his leg." Right then, Aaron woke up with a jolt.
He immediately started pulling the electrodes off his chest and tugging at the needle in his arm.
"Aaron, Aaron, I need you to lay back down." You tried to get him to at least sit, but he was already on his feet.
"I just need my clothes." He said in his daze, not registering that it was you in front of him.
The doctor quickly ran over to the bed, "Agent Hotchner, lie down."
"Doctor, I'm alright!" He detested, even though he was practically yelling from the hearing damage.
"Hotch, stop it." Morgan told him, trying to get him to relax.
"Aaron, just sit back down. You're hurt." You grabbed his hand, so that he would focus on you.
"Hotch, just calm down. Doc, I got it, okay?" Morgan tried to fend off the doctor.
Aaron took a breath, looking at you and Morgan, "Y/n, where's Kate?"
"She's in surgery." You told him shortly.
He accepted that as an answer, but went back to yelling, "Where are my clothes, please?"
"Aaron, your go bag is on its way. Just sit down, please." You pushed his shoulders down so he would sit down on the bed.
He looked to Derek, "Has anything happened since the first blast?"
"Nothing." Derek shook his head as he spoke, looking at you as well.
"Sam?" You asked about the kid Morgan chased.
Derek sighed, "He's dead."
"Morgan, the profile's wrong. We're meant to think that everything that's happened is something it's not." Aaron started to go on a tangent, "Seemingly random acts of murder, attempts to hack into the cameras, suicide by cop, the death card telling us they know we're watching." Aaron rattled off.
"All diversions." You deduced.
-
A half hour later, the rest of the team was at the hospital and Aaron was dressed in a spare suit from his go-bag. He was walking with a severe limp, and he was still speaking rather loudly. The hearing damage was evident, even though he didn't want to admit it.
"Hotch, are you okay?" Emily asked, an FBI windbreaker over her bullet proof vest.
"Yeah." He nodded, slipping on his blazer, "I just want to understand why I'm still alive." His words sent a shock to your chest, trying not to think about the fact that he should be dead.
"We think the idea was to maim, not to kill." Spencer said, his hands hooked into the collar of his vest.
He looked to Dave, "Did you identify Sam, the bomber?" He asked.
"We put him and the shooter through all known databases. ViCAP and Interpol came up with nothing." Spencer told him with a defeated sigh.
Rossi interjected, "We know how terror cells evolve. They learn from one campaign to the next."
"How to stay off the radar, like the London Bombers." You suggested, earning a nod from Dave.
Aaron nodded too, "Yeah, but they hit at eight fifty in the morning with a series of coordinated blasts aimed at London's transportation system, and this cell targeted a lone SUV where the only people on the street are two Federal Agents."
"It's not multiple targets?" You asked more than said, but Morgan solidified it.
"It's one target. One target, one bomb."
"If Sam didn't have a secondary device to detonate, there's only one reason that he stayed with us." Aaron's tone was grim.
It dawned on Rossi, "To make sure the ambulance got to you."
"And in a city on lockdown, an ambulance with its siren blaring and lights on, it's going to make it through every roadblock virtually uncontested." Your tone matched Aaron's, realizing what was happening.
Aaron cursed under his breath, "Damnit, and it could get straight into a hospital with a bypass order on it."
"The ambulance which we drove in here." The magnitude of the situation hit you.
Aaron nodded, "This hospital is their target."
The team immediately headed down to the emergency entrance, tracking down the paramedic and the ambulance. Morgan called Garcia and had her block the signal, but she couldn't hold it for long.
Derek took off ahead of the team, sprinting down the stairs while you and the team quickly cleared the levels of the hospital.
When you got down to the garage, the ambulance was gone and the paramedic was sitting against a chain fence. He had gotten the call through and off in the distance you could hear an explosion.
"FBI." Aaron said sternly, the entire team training your guns at the man.
He didn't respond, he didn't even look up. There was a knife sitting next to him, and he grabbed it and placed it up to his neck. "Put it down. It's over." You advanced slightly.
He looked up at Aaron, dead in the eyes, and pulled the knife across his neck.
As he was bleeding out in front of you, Emily pulled out her phone and called someone. You couldn't hear anything and your vision was blurry.
"Morgan's fine, the ambulance exploded in the middle of the park. No casualties." Her words echoed through your swimming mind.
You sighed and turned to Aaron. He didn't have to ask, he just pulled you into his arms. The two of you finally let out the breaths you were holding, clutching onto the other for life.
"If you ever get in that situation again, I'll kill you." You mumbled through tears.
Aaron found a way to laugh, "I know, I'm sorry that you went through that."
You pulled back, "I went through that? Aaron, you were blown up and almost blown up again. I think it's safe to say that I didn't go through much. I'm just so glad that you're okay."
"I know, I'm glad that you're okay too." He pulled you back against his chest, letting out a sigh.
You felt safe for that small moment, letting yourself melt into his embrace.
"I love you, Aaron Hotchner." You tightened your arms around him more.
"I love you too, y/f/n y/l/n. Let's go home." He pulled back, moving his hand to grab yours.
The team headed back to the hotel, taking off in the morning. There were still case reports to file, and you didn't want to leave till you knew about Kate. She was still in surgery, and it took a lot of convincing to get Aaron to stay at the hotel.
You had bribed a nurse to call you as soon as Kate was out, so that Aaron could go see her. She told you that her state was still critical, but you didn't relay that information to Aaron. He had had enough trauma for one day.
Author Note:
I hope you guys liked this chapter, it was a long one, so thank you for trudging through it.
I am sad to report that there will only be three more chapters in this book, but there will be a sequel!! I already have the intro and part of the first chapter started for the sequel. I will post an update on here and as a message on my account when the new book goes up.
Also, self promotion time. I have a tiktok, which is in my bio, and I post about updates on there as well!! Follow me @hamnah_gracee
I love all of you so much!!! Thank you for over 20k reads!! <3