Xela
"Don't remind me." I groan to my best friend, Aliza. She stifles a laugh, "It can't be that bad."
"That's easy for you to say." I roll my eyes and play with my hair tie with my fingers, something I do when I get nervous. "Worst case scenario you still get an education." Aliza says in a harsh tone. A part of me thinks she is jealous of me getting to move away, but if I could switch places with her I would in a heartbeat.
"Liza don't be like that." I tell her.
"You don't understand how lucky you are to get to leave this dump. I would kill to be able to go somewhere and actually be able to go to school."
I just look off in the distance, not knowing what she wants me to say. Aliza and I have grown up here together, despite our very different lives, we both are more similar than you would think. Aliza lives with her little sister, Penny, and had to drop out of school to take care of her. I on the other hand have to stay with my druggie of a mother, and school has been out of the picture my whole life.
"Im just going to miss it here." Is all I say, my eyes looking back to the star filled sky with a full moon illuminating the rooftop we are sitting on.
"Try to look on the bright side. Maybe your mom won't make you continue your runs."
I scoff at this, "Yeah, right. That's the only reason she keeps me around."
My mom and I have a simple relationship. She doesn't bother me during the day as long as I make drug runs and buy her alcohol at night. I've tried to help her sober up, especially when dad left, but it's a seemingly impossible task. I tell myself I will stop and force her into sobriety, but when she sobs and begs me to help her, something inside of me just wants to make her proud of me.
I haven't met her new husband yet, but I have no doubt he will be similar to her. No sober man sees a woman who is high 24/7 and decides to marry her. My best guess is he wants her drugs, but I'm in no position to make any comments to her.
"It's getting late." I sigh, standing up on the creaky roof and dusting myself off. Aliza stands up right after I do and pulls her chestnut hair into a low ponytail. We are silent as we scale down from the two story building that has become our hangout spot for the past three years. By now I barely have to look as I land on pipes and ledges, I just know where they are.
Once our feet both hit the ground we are in an alley downtown. At first it was scary but now we are so used to the darkness and filth it doesn't bother either of us.
"You better not forgot about Penny and I." Aliza says with a smile, bringing me into a hug. "I would never."
Aliza pulls away, "And I expect visits, regularly."
I give her a look, and I can tell even she knows that is unrealistic. "I will try." I say anyway. And I will try. I'm only moving thirty minutes away, that's not impossible to visit every few months, right?
"Love you" Aliza says, reaching her hand out for our handshake. A smile creeps onto my lips and I meet her hand, performing our well practiced handshake we came up with when we were just thirteen. "Love you more."
Walking away is the hardest, not just knowing that I'm leaving but that she might not be here when I return. I know how much Aliza struggles to keep Penny and herself fed, not to mention paying for just the tiny apartment they live in is hard enough as it is. I've offered for Aliza to come on runs with me, I mean I make a good amount of money, but she says she wants to stay out of it, and I completely understand why.
I look up and see that I'm already on the street of my house, and internally groan. I know my mom will be expecting her drugs, and I know that I don't have them. The money I had I snuck into Aliza's bag when she wasn't looking. I may be leaving, but I wanted to make sure Aliza and Penny would be okay for a while.
I see an unfamiliar car parked on the street in front of my house, making my heart start to race.
Please don't be in trouble with anyone, mom.
Last time she smuggled drugs from someone they came to our house and paid us a little visit, including me, even though I was just fourteen. That wasn't the first time it happened, but it was certainly the worst. They crashed the place and beat both of us half to death.
The familiar smell of alcohol filled my lungs as I pushed the front door open. When I flip the light switch on and still sit in the dark, I scold myself for forgetting to pay for electricity.
Making my way to the kitchen I find several candles and light them, placing them on the kitchen counter. Barely being able to see the floor, I step on a broken bottle and wince as it cuts into my bare foot since I took off my shoes at the front door. I hop onto the barstool in the kitchen and attempt to bandage up my foot, trying to keep quiet in hopes that my mom is asleep.
"Xellllaaaaaa!" I hear my moms voice slur from the hallway. I put my head in my hands, dreading having to talk to her.
I hear her familiar light footsteps, but another pair of heavier ones with them, making me spin around to look over at her. A large man stands behind her. He looks just as wasted as she is, and holds a beer bottle in his left hand.
"Mom who is this?" I ask trying to sound confident when in reality I'm so tired I could fall asleep right here.
She turns to the man and makes a weird face, "This is my husband, Paul!" She cheers loudly.
I look at the drunk couple in disbelief. I knew we were leaving tomorrow but I didn't think he would be here tonight. Especially not at three AM.
Paul does nothing but observe me, making me slightly nervous. "Where's my stuff?" My mom huffs, walking over and looking around in the dark.
"I don't have it." I tell her in a soft voice, hoping she will just walk away and pass out on the couch. "Excuse me?" She says, confused. "I gave you money did I not?" Her rage is building up, and I find myself wishing I had never taken my shoes off in case I need to make a quick escape.
Paul steps forward, making me jump from my stool and step back. "She is nothing like what you described." He growls, walking towards me until my back hits the wall. I keep a sharp gaze on him when he lifts my chin up harshly. "I agree she does need a little..." she trails off, almost like she is searching for the right word.
"Discipline." Paul finishes for her in a sharp tone. Now that Paul is so close I can see him better, and can see his blood strained eyes and a scruffy beard from not shaving in a while.
Paul swings and hits me right across my face sending me sailing to the floor. I have no time to react when he kicks me in my stomach. I quickly get onto my feet as he grabs me by my throat. My mom looks like the happiest woman in the world watching her new husband beat her daughter.
"You will learn how to behave." Paul grumbles at me. Before he can hit me again, I bring my leg up and hit him in his crotch. The second he drops me I make a beeline for the door, remembering where I stepped on glass and avoiding it. I pick up my shoes on the way out, slamming the door behind me.
Once I am a few blocks away I let myself pause and catch my breath.
I don't want to go to Aliza's because that would mean I would have to say goodbye a second time, so instead I slowly head towards town, aiming to crash at Tom's Bookstore. Tom is actually Aliza's boss, and somewhat takes care of the two of us. He is older and is like a grandpa to me.
I have no doubt the store is closed, but he gave me and Aliza spare keys in case we ever needed them. You could say he understands both of our living situations.
On the long walk I calm myself down, replaying what just happened and telling myself it's just because they're drunk.
If Mom were sober she would never let that happen to me.
Maybe if I tell myself that enough I will start to believe it.