MERLE
OF COURSE I GOT STUCK WITH THE KIDS, of course I did.
As I was leaving the Governor and his fuckin' army behind - along with the prison - I ended up coming across Lizzie and Mika who where carrying Judith.
I guess the old, fucked up Merle, would have told them to piss off but I knew how much the group cared about them - especially Izzy.
We'd been on the road for sometime, Judith in my arms constantly. She was cute you know. I'd never been interested in having kids myself - not after how fucked up my dad was. I knew I wouldn't be a good dad. Drugs, prison... that's not what a dad should be. Daryl on the other hand, I mean I know we weren't extremely different, but he could make a good dad. And I guess I'd like to be ol' uncle Merle.
I was worried about my lil bro. He could always look after himself, he definitely wasn't dead. There was no chance of that. I just knew that I might never see him again. I wanted to be out here looking for him but now I was stuck with the kids I needed to find somewhere safe for them.
All seemed too be going well, until walkers started heading towards all four of us. Brilliant. What was I supposed to do with two kids and a baby.
"Lizzie take Judith" I said handing her to Lizzie.
"You can't leave us" Mika said frightened clutching onto me.
"Hey" I said trying not to get annoyed while pulling her off me. "Stay here" I said firmly holding onto each of her shoulders making sure she stayed put.
I didn't really care for a conversation. I just knew I had to do something or I'd have three dead kids on my hands.
I moved towards the walkers, as I did so, I attached my knife onto my metal stump. Lucky for me, there was only three of them. I lunged at the first, driving my knife up through its head, from the base of its chin, hitting its brain. I quickly pulled it out and moved towards the second quickly slamming it into its temple. As I did so, the third moved in on me snapping its jaw biting into my metal stump.
I guess I was lucky that officer friendly handcuffed me, as without this metal stump I definitely would have been bit a thousand times over.
I pulled my knife out the second while simultaneously pushing the third off my arm before driving my knife up into its skull. I quickly pulled it out before taking a few second to catch my breath.
This was soon interrupted by the yells of Lizzie.
Can't catch me a fuckin' break.
I spun round to see Mika running off and Lizzie chasing her with Judith in her arms.
"Fuck me" I grumbled.
My feet pounded against the ground as I chased after them, grabbing the changing bag of the ground as I ran past it. I rushed through some bushes, following where they went until I came to a stop.
There were train tracks in-front of me.
I quickly looked down the tracks looking for the girls.
They were stood in front of a hooded figure.
What in hells name is that?
"Hey!" I yelled as I rushed towards them, panicked as to who this person was and what they wanted. They were just kids. I couldn't let them suffer because of me.
Lizzie handed Judith over to the figure.
The hells wrong with that girl? Fucking psycho.
As I moved closer, the figure took down their hood.
Oh thank god.
I stopped walking and let out a chuckle as I bent over putting my hand and stump on my knees. I tried to regain my natural heart rate once again.
I stood back up still laughing as I continued to walk closer.
"You miss me?" Carol smiled.
I let out a sigh of relief as I wrapped my arms around her, I knew I didn't have the kids lives on my hands anymore.
"Hell yeah" I chucked.
As I stepped back, I handed her the changing bag, putting in on her shoulder.
"Have fun with this" I said stepping back.
"What?" Carol frowned.
"Finders keepers right? Ya found 'em, you can keep 'em" I shrugged. "I gotta find my lil bro and his missus"
"No" Carol said way too firmly. "You're staying with me and we are looking after these children. We need to find someone safe and then we will consider looking for Daryl and Izzy"
I studied her face before looking down to Mika and Judith. Mika was looking up to me her eyes wide, pleading for me to stay.
"Fine" I grunted.
I hated the fact I'd lost Daryl again. But I don't think I could live with myself if I had to tell Izzy that I left Mika behind.
Carol smiled sarcastically, outstretching her arm to hand me the changing bag.
I walked towards her, ignoring her gesture and scooped Judith out of her arms.
Judith wrapped on of her arms around me as she rested her head on my chest.
"C'mon baby" I cooed looking a Judith as I walked off ahead, figuring Carol and the girls follow me.
I heard a rush of little footsteps before feeling a small hand laced around mine.
I looked down to see Mika looking back up at me.
"Thank you for staying" she said quietly.
•~•~•~•
BETH
I'VE SEEN DARKNESS BEFORE. I accepted the darkness. I was ready to go into the darkness.
But I know I can't do that now. My daddy died so that I could live, so all of us at the prison could live. But that didn't work, so I had to make this work.
I sat with my back against the trunk of a tree, replying his death over and over, hearing Maggie's screams echo around my head.
It was the night of the day that we lost the prison and my daddy, the fire blazing beside me it's warmth barely reaching me. And at the other side of the tree trunk, Daryl sobbed.
I've never heard or seen Daryl cry before, I didn't think he knew how to. In all honesty, I'm not sure why he was crying. He didn't say anything since we left the prison, just replied with a series of grunts. I'm guessing he thought I was asleep and I couldn't hear him crying.
I figured it was the best for me to leave it that way. I shut my eyes trying to focus on easier times.
•~•~•~•
I woke up, startled, to Daryl tossing more logs onto the fire. His eyes red and puffy from crying, his hair working somewhat well to hide it - but I could still tell.
"What happened?" I asked quietly.
He ignored me throwing his crossbow on his back while he crouched down poking the fire with a stick.
"What happened?" I asked more firmly.
He turned his head to me glaring, "she's dead" he stated.
"Wh-"
"Iz" he mumbled interrupting, "Some guy, he took her down... and when he stood back up he was covered in her blood..."
I sat in silence, not knowing what to say. We'd lost someone else and above that it was someone and who I thought would out survive us all. She was strong, she was a survivor, she was everything I wasn't.
I still couldn't help but be hopeful. He didn't see her die. He didn't see her body.
"You didn't see" I said quietly "you didn't see her die. You didn't see her body"
"Ya think I want to see that?" He snapped quickly standing up from his crouch, "I can't see her like that"
"You don't know she's dead then" I said trying to give him hope.
"She's dead!" He yelled kicking the dirt as he walked away. "She's dead" he repeated quieter, his voice breaking as he spoke.
It hurt to see him care this much. I knew he cared about all of us back at the prison. But not this much, and he definitely would not show how much he cared.
"You loved her" I stated softly, standing up as I did so. "You loved her and she left you"
"Ya don't know anything!" He snapped turning round to face me "mind ya own business girl"
I knew he was angry and hurt. I mean he definitely meant everything he said but I'm sure his approach would have been a little better if we were under different circumstances. I understood though, we all handled death differently.
I didn't like seeing him like this. It wasn't right for him.
"You can't just sit around doing nothing" I said trying my best to yell at him. He looked a little taken back, honestly he seemed to calm down a little. I figured this was working.
"I know you don't wanna be stuck with me. I don't wanna be stuck with you either. The old Daryl, that's who I'd wanna be stuck with. The Daryl who was strong, the Daryl who wouldn't give up on her until he knew she was gone. The old Daryl made me feel safe, he looked after me. But now... now I'm the strong one. I'm looking after you"
He studied my face not knowing what to say.
"You give up so easily! Do you really believe that we are the only ones left alive? Rick, Michonne, they could be out here. Maggie and Glenn could have made it out of A block. They could've. You're a tracker. You can track. Come on" I said finally finishing rambling. He continued to stare at me.
"We've got sunlight. We should go now. If we head out now, we can" I noticed he wasn't moving anywhere. "Fine." I complained walking past him "If you won't track, I will".
As I walked away, I heard shuffles from behind. I knew Daryl was following me, I couldn't help but smile a little knowing that I got through to him.
•~•~•~•
A few days later
We'd been walking for sometime. Not speaking once again. It wasn't as bad as before, we were actually tracking. They were all dead ends, but we at least we weren't giving up.
Daryl caught us a snake to eat. I can't say it was necessarily nice, but it kept us going. We tracked some more before coming across a golf course. We figured there may be some supplies there.
Turned out there wasn't. Daryl got into some sort of killing frenzy. It was pretty sad to watch. He then took loads of pointless supplies... necklaces, pearls and money.
Pretty I guess but it's not really going to save us.
I soon found the bar figuring this would be great time to try my first drink. All Daryl could find was peach schnapps, he said it wasn't the right first drink. I guess I had no idea what that actually meant but he seemed to mean well. It was the first proper thing he said to me after our previous conversation.
He's still hurting.
Every night when he thinks I'm a sleep I hear his gentle sobs. I want to help him, take away the pain a little. But Daryl's a man who likes to suffer in silence and I don't think he'd appreciate me telling him that I know he's been crying.
He said he knew somewhere which had good drink. So that's where we went.
We ended up outside some run down cabin. I guess it wasn't exactly what I expected.
"Found this place with Michonne" he stated bluntly.
"I expected a liquor store or something" I explained looking round at the cabin.
"Nah. This is better" he said walking straight in not caring to wait for me. I sighed a little getting a bit annoyed. I rolled my eyes following behind him, mainly because I wasn't prepared to get eaten alive.
As I walked in, the smell quickly hung up my nose. A mixture of dampness with cat piss. Wasn't particularly pleasant. I glanced around seeing that it was a complete mess, cigarette butts carpeted the floor, beer bottles on every surface.
I stood awkwardly near the door not really knowing what to do or where to sit.
Daryl walked over to a side room coming out with a create full of glass bottles with a clear liquid in.
"What's that?" I asked frowning a little.
"Moonshine" he replied placing it on a small table. He walked over to the sink rinsing out two glasses. "C'mon" he said moving back to the table.
He threw his crossbow down to the ground before sitting on the floor next to it. I moved over and sat opposite him.
Daryl poured some of the moonshine into each of the cups. I took the cup in my hand not moving it towards my mouth.
"What's wrong?" He mumbled.
"Nothing. It's just... my dad always said bad moonshine can make you go blind" I explained a little embarrassed as I knew it was pretty stupid.
"Ain't nothing worth seein' anyway" he said before downing his glass.
I wondered if him and Izzy were actually together. I always wondered that while we were at the prison, and even before the prison I guess. I knew they were best friends and they spent a lot of time together. He seemed so different without her. He was lost. And broken.
I look a gulp of the drink it burning my throat into the stomach. I screwed up my face in response.
"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted" I said as I wiped my mouth with the back of hand.
He filled up his glass, playing with it in his hand. He looked down his face fill of sadness. It always was.
"You should talk about it you know. It helps" I said looking at him.
"I don't see you talkin' 'bout ya old man!" He snapped.
"Fine" I sighed "I miss him. I miss him more than anything... it keeps replaying in my head you know?" Daryl finally looked up, his eyes making contact with mine.
"his death" I continued "when I try to sleep, all I can see is Michonne's katana chopping off his head and all I can hear is Maggie's screams"
I'm shocked I managed to say it all without tearing up, or my voice breaking. I'd lost a lot I guess.
My mom.
Otis.
Jimmy
Patricia.
Zach.
And now my daddy.
I was used to losing people. I deserve a gold medal in it.
I took another drink, feeling as though it was necessary it might numb the pain a little. And in honesty, the second drink wasn't as bad.
"I miss her" he grunted.
He brought his drink up to his lips taking another drink.
"Talking helps doesn't it!" I said happy that he was opening up "the more you talk about it the easier it gets"
"The easier it gets?" He frowned looking up on me "I don't want it to be easier! I don't deserve for it to be easier! It's my fault she's gone. I could of helped her" he yelled standing up.
I quickly stood up trying my best to be there for him, "you couldn't-"
"You wasn't there" he snapped "you were nice and safe while we were protecting you! She died protecting you!"
That was a low blow. But I guess he was right... and he needed someone to blame.
"Ya were right!" He yelled moving closer to me causing me to tense up and back off a little. Tears were brimming in his eyes "you were fuckin' right!"
"W-what about?" I asked a little nervous.
"I love her" he snapped "that's what ya wanted to hear isn't it"
I guess it was what I wanted to hear but not like this. I wanted to help him but it seems like I'd done the complete opposite.
"I love her and she's dead!" He yelled. He took multiple deep breaths, his chest rising and falling. He latched his hands onto table flipping over sending the liquid flying everywhere along with the glass that held it.
He quickly raised his glass to his lips, downing the contents before sending the glass flying into the wall. As he did so he let out a yell, all of his emotions flooding out.
Then silence. Tears began to flow silently down his face. His chest was no longer rising and falling to catch his breathe. It just quite simply wasn't moving at all.
"I love her and she's dead" he croaked out, finally breathing once again.
"I love her" he whispered tears falling down his face.
"I-I lo-" he began to sob harder, dropping to the ground. He put his head in his hands as he sobbed harder. I crouched down to the floor with him, wrapping my arms around him. I gently tried to shush him, stroking his back.
"I love Izzy" he whispered.
"I know you do" I replied quietly "and I'm sure she knew too"
•~•~•~•
TW: DEPRESSION/UNHEALTHY THOUGHTS, MILD DRUG USE
ISABELLÁ
Alone.
I was all alone.
My body froze, my chest rising and falling in panic. I frantically glanced round looking for anyone. But all I could see was walkers staggering towards me.
I needed to get out of there but I didn't want to leave the prison behind. All of my memories here. Memories of Daryl.
Daryl.
I need to find him.
I quickly glanced around looking for an opening in the sea of walkers. I sprinted through trying not to let the chance of being eaten alive scare me.
I ran for the woods.
Who would have known that I would been back where I started.
Alone in the woods.
I always wanted to be back here, for months after I met the group, but now... I would rather be anywhere but here.
My feet pounding against the ground as I sprinted into the woods. I looked back noticing only a few walkers had broken away from the prison and were following me.
I continued to run aimlessly, hoping it come across a friendly face.
"DARYL!" I screamed praying that he would find me. I needed him. I couldn't live without him.
I slowed down grasping onto a nearby tree, doubling over trying to catch my breathe.
I glanced back seeing that I'd managed to escape the walkers.
Thank god.
My chest began to rise and fall even quicker. I slid back down the tree as I began to hyperventilate. My chest constricting not allowing me to breathe. Tears began to flow uncontrollably down my face. I couldn't breathe without him.
The thoughts were accelerating inside my head. I wanted them to slow so I could breathe again but they won't. My breaths came in gasps as I feel as though I was going to black out. My heart is hammering inside my chest. I was alone. All alone in this fucked up world.
He's gone, he went. Gone.
Thoughts and voices echoed around my head as I sobbed for them to stop.
"Stop crying. You're so fucking ugly when you cry" Rio's voice came back haunting me once again.
"I don't care about ya Izzy. I never have" Daryl. The words I fought so hard to forget.
I curled up into a ball covering my ears trying to block out their words.
"They don't care about you. Nobody does"
Everything that had ever fucked me up came flooding back.
The screams of the men I burned alive over powered my own, the feelings of Rio's hands burned into my skin. I just wanted to escape. Turn it all off like I used to but I couldn't.
Everyone always left me. It's how it was. I was always supposed to be alone, unworthy of anyone's company.
It's like I'm drowning in my own fucking head, the cold wash only I can feel. I don't want to get up. I don't want to move at all.
I was never one of those girls who could see themselves getting married, getting the job and man of their dreams and settling down with kids. Well I guess that was because that wasn't me.
But I couldn't see a future. Sometimes I struggled to even see the next day.
Sometimes I think I was born backwards. That's why I was so fucked up.
That's why my dad left me before I was even born, why my mum couldn't even bare to be around me for 5 days before she abandoned me, why no foster family wanted to keep me, why I was bullied as a kid, why I could never develop a real relationship, why I was only used for sex and why they left me.
Daryl was the only man I'd been with who didn't use me. And now I'd lost him. I loved him and lost him.
I was the reason every fucker left me. I tried so hard to blame everyone else, but I was the problem. It was me. It was always me.
I let out a scream praying for it all to come to an end. It did. Everything went silent.
Only to be replaced by the growls of a walker. I opened my eyes, still laying on the floor seeing a pair of feet staggering towards me.
I sat up reaching for my knife latching my hand around the handle.
But I stopped, hesitating, this could be my way out. I didn't have to ruin anyone else's life anymore. I didn't have to suffer, and neither did they.
I wouldn't be missed.
I closed my eyes letting go of my grip on my knife, accepting my fate.
"You have to live" his voice said calling out to me. The voice I always heard through my struggles. The voice I missed.
"You have to find them"
Doubt began to spiral round in my mind. Was this the best thing to?
"You have to find me" he said "you have to find yourself"
He kept me living. I had to survive for him. Whether he was alive or not, I had to honour him.
And in that moment it took all the strength I have to make a good choice, I quickly opened my eyes coming face to face with a walker. On instinct I wrapped my fingers around the handle off my knife pulling it out of my sheath and embedding it in the walkers skull in one swift motion.
I knew I'd let the demons in. Meaning I had to face them or be consumed by them.
I pushed the walker's body off me as I raked my fingers through the front of my hair trying to think.
I needed supplies. I needed my shit from the prison. I needed Daryl.
I missed him. I'd been apart form him for a matter of hours and I was already missing him.
I climbed to my feet figuring out how I was going to find enough supplies. I walked parallel to the prison, not wanting to go too far in case I began to move further away from everyone else.
I wiped my face, removing the tears that freely rolled down my face. I hated that I was so affected by them. This is what I was always afraid of. I literally had a panic attack because I'd lost them.
I needed to pull it together. Surely we'd all find each other again. We always did.
I knew I had to find Daryl. I had to. I couldn't live without him.
I heard the sound of staggered footsteps behind me. Walker.
I turned around seeing the walker stagger towards me, his leg barely attached as he dragged it across the floor. He wore a black raincoat and on his back he had a large bag pack with a sleeping mat rolled up underneath.
He seemed like he'd been living out of his rucksack for some time, so I figured he had plenty of supplies. It wasn't exactly the way I wanted to find supplies - stealing them off a dead guy. But I had to live.
I moved towards it quickly grabbing it by the throat, holding it at arms length. Thankfully the flesh hadn't decomposed too much so my fingers didn't seep into his skin. That had happened far too many times for my liking. I slowly reached round to the back of his head, pushing my knife carefully through it knowing this would be the cleanest way.
I guess I wanted to show a little bit of respect for this guy too seen as though I was about to steal his shit.
I laid his body down onto his side, making it easier for me to take his rucksack and his jacket. I pulled off the the straps of his rucksack before dragging it away from him.
I opened it up seeing if he had anything worth taking. He had a travel stove, plenty of food, emergency and hygiene supplies, a small repair kit, a bed sheet which I guess had been used as a blanket and a sleeping bag. As I rummaged through, I came across another hand gun with a box of bullets.
Pretty good if you ask me.
A familiar scent filled my nose as I rummaged deeper. My hand came across a plastic bag, I latched onto it and pulled it out the bag.
My jaw dropped when I noticed it was a bag full of cannabis, with a grinder, rolling paper and a lighter.
The scent took my back to my young adulthood. The partying, the drugs. It was when I'd just met Rio's group. I thought they were gods. I thought they would make me happy.
Well I guess I did make some people who I could have possibly called friends. But they were all scared of Rio, so they couldn't help me when things got tough.
I studied the bag for some time before burying it deep in the rucksack.
Out of sight out of mind.
I guess I didn't want to completely get rid of it, just incase the voices came back and I couldn't bare to be alone.
I pulled his raincoat off the corpse before bundling it up and stuffing it into the rucksack.
I threw the rucksack onto my back, it's weight dragging me down a little.
I needed to go back to the prison. See if anyone was hiding out there or went back.
I stalked through the woods making my way round to the back of the prison.
I studied the entrance I was going to go through. It was the same way me, Merle and Daryl went in the first time the Governor attacked. Through the tombs where I got choked out. Lovely memories.
I reached into my rucksack pulling out the sheet. I tossed it to the side while I threw my rucksack back onto my back. Crouching, I pulled out my knife and made a hole in the sheet for my head to go through. I then quickly pulled it on over my head and began to search for a lone walker to gut.
It didn't take long given that a hoard of them were at the prison. It came snarling towards me. I quickly lunged at it driving my knife through its eye.
I wasted no time before gutting it and covering the bed sheet that I was wearing.
I moved myself slowly through the tombs, heading through to cell block C. My body brushing against walkers, I tensed up every-time I did so, praying that none of them decided that I was lunch.
I reached the gate to the cell block, slowly slipping through it. Thankfully the cell gate had been closed so no walkers got through.
I quickly rushed up to my cell grabbing all of my old belongings out of my old rucksack, stuffing them into my new one. My trousers, my knives and my grenades were the main priorities.
I glanced around my cell noticing if there was anything else I could take when I noticed the owl feather that Daryl gave to me.
My heart sank as I knew that I might never see him again. That that's all I have to show for our relationship.
I moved over picking it up off the bed side table and running it though my fingers. I missed him. I missed him so much.
I moved out of my cell and moved into Carl's.
Judith's bed.
Lil ass kicker.
I sighed sitting on Carl's bed putting my head in my hands. They could be dead. All the children we had here, there's a good chance they could be dead.
Lizzie.
Mika.
Carl.
Judith.
Gone.
Next to me, Carl's comic books laid. I noticed one of them was still fresh in its wrapper. I thought it would be nice to take it for Carl, in case I do get to see him again. I picked up a soft toy out of Judith's cot and placed that into my rucksack too.
I guess it was always something to remember them by...
I wish I could stay here longer. But given that there were walkers outside the cell block and apparently the scent wears off of this sheet. I mean it doesn't for me, but the walker can tell. Apparently.
I moved out of Carl's cell, heading to Daryl's perch. Seeing it there, so untouched. Part of me can just see him coming through the cell doors, his crossbow slung across his back.
I needed to see that again. I had to.
I grabbed one of his flannels bringing it up to my nose breathing in his scent. I sighed closing my eyes trying not to cry.
I bundled his sleeveless flannel into my rucksack before grabbing one of his flannels that still had the sleeves attached for myself to wear.
I took one last look in my cell and at Daryl's perch before leaving.
•~•~•~•
A few days later
I rested my head back against a branch of the tree I sat in. My legs still in my sleeping bag. I kept my eyes closed as I ran the feather through my fingers.
I wore Daryl's long sleeve flannel as a jacket.
I was so lovesick. What the fuck was wrong with me.
I hated been alone. I felt so empty.
The voices still haunted me. Rio constantly reminding me of how worthless I was.
I gathered my belongings into rucksack ready to move on. I'd been walking through the words and near by towns looking for any signs of hope. I'm yet to find any.
It's getting worse. The way I feel is getting worse. Every day it's harder and harder to survive. I keep focusing on Daryl but he seems to be further and further away than ever.
My tears rolled freely down my face at the thought of him. I quickly pushed them aside, not wanting to feel.
I jumped down from the tree, my rucksack in my hand, I threw it on to my back and headed out for the day.
As I walked, I reached into my pocket pulling out the thin blunt I had rolled last night. I held it between my fingers while looking down at it. My feet still pounding against the ground.
It wasn't like this was a hardcore drug you know. I guess I just didn't want to smoke it because I wanted to be the reason I felt better not let a drug patch the pain over for a few hours.
"Hello" a feminine voice said from in-front of me. My head quickly snapped up to see a blonde middle aged woman standing before me.
I stopped walking stuffing the blunt back into my pocket.
My heart raced in my chest.
I stepped back quickly glancing around. I noticed a circle of about 6 people had forced around me. All holding weapons and all wearing a sick sadistic grin on their faces.
"What do you want?" I asked.
My mind raced with thousands of reasons as to what was happening. Who were these people?
"You're a sinner" a man said from behind me at the opposite side to the circle they had formed around me.
I turned around to face him. He held a rifle in his hand.
"How?" I asked quietly not really caring to aggravate them. I was outnumbered 1 to 6. And honestly I had no fight left in me.
"What you have in your pocket. That isn't holy" one of them explained still holding a sadistic smile on their face.
"I haven't smoked it" I defended myself.
"This world has no place for sinners" the main man explained.
"You really think god is on your side right now?" I asked beginning to lose my shit "look around. The dead are trying to kill us!"
"This is our judgement. God is cleansing our earth of evil. And you are a sinner. He wants you gone"
The fuck is wrong with these people?
"I ain't a sinner!" I yelled "I don't give a shit about what your God wants"
His hands clenched tighter around his gun, "you've killed people haven't you?" He asked, even though it wasn't a question. I didn't respond. I clenched my jaw eyeing him.
"The way you dress" one of the women started "short shorts, a tank top with your breasts out. You're a whore. You deserve the Harlot's curse"
This bitch.
I grasped the handle of my gun, pulling it out of my holster and quickly began to raise it to aim it at the woman. Before I could even get my gun up to eye level, I was being tackled down to the ground.
I let out a cry as the wind was knocked out of me on impact. My gun knocked out of my hand and my rucksack was ripped from me and tossed to the side.
My arms were pinned either side of me as the man hovered over the top of me. His face inches away from mine.
"Let me go" I cried.
"You are a sinner" was all he said.
I was going to die. This is how I died. At the hands of some fucked up cult.
"Fuck you!" I screamed.
There was no way I was getting out of this. I was surrounded. I took a deep breathe trying to clear my mind.
Maybe I was okay with this. Maybe I wasn't afraid of death no more.
My mind found it's way to Daryl once again. I needed to find him. I needed to see him again but it just seemed so unlikely at this point.
The man grabbed my flannel, ripping it off my shoulders and pulling my arms out.
I thrashed found under his grasp, confused by what was happening. I glanced around seeing them all watching and smiling.
"You see..." the man started as he moved his knife to my inner bicep of my right arm "We wasn't always like this... we took our families to our church for safety - our priest, he left us out hear to die. But for him I am grateful. He opened my eyes so that I could let god in. So that I could see everything wrong with this world. Now I had the power to fix it"
As soon as he finished speaking I felt the sting of the blade across my bicep. I let out a scream as I continued to thrash around. I curled up my toes as the pain radiated from my arm down my whole body.
"Why are you doing this?" I sobbed.
He took the knife off my arm for a second while saying "you're a sinner". He moved back in on my arm dragging it across my skin.
Tears rolled freely down my face as I screamed.
"You deserve this" Rio told me. He was right.
I stopped trying to get the man off me. I allowed him to do it. I deserved this. I deserved to die.
I didn't want to live without Daryl.
The man took his blade off my arm finally allowing me to breathe. Rolled my head over to my to the side, looking at my right bicep.
The word 'whore' carved into my arm.
As I studied my arm, the whole world seemed to pass me by. I stayed laid on the floor as the man moved away from me.
"She must be sacrificed" I heard one of the women say. I couldn't move, I couldn't respond. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see a woman produce a large blade which the man took from her.
But I didn't care. All I could focus on was the word tarnished in my arm.
Anger radiated through me. My chest rising and falling as I tried to keep the anger at bay.
The scared child within wanting to be protected. The girl who was taught to fight and starved of the love she craved.
"You have to survive" The voice I missed told me.
But behind that voice, another lingered in the shadows.
"They need to die"
They did need to die.
I quickly brought my knees up to my chest, rolling back onto my shoulders and my neck with my hands either side of my head. I kicked my legs straight up into the air, pushing up with my hands as I did so. I then arched my back while I was in the air causing me to land on my feet in a crouch. As I did this movement, I reached into my thigh sheaths pulling out both of my knives. I couldn't help but let a smirk form on my face.
All 6 of the sadistic fuckers stared at me. The man began to raise his rifle, but before he could, I quickly stood up and side kicked my right foot into his chest, knocking him off his feet. All of his worshipers lunged at me. The first was a woman, she swung a sword at me, I quickly swerved out the way. Not giving her a chance to respond, I lunged forward pushing my knife into her throat before quickly stepping back, pulling my knife out with it.
Her hands instantly moved up to her neck in attempt to stop the bleeding. But it was too late.
Shame.
I dropped one of my knifes, pulling my remaining glock out while the other was discarded somewhere on the floor from that jackass. I brought to up to eye level quickly shooting a man who ran at me in the skull. His body dropped to the ground.
From behind me I felt the sting of a blade between my shoulder blade and the back of my neck. I figured they were going for an artery. They missed. I yelped in pain before spinning round, not caring to see who it was I drove my knife around with me sending it into the woman's eye.
I let go of my knife, leaving it in her skull, as I spotted my other glock. I ran for it as bullets rained down on me. I slid across the mud towards my glock scooping it up into my hand as I reached it. I quickly spun around on my knees, out stretching both of my arms I sent a bullet flying into the man who was firing shots at me and the man who looked like he was ready to throw a knife at me.
The only man left was the ring leader of all this shit.
I stood up brushing my knees off and looking around for him.
He'd gone. Fled.
Great leader he was.
I rolled my eyes not really caring. I moved round the bodies collecting my weapons, before grabbing my rucksack and sitting in the middle of the carnage.
Killing was so easy to me. It was a little scary, but they deserved it that's why I knew it was okay.
I'd decided to let the demons in. It was so much more fun with them in charge. I reached into my pocket pulling out my blunt and my lighter.
I figured I was going to need it, seen as though I had to deal with my arm and my back... again.
I set the tip of my blunt in between my lips before bringing the lighter to the end lighting it. It immediately starts to burn, the earthy smoke warming my lungs. I rolled my eyes in pleasure, enjoying the substance. My body becoming more relaxed by the second.
I reached into my rucksack, pulling out the first aid kit. Thankfully there was some rubbing alcohol and cotton pads, along with a handful of bandages. I carefully lifted my tank top over my head, leaving myself in my bra. I poured the rubbing alcohol onto the cotton pads before stopping.
I needed to prepare myself for the pain. I took a long breathe on the blunt, feeling the smoke seep into my mouth. While trying my best to focus on that feeling, I dabbed the cotton pad over my arm. My body jolted in pain as I fought to keep in the screams. I breathed out of my nose, breathing out the smoke before inhaling through my mouth, my lips still wrapped around the blunt.
This was supposed to be a pain relief so it better start working sometime soon.
After cleaning my wound I spent some time studying it. It was deep. It was going to scar. I was going to be stuck with that word for the rest of my life.
I began to apply the dressing and bandage wincing in pain every time I touched it.
Once it was bandaged up, I took another few drags on the blunt to prepare myself to deal with the gash on my shoulder blade.
I tried to look over my shoulder at the wound to see how bad it was but I couldn't see it. I sighed before reaching over and touching it, my fingertips brushed it causing me to let out a cry.
It was deep, and more than likely needed stitches. I had a suture kit but there was no chance I'd be able to do it seen as though I couldn't even see it. I'd have to do it at one point given that I was alone but I figured I'd see if it could heal on it's own.
I tipped the rubbing alcohol over it, biting back a scream as I did so. I then quickly but a dressing over it before pulling back on my tank top.
I then put Daryl's flannel on over the top, followed by my raincoat given that it looks as through the heaven's were about to open. Ironic really.
Gently, I put my rucksack onto my back, not wanting to aggravate the wound anymore. I took one last drag on the blunt before stomping it out next to one of the "Christian's" heads.
It didn't exactly get my high, that was never the plan. As a pain relief I'd say it worked somewhat well and it did calm my murderous tendencies down a little.
Whoops. I guess I was a sinner after all.
•~•~•~•
A two days later
It had been about a week since we lost the prison. I'd found nobody.
I had a few leads I guess, saw a large fire a few days back, but it just lead me to a burnt down shack. That could have been any one though.
My back really needed stitching up. It would start to heal itself and then I'd move too quickly and it would open back up again.
I missed my family. I missed everything about them. Even the parts I hated... like Rick. I'd do anything to see him again.
I came to a wide road which somewhat resembled a dirt track. I stopped. Studying it. Across the road was more wooded area. I figured I didn't want to head over there as it was even further away from the prison, but it would helpful to be near a road incase I came across a car or more supplies. I moved a few metres back into the woods, away from the road as I needed better coverage. I continued to walk parallel to it.
The pure black of the night is my comfort, the blanket of generous velvet that keeps me safe. I always found peace in darkness. Even alone I felt peaceful right now.
Looking at the stars reminded me of the times me and Daryl shared under them. I'd do anything to go back there.
I was giving up hope. It's been a week since the prison, surely everyone would be long gone. What if they regrouped and just left me behind like we did with Andrea at the farm.
My heart sank as I knew that could be a very real possibility.
Toxic thoughts began to fill my head as all hope was being drained from me.
Suddenly, I heard yelling coming from the road a few metres away from me. My head snapped up trying to listen to their conversation.
Could it be one of my own? Someone I didn't know? Or the saint who tried to kill me?
"Ten Mississippi, nine Mississippi, eight Mississippi..." the voice counted down.
Someone was about to be killed. In this world a countdown like that never lead to anything good.
Do I help? Do I interfere?
If I was someone I didn't know then I'd risk my life for them. No thank you.
If it was the Saint, I wanted to kill him, so I definitely needed to interfere.
And if it was someone I cared about... I would risk my life to save them.
I couldn't risk not knowing who it was. I moved towards the chaos. I ran but it was somewhat cautious. I needed to stay out of the sight lines and stay in the shadows. I had my back to a tree, carefully peering round it. I only had a quick glance.
One man and a woman surrounded by about 5 other men. I quickly moved back round the back of the tree, not wanting to expose myself for too long. I carefully but quickly moved to another tree which was closer. Hearing some small chaos I waited behind the tree not wanting to get caught. Once it died down a little, I glanced round the tree taking a longer look.
A few of the men were beating up one of their own while there was a boy with a larger man holding on top him.
That boy. That boy was Carl.
The woman... it was Michonne.
And Rick.
I continued to stare, Rick's eyes meeting mine.
I found them... I found them.
I couldn't help but smile, I couldn't help but feel happy.
But now I had to safe them.
•~•~•~•
Season 10c trailer has been released....
Holy shit why is this so hot?!