Update wasn't supposed to take this long but I got occupied with finals and the holidays. Either way, happy reading! :')
48
It's mere minutes away from the start of the rehearsal and my mom and Andrew's entire wedding party is crowded in our kitchen preparing to toast off the night. The guests have arrived and seated, the caterers have exquisitely dressed the tables, and the wedding march has been cued. I'd say we're all ready to go, but that'd be a lie because, in reality, I'm far from ready.
I know, I know. I'm not the one getting married, so what do I need to be ready for?
Honestly, I'd like nothing more than to be able to relax and look forward to a fun evening like everyone else, but... I just can't. While everyone is all smiles and excitement, anxiety has made me a literal mess of fingernail biting, clammy palms, and distracted monosyllabic conversation. It's frustrating.
Even more frustrating, actually, because that's not even the worse part. What's undoubtedly worse is that Luke, my minds leading man, doesn't seem to be dealing with even half the mental battle that I am right now.
I'm standing with my backside pressed against the sink and watching as the tall boy laughs and makes conversation with Andrew's groomsmen. Despite my current dilemma, I can't lie. I'm both surprised and genuinely interested in the fact that besides Luke, there are also three other guys here to stand beside and support his father at the altar. There's Travis, a short, red-faced college professor, Keith, a brawny football dad, and a familiar face, Calum. They're all huddled together at the island, laughing and making a mess of pouring champagne into their respective flutes.
And, Luke?
He looks as if he couldn't be any happier; his entire persona cool, calm, and irritatingly collected. He's wearing black jeans and a white Oxford shirt unbuttoned at the collar, and he's smiling that winsome, all-teeth-and-dimples, dazzling smile that I love so much. His usual sexy, tousled hair has been gorgeously coiffed and styled neatly, and he's taken his lip ring out for the night. It's a far cry from the sweatshirt and beanie look that he's more recently adopted, but I can't say I mind. He looks older, sophisticated, and so so handsome. He simply takes my breath away.
I can't stand it.
I hate that this is the first time in days that I've seen him. I hate that still, we've yet to talk. I hate even more that I've been up every night losing sleep over how much I miss him and he looks as if he hasn't thought of me at all. I have to say, it hurts. A lot.
And maybe it's the emotions I'm still harboring from Andrew's out of the blue confessions or me just being my usual melodramatic self, but tear swim in my eyes.
No.
Not here, Annie.
Turning around, I discreetly turn on the faucet and shove my hands underneath the steamy, running water in an attempt to distract myself from my climbing emotions.
Come on, bottle it up.
Only, the more I try to pull myself together, the more dejected I feel. I don't know if it's the fact that I realize that, the closer my mother and Andrew get to finding true happiness in their lives, the further I get away from mine. Or, the fact that lately, it seems that the way I care and feel about Luke is no longer mutual on his end. Which ... is probably my fault.
It's all so much and I can't hold it in any further; I'm going to cry. Dammit, Annie. Panicky, I glance over my shoulder and out into the room, surveying the crowd. My mother is pressed against Andrew's side, completely engrossed in a conversation with Liv and her other bridesmaid, Elise, and the guys are still distracted. Okay, safe.
But then, a hand meets the small of my back and Bryana peeks over my shoulder with a soft smile, "Careful there, babe, or you'll burn your skin right off." Leaning forward, she shuts off the sink and grabs a dry dishtowel, gently folding it over my reddened hands. Blue eyes meet mine, knowing, and she reaches forward and pinches my chin between her thumb and forefinger. My face is tilted eye-level to hers, "Don't you dare let a single tear fall, you hear me? You ruin your makeup and then we'll all be hearing from Liv."
Oh, god. She's right. Heaven knows what Liv will do if I'm raccoon-eyed before we even walk down the makeshift aisle. What was I thinking? I sniffle hurriedly. "Is she looking?"
She offers me a closed-mouthed smile, "I think you're off the hook." Lifting her knuckle to my eyes, Bryana catches a tear; careful not to smudge my eyeliner. Her smile falters and her eyes turn serious. "Annie, I love you, so I'm gonna say this. You've got to pull yourself together. You're about as obvious as rain on a cloudy day."
"What do you mean?"
"What do I me—, babe, you're staring straight at a certain somebody with tears in your eyes. Not to mention you look as if you've just gotten your heart ripped out of your chest."
Despite myself, I laugh, dryly. "Yeah? Well, that's what it feels like."
Her eyes soften, and her voice lowers. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Crap, another person seeing right through me? I really need to shape up. Clearing my throat, I toss the dishrag aside and square my shoulders. "No."
She looks hesitant. Her neatly made eyebrows narrow together and she throws a glance over her shoulder, "We can go somewhere private. Your room? Your car? It's just the rehearsal dinner, I'm sure no one would care if we're a few minutes late."
Brain: I'd like that more than anything. Translation: "No, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
She's pushing, and before I realize it, I snap. "Bry, I said I'm fine. Don't worry about me, seriously. Just leave it alone."
Bryana pauses. I know she wants to say more. But, she doesn't. I should be satisfied, I'm the one forcing her away, but I can't help but feel disappointed. With a deep sigh, Bryana nods curtly and takes a step back away from me, muttering, "Your call."
When I turn around, Luke's watching, and our eyes lock. That's all it takes for me to become paralyzed, just a single second of his attention, and every thought disappears from my head.
Shit, did he see me?
I probably look so pathetic and childish right now. Crying about my problems on one of the happiest nights of our parent's engagement journey and then snapping at Bryana for trying to help? Seriously, Annie?
I can feel the heat, hot and heavy, rushing up my neck and burning through my cheeks, and not wanting to dwell on the embarrassment any longer, I force myself to look away from him. Thankfully, in enough time too. Andrew lifts a glass in the air, his arm wrapped snuggly around my mother's waist. "Okay, everyone, grab a glass. Let's do this, shall we?"
—
With thanks to Bryana, I manage to get through the wedding rehearsal without having to interact with Luke. After making a fuss of being too tall to walk with Calum, Bryana persuaded Liv to allow her to switch spots with me; saving me from an incredibly awkward and probably, impossible walk down the aisle with him. Imaginary flowers were spread, makeshift vows were exchanged, and non-existent rings were bared. The work part of the night was finally over, and now the actual fun could begin; the dinner party.
But first, some alone time.
Tugging my elaborate ponytail from out of my hair, I let my curls fall in a veil around my shoulders and settle down at the edge of the pool. In front of me, the party is in full swing. Dinner music flows through speakers and the backyard is alive and buzzing with twinkling lights, laughter, and familial introductions. It looks so picturesque, and I sink my bare toes into the water as I lean back on my palms to watch.
"Do you mind?"
I glance up, surprised to see the guy that's been by my side the majority of the night: Calum. He's holding a plate with one hand and motioning towards the empty spot next to me with the other. Calum has managed to keep me laughing and in good spirits all night. There's something about the way he moves and his lively and witty facial expressions, that makes everything that he says or does, simply amusing. His happiness is infectious and, I'm glad for it.
I shake my head with a small smile. "Not at all. Feel free."
"Thanks." With a charming smirk on his face, he turns and holds his plate out to me, his arms tanned and toned underneath a short-sleeved, black Polo. "Here," he says, "Hold that."
He kicks off his shoes, stuffing his socks inside of them, and I watch as he rolls his pant legs up before taking a seat next to me. Leaning over, he takes his plate from me, slightly knocking his shoulder against my arm. "Whatcha' doing over here all alone?"
"Just needed a minute," I say, dragging my feet through the water. "Plus, I don't think I can take another hug from Grandpa Hemmings."
Calum laughs loudly. "Oh yeah, that man has wandering hands for sure."
"Exactly." I laugh. "What about you? Enjoying yourself?"
Calum nods. "I am, believe it or not. I have to say, you make a pretty good walking down the aisle partner."
I turn to him with a laugh, my eyebrows raised. "You're not too bad yourself."
"You think so? I made sure to fit some practice intervals in between me being a stalker. Or, wait. Was it a serial killer?"
A giggle erupts from me unexpectedly and I clamp my teeth down hard against my lip, stopping myself. "Let's not ever discuss that again."
"No promises," he laughs. Calum turns his attention down to his plate and, I focus my own back on wading my feet through the water. Clearing his throat, he comments, "I know why Bryana did what she did."
I'm caught off guard but I quickly recover with a nod. Calum knows about Luke and me. That's already been established. I duck my head, suddenly feeling self-conscious, and stare down into my lap. "Does he know?"
"He understands."
"Is he upset?"
Calum ignores my question. "Luke cares about you, you know that right?"
"I care about him as well."
"Do you?"
My eyes cut to him, "Of course, I do." Calum shrugs, almost like he doesn't believe me and I narrow my eyes, somewhat offended. "What is this, the, 'if you hurt my best friend, I'll kill you', speech?"
"Should it be?" He doesn't wait for me to answer, "Look, Annie, I know you don't think that you'd ever hurt Luke. But, the truth is, you have. Was it unintentional? I don't know you well enough to assume."
"Yeah, and you don't know me well enough to assume otherwise, either." Frustrated, I lift my feet from the water and start to stand.
"Hey, relax," Calum starts, gripping my wrist lightly. With an exasperated sigh, he gently tugs me back down, next to him. "I'm sorry, okay? That wasn't fair of me to say."
I choose not to say anything, still thinking of his previous words. Have I hurt Luke? Despite myself, I know Calum's right. Of course, I have. I'm selfish, I play, I tease, and I leave. My chest swells with sudden anxiety and I swallow hard. Oh, no. Not in front Luke's best friend.
I guess Calum senses this because he set his plate aside and slings an awkward arm over my shoulder.
I glance at him, "When?"
"Huh?"
"When?" I repeat. "Did I uh, hurt Luke."
Calum shakes his head, "Annie, does it matter?"
It shouldn't. It doesn't. I can't undo it. But, still. "To me, yes."
He sighs gently, "Look, for as long as I've known Luke, he's never been a 'for the moment' kind of guy. He doesn't date to date, ya know'? He values commitment, loyalty, the long-term."
I turn to face him, taking a slight notice of how close we are. Unlike Luke's bright blue eyes, Calum's are comely hickory and lidded with the most beautiful, long, dark eyelashes that I've ever seen on a person. I swallow, "Why are you telling me this?"
"Annie, he wants that with you. But, you run off with Ashton, you ignore him for days, you go back on your word. It's insensible and it isn't fair. He just wants to know that you want him too. A man's pride is all he has. "
I can't help that I'm annoyed, it's my first defense method. Hearing your faults from a third-party isn't exactly something that most people take heed to. A tear streaks down my cheek and I turn away from him, hurriedly swiping it away. Enough of this. I can't always be the bad guy.
I shake my head. "Luke leaves me too. He goes places that he doesn't want me to know about, he shuts me out, and he's secretive." I brush his arm off of me and stand from the pool, my feet dripping. "But, I'm sure you know all about that."
Then without another word, I stalk off.
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