*
Lilith did not know what frightened her the most. If you asked the average person, they'd probably say something along the lines of spiders or monsters, or perhaps losing a loved one.
But Lilith had no loved ones to lose, she'd grown out of being scared about monsters under the bed and there were too many spiders around the home during autumn that she'd never had the chance to be afraid of them because they had simply always been there- seeking shelter from the harsh wind and rain of Coventry city.
"I want you to picture the thing you fear the very most." Professor Lupin had said to them, standing with his hands in the pockets of his shabby robes as he looked over the heads of the students clad in green.
But the thing was, she didn't know .
She had lined up at the very back as she tried to delay her turn for as long as possible, but it came soon enough and she was standing in front of a singing chicken shaped boggart.
The boggart finally noticed her standing with a stoic expression on her face, trying to quiet down her mind telling her what different things that her worst fear could be. Maybe the boggart would transform into a bundle of her worst fears, mutilated together as one giant monster.
The chicken stared at her for many long seconds before a loud CRACK echoed around the defence against the dark arts classroom. The whole class looking confusedly at the form the boggart had took.
"Did you really think you could run away?"
Lilith could only stare, her wand arm held limply at her side.
"Your pathetic little attempts were unsuccessful, you know?" The boggart slowly paced toward her, "you know I'll always get you! You can't run! You can't hide!" She- it- was shouting now. "You'll always come back one way or another, I didn't know you liked me so much. You certainly don't seem to show it."
Lilith blinked slowly, shifting her feet, as she assured herself, "You're not real." Her mind was telling her to chant the incantation but her mouth was refusing to move. She was useless.
"It was no wonder you got sent here, my place was the last resort for a lost case like you; a useless, bastard child freak!" Ms Clem's arm was raised in an extremely familiar position. Boggarts couldn't hurt her, could they? Not physically, she thought. But she never got to know the answer, for a tall frame draped in shabby wizarding robes sped in front of her.
She didn't see what his boggart turned into, for her gaze was unfocused and drawn to the dusty floor, a great feeling of shame and anger seeping through her magic-filled veins.
She didn't bother staying, only swinging her satchel over her shoulder and drawing her cloak around her tightly as she left the staff room in a flurry of billowing robes.
She couldn't bear to face the fact that she was her worst fear.
*
September came to an end with a significant amount of ancient runes homework that was, quite literally, piled high upon her bedside table. She didn't know why Professor Babbling felt the need to give them so much extra work to do.
But as the first month at Hogwarts came to an end with stacks of homework, October soon came with something that Lilith got to look forward too for the first time since joining Hogwarts.
The quidditch season was arriving and Lilith couldn't wait for much longer. She was given notice from Cassius Warrington that she needed her own broom so, only having a small part of her great uncle Alphard's vault at her disposal, she had ordered a brand new Cleansweep eleven broomstick.
She was the only one on the team who didn't have a world cup standard broom but she didn't care. She loved the new Cleansweep as much as anyone else would love a brand new Firebolt, she had spent longer than she'd like to admit admiring the polished Spanish oak handle alone.
However, the polished handle was now covered in mud as she and the rest of the Slytherin quidditch team (save for Adrian Pucey who was in the hospital wing due to a bludger to the nose that was most definitely not sent by Lilith) made their way down to the damp dungeon corridors that lead to a much cosier common room that was buzzing excitedly when they all walked in.
"What's all this about, then?" Lilith said to Pansy, collapsing next to her friend who was braiding a first year's long hair.
"First Hogsmeade visit on halloween." She said as she weaved the girl's long strands of blonde hair in and out of each other quickly.
"Oh, brilliant." Said Lilith dejectedly, accidentally knocking her foot against one of the girls who had queued in a line along the floor next to Pansy.
Pansy eyed her mockingly, "I'm sure Filch would absolutely adore some company around the castle," She tied a hair bobble around the blonde girl's plait.
"C'mere," Lilith said to the girl closest to her, "Growing up around girls has its benefits." She began to bundle one side of the hair together and began to braid it.z
*
October thirty first came quicker than she'd liked. She selfishly wished that the Hogsmeade visit would be cancelled, only so she wouldn't feel so alone.
As soon as she entered the loud din of the great hall, she almost immediately walked straight back out. The joyful babble of chattering students making Lilith want to run all the way back to her four poster bed and stay there until mid November.
Why did Dumbledore have to meddle with all this?
Why was she treated differently because of who she was? Over something she didn't even choose.
She sat at the very end of the table, trying to hide from her friends' view so they wouldn't try to convince her to eat more than a dry slice of toast and a single cup of plain black coffee. She didn't need to add anything to the coffee, she liked it how it was unlike most coffee drinkers. People changed the drink to fit their liking, they changed it to benefit themselves. Lilith related sometimes.
"I'll bring you some sweets from honeydukes." Theo suggested after he had sneaked a few rashes of bacon onto her plate, "besides, Mother says it's not nearly as good as everyone makes out."
"Thanks, Theo." she mumbled and poked the bacon she now noticed was on top of her toast, "Who put that there?"
Theo smiled shyly and looked down at his plate, "Me."
"Why?" she asked him, scowling immediately afterwards.
He hesitated, "Because-"
"Go on," Lilith urged as she looked at him pointedly.
"Because you hardly do it yourself!" Theo finally snapped, "you're skin and bone, Lilith, anyone can see that!"
"Anything more?" She said and her eyes were now glued to the table in front of her.
"Yes," Theo breathed exasperatedly, "It isn't healthy, you're allowed to eat here; you're not at the orphanage anymore."
When she glanced at him, she could see that his forest green eyes were staring intensely at her, sincere and deep. It was now she realised how pretty his eyes really were; deep pools of shocking green, the dark forest hidden within his irises.
"I care about you." He whispered sincerely, his words nearly drowned out by the raucous chatter in the great hall, but she heard him just fine. No one had ever told her that they cared about her before, not in words at least. She could only interpret that her friends cared and trusted her by how they acted, but none of them had said it themselves. No one except for Theodore.
She bit the inside of her cheek, regretting now that she had snapped at him. She thought she'd be used to it by now, used to the fact that she had friends and people who would miss her if she went away. "I know," was all she replied with.
The rest of the meal was spent sitting in silence, Pansy was sitting next to Daphne and Astoria Greengrass further along the table and Merlin knows where Blaise was. She saw her cousin and his gorilla-like friends over by the Gryffindor table where Harry Potter and his friends sat, no doubt still taunting him about the illness that had overtook him on the train which caused him to faint. Draco found it funny.
Lilith was about to leave the table to go and sulk on her bed when Theo spoke, "Why aren't you wearing your glasses?" His voice was strict but she could hear caring undertones.
She breathed a heavy sigh, Theo had a knack for reminding her to take care of herself, "I'm not reading."
He rolled his eyes before he, too, sighed heavily, "If you don't start wearing them now you'll have to wear them all the time. You'll look like Potter with long hair." He teased to which Lilith made a disgusted face at in response.
She glared at him before digging into the pockets of her robes and fished out a pair of gold rimmed glasses. "There," Lilith said bitterly, pushing them up the bridge of her nose, "Happy now?"
"Very."
*
Lilith had left the great hall and made her solitary way to the library after deeming that sulking in her room would not be a productive way to spend the day. She needed to finish her history of magic homework anyway.
Professor Binns (a rather old wizard who was actually a ghost but hadn't seemed to notice) had set them work on medieval witchcraft: the struggles witches and warlocks faced during the great magic purges.
As the witch-hunts grew ever fiercer, British wizarding families began to live double lives, using charms of concealment to protect themselves and their families. By the seventeenth century, any witch or wizard who chose to fraternise with Muggles became suspect, even an outcast in his or her own community. Upon the signature of the International Statute of Secrecy in 1689, wizards went into hiding for good. It was natural, perhaps, that they formed their own small communities within a community. Many small villages and hamlets attracted several magical families, who banded together for mutual support and protection. The statue of secrecy lead to modern day muggles into thinking that the great magic purges throughout history were lead by easily fooled people of power, however muggles before the statue of secrecy was released could have possibly encountered different forms of magic of which they were afraid and purged Great Britain "clean" of witches and wizards.
Lilith pushed her glasses back up her nose again. From not wearing them enough, she wasn't used to having them constantly slip down the bridge of her nose. Huffing frustratedly, she closed the heavy tome shut and slipped it into her bag and left the stuffy confines of the library.
She wandered aimlessly around the empty halls of the castle until she found herself walking out of one of the archways into the bare courtyard.
She sat down on one of the benches, lifting her legs up to rest horizontally on the stone bench in front of her and letting her back rest against the tree behind her.
She only sat there silently, her history book left closed in her bag, as her onyx coloured eyes roamed the courtyard she'd sat in many times before.
She pulled the glasses off of her face and rubbed her eyes as she groaned in annoyance, before replacing them in front them again.
She was internally criticising everything that came to her mind.
Witch burnings; they'd caused magical families to go into hiding to this day, the muggles who were scared of magical people and killed them instead of embracing them.
Dumbledore; bloody knock-off Merlin who thought he had the right to take away her Hogsmeade privileges over something she had no control over.
Hogsmeade; it was only a town riddled with dementors searching for her father, besides, Theo said it wasn't all it cracked up to be.
Theo; stupid Theo, caring about her. Reminding her to do things that she was completely capable of doing herself- well- that wasn't entirely true. Stupid Theo and his stupid caring personality, his stupid shy smiles, his stupid curly hair, his stupid freckles, his stupid pretty eyes.
She leapt up suddenly, rage and confusion rushing around her body. She didn't know how to describe it other than the fact that she just could not think straight, she was being controlled by her pure frustration when she balled her hands into tight fists and kicked the stone bench. She didn't care, she couldn't possibly care just now for her head was heavy and blinded with anger.
Stupid Theo, she kicked the bench.
Stupid Dumbledore, she kicked it again.
Stupid Hogmeade, and again.
Stupid Dementors, again.
Stupid Father, her foot was beginning to throb.
Stupid me, she punched the stone archway this time. She grimaced, not because of her bruised and slightly bloody fist, but because she heard her name being shouted from the far end of the courtyard.
She pulled a shaking hand through her messy hair and took a deep breath and turned to face the person who had called her. Professor Lupin had caught her at an unfortunate time as she currently looked quite deranged with her dark hair slightly wild, her knuckles red and swollen, and her jaw clenched.
Lupin's gaze was painfully long as he studied her, his eyes glanced down at her clenched fists before they fell to her feet, no doubt noticing how her weight was mostly balanced on her left foot. There was no doubt that he saw.
She was breathing unevenly and looked at him apprehensively, waiting to see what he was going to do; but he didn't do anything. Professor Lupin glanced around the courtyard skittishly before bringing his hand across his unshaven chin- he didn't know what to do.
They only stared at each other for a long minute until he spoke, "Would you come to my office?"
Lilith gulped silently and painfully followed her defence against the dark arts teacher to his office which, much to her dismay, was farther than she would have preferred.
*