Taylor and Joe spent three days after the trial in New York, before flying all the way back to New Zealand.
The sun had shined all the way there, and Taylor felt like she was a new person. She felt as if she could breathe after five years of suffocating. Five years of waiting for the next blow, the next bruise. The next time he'd hurt her, the next time the darkness would swallow her. It had been a constant waiting game. The next time she'd have to cover her face with layers of makeup, cover the tears with a smile. The next time she was so consumed within the moment that she couldn't possibly think about a brighter future. Five years of believing that she wasn't enough. Five years of believing that no one would ever believe her story. Five years. Those five years that had held the most intense suffering but the most beautiful love that she'd ever felt.
She'd been so relieved to hold Thea in her arms again, to see her smile.
She'd done it. She'd made it out. Alive. For the longest time, Taylor had thought that the only way to escape it all would be to hurt herself past the point of recovery. She had believed that the only way to find peace would be to make it all end. She'd thought that was the only way to escape the nightmare that was her life.
But then she'd met Joe, gotten lost in his eyes, been held by that smile... and she'd found daylight. She'd found a life, a person who had taught her that it was worth living. A life that she loved, a life that was a dream. A life that had taught her how to love, how to feel again and a life that had taught her about about how much there truly was to live for.
She remembered, how many times Joe had asked her to list the things she'd done and never thought she could do, of all the things that made her happy. She thought about how hard it had been to come up with a list of those things when she'd first met him. Now she was sure she could talk about all of those things for a long time.
She could list so many things now. So many things that made her happy, so many things she'd done and never thought she could do.
One of them was the fact that she was actually so proud of herself. Proud of herself for surviving, for getting through. For not succumbing to the darkness. For finding daylight in the darkest place she could imagine. For finding love and happiness in that starless night.
Adam had pushed her from the precipice, but Joe had been there to catch her as she fell, to break her fall. He'd been there to mend her broken parts, to hold her barbed wire bones in the palm of his hands, to remind her to be kind to herself. He'd been there, with her through that darkness. He hadn't tried to pull her out of it before she was ready, hadn't rushed her to move past it. She'd been stuck in that time in her life where she was bruised and he hadn't told her that it was time to move on, hadn't told her she was overreacting. He'd given her the time she needed to heal. He'd held her as she'd disintegrated, held those fractured pieces until she was ready to put them back together again.
She'd found the most rare and beautiful love - it proved to her that some of the most wonderful things occur by chance or serendipity. She could have decided not to get a coffee that December day three years ago. She could have never left the apartment that day. And she never would have met Joe Alwyn. She never would have seen him up close, never would have heard the way his voice goes high when he talks about the things he loves, never would have seen him kiss their daughter Goodnight, never would have seen the way his fingers glide across the piano as they write songs together by candlelight.
She could have ended it all and missed out on the best years of her entire life.
The darkest times produce the brightest stars. The blazing Aurora's and the glistening of the moonlight on the lakes. She'd realised, that her darkest times produced a love that was as rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky.
-
They'd been back in New Zealand for four weeks, the trial was behind them. Joe woke up with a purpose, woke up with the entire day planned out. He'd had this planned for weeks now, and today was the day.
He looked over at the love of his life, who was sound asleep, Olivia asleep at her side, and smiled. This was where he wanted to be for the rest of his life. He quietly got out of bed, scooped Thea up and took her downstairs. She'd really started to have a little personality now - and Joe laughed at how much she was already like Taylor.
"Good morning!" Joe said as he took her downstairs. She'd started to respond to them when they were talking to her, with little giggles or gurgles. Thea loved it when Joe tickled her toes, loved to always be the centre of attention. Of course, neither of them minded it at all.
He sat with her on the carpet, lay her on the little play mat that they'd brought for her. It was filled with little dangling clouds, moons, stars and suns, and Thea could almost reach them. She was getting so big, and Joe worried that one day he'd blink and she'd be all grown up.
"Are you ready for today?" He asked Thea as he tickled her tummy. She giggled and Joe smiled. There were few things that he could name that he liked more than hearing his daughter laugh. Perhaps hearing Taylor laugh... hearing Taylor talking to Thea with a smile. "We're going to have to keep Mommy very busy, okay?" Thea babbled in response. "Oh? Is that going to be your job?" Joe laughed, kissing her cheek. Thea laughed again, and Joe just sighed with happiness. "Okay then! It sounds like you've got it all sorted!"
"What are you laughing about?" Taylor asked from behind him. Joe turned around with a smile.
"Secret things." Joe answered as Taylor sat down beside him, wrapping an arm around him. "Rosa called earlier- she says that she wants to talk to you about something."
Taylor looked down at Thea, grinning. "Did she say when?"
"The sooner you can get there, the better." Joe told her.
"Are you going to come?" Taylor asked as Thea shrieked with excitement as she'd almost reached one of the stars.
"I have a video call with my agent this morning," Joe sighed. "So sadly I will have to pass. I can drop you down there if you want?"
"No, it's okay! I can walk. Do you want me to take Thea so you don't have to worry about her?" Taylor offered, but Joe shook his head. "Are you sure? She's pretty loud at the moment. I don't want her to ruin anything for you..."
"She'll be fine, my love." Joe leaned over and kissed her. "Anyway. I know that everyone won't mind her. Who couldn't love her when she's as adorable as this?"
Taylor laughed. "I'd better go and get ready then."
"I'll have breakfast ready when you come back down." He smiled as she leaned into him.
"I love you," she murmured against his neck, and he kissed her.
"To the moon and to Saturn."
Taylor pulled away, smiling. She kissed his cheek, and went upstairs to get ready.
She had a shower, dried her hair and put it in a ponytail. She didn't know what Rosa would need her help with, but she didn't mind. They'd gone to her little tearoom every morning since they'd gotten back from New York, and Taylor was currently in the process of buying a place down the road. It was similar to this one, with a little trail down to the beach, and was a fifteen minute walk to Rosa's coffee shop. It was something that both her and Joe had decided to start looking for the moment that they got back from New York. Taylor had decided that this would be the perfect place to come to when they needed time away from the cameras and their fast paced lives. They'd also been looking at buying a place in London, so that they had a range of different places to go to. So that there would be times where Joe would get to see his family often.
Taylor kissed Thea and Joe goodbye - getting a laugh out of both of them.
"I'm not sure how long I'll be, so I'll see you later. If she's too loud, I don't mind popping back to get her," Taylor told Joe as Thea made her gorgeous babbling noises. "I hope it goes okay."
"It's going to be fine. She'll be great. I'm sure that the call will go fine - but you don't need to worry. Thea and I will be okay." He kissed Taylor and she smiled against his lips.
"Okay. Well, I'll have my phone on me if there's any problems, so call me..." Taylor was still so hesitant to leave, but she knew they'd be okay. "I'll let you know when I'm on my way home." She kissed him again, before finally going to the door.
"I'll miss you. I love you," Joe smiled as she opened the door.
"I love you too, have a nice time." Taylor grinned.
Rosa's shop was closed when Taylor arrived. She knocked on the door, and smiled when she saw Rosa's face peer through the glass.
"Taylor!" Rosa grinned as she opened the door. "Good morning!"
"Hello!" Taylor pulled her in for a hug. "Joe said that you'd called and wanted to talk to me about something?"
"Oh- oh! Yes, come. I'll make us a drink and we can go and sit outside. The weather is supposed to change a bit later - and if it does, I'll drop you home." Rosa beamed. "Would you like a muffin? Or a scone?"
The Taylor she had been three years ago would have said no. The Taylor she had been three years ago would have felt sick at the thought of it. But the Taylor she was now - said yes please.
"Why aren't you open today?" Taylor asked her as they went and sat down outside in the sun. It was airless outside, and the sun was shining on the little stream that went through the back of the place.
"I thought that I'd... give myself the day off." Rosa smiled as she sat down. "I haven't had a day off in ten years... and I figured that it was finally time to have a rest for a day."
"That sounds like such a good idea," Taylor smiled as she ate a mouthful of the cheese scone. It was delicious. And it was even better because she didn't even feel guilty for eating it. "It's always important to step away from things for a while. Which is why Joe and I are going to buy a place here," Rosa gave an excited gasp.
"Wow! That's great - it'll be so lovely to have a place to come when it all gets a little too much. And I'm sure that when Thea gets older, she'll love to have somewhere she can run around and be silly." Taylor was still so relieved that no one had discovered them yet, or if they had, they'd kept it quiet. They'd been careful - even Rosa was in on it. Rosa wouldn't call them by their real names if there were people in the room, and Taylor was so grateful for her kindness.
She smiled at the mention of Thea. "She is getting quite... loud at the moment. I think she loves the sound of her own voice."
"That's just the sweetest thing," Rosa smiled.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" Taylor asked as she took a sip of her hot chocolate.
"I... just wanted to thank you for giving an old lady like me the time of day." Rosa told her softly. "You don't know how nice it is to feel noticed."
Taylor leaned over and rested one of her hands on Rosa's, and smiled. "Rosa, it's me that should be thanking you! You don't have to thank me - I've loved coming here and seeing your lovely smile every day! But you've... actually treated us like we're normal people, and that's been so nice. Meeting you is one of the best parts about this whole place!" Taylor laughed. "So really, it's me that should be thanking you!"
Rosa gave Taylor a soft smile.
The two of them sat and talked for two hours, until Rosa got a phone call. She came back outside and told Taylor that she had to pop into town to pick something up and offered to drop Taylor off.
Taylor said that she was happy to walk home, and started walking home. She flicked Joe a text, and smiled.
She loved her life so much. She loved life again. The Taylor she had been before, never could have imagined that feeling.
She couldn't stop smiling. The trial had taken a lot out of her, but it had set her free, too. It had haunted her in the middle of the night for a week, but then, it had abandoned her thoughts completely.
Joe texted back, See you soon, my love! Thea has something very exciting to show you!
Taylor's eyebrows knitted together as she tried to think of what it was, but she couldn't think of anything. Perhaps Joe had been given a role in a movie? Perhaps their offer on the house had been accepted? She didn't know, but hoped that it wasn't anything bad. Surely Joe would have told her if it wasn't good... she'd told him to phone her if anything went wrong... so surely everything was fine.
She walked up the driveway, listening to the birds, feeling the sun on her eyelids, on her shoulders. Feeling the daylight pour over her, feeling herself being drenched in the sun rays.
She always missed Joe and Thea so much whenever she was away from them, and she couldn't wait to see them.
She opened the door, putting her phone and keys down on the table in the hallway. She froze, when she saw it.
There was a golden string. Twisting and turning through the house. Little pieces of paper attached to it. Taylor felt tears prick in her eyes. The first piece of paper, tied to the golden string, was a date.
The date of the night where they first lay eyes on each other. The second of May, 2016. Below the date, was a short poem.
when I saw you first, it took every ounce of me not to kiss you.
when I first heard your laugh, it took every ounce of me not to marry you.
and when I met your soul, it took every ounce of me.
- atticus
The poem brought her tears to a tipping point, and she felt them fall down her cheek. Running her fingers down the little golden string, it led her to another piece of paper. This time, it was the date that they'd ran into each other at the coffee shop. When the daylight had poured into her life for the first time.
You are my most beautiful someone.
- e.s
She was going to sob soon. She was going fall to pieces in a beautiful symphony of poetry.
The string led her to the kitchen, to the next piece of paper. This piece of paper had Joe's writing all over it.
I lost my way all the way to you and in you I found all the way back to me.
- atticus
The string led her out the back door, where another piece of paper was waiting. She felt her hands shake. All of these little poems were so beautiful.
Show me the most damaged parts of your soul, and I will show you how it still shines like gold.
- n.g
Taylor smiled, barely able to see the paper through her tears. The golden thread took her into the garden, where she began to hear Thea's laugh. This made her smile through her tears.
The next piece of paper, was Joe's own poem. She'd wondered what he had been scribbling in her notebook, and now she finally knew what he'd been writing.
When I look at you
With your evergreen smile
And your golden heart
I know.
When I see you
With our daughter
Mumbling sweet nothings to the stars above
I know.
When I see you
And that fire that burns in your soul
The embers that now burn in mine, too
I know.
When I see you
The world stops spinning
Stops to hear your voice
And see your smile
And I can see why, because
I too, turn glacial when
You look at me
Because when you turn my way
When you take my hand
And we dance around the room
Listening to Clair De Lune
I know.
I know, love.
I know that I want all of your sunrises
I want all of your sleepless nights
I want your broken pieces
Just as much as the ones that are whole
I want your daylight
And I hope that you want mine
Because I know.
When I look at you
And the stars in your eyes
And the light in your soul
I know
That I want you.
I knew from the moment I saw you
With that stolen sequin smile
And your eyes that lay on the ground
That I wanted to have an infinity
Together
With you.
Taylor looks up, and she saw Joe, at the end of the golden string. The string that had tied them together.
"A single thread of gold tied me to you," Joe beamed, as Thea laughed with the rattle she was holding in her hand. "And it's golden, like daylight."