After my second red cup, I somehow managed to get up the stairs with the crowd around me, hoping I'd find Jacob, but with no luck, I quickly locked myself in the bathroom which seems to be the only place I can breathe.
I look at the slightly smudged mascara under my eyes before grabbing a q-tip, wetting it under the sink, and wiping away the mess. I take a deep breath, adjust my dress, and open the door slowly to an empty upstairs floor and a crowded downstairs.
My feet take me slowly toward Miles's bedroom door, it's slightly open to my surprise and the darkness inside invites me to peek into the room.
"Miles?" I breathe, but it's not loud enough for anyone to hear me. I glance at the small bedside clock on Miles's black nightstand to see that it's five minutes past midnight. I gulp, maybe I'm too late. I step into the room.
"Miles?" I say again, except this time it's much louder coming from my lips. I stare at his bedroom, letting the silk sheets wrap themselves between my fingers feels like him, everything in this house feels like him—everything feels like him, and I'm sick of getting haunted by everything dark in my surroundings.
"Madison?" I hear Hayden's voice ring in through the room and I quickly turn around.
"Something wrong?" he asks and I shake my head.
"No, I'm fine." I lie and his big lips smile at me. He runs his dark fingers through his pitch-black hair before his brown eyes shift to look into mine.
"You sure?" He says through his lips.
Even though he's approaching closer, I'm not intimidated, even though I know what he used to do, he's not intimidating anymore now that I know the truth and how much regret he's filled with.
"Yeah." My eyes scan the random tattoos covering both of his arms from shoulder to wrist.
They're not cluttered on his dark skin, instead, they lie on his skin as all kinds of scribbles, colors, and writings, almost something you'd see graffitied on an old house.
"Want to come down for a drink? Staying up here alone isn't exactly what you do at parties." He chuckles and I giggle at his words before nodding.
He gives me one last smile before we both head to the door.
"Strippers!" someone calls from downstairs and my stomach immediately begins to churn, making me feel physically sick.
"You okay?" Hayden asks and I nod even though I want to throw up my nerves.
The small arrow tattoo above his left cheekbone stares at me as his eyes scan my face.
"I'll mix you a good drink." He says and I nod as he rushes downstairs and I trail slowly behind him. I'm not sure how to feel, the whole time I wanted to come here to see the real Miles, but now that I have the chance to, I'm not sure I want to anymore.
My feet take me to the kitchen and the music stops which somehow makes me feel worse as if I'm exposed somehow.
Both of Hayden's shiny diamond earrings greet me as he hands me a cup with pink liquid swimming around in it.
"What is this?" I ask.
"Strawberry vodka lemonade . . . a girly drink." He chuckles and I nod before taking a sip of the sweet liquid.
"How is it?" he asks and I smile.
"It's good." I giggle. The music comes on again but it's different, it's relaxed and slowed down with slower beats and it's coming from upstairs.
I manage to hear the sound for a few seconds before someone screams, "The king is officially getting a lap dance!" and the music returns back to normal with quiet beats traveling from the relaxed music upstairs.
"What's happening?" I ask even though I perfectly know the answer.
"Miles is about to get danced on." He side smiles at me and I can't help but look at him completely frightened.
"Oh, okay," I say, hearing it again somehow confirms that all of this wasn't just lies swimming around in my head.
"I'll be right back, I need to use the bathroom." I smile at him and he nods with a quick wink.
I hold tightly onto my cup as my feet take me slowly up the stairs, hoping no one will see me since the upstairs is off-limits.
I feel my heart pound with every step that brings me closer. I hear the music much clearer now as I approach the upstairs floor.
The beats become louder and so does my twisting and turning stomach. Blue light shines from under one of the doors upstairs and I hesitantly walk towards the light, hoping that what I'll see won't break me forever.
I gulp as my fingertips finally reach the door handle but before I can open it, something—someone pulls me back. I quickly loosen the hands off my stomach, feeling the familiar skin and seeing those familiar tattoos.
"Miles?" I whisper almost to myself before turning around to Miles's smile.
"What are you—" I'm stopped by his pink lips.
"A buddy of mine is in there . . . instead of me." He explains with a small smile as his dark hazel eyes scan my features, letting me breathe again even though the slowed music.
"But—"
"I don't need that shit when I got you." He says, looking at the side as he clenches his jaw.
My stomach flutters and I feel ease being injected into my body with his words, letting it flow through every cell in my being.
"And I'm sorry I ruined our midnight plans, I fucked up Jacob pretty bad, and I . . . I had to make sure I didn't kill the guy." He smiles, his eyes finally shifting to look into mine.
"I'm sorry for everything, Madison, I'm sorry I fucked up again, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I kept track of all of the times we had sex. I'm sorry." He says, his one brow raised.
"It's okay." I breathe, as I look into his familiar eyes—the eyes that keep surprising me.
"I'm sorry too, I read what you wrote and . . . maybe I shouldn't have gotten so upset," I say and his smile grows.
"I think you might be right." He says, his hands traveling to my lower back, holding me tightly before his hands rest on my butt.
"But, sorry isn't going to cut it this time." He raises a brow and a chuckle escapes my mouth as his hands lift me up into his hold.
"What's going to cut it then?" I smile, biting at my lip as I look at his smile.
"Birthday sex." He says and butterflies flutter all over my body.
"Let's finish what we started that night." He explains further and I nod, my body ready to succumb to his touch.
He carries me over the small hall and into his bedroom before locking the door all the while I giggle.
"How many cups did you have?" He asks with a smile, putting me down and looking at a red cup sitting on his nightstand. I must have left it there when I first came into his room.
"Two—almost three." I smile, remembering the pink vodka. He bites his lip and takes off his shirt, "perfect." He lifts me up and my skin immediately touches his shirtless chest.
The warmth invites me and I want to succumb there and then and for a second I feel like I almost lose track of time.
My fingers run across his chest before my arms wrap around his warm neck. My lips hit the side of his neck and I kiss him gently before letting my tongue lick the area.
"Oh yeah." Miles moans and my eyes roll back as I begin to lightly such the sensitive skin on his neck.
"Come here, bad girl." He says and lays me down on the bed before removing my high heels and tossing them to the side. His fingers graze at my dress and it takes me a few seconds to realize what he's doing.
"Where's the damn zipper on this thing?" He asks and I laugh before standing up and pushing him again the black wall in his room.
I slowly lift the dress up as Miles's hands hang loosely at his sides and his eyes watch me with his lips slightly parted and eyebrows slightly raised.
"Fuck." He breathes at the sight of me.
"Are these new?" He asks looking at my black laced bra and underwear.
"No." I bite at my lip.
"Wear these more often." He says, his strong arms spinning me around, letting my butt hit his private part as he pushes me harder against him.
"Ugh." He breathes heavily. His lips travel from my shoulder and to the side of my neck, gently pressing against the sensitive skin and letting the small hairs on my body stand up.
While his lips are occupied with my neck, one of his hands grabs mine and leads me to his private part.
"No black book this time." He licks his lips as his raised brows look at me.