Jongho and Yeosang were sitting at the dinner table enjoying their meal, well, not really enjoying it. The meal was fine, curtesy of Jongho, but the atmosphere was silent and strained. Yeosang had been quiet the entire time; as a matter of fact, he had been quiet the whole day. His boyfriend would try to talk to him, only for him to give short and uninterested responses. Jongho had no clue what was causing him to act like that, but he had been like that for almost three whole weeks now. Yeosang used to be this ball of brightness and fierceness, but his attitude has definitely been off.
It was driving Jongho insane not knowing what was wrong with his boyfriend. He had many possible answers running through his head, but he didn't want any of them to turn out to be the truth. As curious as he was, he didn't bother asking the other in case he didn't want to talk about it.
The older had his utensil in hand, picking at the food that was spread all about on his plate. He really wasn't in the mood to eat but decided to at least try to since his boyfriend had made it for them. The reason he wasn't in the mood was because he was thinking heavily on something that had been bothering him for a while and he couldn't stop the thoughts from invading his head. He had been feeling really bad about himself and he had no idea why. His confidence and self esteem had just been lacking lately. It wasn't all about his looks, but more so his mind set. Granted, he did feel a lack of confidence in his looks as well. It wasn't anybody else but himself getting inside his own head.
Yeosang knows that he has been acting distant towards Jongho lately, even though it wasn't the other's fault, but that's the way he would cope with things; avoid his problems until he was eventually ready to address them. He loved being in a relationship with Jongho, but with that being said, it's eventually going to get difficult if he can't feel good about himself like how he used to. Talking to Jongho about it never was an option to him. He thought that the other would probably think he was being dramatic or putting too much thought into it, and that's not something that he needed right now.
Yeosang finished the leftover scraps he was messing with and got up from his place at the table to put his plate in the sink. Jongho, not long after, followed behind him.
"Do you want me to wash the dishes Yeo?" the taller asked while placing his empty plate in the sink. Yeosang didn't reply with anything else but with a nod, and walked off to go to their room.
Jongho just shook his head and sighed deeply and watched the other disappear into the room. He couldn't stand seeing Yeosang being like this, all mopey, sad, and distant. All he could do is wonder, knowing that if he went to Yeosang himself, he probably wouldn't be able to get an answer. He turned the faucet on, waited for it to heat up, and began washing the dirty dishes that they had made.
After 15 minutes of washing, rinsing, and drying the dishes, Jongho left from out of the kitchen and made his way inside of the bedroom. He saw that the other male wasn't in the room, also hearing the water of the shower running. He decided to just lay down and wait for Yeosang to finish up in the shower so that they could call it a night. He got out his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants and started to scroll on whatever app he clicked on in order to occupy himself until his boyfriend got out.
It wasn't long until that happened, Yeosang emerging from the bathroom with his night clothes already on his body, since he hadn't been confident with his bare body either. He looked to the man on the bed who was laying on his back and watching something on his phone. The older just stood there for a little bit, watching the other and trying to figure out what he would do in these next moments. He decided to not let his stubbornness take over and chose to go up to Jongho. Instead of saying anything though, Yeosang crawled over to his partner, setting his legs on either side of the other's legs. Feeling a weight on his thighs prompted Jongho to take his phone away from in front of his face, to look up at the man set on him. Yeosang looked back at Jongho, not really sure of what to do.
No words were said between the two; they didn't even know what to say to each other at that moment. Not even a second later, Yeosang suddenly bent down, hesitantly, until his head hit the chest of his boyfriend. He snuggled his head into Jongho's chest, slightly clinging onto the other's shirt with his hands. He didn't expect it to feel as nice as it did, but he wouldn't trade the feeling for anything. Feeling the comforting warm body of his boyfriend was something Yeosang didn't know he needed.
The unforeseen gesture made Jongho somewhat confused. Yeosang had been putting on a distant front for a little while now, so this was not something he was expecting at all. He ultimately returned the display of affection, though. He put his phone down next to him and wrapped his arms around the smaller, setting his hands on his back.
"What's the matter baby, hm?" the younger asked as he rubbed one of his hands up and down the other's back.
Even though Yeosang had some clue as to what was wrong with him, he didn't really want to talk about it at the moment. He was enjoying the feeling he was getting from his boyfriend, and he wanted to make it last for as long as possible.
"Can you just..hold me please?" he said, desperately and quietly.
Jongho froze for a brief moment. He was getting concerned, but knowing how his boyfriend was, him showing that he was even the slightest bit freaked out, would cause the other to close off even more. He couldn't help but to want to know, but he had to.
"Of course I can." Jongho squeezed at the male on top of him even tighter than before, afraid of letting him go.
"I love you so much Sang" the taller said, lovingly.
For some reason, those words caused a small tear to slip from Yeosang's eye, landing onto the other male's shirt. He realized that Jongho was still being affectionate towards him, even though he had been acting the way he was. He realized that he shouldn't be keeping his burdens to himself, he should be sharing them with the man that he loves.
"Jongho?"
The latter moved his head a little to look down at the man on top of him.
"Yes baby?"
"Can I tell you tomorrow?" Yeosang still couldn't bring himself to look at the other, but Jongho didn't seem to be offended by it at all.
"You tell me whenever you're ready to tell me Sang."
Yeosang was hesitant at first, but it was
now or never for him.
"Well...I'll tell you now, because if I don't, I don't think I'll have the courage to say anything later." The older paused for a few seconds. "But when I tell you, can you still hold me?"
Jongho leaned his head down a little to kiss Yeosang on the top of his.
"I'll hold you for as long as you want me to."
With those words playing through his head, Yeosang decided that it was time to talk.
"I'll keep it a bit short since if I talk about it for too long, I'll cry." He let out a light sigh. "I know I've been a bit distant recently and first off, I want you to know that it has nothing to do with you. I've just been going through some things in my own mind. I haven't been feeling confident in myself and my self esteem is shrinking by the day. I have no clue why, and I really wish I did. But...I don't know anymore. I'm kind of over myself at this point, and I really don't know what to do Jongho." Throughout his whole explanation, he found himself fiddling with the younger's shirt, trying to calm down his nerves.
Jongho had listened to the other, processing everything, but also what little, that he had to say. Everything had finally made sense. The lack of conversation, the showing of disinterest, the sheer lack of affection, and just the dullness of personality. It all made sense now. Jongho was glad that he got some clarity on the situation, but nothing could mask the feeling of his guilt. How couldn't I have talked to him? I should've at least tried. He had all this going on and I chose to not ask anything. Jongho kept mentally ridiculing himself, but as much as he felt like he deserved it, now was not the time. He had his boyfriend to console, and he was going to do it by all means.
Jongho continued to hold the other male tight, not allowing his grip on him to loosen. He used one of his hands to rub Yeosang's arm up and down, making the touch as comforting as he possibly could. He leaned down, once again, to place a long and gentle kiss on the top of the latter's head.
"Why didn't you tell me you were feeling like that baby?"
"I was scared that you wouldn't take me seriously, that you would say that I was being too dramatic" Yeosang answered honestly, still not taking his head off of the chest he was laying on to look the taller in the eyes.
Jongho sighed. "Yeosang, of course I would've taken you serious. There is nothing dramatic about what you just told me. You expressed to me that you didn't feel good about yourself, and I will always take that seriously."
"I'm sorry Jongie" Yeosang said in a shrunken voice.
Jongho just shook his head. "You have nothing to be sorry about baby. Just..just tell me next time; I want to make you feel better. You don't need to be going through this by yourself. You are beautiful from the inside out and I love you more than what I can describe. Every time you feel bad about yourself, I'll be there to tell you how beautiful you look, how wonderful you are, the precious impact you have on my life. I love you so much Yeosang."
All Yeosang could do was smile. Maybe he wasn't feeling great about himself, but at least he has someone who loves him, and maybe that's all he really needs in order to progress through this tough time in his life.
The older hugged the other more firmly than he originally was, his heart fluttering with warmth.
"I love you too Jongho. I appreciate you being here for me."
"I will always be here for you Sang."