DAY 63 – AUTUMN
After dinner, you walk calmly to this joke of a cabin you share with your sister, making sure no one is following you. You wake your sister up, explain what is going on in the fewer words necessary. You can't panic, it isn't the right time. You're confident and calm. What other choice do you have? She understands everything, feeding from your calmness. You walk to the boats, looking like two women simply taking a walk in the dark town. You stumble across a couple of drunks, tripping over their own feet. But when you see guards on the dock, you stop.
It is Margery who takes your hand and leads you to a farm. Four horses are grazing outside.
"I know where they keep the saddles, wait for me." She whispers. She goes in, unbothered. You spy the surrounding. No suspicion seems to have been raised. When she comes back, she saddled them on, picking the two tallest horses. Without question, you know she had found a way to care for them in those two months. They were used to her at this point. She always loved those beasts.
"Do you know the way out?"
You did, but barely. Especially in the dark, it will be easier to get lost than find a way. All you know is that you need to find another village and buy a boat with the little money you could spare from what you already stole. Or, if you could find a way to get someone to get you there, it would be even better.
She helps you up and easily gets herself on after. She climbs on the beast like it is nothing. You walk slowly to the road, glancing a few time left and right. Before anyone can say anything, you're galloping, speeding off to the roads until there is scarcely one.
Suddenly, as you're almost completely out of Kattegat, further you'd ever been, your horse stops. His four hooves locking in place. It throws you off balance so much you fly out the saddle to the ground. The horse speeds away in a panic, returning back. A sharp pain stains your left arm and you grab it, groaning. The bone is sticking out, a gruesome spectacle of blood.
You can hear your sister struggle with her horses behind you. "Don't get down!" you whisper-yell.
That's when you see the bush in front of you move.
"Are you okay?"
You shush her, focusing on the leaves moving. The pain is a barely a thought. Alone in the woods, no weapons to defend yourself with, this could be your downfall. Petrify, you stay in place. Two wolves, the biggest you have ever seen walk around. One shows his impressive teeth and you knew it is over. You've lost.
"Margery, go," you tell her.
"What? No!" You could hear her horse pacing behind you, nervous noises coming out of its nostrils.
Both wolves' eyes were entirely on you, completely ignoring your sister and the horse. But why haven't they attacked yet? You're an easy kill. They circle you, punishing you for your carelessness.
"If you get off that horse, I will never forgive you," you add. One of the wolves approaches, you can see, in the moonlight glare, his huge paws. And the claws that could easily rip out your eyes.
"I can't leave you." She sniffles and sobs.
One of the wolves stare up at her and licks his lips.
That's when you lose it. You scream and throw yourself at it, the growl of the animal sending your sister's horse into a frantic run, completely ignoring her request to stop. It claws your face and you scream in pain. You're aware that you lost before the fight began, you're not that stupid as to think you ever had a chance.
The other one bites on one of your legs and drags you body away from the other one. He stands above you and growls at the other one. Blood pours out of your cheek when you turn to try to crawl away. The wolf lays on top of you. The weight crushing your attempt, crushing your breath away, crushing your broken arm. your breath for a second before he laid down, his head on your belly.
The smaller wolf is angry but seems to have accepted defeat, going back in the bushes. The real pain hits you not long after, your arm throbs under the wolf's breathing, your bone digging in his fur. Your foot is also badly injured and the cut on your cheek does not stop bleeding, warming your cheek as quickly as it freezes it.
You want to wail in pain, but you have to leave a chance for your sister to find a way out. The tears fall silently, waiting impatiently for the wolf to dig his fangs in your neck. For it to maul you, kill you, devour you. He doesn't.
Instead, he licks the tears off your cheeks. Only as you fall out of the pit of consciousness do you see the missing eye.
--
It is all white. From up to down, left to right. The whole place is white and blinding. Is this heaven? Are you finally dead? Salvation is brazen if so. You look at your arm and see that, even without pain, the injury is still very much there. Blood falls and stain the white you stand on. No pain plagues you, but the sight of the bone and the contortion is enough to warrant a wince.
"What is this?" you whisper.
A woman appears right in front of you. Locks of beautiful blond hair long enough to cover her chest. She seats down, joining you on the ground. Her white gown is like a wave in the white sea.
"Am I dead?"
She slowly shakes her head and gives you a reassuring smile. A mother's smile. Her beauty is inviting, not intimidating. She does not scare you.
"Should I be afraid?"
"Not of me."
You wonder about her answer, how much it lacks. Then, you think about everything, clearly. About the dreams and the visions, the fears and the doubt. Every emotions and words that you controlled and those you didn't. The power you felt so fleeting.
"Are you another god?"
She smiles and nods. You have no intention to ask which one.
"Can you tell me what is happening to me?"
"No. Do not worry, you will learn on your own."
"Why am I here if I'm not dead?"
"Because we want you to know that we forgive you."
"For what?"
"For trying to leave."
You reach out to your foot and examine the bite marks, wondering if it is broken. Now that you don't feel anything, it seems alienistic.
"What if I try again?"
"There is going to be a time when you won't have a reason to leave"
"What reason?"
A coughing fit hits you and you spit out a dark liquid, the same one you did when you prayed. If it is her answer, it's a bad one.
"Is that all you can tell me?"
You don't want to be angry at her, but you're frustrated. Some more blood falls from your cheek, from your arm, from your foot.
"I can tell you they will become more and more, until you are none"
"Why me?"
She smiles and leaves you alone in the emptiness. You're floating, unable to grab on to anything. until you are none keeps repeating in your head. The white englobes you, making one with your skin and your injury, your dirty clothes and hair.
--
You only stop falling back in Kattegat, inside the gates. You have no idea how you managed to drag yourself there. It doesn't take long before the pain catches up. You groan, holding your arm with your other, dragging yourself with your healthy foot. You fall in the mud, screaming weakly.
It is one of the women you know from the pig farm who sees you first. She exclaim in shock at the sight of you, putting a hand on her mouth before running away, presumably to find help. When she comes back, there is two adolescent boys with her.
"Bring me to one of Ragnar's sons" It isn't you speaking. Your lips barely move.
As they pick you up, dragging you somewhere, you lose track of who you are, where you are, with whom? There is no meetings with gods, only darkness and silence. Finally, some peace.