Their days became a routine that was centred around Thea, but neither of them minded at all. Taylor couldn't even remember what she used to spend her days doing, when she didn't have to tend to Thea. Joe had insisted that he soothe her at night, but most of the time Taylor was awake and the two of them would do it together. They'd always end up helping each other, even when they'd tried to take it in turns. Those midnight conversations were the best. When they'd both be awake, both be quietly talking about how much they loved their daughter, how they couldn't believe how much love she had brought to them. Thea's name proved to be truthful, because even though Taylor still ached from the actions of her father, she could still see the daylight peeking through those dark clouds.
Andrea stayed for three days, until it was clear that both Taylor and Joe had it all under control. Taylor couldn't help but feel a little relieved when she had gone, because it was just a painful reminder of the fact that her father wasn't here. But she was a natural when it came to Thea, and between the two of them, between Joe and Taylor, they were going great.
Taylor had done her best to try and forget about it, about what her dad had done, but it was something... it was a feeling that had been simmering away inside her for too long now.
It was three o'clock in the morning, and Taylor was sitting with Thea in bed. She'd never imagined that it was possible to love anyone more than she loved Joe, but then Thea had arrived.
Joe sat up in bed beside Taylor, his arm around her.
"Are you okay?" He asked her through the darkness. Taylor turned to him with a small smile, nodding.
"I'm okay. I really am okay... everything is just so beautiful. Waking up at three o'clock in the morning because she's hungry... it's all just so beautiful."
"I can't believe how many people we're going to have come and visit us," Taylor smiled. "I can't believe that we managed to keep it a secret for nine months. I don't think I've ever had to keep a secret as big as that," she laughed. It was hard for her to look at anything other than Thea, because she just loved her so much. She loved her little toes, her ears, her eyes... everything.
"We're capable of anything," Joe said as he softly stroked Thea's hand. "Who knows what else we can do together?"
"I keep trying to decide when we're going to tell everyone. I don't think I could live with the stress of hiding her for another year or two." They'd talked openly about this subject for days, and they still didn't know what to do.
"Well... do you just want to tell everyone and get it over with?" Joe asked her, and Taylor sat thinking about it for a while.
"What would we even say?" Taylor smiled. "Hey, surprise, I was actually pregnant..."
Joe quietly laughed. "If you want to post about it, then I will support you a thousand percent."
"What if that's not the right choice?"
"They're going to have to find out sooner or later... but I think we should take a leaf out of Blake and Ryan's book and keep her name a secret from the public for a while. I think that the world might actually explode when they all find out," Joe chuckled.
Thea began to fuss, and Taylor got up to lay her down in the bassinet.
"Yes... I do imagine that it might go a bit crazy for a while," she smiled as she imagined how all her fans would react to the news. "Perhaps we should tell everyone." She sighed. "Then we don't need to pretend she doesn't exist. I don't know that I could pretend she didn't exist if someone were to question me about it," she grinned. "All I want to do is talk about her."
Joe laughed, wrapping Taylor in his arms as she climbed back into bed. "I know what you're saying. I think that I could talk about her for the rest of my life and never get bored." He kissed her. "Are you still worried about your dad?"
"Sometimes it's okay... sometimes I can explain to myself that he probably had a good reason to leave," she told him honestly. "But most of the time I'm just so freaking angry because I think that he should have stayed. And I know that's probably really selfish, and I shouldn't feel like that, but I do. I just feel like he should have chosen to stay. He hasn't even messaged me or anything - it's nearly been an entire week. And then it makes me feel like I'm the bad person, that I'm the one to blame." She nuzzled into his chest.
"That's not selfish, my love." He paused, and she felt him kiss her head. "Because I feel like he should have chosen to stay... too."
"Last time he did this - when I decided that I was going to speak out against Trump, he did exactly this. I told him and Mom what I was going to do and he just sat there, and it honestly felt like I wasn't his daughter. Mom supported me a hundred percent, but those arguments were some of the worst that we'd ever had. Sometimes it just feels like I'm an inconvenience to him, you know? And if I ever bring it up with him, or tell him plans that he doesn't agree with, he either says nothing and ignores me, or he'll argue his point." She was tired of arguing. "And it just gets tiring, you know? Trying to keep up a good relationship with someone, purely because they're family. And it really annoys me... because you're expected to treat the people in your family as if they're the best thing in the world... and don't get me wrong, sometimes they are... but what happens when it's them who start pulling you apart? What do you even do then? When you try so fucking hard to be the best you can be, to never be a disappointment to them, but nothings ever good enough. I just don't understand why he's like this. Is he annoyed at me? But the fact that he barely even looked at Thea? Unforgivable."
"It's not just that... that's unforgivable, love. The fact that he's made you feel like that, like he's pulling you apart... that's unforgivable too." Joe held her close, and she sighed.
"I just wish that I knew why." She bit her lip.
Joe held her closely, never wanting to let her go. "You're always enough, Taylor. Always."
"You're enough, too. I don't tell you that enough, Joe." She leaned up and kissed him.
The next day was going to be busy, and Taylor dreaded it. A lot of their friends were coming over at various times to see them, and a lot of them hadn't seen Taylor for months. They all wanted to come and see Thea, and Joe was excited because his parents were arriving this evening.
Taylor had surprised him a couple of days ago, telling him that they were coming to stay for a while. It bothered him that she'd paid for everything, but she'd been so excited to do this for him. He was nervous about the day, having people coming in and out, it was something unusual. The two of them had barely seen anyone in months.
Thea was asleep in a portable baby bed that was on the floor in the lounge, Taylor sitting on the couch, her phone in her hand.
"I feel surprisingly energetic considering that I only got about... three hours of sleep." She smiled as Joe came into the room. "I already love her so much." Taylor beamed as she looked down at her daughter. She was sound asleep asTaylor had just fed and changed her. She was wearing a light purple onesie, one with little rain clouds all over it.
Unintentionally, Taylor was matching with her, because she was wearing a purple lounge set that she'd brought online a while ago.
Taylor knew that the moment she announced Thea to the world, the number of things she got sent by brands would increase to the absolute maximum. Both her and Joe had already decided that they didn't necessarily want Thea to be all dressed head to toe in expensive, luxury brands. Taylor was perfectly happy scrolling through places like Target or Walmart. Joe had also brought quite a few baby clothes from ethical places, and Taylor really liked that. She didn't want Thea to be covered in Gucci, or a big brand like that. Neither of them had that as children, and they were both happy to pass that onto Thea.
"I loved her the moment we first met her," Joe said, leaning over and kissing her head. She looked up at him, smiling.
"I love you," she grinned as he kissed him again. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," Joe kissed her as her phone rang.
It was her security telling them that some of their friends had just pulled into the driveway.
"And so it begins," she said, standing up. She walked over to Joe, cupping his face and kissing him. "I love you," she told him again. He grinned, kissing her cheek as she turned to look down at Thea. "We make beautiful babies."
Joe kissed her and she laughed. The doorbell rang, and Taylor kissed him back, before running to answer it. "We sure do!" She heard Joe call from behind her.
She opened the door, and she smiled as she saw Selena, standing on her doorstep, a big box in hand.
"Taylor!" Selena put the box down, wrapping her arms around her friends neck. "I haven't seen you in months!"
Taylor squeezed her tightly. There was nothing like the bond that she shared with Selena. It was something that was almost impossible to find anywhere else.
"I've missed you so much," Taylor squeezed her, before pulling away. It was a relief that she didn't need to hide anymore, that she could stand on the doorstep and not feel like she had to hide away. "It's hard to believe how long it's been!"
"Do I get to meet her?" Selena grinned as Taylor brought her inside. Taylor beamed. She loved Thea so much, and she wanted the entire fucking world to know that.
"Of course you do! She's asleep right now... all she really does is sleep, but... she's so perfect, Selena. You just... I can't even begin to tell you how much I love her." Taylor cupped her own cheeks, and couldn't wipe the smile off her face.
"I brought you guys a little something," Selena motioned to the box. "It's not much, but I know that you'll want to remember these moments forever, so..." Selena handed the box to Taylor, as they walked into the lounge. "Hi Joe!" Selena pulled Joe in for a hug, before she finally laid eyes on Thea.
"Oh my... I'm going to cry!" Selena put down her bag, and Taylor felt so light, so happy. "Oh... she's just so beautiful! Look at her little hands - oh!"
"Do you want to hold her?" Joe asked, smiling just as much as Taylor was.
"Of course!" Joe gently picked Thea up, giving her to Selena.
"Oh, I just love her so much! Do I get to know her name?" Selena asked, smiling at Taylor. "I completely understand if you are keeping it to yourselves!"
"Of course you can know! Friends and family know, but when we announce it to everyone... we're not going to say her name." Taylor sat down beside to Selena, looking down at Thea and smiling.
There were just no words to describe how much she loved her. It was this deep, unconditional love that would never die out. This was the kind of love that burns infinitely, no matter what, no matter the pain or the differences. This was the sort of love that could never be taken away. The kind of love that she'd cherish and hold close to her chest every moment of every day. Even when love feels like nothing but an ember, it will keep flickering through all your darkest nights. That was the kind of love that Taylor felt for little Thea, for Joe.
"My lips will be sealed," Selena promised, looking down at the precious baby she was holding in her arms.
"Her name is Thea," Taylor murmured, her voice as cheerful as glitter. "Thea Marjorie Alwyn."
"Oh that name is just perfect!" Selena exclaimed in a hushed whisper. "You have to open your present!"
Taylor smiled, and moved to sit beside Joe. She opened the pink box, and inside it was a wide range of different things.
"You really didn't have to get us anything!" Taylor told her before she looked inside.
"As if I wasn't going to get you something!" Selena laughed. "It's not much, trust me!"
"Selena, that's not true. Look at all of this stuff!" Taylor pulled out a scrapbook, to which she smiled.
"I know you, and I thought that you'd love to make pretty pages of her, of your family." Selena smiled. "I remember how you did one for my twenty fifth birthday, which I still have now, and I love it so much. So I thought that it would be something nice for little Thea to have a look through when she's older... or just for you to flip through."
"I love it! Thank you!" Taylor grinned. There were other things in the box, and she gave an excited squeak when she saw a gorgeous little dress. It was yellow, and had specks of glitter everywhere. It was so beautiful. It was almost like holding the sun in the palm of your hand.
"I know that you guys have a little thing for gold, and stuff like that, and I saw this and I just knew that you had to have it."
"It's beautiful!" Joe thanked her.
Taylor pulled out a pair of slippers.
"Now I know that those might look weird, but I know that you always get cold feet, and that you'd be having to get out of bed at night and stuff, so I got you microwaveable slippers! You literally just put them in the microwave for two minutes and then your feet will never be cold! Oh, and that ones for you, Joe!" Taylor pulled out a journal from the bag. "I know that you like writing, and I know that you're great at poetry, so I got this for you to make sure that you never forget a moment. Use it how you like." Taylor leaned over at gave Selena a hug.
"Thank you so much for all of this, you really didn't need to!"
"We've been through it all together, Taylor. Through thick and thin! As if I wasn't going to bring around something for you!"
Taylor realised that she hadn't actually thought about her dad at all, and was happy to be distracted from it.
Several of her other friends visited, Joe had a few of his friends come around briefly, and by the send of all the socialising, both of them were exhausted.
"I don't think I've seen that many people in one day for years," Taylor said as she flipped onto the couch, the house finally quiet. "That was so tiring! To think, I used to have people over at my house all the time!" She laughed as Joe sat down beside her, kissing her. Joe was about to respond when her phone rang. It was her father. Finally, a week later, he'd called her.
A part of her didn't want to answer. She didn't want to hear what he had to say.
"I can answer it, if you want. I could say that you're asleep with Thea." Joe offered.
Taylor sighed. "I've got to answer it eventually. I can't ignore it forever."
She put the phone to her ear, standing up. She was worried that she'd get angry, and didn't want to be anywhere near Thea, because it had taken a while to get her to go back to sleep after changing her.
"Hello," she answered, her voice shaking. She sat at the bottom of the stairs, absolutely dreading what he was going to say.
"Hey, Taylor." He didn't sound like he knew how upset he'd made her. Taylor knew that her mom would have talked to him when she got home, knew that the only reason he was calling was because he'd been told to. "How are you?"
That question twisted the dagger in her heart. How could he ask how she was, when it had been so clear that he'd hurt her?
"If you'd been here, with mom, you would know." She said quietly, already feeling the tears threaten to fall. "If you'd stayed, you would know everything."
"I'm sorry, Taylor." Her father cut straight to the point, and Taylor wasn't expecting his next words to hurt so bad. "I just... I just find it hard to be with her."
"With who?" Taylor snapped, because she was going to lose it completely if he even dared to say-
"Thea." The word cut her like a knife, and she stood up, walking upstairs. She didn't even want Joe to hear this conversation. She slipped into the room that housed her piano, sitting down and staring out at the sea.
"How can you say that?" She bit back tears. "You haven't even looked at her, dad. You held her for two minutes and then you gave her to mom. You haven't even congratulated Joe or I." Her words were quiet, but so sharp at the same time.
She heard her father sigh, and bit her cheek.
"I just find it hard not to feel bad for her."
Taylor's face contorted. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"You just... you live such a public life, Taylor. One of the most public lives in the world. Don't you think that it was just a little bit selfish of you to bring her into the world when she's going to have a camera shoved into her face? Every time she goes out with you... she's never going to be able to go out in public with you, go to a cafe or a park." The words smacked her across the face, they left her head spinning with rage. She was about to speak, but he cut her off. "I just look at her and I see what her life is going to be. She'll never get to have any peace, never know what a normal life is like. She'll never know what it's like to not have a famous mother... what it's like to be able to do all the things that children like to do."
She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She couldn't even find her voice. It had left her. No one had ever said anything that had hurt her as much as that. Not when Adam told her all those countless remarks about her appearance, or when Karlie had betrayed her. Nothing compared to the pain of those words coming out of her fathers mouth. She cleared her throat.
"If you had looked at Joe and I for more than five minutes, you would know that we would do anything for her. If you'd looked at me for more than five minutes, you would have realised that I was going to give her the exact same childhood that I had, dad. If you'd stayed, like mom did... you would know all of these things. But you left! Why? Because you think that I'm being selfish?" Taylor raised her voice. "You think that I'm the one being selfish? What am I supposed to do? Lock myself away in a tower, never find love or have a life? Never do normal things? Did you want me to never have children? Lock myself away so that I never have a life outside of singing?"
"Taylor, don't yell-"
"Of course I'm going to yell!" She exclaimed, tears in her eyes. "I won't sit here and let you tell me that I won't protect my daughter from the rest of the world. I won't have you tell me that I'm selfish, that I'm not doing what's best for her, what's best for my family." She took a deep, shaky breath. "I won't have you tell me that! Because at the end of the day, I have my own family now, and you do not have the right to tell me that I'm selfish." She stood up from the piano, walking over to the window. "You're the one that left. Not even a day after I'd given birth to her, you'd already left." She said bitterly. "I'm not the selfish one, dad. So. You can either support me and my decision to have a family, or you can leave." She paused. "You're already pretty good at that. I'm not going to lock myself away in a fucking glass box just to make everybody else happy!" She hung up the phone, throwing it onto the couch. "Fuck!" She groaned, putting her head in her hands. She couldn't believe that she'd just said that to her dad, but she wasn't going to let him talk to her like that. She'd been walked over by too many people and she wasn't letting that happen again. Particularly not when it came to Thea, and him telling her that she was selfish for bringing her into the world.
She was so angry. How could he say that to her? He was her father, wasn't he supposed to support her?
She went back downstairs, and Joe immediately pulled her into him. "It's okay," he murmured into her hair. "It's okay."
She couldn't stop the tears from flowing then, couldn't stop herself from crying. "He... he thinks that I'm being selfish, bringing her into my life when it's so chaotic."
Joe took her shoulders, holding her firmly, getting her to meet his gaze. "You know that's not true, love. You and I both know that we're going to do everything we can to protect her from all of that." He said, and Taylor looked down at Thea, her eyes closed, not a worry in the world.
"What if he was right?" The words are away from her, and she didn't want to feel like that, she didn't want to feel like she had already let down her daughter and she was only a week old.
"Taylor." Joe held her firmly, taking her chin in his hand. "He's not right. He's not right! If there is anyone on this planet that could do this, it's you, love. It's you. We managed to keep her a secret for nine months. We are going to tell the world about her, but we're not sharing her name, or her face. It's not selfish, Taylor. This isn't selfish." He kissed her, as Thea began to squirm. Taylor was at her side in an instant, soothing her. She breathed in that smell that all newborns have, that smell that assures her that it was all going to be okay. She sat down on the couch, Thea still snuggled warmly in her arms, and Joe sat beside her. "I know that it's hard, my love. I know that it's hard to think to yourself that he's wrong, but he is. You're not being selfish by starting a family." He kissed her temple as Taylor looked down at Thea.
She wasn't selfish. She wasn't selfish for wanting to bring Thea into this world, even though she lived her life in the spotlight. She wasn't selfish for wanting a family, for wanting a child.
"I told him that he could either support me or leave." She told Joe, finally feeling the tears subside. "I may or may not have yelled at him and told him that he was already good at leaving."
"And so you should have. He needs to know how angry you are, Taylor." Joe smiled as Thea wrapped her hand around his fingers. "You're allowed to be mad. Besides, if he'd looked at Thea for more than two seconds, he would see how beautiful she is, he would have been able to tell how certain we were that we could protect her." Joe leaned down and kissed her tiny little head, and Taylor felt the anger leaving.
"I'm sorry for all the drama." She looked over at him, and Joe smiled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Taylor's ear.
"There's no need to apologise. You just wait until Mum and Dad get here with Patrick - there's going
to be drama regarding who gets to hold her first." He laughed, and a small one escaped Taylor's lips.
"Patrick will rage if he doesn't get to hold her first," She agreed, as she kissed Thea. "We love you," she whispered. "We love you to the moon and to Saturn."
"And even further." Joe added, taking Taylor's hand.
Sometimes the people that become family end up making you feel more whole than the people who's blood runs through your veins.