Before the twins dropped out of school, they agreed on letting me have a key for both their shop and their flat in case I ever needed something.
I took advantage of that today. A couple of days had passed and I just completely realised the fact that I was never gonna see Nick again.
My feelings had been back and forth since Nate told me the news. I had been thinking it all over, and about ten minutes ago, it all just clicked.
I used Floo Powder to get from Nate's house to Diagon Alley and I needed some fresh air so I walked down the streets until I got to the shop.
The twins were working actively on getting the shop ready. They were both standing there, flicking their wands to get everything ready, and once I entered the shop, their eyes fell on me.
I had been crying. I was still crying. People in Diagon Alley had looked at me weirdly because I was straight up sobbing, my heart beating fast as hell as I walked quicker than what was my intention.
"Jules?"
"Hi." I breathed, trying to contain the tears that were still running down my cheeks. I closed the door behind me before I wrapped my arms around myself.
"Are you okay?" George asked as the two both pocketed their wands.
"Did your mum do anything?" Fred asked. "Or your brothers?"
"No." I sobbed, shaking my head. "No, uh— I've been staying with Nate. He came to get me because—"
I couldn't get myself to say it. It was do damn hard and I didn't want it to be true but it was true. Nick was gone and he wasn't coming back.
"I'll go upstairs." George said, patting his brothers shoulder. "If either of you need anything, just come get me."
George went upstairs, and Fred walked closer to me, stopping a couple of feet away.
"Darling, what happened?"
"Everything is crashing down." I cried. "And I can't do it anymore. I'm so sorry I-I told you I didn't want to live anymore. I didn't know i-it would hurt this badly for everyone i-if I ended it."
At the start of my relationship with Fred, I did have suicidal thoughts. I've mentioned my low self-esteem before but once I accidentally let it slip that I was planning to kill myself. I didn't think anyone would even care.
"We needed him." I continued. I was rambling on about everything, but I wasn't telling him straight up what had happened because I couldn't get myself to say it. "I needed him. It's all my fault. I encouraged him to come out and be open about his sexuality because he shouldn't be ashamed of who he was and those bastards raped him and now he's dead and I don't know what to do because this is now how it was supposed to be!"
Fred was tearing up at the sight of me, slowly realising what had happened.
"It's my fault." I repeated. "I'm the reason he killed himself. I'm the reason his parents won't see him graduate. I'm the reason his brother has become an only child and I'm the reason our friends group went from six to five."
I was panting, my mind everywhere as I looked at my boyfriend.
"Nick is dead." I said in a whisper. "And it's my fault. How am I supposed to live with that?"
Fred reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me forward. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, planting a kiss on my head as he hugged me tightly. I sobbed against his shirt, wrapping my own arms around his back.
"It's not your fault." He whispered. "And Nick would never blame you for what happened."
For some reason, that made me cry harder. Fred's right hand brushed through my hair as the other was wrapped tightly around my shoulder, his cheek resting against my head.
"I'm so sorry, my love." He whispered. "You just— you can't blame yourself. That'll ruin you."
"I'm already ruined." I cried. "Everything is ruined. It's all crumbling and I can't do anything. It hurts, Freddie. It hurts so much."
I felt him tighten his arms around me as he let out a shaking breath.
"I know, darling." He whispered against my hair. "I know it does."
We stood like that for what felt like hours. He never wanted to let go of me, and I never wanted to let go of him. I cried for a really long time, but eventually I calmed down. I was still crying with a sob leaving my mouth from time to time, but it wasn't as violent anymore, and the way that Fred swayed from side to side with me in his arms, helped me relax too.
"Can I stay with you for a couple of days?" I whispered. "I don't want to sound like an asshole but being with my friends and seeing us as five and not six— it hurts too much."
"Of course." He told me. "You can stay as long as you'd like. I can go get your stuff from Nate if you want me to. They're your friends so I'm sure they'll understand."
Eventually, we walked up to the flat, my hand perfectly placed in his. It seemed like a cosy flat, perfect for the two.
George was leaning against the wall in the kitchen and immediately wanted to make sure I was okay. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't get myself to say the words one more time. I had just calmed down.
Fred seemed to notice and gave my hand a squeeze which made me look up at him. I nodded at him when I saw the look in his eyes. It was permission to inform George of what had happened.
He then led me into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.
"Maybe you should try and get some sleep." He said. "You must be tired."
"A little." I shrugged. Fred made the bed, then walked over to me and took my face in his hands.
"I'll talk to George, yeah? We're probably gonna be working on the shop throughout the day, so if you wake up and the flat's empty, we're either downstairs or in the basement. Oh— and you can help yourself to anything in the fridge. What's ours is yours." He said. I moved my hands up to the back of his neck, pulling him down while tiptoeing to kiss his lips.
"I love you." I whispered against him before I simply hugged him.
"I love you too." He responded. "Get some rest. I'll be up to check on your at least every hour."