Chapter Ten
Annabelle
When I woke up, my eyes were all puffy and red. I had cried nearly all night. There was no way that I was going to school, not looking like this.
“Annabelle,” my uncle’s voice said as my door opened slowly. “You over slept.” When he got a good look at me, he asked, “Are you ok?”
“I’m just not feeling good,” I mumbled, rolling over, giving my uncle the hint to go away.
Was it bad for me to lie in bed all day and cry until there was nothing left? No one was home, so it didn’t matter to me. My chest felt like a gaping wound, one that could not be healed. I couldn’t be healed. I am a broken toy that will never be fixed.
I wasn’t sure how long I had been sitting there, staring at the floor, praying for time to pass. Someone was knocking on my porch door, causing me to jump and come out of my daze. My shades had been shut so I wasn’t sure who it would be.
When I opened the shades, I saw that it was Ryan, standing in front of me. His brown hair was tussled and messy and he had bags under his eyes showing his lack of sleep. His eyes bore into mine and I couldn’t pull them away.
“Are you going to open the door or are you going to just leave me out here?” He asked with his signature smirk on his face.
“Don’t tempt me,” I said, rolling my eyes and doubling checking that the door was locked.
“Please,” he asked. His voice was more desperate than before. “Annabelle, we have to talk.” He said with a serious tone that made me let him in.
“Ok,” I said, sitting on the edge of my bed. I had a t-shirt and pajama pants on, not nearly looking as presentable as I wanted to.
“If you were smart, you would stay away from me…protect yourself from me. You don’t want to be hanging around me. You can’t gain anything from being with me, Annabelle. I can never change. I can never be who you want me to be. You will never understand my sickness. I’m a failure, Annabelle.” Ryan said to me, his voice shaking a little.
“You’re not a failure, Ryan! Stop-just-just stop,” I said, my voice starting to quiver. He couldn’t possibly be doing this.
“Annabelle, I can’t do this.” He started to walk away from me, but I grabbed his shoulder. “Don’t.” He said firmly, tossing my hand off of his shoulder and leaving me standing there.
I was in shock. I didn’t want to think about what just happened. It hurt too much.
Ryan
When I got outside, I lit a cigarette. Why did this have to be so difficult? I asked myself.
The image of her holding back tears was something I couldn’t get out of my head. It hurt. I didn’t want to feel pain anymore, I shouldn’t have to.
Ring. Ring. Ring. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I answered. “Hello?” Part of me hoped that it would be Annabelle, but the other part of me knew that it wouldn’t be.
“Ryan, I’m so glad you answered man! My brother is having a party at his apartment. All of his college friends are going to be there! It’s gonna be epic, man! You have to come!” Tommy said.
“Tommy,” I said, trying to act causal, which was something that I had been having a hard time doing lately. “I haven’t heard from you in forever. I’ll see you at the party.” He slurred some sort of response and hung up. That was Tommy for you. He was always wasted.
I knew exactly what this party entailed, but I pretended that I didn’t care. The only thought that came to my mind was that Annabelle would be upset. If she was here, she would tell me not to go.
This strange mood that I was in that I just couldn’t shake. I guess one hard-core party would have to change that.
When I got to the party, it was in full swing. I was never one that would be the first to a party. If anything, I was usually the last.
“Hey,” Tommy greeted me. “Wait to greet my brother until he’s drunk. He doesn’t know that I had some of my high school friends come. He would freak that I ruined his ‘all college’ party.” I released a small, uneasy laugh and leaned against the staircase.
“How’s it been?” Tommy asked me. Before I could answer, someone turned the lights off, causing the girls to scream.
“Ok,” I lied.
“You’ve never been a good liar.” Tommy laughed. He passed me something in the dark. It was a joint. I smiled inwardly, inhaling deeply.
“That’s because I’ve never had much to lie about,” I replied, passing it back to Tommy after taking a few long drags.
“Lucky, my parents would kill me if they knew only half of it. My life would be totally screwed over.”
“I don’t have that problem,” I said, wishing deep down that I did, maybe then I wouldn’t be the same person. Maybe then, none of my mistakes would have happened. None of the problems in my life would really exist. Tommy had a pretty sheltered life, yet it was his choice to change that.
FLASHBACK
“RYAN!” My mother’s voice yelled down to me. “Get the hell down here!” I sighed, walking down the stairs to see my mother, beer bottle in hand. My mother wasn’t even classy enough to drink wine. She drank beer, probably more than she should.
“You’re father left again.” She said apathetically.
“Again,” I said, trying to take it all in. Sometimes, I wondered why he even came back.
“I want dinner,” I nodded walking over to the phone, getting ready to order pizza. “No, no, no, I want you to MAKE me dinner.” She turned and walked away, plopping herself down on the couch.
Taking out a pot, I poured water in it and started to boil it. Pasta and sauce it would be tonight. When everything was done, it was hard for me to hold back the pride in my meal.
When I brought it to my mother, though, it wasn’t the same story. “You made pasta AGAIN? How much damn pasta do you want me to eat before I die?” But she accepted the bowl though, and ate all of it.
Taking the bowl from her, she waved her hand at me, as if shooing me, telling me that I was dismissed. Thankful that I got to get away from her, I watched out my window, waiting for my dad to come home. He always came back home.
A spark of happiness shot through me when I saw him pull into the drive way about two hours later. When he got in the house, I hurried to the closet where I could hear their conversation. The only real reason that I actually stood in there and listened was in hope that one day my dad would say, “I want to take Ryan with me.”
“You’re back,” my mother said in a cold tone.
“Not for long. Not this time.” He was holding something in his hand; a duffel bag. “I’m leaving.”
“Fine, then get your shit and leave. I don’t need you.”
I watched my father pack up his things, not taking a single picture of me with him. No remembrance of me.
“You can keep Ryan. He’s just like me; he doesn’t give a shit about you!” My father said as he stormed off.
“Wait dad!” I screamed, jumping out of the closet.
He turned back to look at me, but shook his head. “Have fun living with that monster.” He left me. He left me alone with my mother.
“You little shit! You were listening to our whole conversation, weren’t you?” That was such a stupid question. Of course I was. What did she think I was doing in there? Looking for a rain coat? But I didn’t say anything, afraid that my mother would hit me.
“You were! I knew it!” She yelled, coming over and punching me. It didn’t really hurt, but it did hurt when she threw the kitchen chair, hitting me straight in the chest.
“Hey,” Tommy said, “you’ve been awful quiet.”
“Nothing to really talk about, now is there,” I said as Tommy passed it back over to me. There was nothing to talk about. Nobody knew why I was the way I was and I doubt anyone would give a shit anyways.
That led my thoughts back to Annabelle. She was the reason I was here; to get so high that I couldn’t remember anything. I wanted more than anything to forget what I said to her earlier. Forget everything; meeting her, kissing her. If I just forgot, then maybe I wouldn’t feel this way.
Police sirens went off, shaking me out of my thoughts and causing me to run along with all of the other party goers. Getting caught by the police was the last thing I wanted to do.
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A/N
Sorry for the really long wait for an update. I promise that that will not happen again. School is keeping me super busy and I'm just so busy :) Well I hope that you like this chapter :) Let me know if you like it, have any ideas for it, anything! I like hearing from you!
SNEAK PEAK
*Ryan and Annabelle meet again, even after their fight* what will happen?*
Comment on what you think will happen!
P.S.
If you really want to know how Ryan is feeling, you should listen to the song I added. It's called Save Yourself by My Darkest Days. They are fantastic so you should check some of their other stuff out but Save Yourself is without a doubt Ryan's song to Annabelle