Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.
- Socrates
It was an absolute disaster. I couldn't ignore it anymore. I couldn't get it out of my head. He was everywhere I went, always in my peripheral. And his bloody scent. I smelled it every time he passed, as if my brain had trained itself to single out that scent. It was infuriating.
I couldn't concentrate when he stared at me, and he stared a lot.
I could feel his eyes burning on me in class and in the library, during breakfast, lunch, supper and everything in between. I knew he was just watching me to figure out if I would tell anyone about it, but it was impossible to focus on anything because of it.
The nights were the worst. As soon as I closed my eyes, I could feel his hands on my waist, his kisses on my neck and his body against mine. I could feel it and it was dangerous. I cast a bloody Silencio charm every night just in case I would start talking in my sleep. My body yearned for him and I couldn't give in. It was wrong.
Why oh why couldn't I be attracted to someone decent? Blaise perhaps, Theodore Nott even. Just not disgusting pig Draco Malfoy. I tried to repeat his insults in my head over and over again to get rid of that feeling.
Where is your grandpappy now?
You're a disgrace. People only respect you for your last name, but you're not worthy of it.
You're a snob and pathetic and worthless, you're absolutely worthless Eleanor.
No one likes you.
And not even that seemed to work. Not even his harsh words could erase the thought of kissing him. Words couldn't outweigh deeds.
"Lea, are you okay?", Tracey asked and waved in front of my face.
"What? Yes, yes, I'm good", I said, shaking the thoughts. I focused on my supper in front of me, which I hadn't touched yet.
"He shouldn't be allowed to look that good", Daphne said dreamily, eyes fixated on the entrance. The Slytherin quidditch team walked in, clearly practice had been a bit delayed. In front of the group was the boy Daphne was drooling about, his hair still wet from the shower.
Daphne waved him over. Please, no.
"Hi", he said to Daphne as he sat down between Blaise and my best friend. Our eyes crossed just for half a second, but it was enough for my heart to drop. I suddenly noticed everything about him.
I noticed his lean fingers that did everything so very gracefully, his fair, flawless skin that seemed to have skipped puberty, his long lashes and those grey eyes. Those grey eyes that could both have storms in them, or look like a calm fall day. And his lips. Those damn rosy lips that fitted mine perfectly.
He looked up and our eyes met again, but he didn't look away this time. He just kept staring at me and I could not figure out the look that was in his eyes.
"I've got some work to do", I said and stood up. I had to get out of here.
I simply didn't understand it. I had never noticed those things before, so why did I now? It's not like he had become a nice person since last year, quite the opposite really. Was I so desperate that one kiss made me crave for more, doesn't matter who the victim is?
What in the world could be the reason for this madness? I leaned against a wall in the dungeons and took a couple of deep breaths. It was just a physical attraction, but a physical attraction that was awakened and had to be satisfied.
But I couldn't. I couldn't do that to Daphne and on top of that, I had some self worth. I was Eleanor bloody Selwyn. I was not going to turn into this pathetic little girl because of some bloke, let alone a bloke as terrible as Draco Malfoy. What was I doing? This was not me.
Self worth, I repeated in my brain. It helped.
It was the fact that he came back. He made me want him and planned to leave me when he had reached his goal, but he couldn't. He came back. He came back because he wanted to kiss me just as badly as I wanted him.
And for some reason, because of that, I couldn't take his insults seriously.
Daphne. Self worth.
I had to get some work done. I hadn't done anything all weekend because of the white-haired git and I was fed up with it. He had way too much of an effect on me. The O.W.L's were in two months and I was going to absolutely ace them.
Madam Pince usually closed the library around nine, which meant that I only had a little over an hour to finish my Potions essay and do my reading for Herbology. I took a seat in the far back and forced myself to empty my mind. School came first.
DRACO'S POV
I had to go to the library for a bit. I could not be around Eleanor tonight. This was so stupid. Why had I gone back to her room last night? She wanted me badly, I had her exactly where I wanted her, and then I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop thinking about it and every inch of my body pulled me back as soon as I left that room.
And then she sent me out. She told me to leave.
It was better this way. Eleanor and I, don't make me laugh. We can't stand to be in the same room for longer than five seconds. Why had everything become so much more difficult?
ELEANOR'S POV
"Ms Selwyn, I'm closing up. It's time to go", Madam Pince said, shaking me from my Potions bubble.
"Right, just one more line", I said and quickly ended the essay. I had gotten so much done in one and a half hours. How productive life could be without blonde distractions.
"Mr Malfoy, same for you, time to go", I heard. Draco was here too?
I packed my bag and made my way to the exit. I could see him in my peripheral, but I forced myself not to look. He was just a distraction.
The halls were completely empty, which wasn't very unusual on Sunday, shortly before curfew.
I heard his footsteps, just a couple yards behind me. They were rhythmic and annoyed me endlessly. I felt his stare on the back of my head, which also annoyed me. Everything about him annoyed me. The way he walked, talked, smelled and especially the way he made me feel.
I turned around to yell at him. To just do something to break the rhythmic sound of his steps. To shout some nonsense about what I hated the most about him.
But no words came out, my jaws refused to unlock, so I just stood there like an idiot until he stopped in front of me, his eyebrows knitted above his stormy grey eyes.
And I couldn't resist. To hell with self worth.
I grabbed his sweater and pulled him closer, pushing the doubts away and pressing my lips on his. I couldn't stop a little sigh in relief as he didn't pull back. His hands found my waist and pulled me against him, deepening the kiss. He wanted me too.
We were in the middle of a bloody hallway and I didn't want anyone to find out about this weakness that I couldn't shake, so I pushed open the empty charms classroom and pulled him in.
"You can't tell anyone about this, okay?" I whispered out of breath when I closed the door. "Daphne can't find out."
No one needed to know. This was just a physical attraction, nothing more, so irrelevant. Moreover, it wasn't like we were ever going to start dating, so it was better if it was a secret. I had an image to uphold. I could not be seen as a girl who depended on a man. I had learned my lesson with Adrian.
"Perfect", Draco whispered before closing the gap again. His lips fitted mine so perfectly and he knew exactly what he was doing. His one hand gently squeezed my waist and the other laid on my jaw, pushing the long locks of hair out of the way. He trapped me between the wall and himself, but I didn't mind. Behind closed doors, I could stop pretending to be so confident all the time.
"Couldn't resist?" he whispered as he pulled away after slightly tugging on my bottom lip.
"Oh sod off, you couldn't either", I said out of breath. This was a whole lot different than Adrian's gentle kisses. With Draco, there was much more excitement.
"Don't let it get to your head, Selwyn, you're still annoying", he chuckled. I wanted to throw a quick retort, but I quickly bit my lip as I felt his lips on the soft skin of my neck.
"Careful, I do not need people asking questions", I said, reluctantly turning away my head. A hickey in my neck would sure raise some questions.
"What a shame", he whispered, moving back up to my lips. When did Draco Malfoy get this hot?
"We should go back", I whispered. "It's almost curfew and I still have to pack for Easter break.
"You're going back for Easter?" he frowned.
"Yeah", I sighed. "My father requested it." I knew I could tell him. Despite everything, Draco was the only person who could understand the situation. We were in the same boat.
"Mine too", he said, a serious look entering his eyes.
"It's not going to be good news, is it?" I whispered, as if expressing it out loud would disgrace my family and their beliefs.
"Depends", he shrugged. "Things are going to go south, but I think we're on the best side." I wasn't quite sure about that. My parents supported the side of He Who Must Not Be Named, so that meant I had to as well. But was that the best side?
"Let's go", I sighed and walked out of the classroom. The walk back was silent.
"Where have you been?" Daphne asked as I walked into the common room.
"Library, had to finish that Potions essay", I sighed, sitting down next to her. I could spare five minutes.
"Want to play a game of chess?" she continued, taking out her Wizard's Chess board.
"I'm sorry Daphne, I would love to, but I have to pack. I'm going home for a week", I said.
"Home? But you never go home for Easter break", Daphne shrugged. I couldn't tell her anything in a full common room, so I just gave her a look that told her just enough. That's what I liked so much about her. We didn't need a lot of words. We had known each other for years and it led to the creation of an unspoken language. Her eyes immediately traveled to Malfoy.
"I'm going to pack. I'm dragging you out of your bed to say goodbye tomorrow", I grinned and stood up.
"I'm coming with you", Tracey said. "I've got some things to do."
I shrugged and walked to my dorm. It didn't take long. As soon as we were alone, I could feel the tension. She knew.
"So, when were you going to tell me, or Daphne for that matter?" she asked as soon as the door fell into the lock.
"Tell you about what?" I asked, trying to seem relaxed.
"Don't do that, Lea, you know what I'm talking about", she sighed.
"No, actually, I don't." I grabbed my trunk from under my bed and ignored her harsh look.
"You're with Malfoy."
It was quiet for a while. How the hell had she come to that conclusion?
"With Malfoy? Are you out of your mind? I hate his arse-"
"Stop lying, Eleanor!" she grunted. I ignored my trunk and crossed my arms.
"I am not an item with Draco Malfoy", I said. That was no lie.
"Then explain to me why he suddenly looks at you constantly, why he stayed away for ten minutes just to grab Daphne's jumper, how his bloody cologne is all over you!" I was not having any of this.
"First of all, Davis, do I recommend watching your tone with me and to stop throwing accusations about things you have no idea of before you regret it. Secondly it would be nice if you kept your nose out of my business, thank you very much."
Tracey sighed and sat down on her bed.
"Look, Lea, I'm not angry at you. I just want to know what's going on. Clearly there is something going on and I just don't want it to hurt you or Daphne", she said.
"Daphne is doing this to herself. Everyone can see he doesn't care about her, but she just doesn't want to listen", I said. It was true. I loved her dearly, but she was so blind when it came to anything Draco-related.
"So there is something going on?"
I took a deep breath. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to tell her, I didn't want to tell anyone, but if I didn't she'd just do her own research to the point where even Daphne would get suspicious. I shouldn't even be doing this in the first place.
"Look I tried to stay away", I sighed. "I really did, but I just ... I just couldn't."
"Since when do you like Malfoy?" she frowned, taking a seat next to me.
"First of all, I don't like him, he's still a twat. I'm just ... I'm physically attracted to him. And he is too and I can't help it." I felt deflated, lost. I was always so sure of my case. Why did that git need to mess everything up?
"How long has this been going on?" she asked. That was a question I hadn't even thought about. How long had this been going on? When was the first time I thought about him in that way?
"He kissed me during Christmas break, just out of nowhere. It was confusing, but I didn't pay too much attention to it until a couple weeks ago. I wasn't doing very well after the whole Pucey situation and he helped a lot. I wanted to know so badly why he kissed me that night, so I just decided to kiss him to see how he would react, to see if he had feelings for me. And it just surprised me how ... how right it felt."
It felt even more wrong saying it out loud. Nothing about my kisses with Draco was right. It was all so messed up.
"You have to tell Daphne, Lea", Tracey sighed.
"Oh, definitely not, she'll murder me."
"Perhaps, but you can't go behind her back like that. Besides, how do you plan on being with Malfoy without her knowing?"
"I don't want to be with Malfoy", I snapped. This was ridiculous. "It's just physical, I don't like him. He's mean, arrogant and loathsome. Don't be ridiculous", I shook my head.
"Whatever it is, this is going to hurt your relationship with Daphne if you don't tell her about it. I know she's too oblivious to see that he doesn't care, but that doesn't mean you should disregard it", Tracey said. She had a point, but even if I wanted to, I couldn't.
"No one knows, Trace. You're the only one and we both want to keep it that way. "
"She's your best friend, Lea."
"Yeah and if I tell her, everyone will find out! You think Daphne is going to react calmly? No! Whether I tell her now or in three months, she's going to make a huge drama about it. I can't have anyone finding out about this. I learned my lesson with Adrian and it already hurt my reputation. I can't do this Tracey." This was a mess, this was such a mess.
"If you don't want anything with him, then why don't you just break it off? You'll have to live with that secret, but if you continue like this it's bound to come out", Tracey shrugged. Stay away from Malfoy? Yeah, I had tried that before. I tried that today and look at where it got me.
"Just promise me you won't tell her, Trace", I sighed.
"I won't, don't worry. It's not my place. But think about this carefully, Lea." I nodded and moved over to my suitcase. I just had to stop this. Some meaningless make out sessions with Draco were not worth losing my best friend of almost 16 years over.
"I'll stop it", I mumbled.