For the third day in a row, most of my day had been spent on the couch doing nothing. Ludwig being gone for half the day didn't help much. I debated a few times inviting Francis or Alfred over, but I couldn't remember their numbers, and my cell phone broke so I couldn't contact them that way. So instead, I just laid there, listening to music and occasionally getting up for water or snacks.
My boredom was interrupted by the opening of the door. Ludwig sat down beside me on the couch, a plastic bag in hand. "What's that?" I asked, poking the bag slightly.
"A new book for you. The one you really wanted." He handed me a soft covered book with a deep blue background and two intense eyes along with bright red lips taking center stage. The title above the imagery read The Great Gatsby. He continued, "I know you may not remember, but I figured that you may want a new book to begin reading. You should start doing some more activities after all."
I took the book, looking it over and briefly flipping through the pages. "Is...is that okay?"
"Don't worry, I asked the doctor just to be sure. She said it's okay to start trying these kinds of things, but don't push it."
I opened up the book and began reading the first page. This didn't last long as I felt eyes still on me. I looked up to meet the hard stare of Ludwig. "What are you looking at?" I asked, becoming self-conscious due to his gaze.
"N-Nothing. Just...m-making s-sure... you're good." His cheeks became red as he tried to explain himself.
I shook my head, returning to my book. "I'm fine. You worry too much."
After a few pages and glances towards Ludwig, I decided it may be best to read out loud so we could both be doing something. Also, he seemed so stiff and tense and I wanted to alleviate some of that. As I read, I felt Ludwig shift closer to me, following along over my shoulder. His shoulder was against my own and I could feel his breath tickling my ear. My throat became tight and my hands sweaty at the contact, but I somehow managed to keep reading with little voice cracks and stuttering.
Eventually, I began feeling dizzy and my head began to ache after a few chapters so I had to stop. "I'll go get dinner then," Ludwig stated as he leaned in towards me. He abruptly stopped, pulling back with pink cheeks and wide eyes. He mumbled something as he got up and headed to the door, leaving me very confused.
After a few minutes of trying to wrap my head around what exactly just happened, it dawned on me. Ludwig was going in for a kiss. Upon this realization, I felt my heartbeat pick up and my face go warm. I understood it was probably just reflex, but it brought up another issue: Ludwig and I needed to figure out how we were going to move forward. I couldn't deny my attraction to him. I found him handsome and adorable at the same time and any close contact sent me into a blushing mess who couldn't breathe properly. The answer seemed easy. But, the thought of having such a relationship with Ludwig made my stomach twist. We obviously had a lot of history from the past 10 years I knew him, but I had no recollection of any of it. The thought only made my stomach feel worse. What if I wasn't enough? What if he ends up hating me for not being comfortable with certain actions? What if all of this becomes too much?
I was too lost in my head, that I didn't hear Ludwig returned. It took a rough shake to my shoulder for me to realize and head to the kitchen for dinner.
"You're unusually quiet," Ludwig mentioned as we ate our fish and chips.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Arthur. I can tell something is bugging you."
I froze slightly as I dug for a response. "I'm just not feeling the best. I may have overdone it with the reading."
Ludwig only frowned and furrowed his brows at my response, but he left it.