Life continued to be a whirlwind in the week leading up to prom. The majority of my apartment had been packed up and shipped out or dropped off for donations. Interscope had taken care of my relocation and landed Felicity and me a beautiful apartment near campus. The drive to LA would be rough when necessary but I didn't doubt that plans would work out.
"Whoa," Veronica's voice almost echoed in the relatively bare apartment. "You weren't kidding when you said you were packing."
I emerged from the hallway to my bedroom and shrugged. "The rest of my stuff got shipped out this morning. Mom's taking care of the furniture as soon as we head out after graduation." I took a second to look around at the remaining pieces and let out a deep breath. "I hate seeing things like this."
Veronica gave me a pity-filled look. "You can always change your mind."
I shook my head in disagreement. "There's no going back. It's just bittersweet."
The two of us plopped on the couch and sat in silence for a moment. Reminiscing had occupied my days for a while now, and I hated that I kept thinking about the past, but the memories here would last with me. I kept seeing Jughead and I eating sundaes in the kitchen at 2 AM, or Veronica and Betty having sleepovers. Wine nights with Felicity, Reggie crashing on the couch when he got tired of trying to take care of us. Cheryl and Toni staying in the guest bedroom when everything went to shit.
My life would forever be surrounded by the relationships I had made here and I didn't know whether I hated or loved that.
"Are you okay?"
The question brought me back to the present as I turned to look at my sister. She had teary eyes of her own, both of us thinking the same things. I bit my lip and looked away before nodding. "It's just a lot. As much as I hate this town, there are just some moments I don't want to lose, even if they hurt to think about."
Nobody ever talks about how much friendship breakups hurt. How you never get the closure you crave, the random moments where you think they'd love to see something, the habit of typing their name in your phone to call or text about something. You just watch their life go by on social media, or hear about it from people who still know them. You grieve someone still alive because you no longer know them.
They show up in your dreams and in the food you eat, or the songs you hear. They suddenly become faces in pictures or sore subjects to discuss because the pain is faded but still, a scabbed cut that never really turns into a scar.
I wasn't a stranger to broken friendships. Despite how new things were, I found myself going through this process all over again with my friends now. Wanting to talk things out with Jughead, asking Archie about his songs and music process, getting Betty's opinion on apartments and prom dresses.
"I know you don't want to, but it might be worth it to talk to them."
I scoffed at her words. "Archie? Maybe. Betty? Never again."
If I was being honest, my relationship with Betty had faded ever since she moved into the Jones' house, and maybe even before that. I wished that wasn't true, but there was some darkness in her that needed to be addressed and it seemed nobody wanted to address that. Not that everyone didn't have a little bit of darkness, but Betty's typically involved murder and death plotting so...
"And Jughead?"
I groaned, "Why do I have to say anything to Jughead? I have maybe a month left in this place and no amount of apology is going to fix what happened. He's lucky I even give him the time of day anymore."
Veronica let out a soft laugh, "If he walked in here needing you for something, you can't tell me you wouldn't go right away."
"So what, Veronica? I can't just fall out of love with him that fast!" I argued, feeling damn well like she was attacking me for human emotions. "I can't wave a wand and get rid of my anxiety! What makes you think I could do the same with my feelings for him? Yes, I strongly dislike him right now, but it doesn't mean I don't love him at the same time."
My sister raised her hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. I get it, sorry. I'm just saying, if you don't find it in you to forgive what happened, not necessarily them," She quickly clarified, seeing the look on my face. "You're going to carry a heavy grudge for a while."
"And you know what, I'm fine with that. Nobody can force me, or tell me to forgive them if I don't think they deserve it," I huffed, "And why are you defending them anyway? Didn't Betty kiss Archie?"
"We planned that," Veronica simply shrugged. "Make more drama to get everyone's mind off Jughead's disappearance."
I laughed, "Yeah, more like drama in your relationship. Don't tell me you're blind to the looks they've been giving each other. That's not normal for just friends."
Veronica frowned at the change of topic before she sighed, "I really don't want to fight with you and it feels like that's all everyone has been doing with each other nowadays. Vanna, all I want is for you to leave here in a much better place than when you arrived and I feel like we're not far off from you being the same."
She was unfortunately right. Even though I was more open and outgoing than when I arrived here years ago, the mindset was almost the same: fearful, scared, and damaged. None of that would fix itself in weeks, but pulling in some positivity would make this a lot better. Closure would make it a lot better, contrary to what I had just shared with her.
"It doesn't matter. Once I get to California, none of this will matter except our family and what comes next," I said as I got off the couch to grab a snack. I was sick of having these large, emotional conversations so often. Why couldn't we ever talk about something simple? "Ronnie, listen. I love you, I do, but I can't keep having these conversations. We go round and round in a circle and then we just get angry and there's no point. I just want to get through these next few weeks and graduate so this chapter can be over with."
"Well that, we can agree on." She stood up to face me, grabbing her purse from the floor to rest on her arm. "You are coming to prom, right?"
"If one more person asks me about prom, I'll commit arson."
--
Riverdale was like a toxic relationship; as much as you wanted to leave, there was something always pulling you back.
As I stared at the tape on my doorstep, I internally groaned at the thought of being dragged back into this mess. These tapes had been nothing new but remained unnerving. While I figured my building had cameras and watched entrances regardless, it was odd that someone felt the need to set one of these up to film on their own accord.
I shoved the tape into the player Jughead had left over here when this entire thing started and sat on the couch to see what they could've possibly recorded this time.
A rush of anxiety flooded me when I realized the picture on the screen was not just a boring recording of my apartment but rather someone standing in a room with a mask on that was a cartoonish depiction of my face.
Nothing in the background was distinguishable as to their location. My hand covered my mouth as I naturally leaned forward to watch closer as more individuals came into the room, each masked as another person. Betty, Jughead, Veronica, Archie.
"What the fuck is this?" I asked out loud to the empty room as if someone would tell me it was a huge prank.
A shocked scream left my mouth as the characters on the TV jumped fake me at the same time, slamming the person to the wall before there were knives everywhere, slicing into the actor's skin yet drawing what looked like real blood. I turned away from the screen, horrified as the four people dressed as my friends creepily looked into the camera.
My finger blindly hit the power button to turn the TV off before I remained frozen on the couch. Never once had the tapes involved people, or rarely any motion besides the exterior of a residence. Never once had I been pictured, or anyone that I knew.
Hands shaking, I forced my fingers to type out a message on my phone.
Where are you?
The response came just as quickly as mine had sent.
Home. Why?
I didn't offer a response and stood up, ripping the tape out of the player and making my way to shove my shoes on my feet. There was only one person who would have some sort of answer for me on what the hell this was and as much as it would suck, I needed some answers.
--
Walking into the Jones/Cooper household felt incredibly awkward and unsettling. I used to consider spending time here as comforting as being in my own home, but now, it felt like walking into enemy territory.
I pressed the doorbell, my foot anxiously tapping the concrete stair beneath me as I waited. To my relief, Jellybean opened the door with a smile. "Savanna, hi!"
"Savanna?" Jughead's voice was quick to speak from behind his sibling as he got up from the couch.
"Hi, JB," I greeted with a forced smile and pushed my hands into the pockets of my jeans. "Can I come in?"
The young girl was quick to step aside so I could enter the house. Jughead was standing a few feet away, looking surprised that I had come here on my own choice as if I didn't just text and ask where he was.
"Is everything okay?" There was a hesitancy in his voice that I hadn't heard in so long. We were walking on fragile eggshells and one wrong comment could set everything into motion if we weren't careful.
"I need to show you something." I tried not to let my fear and nerves seep into my words but I'm sure Jughead could hear it anyway. He had always been so good at picking up on the small things like that.
He nodded and looked toward his sibling. "Jellybean, can you give us some space?"
"But I want to talk to Savanna!"
"You can talk to her after, JB," Jughead dismissed her, to which she pouted and stomped up the stairs. He sighed and rubbed at his face before turning back to me with a sheepish smile. "Sorry about her. What do you need to show me?"
I reached into my bag and pulled out the tape wordlessly, watching his entire expression change at the sight of it. He took it gently from my hands and moved into the living room to push it into the VHS player.
"Did you watch it?"
"Of course I watched it, Jughead," I huffed and sat on the couch, letting my head fall into my hands. "I thought it was just going to be-"
"A video of your apartment, and it's not?" He finished as he sat down on the other cushion. "Are they wearing masks?"
I turned to face him, my hands dropping to my knees. "Is this what you asked me about in the hallway that one day? The tape of you and..." I trailed off on the chance that the girl in question was lingering somewhere in the house that I couldn't see.
Jughead glanced at me before picking up on my silence. "She's not here. It was the first one we got and there's been two others since: one of us killing Mr. Honey and another recreation of Clifford killing Jason. Cheryl called as soon as she got it."
My heart dropped at the thought of the poor girl receiving a tape of her brother dying in front of her eyes, again. She didn't deserve all this trauma being brought back up when she was doing everything to move on.
"Are you okay to watch this again?" His question caught me off guard, leading me to wonder what exactly happened in these other tapes.
I looked over to see he was already staring back. There was nothing more I wanted to do than to move myself into his arms and get the peace that would come with his warm embrace. Pushing everything away only worked for so long. Felicity had tried to get me to understand that when we went to Queens but I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to put myself through the healing process because it hurt.
"Yeah," I swallowed and broke the eye contact, shrinking back against the cushions without another word. Jughead hesitated before pressing play for the screen to come to life.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn't tear my gaze from the masked figures on the screen, distorted versions of people who once meant so much to me causing pain to, well, me. Each frame replayed like a horror movie. I flinched at the sound of the first knife, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to block out the noises.
"Jughead," I whispered once the tape ran out of footage. "I don't know what to do. I don't know what this means, or-or if it's a threat. I don't know."
I risked glancing over at him with teary eyes. The resolve that I'd forced into my head was slowly cracking from the weight of these heavy conversations and the fear that I'd started swirling around in my thoughts.
His hand was warm as it grabbed my own, fingers interlacing before he squeezed it softly. "These tapes are meant to mess with your head, to make you question everything." He clicked the power button on the TV remote, sending us into the darkness with the dim lighting of the fireplace.
"I know it hurts," He continued softly. His thumb moved slowly over the back of my hand, sending chills through my body. "But you don't have to do this alone."
The room was suddenly clouded with the remnants of our unspoken feelings and the shattered pieces of our relationship that we... I had done my best to ignore. His touch was suddenly my lifeline all over again and when he tugged on my arm gently, I let my heart win over my head and crumbled into his hold.
Tears that I'd been burying deep surfaced all too quickly but I no longer had the energy to stop them. That tape did more than unveil the metaphoric feelings of these past few weeks; it had torn away the illusion of safety and trust that I had imagined, leaving behind whatever wreck of emotions I'd become.
Jughead's hold on me tightened, one arm around my waist while the other kept my head pressed to his chest. I could feel his lips on my hair, like a wispy ghost of comfort that I'd been missing so much. "I'm so sorry. I can't begin to imagine what it's been like for you, and I know being here, with me, isn't easy. But you don't have to pretend with me, okay? I've got you."
Little did he know that being here, with him, was the easiest thing I'd done in so long. Somehow, after everything, it was still like a ray of sun poking through a cloudy day.
A little sliver of hope that maybe the only closure we needed, was with each other.
--
hehe here's some juganna crumbs for u
do we like this kinda thing with them? hate it? lmk your thoughts. i feel like vanna cannot hide from the fact that she loves him, despite how much she wants to push all of them away. i'll put some angst in here for sure (i love angst).
these next few episodes will be longer bc everything's coming to a wrap!